“Jace, I had to go and do my own thing. I had to make something of myself,” he says.
But I’m not just talking about his precious club. I’m talking about everything after we lost our parents. How he shut down, how he drank himself stupid. But I’m not diving more into that. I’m trying to move on. I know it was a long time ago. I know he was just a kid who was messed up and didn’t know how to act.
I’m not going to plunge deeper into it, but I’m also not going to let him stand here and point fingers at me, like I’m the only one who screws up.
“Oh, and you did a great job. Turned your club basement into an illegal gambling operation, and then you did an even better job by getting mixed up with murderers.” Danny O’Brien is a psychopath who kills people and gets away with it. Bryce should never have gotten mixed up with him. But I suppose if he didn’t, he’d be sitting in prison right now.
Silver linings.
I reach down and scoop up my smokes, hitting them onto my palm before sliding one out and putting it between my lips.
Smoke drifts into the apartment, and I fold back into the chair. “Why don’t you get the hell out of here before we say any more shit we’ll regret?”
Bryce looks down at the floor, his mind clearly spinning. I fucking hate fighting with him. My heart is fickle when it comes to my brother. I love the man, but he gets under my skin like no one else.
He puts his beer down and points his finger at me. “You need to get over this shit.” He turns and slams the door shut on his way out and I lean my head back and laugh bitterly.
“I’m trying, brother. I’m trying.”
Chapter Fifty-Six
Jace
Weeks slip into months. Dalton and I grow closer. Hudson’s is our hangout, and I’ve even met some of her co-workers. Monroe’s a cool dude who’s dating some redhead, so we double date from time to time.
Dalton doesn’t care for it, but she needs to live more. She’s still so focused on her job and it causes arguments, but I try to understand this is who she is.
I’ve been trying to work on something myself. I’m now part of the Veterans Assistance program.
There are so many vets who can’t find work. We go through ranch hands like crazy. People think they want to be a cowboy and then realize it’s hard work, so they bail.
Dalton and I are headed out to talk to Pops about it now. I want to hire some veterans. Let them take care of the retired thoroughbreds. Horses are therapeutic.
There’s nothing like a connection with a horse. Some of these boys are really messed up from the things they’ve seen during war. Hell, I’m one of them, hence why I like to go out to the ranch so much.
“They don’t hate you,” I tell her as we pack to head out to Grant Ranch for the weekend. Dalton’s been hard at work. She needs a break. She broke two cases this week but hasn’t got any new leads on Chloe’s. It frustrates her and worries me.
She’s gone to therapy a few times, but I know she isn’t going regularly like I asked her to. She says she’s too busy. Speaking of, her job has really made me see why she used to say she was busy all the time.
Fucking librarian.
I roll my eyes every time I think about that.
“Why did you pick librarian?” I ask her as she walks out of the bathroom with her contacts case.
“Huh?” she asks, other things clearly on her mind.
“For your fake career choice.”
“Oh,” she says. “Um, I’d just found out that Chloe’s kidnapper sent the email from a library in Maine. So, it was fresh on my mind. I didn’t really think that one through. I didn’t have much time to. It was all I had.”
“I didn’t believe you,” I tell her.
“You didn’t?” She lifts a brow.
“No. That doesn’t fit you at all.”
“Why didn’t you question it? Why didn’t you ask which one I worked at?”
“I thought about it, but I didn’t want to seem like a psycho.”
She smirks. “Yeah, that might have been a red flag.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered. You needed me,” I say.
“I’m sorry,” she says. She stops putting things into her overnight bag. “I feel like I’ll never be able to apologize enough for doing that to you.”
I exhale and nod. “It’s in the past, baby.”
I’ve been working on myself a good bit over these last few weeks. I’ve moved on from what she did to me. I’ve chosen us, and talking about it doesn’t hurt near as much as it used to.
A month ago, I snapped. I was feeling self-conscious. Dalton works a lot and I had nothing going on. I’d been in the Army for so long, I wanted to take a break when I got out, but everyone needs to feel useful, and the stress of figuring out my own life and her not trying to live hers just came to a head.
I’m standing outside, smoking and calling her again for the fifth time.
She said she was on the way home thirty minutes ago. Where the fuck is she?
I told her I was going to cook. We were going to spend some time together because she’s been working too damn much. She pulls into the parking lot and I toss my smoke when she gets out.
“I’m so sorry,” she says, walking over to me. “I got caught up.”
“You didn’t think to pick up your phone?”
She pats her pockets. “Shit. I left it at the office.”
“How?” I ask. “How in this day and age do you forget your phone?”
I don’t wait for her to respond, I pull open the door to the lobby and walk inside, slapping the button for the elevator.
“You all right?” she asks me.
I turn to look back at her, my expression telling her that I’m not all right. I’m fucking pissed.
All the shit I do for her and she can’t fucking respect me enough to get home when she says she will? She can’t pick up the phone and let me know so I won’t worry? Sometimes I think I forgave her too soon. Sometimes I think I shouldn’t have forgiven her at all.
We both climb into the elevator cart and she pushes the button to her floor. I cross my arms and look ahead.
Neither of us says anything in the elevator, but once inside her apartment, Dalton says, “Oh, it smells good in here.” I twist around to face her. She covers her mouth. “Oh, Jace. I’m sorry I forgot you were cooking.”
“Yeah, that’s your problem. All you think about is work.”
“Hey, that’s not fair. I said I was sorry.”
“You’re sorry? I’m so sick of hearing I’m sorry from you. You lied to me, you fucked over my family, and I still forgave you. You can’t have enough respect for me to keep your promises? You can’t come home at a decent time and be with me?”
I see it when her jaw clenches. She crosses her own arms. “You either forgive me or you don’t, Jace. Which is it? You’re not going to keep throwing that shit in my face.”
“Or what?”
“Or what?” she questions.
“Yeah, what if I don’t forgive you?”
She swallows, but then she lifts her chin. “Then I guess you can leave.”
I smirk. “Fine. You’re food’s in the oven.”
I walk past her. She reaches her hand out and grabs my arm, but I shrug away. “Let me go, Dalton.” I open the door and slam it shut on my way out.
I make it to my apartment minutes later, and once inside, I punch a hole in the fucking wall.
I’m going crazy. She’s so obsessed with her job, and the only thing I care about is her. I have too much free time on my hands. I go out to the ranch when I can, but I don’t want to leave Dalton.
She obviously couldn’t care less, though. I walk to the fridge and grab a beer. I take the bottle opener from the drawer and pop the bottle open before downing half the thing.
We’ve been getting pretty serious. Either I stay at her place or she stays at mine. I want to move in together. I want to take things farther, but we’re still a secret.
And that’s my
fault.
I rest my head back on the fridge and shut my eyes.
Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that to her. I have forgiven her; I’ve moved on from that. I was just mad. I knew how important her job was to her when we started this. I can’t keep throwing that in her face either, but she does need to chill the hell out.
She’s missing life. I can’t even get her to go away with me for a week. Just us two. No work, no cases. Just her and me.
I down the rest of my beer and walk to the island, resting my elbows on it and rubbing my forehead.
“I know you’re tired of hearing I’m sorry.”
My head lifts when I hear her voice.
“But I really am. Please don’t leave me,” she says. “I’ll do whatever you want.”
I shake my head and walk around the island. God, I love this woman. I grab her and kiss her sadness away.
“I’m the one who’s sorry,” I say as I pull back. “And I’m not going anywhere.”
I pull my smokes from my front pocket. “I’m going to go smoke.” I head out of her bedroom. “My family doesn’t hate you. Hurry up,” I call back.
Harrison and Bryce won’t be out there, so running into them won’t be an issue. Pops and Monnie are the ones who told me to go for this, so I’m not worried about them. Emily and Lou will want me to be happy, so there isn’t a problem there either.
This will be nice. I get to bring my girl around my family, but this time it’ll be real.
I hope one day I can bring her around Bryce and Harrison.
I open the window in her living room and sit on the window seat before I light my cigarette. Slim jumps up and rubs against me.
I haven’t spoken to my brother a whole lot over the last few months. Each time we argue, we spill a little more resentment. It’s like a cleansing, but it’s stressful and it sucks that we’re drifting apart.
Dalton walks from the bedroom, flicking the light off as she goes. “What about Bryce and Kathrine?”
“They won’t be there,” I say, blowing smoke out the window.
“You do realize one day you’re going to have to tell them.”
“I know. But right now, it’s kinda fun, huh?” I smile. It is hot being sneaky, but at the same time I want to be honest with my brother.
“Yeah, I guess it is.”
I toss my smoke and shut the window.
“Lock it,” she says.
“Dalton, no one can get in here.”
“You know how I feel about windows.”
I pull the lock. “Done,” I reply, standing up and walking over to her.
She nods and exhales. “How are we going to move forward if you keep us a secret?”
“Forward how?” I ask curiously.
She chews on her inner cheek.
“How do you want to move forward, Harlow?” I don’t call her Harlow much, but when I do it’s to get her full attention. I reach down and grab her hand, linking my fingers with hers, wanting her to tell me what I want to hear. Does she want to move in together like I do?
“You should stop smoking, baby.” She rolls her eyes and pulls away from me. “It stinks.”
Oh, she’s good at changing subjects.
“You know we have to talk about these kinds of things.”
“There won’t be anything to talk about until you’re open with your family. Bryce is one of the most important people in your life.” She grabs her suitcase from the bed, and I walk over to take it from her. “I’ve got it,” she says.
“Give me the damn thing.” I pull it from her hands, and she lets go. Looking at my chest, she reaches up and I feel my brow furrow.
She slides Rocket’s dog tag out from under my shirt, running her fingers over it. “You’re brave, Jace. You’ve been through so much in your short life. Your brother is either going to understand or he’s not. But keeping us a secret has to be hurting you.
“I love you. You love me. I’ve had you for a little while, but I want more. I want it all.”
Her confession stretches throughout my whole body, wrapping me in warmth and has me wondering about forever.
I hold my hand over hers, drawing my thumb across her fingers. “I’ll tell him in my own time,” I say. “Let me do this my way.”
She sighs. “Okay.”
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Harlow
The ride to the ranch is nerve-wracking. I’m usually not a nervous person. I hold my own pretty well, but I hurt Jace and his brother. Now I’m going out to their family home. We pull up and Jace shuts the truck off.
The Great Danes, Doc and Holliday, run down the porch steps, barking with their tails wagging. I open my door and step out. They sniff and lick and I pat their heads. A loud whistle sounds from the porch and the dogs take off.
I see Lee Grant and nerves swim. I want these people to like me more than I’ve ever wanted anyone to like me.
Which has been few and far between.
I’ve always had the attitude if you don’t like me for who I am, then that’s your problem.
Not mine.
But these people matter.
Jace walks around the truck, his hat frontward instead of its normal backwards. He’s in dark jeans, an unbuttoned long-sleeved shirt, showing off a crisp clean white T-shirt underneath. He’s boyishly handsome, but trust me, he’s all man.
The air is cooler, the flowers and trees slowly dying as fall moves in. Jace grabs my hand, and I know it’s his way of showing me he’s got my back. If they wanted, they could tell me to get off of their property. I know it’s been months since the bust, but I made some pretty deep cuts, leaving scars as a reminder.
I fucked over Bryce Grant. I used Jace Grant, and yet here I am.
“Pops,” he says as we near the porch. “This is Harlow.”
I give him a smile, my heart beating a little faster than I’d like it. Jace rubs my thumb with his.
“Glad to meet the real you,” Lee says.
“Glad to be here,” I reply.
“Emily’s in the kitchen. I’m going to have a smoke,” he says. “Y’all head on in.” He takes a seat in one of the rockers and pulls out a cigar.
Jace opens the door and we walk into the beautiful home. I feel lighter than I did the first time I walked through this door. I had a world of guilt on my shoulders back then, and now I’m free of that.
Jace looks down at me. “You all right?” he asks.
“Fine,” I say with a smile. I’m in jeans myself and slip-on shoes with a cream-colored sweater. My dark hair is pulled into a ponytail and I have my black-framed glasses on. Sometimes I look older than my age, but life will do that to you, I guess. I don’t really think anything of our age difference. It’s not that big of a gap. He’s in his late twenties; I’m in my early thirties. And even though Jace plays around, on the inside his soul is older than us both. He uses the jokes to cover up the pain he feels. He smiles to hide the blackness swarming inside of him.
But I can tell which smile is real and which is not. Like right now, he’s smirking and it’s honest. He’s happy that I’m here.
I hear dishes clank and smell food that makes my stomach growl.
“Emily’s a good cook,” Jace says.
“Just like you,” I reply. Jace can cook and has for me several times now. One of the many things I love about my guy.
“Y’all got here just in time,” Emily says when we walk into the kitchen. She’s in dark jeans and a light blue shirt with the sleeves rucked. Country living has been kind to her, but you can see the thousand lives she’s lived in her eyes. I can’t imagine how it was raising Bryce and Jace. Both are complicated men. She picks up a dishcloth and dries her hands. “Give me a hug,” she says to Jace. He lets me go and I place my hands on the island in the enormous kitchen. I love this place.
I’ve always lived in the city. I’m a city girl through and through, but there’s something calming about this ranch. It wraps you in comfort and says, “Welcome home.”
&nbs
p; It’s odd that I’m thinking this.
Really odd.
I love the hustle of Atlanta.
But I find myself being able to breathe better out here.
My guy wraps his arms around Emily, and she laughs when he picks her up and spins her.
“You’re making me dizzy,” she says.
He puts her down and reaches behind her, snatching a roll from the stove.
“Jace Grant, you know we say the blessing first around here.”
He winks at her. “Praise be.”
I grin. I love seeing this. He fits in here so well. In the city, Jace almost seems out of place. But here, it’s as if he’s at peace with everything.
She shakes her head at him. She adores him, and it’s so obvious. But how could you not adore this man? He’s tall, funny, in incredible shape. He’s scarred on the inside and outside, but that makes him human. He’s got the most amazing personality. Beautiful blue eyes and a smile that’ll knock you off your feet.
And he’s mine.
Lucky me.
Emily looks to me. “Harlow?”
I lift a brow and nod. “Yes.”
“I like that better,” she replies, relating to Michelle.
“Me too,” I agree.
“Jace, will you give us a moment?” she asks him as he chews his food. He looks from her to me.
I nod, telling him I’m fine with it.
I prepare myself for the worst. This woman is the axle that these boys’ worlds spin on. She could tear me to shreds.
Jace rubs his hands against each other before walking toward me. He quick-kisses my forehead and exits the kitchen.
I slide my glasses up the bridge of my nose and straighten my back.
Emily takes a deep breath. “You don’t know me,” she begins. “And I don’t know you.” She pulls a stool closer to her and takes a seat. “When the boys first came here, I saw two extremely damaged kids. Bryce was older and more jaded of the world than Jace. He fought us for a long time before finally giving into his new life.” She runs her hand over the leather watch she wears, shaking her head slightly as if she’s seeing it all over again.
“He had this wall built up around him that was tougher than pig skin. He acted out, started drinking at an early age, and fighting. It wasn’t easy to watch, but we did the best we could.
Give Me Redemption (Give Me Series Book 4) Page 26
