I should have been there.
I shouldn’t have left that night. I should have stayed, but my stupid friends wouldn’t accept no for an answer. My friends who I completely stopped talking to.
I look back at the phone in my hand. I have to do this. I have to get Jace to trust me, to care about me enough to share his brother’s secret.
Maybe I’m the bad guy. Maybe he’ll hate me after this is all over, but that’s a chance I’ve got to take.
I slide my finger over the screen.
“Hello?”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jace
I stand outside the truck, waiting for her to pull up. I offered to come by her apartment, but she insisted she’d meet me here.
I’m nervous. That night I got to see a different side of Dalton—I still don’t understand what the files were about, but it’s obviously a touchy subject for her. I was so sure I could walk out of there and never look back, but she’s been on my mind constantly. No woman compares. I won’t ask her about the shit I saw, not yet. But one day she will have to explain it all to me.
I pull my smokes from my pocket and light one, staring out as the sun falls, graffitiing the sky with swirls of gold and fire red. Lanterns are lit, spread out over the farm. Pumpkins hold twinkling candles, throwing shadows into the twilight.
I hit my smoke, blowing it into the evening air, as cars pull up and park. Families walk in groups, kids giggle, and teenagers flirt.
My mind chases old memories.
“You better run,” Bryce says to me. He’s got a Jason mask on and makes a chainsaw noise with his mouth.
“You don’t scare me,” I say.
He starts to chase me, and adrenaline makes my legs move.
I run all over the yard, as Lee… I mean, Pops stands on the porch. I yank off my Ninja Turtle mask so I can see better, darting around a flowerbed.
Bryce grabs me, though, and lifts me into the air.
I laugh so hard it hurts. We’ve been here for a year now. It’s getting easier for me. I don’t miss being back in that scary apartment. I still miss Dad, though. Not as much as I did, but still a little.
Bryce seems to miss him a lot, and he keeps getting into it with Pops. I’m scared they might change their mind about keeping us. I mean, Mom left us, Dad died, and my brother stays in his room a lot or sneaks out of the house to go play with his stupid friends, so why wouldn’t Pops and Emily want us to go?
Bryce drops me, and Pops walks down the porch steps. “Let’s go trick-or-treating, boys,” he says.
“Can I go with my friends?” Bryce asks.
My heart drops. I want him to go with me.
Pops looks at me, and I wish for once he could read my mind.
“You don’t want to go with your brother?” Emily asks, walking out of the screen door.
Bryce ruffles my hair. “Nah, he’ll be okay with y’all. Can I please?”
Pops looks at Emily, and I watch them both. I’ve got high hopes they’ll say no, but then I think Bryce will get mad, so I’m torn.
“I guess you can,” Pops says.
“Awesome,” Bryce says. “I’ll go give them a call.” He runs into the house and I put my mask back on, hiding the hurt I feel when he doesn’t even look back at me.
“Hey,” I hear. I jump and look to my left. Dalton stands with her hands in her back pockets, looking at me curiously, nervously.
I hit my smoke. “Hey,” I reply, giving her a Jace smile. I toss the thing and blow smoke away from her before grabbing a piece of gum from my pocket.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Never better.” I shake the letdown I feel from the memory.
We start to walk, and neither of us really says anything. The awkwardness is noticeable. A kid runs past us, throwing up rocks from his shoes.
“Whoa,” Michelle says, laughing a little. “He’s going to fall.”
“Yeah, probably,” I reply. I pull out my wallet when we near the entrance.
“I can pay for my own,” she says, sliding money from her back pocket.
“Put that shit up,” I say with a smirk.
She shrugs and puts the money back. I hand the lady a few bills, and she hands us some armbands. We walk through, mulch crunching beneath our feet, the crisp air slicing the night.
The sun has disappeared, and darkness covers the sky. The clouds shade the moon, so it’s just the spread-out lanterns and lit pumpkins lighting the area.
Shit, this is uncomfortable. We haven’t seen each other in a while, and the last time we did wasn’t good.
We were talking on the phone every night. We went from everything to nothing. The glow of the lanterns warms her face, making her eyes shine and the freckles stand out. She’s beautiful.
I scratch the back of my neck, trying to come up with a way to talk to her. We walk through the entrance of the corn maze, hearing a kid cry up ahead.
“He fell,” we both say. We laugh, breaking some tension.
I lick my lips, and she looks down. “Jace, I’m sorry about that night. I wasn’t myself.”
“I shouldn’t have pried,” I say. “You were right. It wasn’t my business.”
“But the way I reacted. I could have handled that better.”
“True.” I shrug my shoulder.
She grins. “You aren’t supposed to agree with me.”
I laugh. “If you’re looking for that person, you picked the wrong guy.”
She licks her lips again and nods. “Can we just forget about it all? Move on?”
“That’s cool, for now,” I reply, thinking one day we will have to address what the fuck all that was, but realizing today isn’t that day.
She smiles. “Great. Now, how the hell do you get out of this thing?”
“Easy,” I say.
She laughs. “You can’t know that.”
I pull out a map from my back pocket and hit it against my palm with a smile.
“Seriously?” she asks. “Where did you even get that?”
“Back there,” I say.
“Geez. Nothing’s a mystery anymore.” She looks disappointed, and I tilt my head slightly. I shrug and rip up the map.
“Okay, let’s do this your way, Michelle.”
She turns her head in my direction. “Dalton and fine.” She smiles mischievously. “Wanna bet?” she asks.
I shrug. “Sure.”
“The first person who figures it out decides the punishment for the other.”
I bite my bottom lip, knowing I already looked at this damn map while waiting on her to pull up. “I’m down with that.”
Her lips lift, and she rubs her hands together. Putting one foot in front of the other, we head in deeper.
I know exactly which way to go, but I listen to her for a little while before taking control.
We walk and talk, catching up on things we’ve missed.
“So, what have you been doing with yourself?” she asks.
“Shit,” I reply. “I’ve been hanging out at Red a lot with my brother.”
“Really?” she asks. “You two are good?”
“Yeah. Things are going okay between us.”
Dalton hits my arm with her shoulder. “See, I knew you could do it.”
I adjust my hat. “So, what about you? How’s the library treating you?”
She slides her hands into her slacks pockets. No jeans tonight. Black slacks and a black blouse. I wonder if she came from work, or something. She’s dressed nice. I mean, not over-the-top, but more than her jeans and T-shirt she wears at Hudson’s.
“Work’s fine,” she says. “We should turn here.”
“Nah, I think it’s up there.” I point.
She narrows her eyes at me, but gives in. “Okay, Mr. Know-It-All.”
I laugh. “I’m not that guy either.”
She agrees, “I like that about you.”
I look over at her, studying her profile before I say, “You know you never talk about your life much. I’m starting to
feel like you’re my therapist as much as I talk about mine.”
She laughs once. “Ha, therapy is far more boring than you and me talking.”
I lift a brow. “You go?”
She clamps her mouth shut, like she didn’t mean to let that slip out.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I say. “I mean, I might call you crazy every once in a while, but I’ll try to keep it at a minimum.” I joke.
She swallows and looks ahead, her mood turning dark.
“Hey, I was kidding,” I say.
She snaps out of it. “Yeah.” I narrow my eyes at the change in her mood, and as we near a lantern, I notice she has dark circles under her eyes.
What’s this girl hiding?
“So, you grew up in the city, right?”
“Yes,” she says.
“What made you decide to be a librarian?”
“Books. I love books.”
“You read a lot then?”
“As much as I can.”
I nod. “What about your childhood? I’ve told you about mine. Tell me about yours.”
She exhales, looking over at me. “It was a normal childhood. There’s nothing to tell.”
“Nothing at all? Like what did you do for fun? What were your parents like? Do you have a sister or a brother?”
“Parents are great and were great.” I turn left and she follows. “My life is pretty boring,” she says. “Sorry.” She shrugs, but she’s lying. I know it.
There’s so much more to her life than she’s letting on. It pisses me off that she won’t open up to me. I’m at a loss here. I can be a jerk about it, or let it all go just so we can be around each other, but what good is being around each other when I never know who she really is?
“God, remember that?” she asks looking at a dead-end. Two teens are making out, hands all over each other. They’re hidden, but not hard to see if you’re looking.
“Yeah,” I say. “Hormones were a bitch.”
She laughs. “They were.”
“Who was your first kiss?” I ask.
Her face falls a little, but she covers it. What the fuck? I grow more frustrated with her.
“It was actually on Halloween. A dumb boy from school who thought first kisses meant going down my pants, too.”
“I take it you didn’t let him?”
She looks over at me. “No. He got mad and told everyone I was tease.” She rolls her eyes.
“Little punk,” I say.
She grins. “Yeah. What about you?”
I shrug. “Some girl. I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“Guys don’t really give a shit about that kind of thing.”
“Then why did you ask me?”
“I wanted to know. I’ve only kissed you once, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m sure that guy’s been living in hell for however many years.”
She looks over at me, her lips parting, her cheeks softly flushed. Goddammit, I want nothing more than to lift her up, have her legs around me, and be as close to her as possible.
She’s killing me, and she doesn’t even know it.
I clear my throat and nod ahead. “The end is up here.”
She looks, too, her chest caving. “How did you know?” She narrows her eyes. “You cheated.”
I lift my hands. “I did not. I’m good at these things.”
“Whatever,” she says as we walk through to the clearing. She crosses her arms. “So, what’s my punishment going to be?”
My mind goes dirty. I want to drag her into that wheat field and make her get on her knees before sinking inside of her and making her see that this could be a good thing between us, if she’d open up and let me get to know her better.
Instead, I swallow and try to talk my dick into behaving. Those images are not good. There are kids everywhere, Jace. Chill.
“Karaoke. Tonight at Hudson’s. You have to get up and sing.”
Her mouth falls open. “No fucking way.”
“A bet is a bet, Dalton.”
She swallows. “Seriously?”
“Yep.” I slide my phone out of my pocket. “It starts soon.” I take her hand. “Come on.”
She frowns. “But I wanted to paint a pumpkin.”
I laugh. “You’re cute and all, but you lost. No
pumpkin for you.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Harlow
The bar is slap full of people, some I know. I’m a nervous wreck wondering how this is going to go down.
“Harlow,” someone says. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. I ignore them and keep walking, hoping Jace didn’t notice. We find an empty stool and slide on.
“Was that person talking to you?” Jace asks.
“Who?” I play dumb as the bartender walks up.
“That guy back there.”
I shake my head. “I have no idea what you’re
talking about.” I laugh it off. “I’ll be back. Gotta
use the restroom. Order a beer and a shot. I need
some courage.”
He grins and I touch his shoulder as I slip off the stool. I look back, making sure Jace is not watching me. He’s talking to Chris, the bartender.
I quickly walk over to the small group of people who know my family and me. Their reaction is a
little too loud, so I put my finger over my lips. “I’m undercover. Please act like you don’t know me.”
A boy I went to school with grins. “So, we could really fuck this up for you, huh?”
I lean down closer, resting my palms on the table. “You do know I grew up with you, right? I know all your little dirty secrets, Matt. So why would you want to fuck with me?”
His brother hits him. “Chill, man. No worries, Harlow. We’ll be good.”
I nod. “Thanks.” I look back at Jace, who’s looking at his phone. “Good to see you all,” I say before heading to the restroom.
_____________
Pumpkins are placed throughout the bar, black and orange streamers are hung above us, and purple and orange lights frame the windows. People who can’t sing do their best, and I’m up next.
I’m nervous as hell, and I’m pissed at myself for coming up with this whole betting shit. But I wanted to put it in his head that I like to gamble. Just like I did with the no eating nuts for a week thing.
The difference is, I won that bet. I look over at him as he watches the person in front of me sing. God, he really is something. His skin is tan from working outside, and his hair is growing out compared to the first time I laid eyes on him at the grocery store.
He’s got a five o’clock shadow, but even still he looks boyish. I’m older than him, but it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like we’re two of the same, trapped in a world that only chews people like us up and spits them out.
I know Jace is hiding something. He doesn’t talk about his Army days. There’s a certain hint of pain behind his blue eyes that he covers up well.
Just like me, I suppose.
His neck is smooth, lean, and inviting. His hands are strong and rough. I look closer and see a scar on the inside of his forearm, and I wonder where it came from. My fingers twitch to run across it.
What would it be like to lie in bed with this man and talk about everything? Open up completely with him and let him know me?
The real me.
The girl who’s damaged beyond repair. The girl who misses another and blames herself for the bad in the world.
I wish I could tell him I can’t sleep, and when I do, I have dreams that make me sick. What would it be like to have him hold me while I cry into his chest and explain to him that I don’t want to do this? I don’t want to take down his brother. I don’t want to lie to him.
God, how I wish we would have met at a different time.
I clear my throat when I’m called up. Jace smiles, handing me a shot glass. “Knock ’em dead,” he says, clinking his glass with mine. I throw back the shot and slam the
glass down.
I flick him off as I walk toward the front of the room, hearing him laugh behind me. Everyone is talking amongst themselves, drinking and carrying on. I grab the mic from the DJ and walk to the center of the stage. I exhale as the music begins playing, looking at Jace as he sits toward the end of the bar, grinning at me.
I lick my lips before looking away from his smile to the screen with the lyrics on it, and I start to sing. Everyone starts cheering at my song choice.
I sing about going down to the parking lot to hang out with my friends, coming home at five in the morning.
I belt out I’m going straight to hell, and everyone joins in. I laugh, looking over at the group of people I went to school with. We all sing together, and then I feel someone beside me. I look to see Jace.
He grabs the other mic and winks at me as he starts singing, too. We rock back and forth, smiling as the whole bar sings along.
And for just a moment, I forget that I’m a bad guy. I forget about the regret and shame I’ve felt for so long. As he looks at me and I him, as we belt out lyrics damning ourselves to hell, I forget, if only for splinter of a moment, that that’s where I’ve been for over fifteen years.
_____________
Jace
She’s laughing, bent over, tears streaming down her face as we walk down the hall to my apartment. I love making her laugh. I don’t think I’d ever grow tired of the way it sounds coming from her.
“He actually agreed!” she says to me as I unlock the door.
“Yep. And I took all of his clothes, jumped onto my bike, and hauled ass toward the house. He had to ride back naked. He kicked my ass when he caught up to me, but it was worth it seeing him ride into the yard and jumping off the bike covering up his junk as he ran across the yard.” I chuckle. “How I convinced my all-serious brother to skinny-dip, I still don’t know.” We walk into my place, and Dalton closes the door behind her.
“Want a drink? I ask.
“Sure,” she says, looking around. The is the first time she’s been here. For once the place doesn’t seem that lonely. I walk into the kitchen and grab two beers from the fridge. Turning around, I see her bent down looking at the photos I have under the glass on my coffee table.
Give Me Redemption (Give Me Series Book 4) Page 14
