CHAPTER 93
Greg Giraldo types a letter,
My dearest Manny,
I don’t quite know where to begin. You should know that as I write this I am sick to my stomach with shame.
Before I even begin to address the situation as Colin described it to me, I want to say some things that may be easier to express in writing and that hopefully will make clear that there was nothing underlying my moronic antics other than blind drunkenness.
First of all, Manny, you should know how incredibly highly I think of you. Our relationship has become, quite honestly, one of the most important in my life. You are one of the most interesting, intelligent and funny guys I’ve ever known. The friendship, support, inspiration and generosity you’ve shown me has affected me more deeply than you might even imagine.
Obviously, you know how much I like, admire and respect you. But perhaps you don’t know how deeply my feelings run. Hearing that I may have done or said anything that caused you any serious displeasure or that made you question my feelings toward you in any way has quite literally made me sick. I know we’ll be talking about this in person and I hope to be able to set things as straight as possible then, but I do want to talk about the general situation a little. Knowing you, I assume that you lend little credence to the notion that a drunk fool could spew completely meaningless bullshit. Colin and I discussed the fact that you are likely to think that what I said and did must have come from some real place, that I must have feelings beneath the surface that came to light in my drunkenness. Again, after talking to Colin, I only vaguely remember the specific things I said. But I hope you’ll believe me when I say from the bottom of my heart that I have absolutely no unresolved issues with you. I have nothing but positive and warm feelings for you. I love the discussions that we have. I was so happy with this whole book thing that I was going to suggest we all make it a habit to read the same things at the same time, etc. I think you’re always willing to listen to all perspectives and in fact are only too often frustrated that no one is able to provide a sufficiently challenging argument for you. Colin told me that the word ‘Nazi’ came up. The fucking stupidity of that is so obvious that I almost can’t think of what to say about it.
Colin also said that you felt betrayed, that there was something in my tone and demeanor which implied that I had anger toward you for some reason, or that I was trying to embarrass you, etc. He mentioned that I was essentially accusing you of racism. After the conversations we’d had about your feelings with regard to giving out the book, etc, I can only imagine how fucking hurtful and infuriating this must have been.
Manny, I can’t even begin to apologize. I don’t know where any of this came from. With Colin’s help, I pieced together some of it and all I can say is that I can’t explain it, I really truly and honestly can’t. Before Colin pulled me aside to talk tonight, I had no idea that I had been such an asshole, I sensed something very strange in the air, but I didn’t realize the extent of it. There is something about being incredibly drunk on tequila which in more recent times has made me behave in increasingly erratic and unexplainable ways. (What to do about that is, of course, a separate issue entirely.) I guess that there’s no way to prove that there is absolutely nothing deep in my subconscious that would explain this ridiculous behavior. I can only imagine that in my drunken haze, I thought I was being funny, I don’t know.
This is not a case of my simply being embarrassed, as was the case with the Estee baseball thing (Jesus, it’s been a good week for me). I am much more obsessed with the fact that I caused you some pain and embarrassment and that I have somehow damaged our relationship. As you said, we’ll get past this. I can only hope to earn again the trust that I was proud you had in me. I suck and I’m deeply sorry.
Greg
CHAPTER 92
Ava: There were two couples down there and they were making too much noise, and two male friends. One group was making way too much noise. It was Donald Trump’s son. The other guy knocked him on the head with a pint glass.
Noam: Knocked Trump’s son?
Ava: Knocked him on the head. So this guy, we called the police, this guy was arrested, but Donald Trump wanted to sue us for improper environment or something. So Manny called him and he said, ‘I’m a father, I totally understand, I would do the same thing, but maybe I could appeal to you as somebody who understands.’ So he came from that and then Donald Trump liked him and he said, ‘Okay, we’ll work it out,’ and he said, ‘But I need you to publicly apologise.’ So Manny went on the stage downstairs and it got filmed and it was on some show like E or Entertainment Tonight and that’s what happened.
Steve: I don’t remember that.
Noam: I don’t remember either.
Steve: It aired?
Ava: Yes, it aired, I think I have video of it somewhere. I’ll try to find it. I’ll try to find it. So much stuff.
Noam: Andrew’s trying to sell a book on the Comedy Cellar.
Ava: So that’s what happened. He was very nice with Manny.
Author: He was eventually, but there’s like quotes in the paper, because I think Manny said Trump Jr was being too noisy, and Donald Trump was like, ‘That doesn’t sound like my son, my son’s a very quiet boy, it wouldn’t have been him.’
Noam: Yeah, first my father popped off a little bit and he regretted it. He regretted it.
Ava: Exactly, exactly.
Noam: And then he also said that Donald Trump let him talk and then at some point he said, ‘Okay Manny, this is how it’s going to be’, and I remember my father saying he was obviously speaking to a guy who’s used to being listened to when he wants to talk.
CHAPTER 91
Joe DeRosa: We didn’t sit at the table because Jay didn’t work at the club yet, so he didn’t sit at the table, which meant I definitely wasn’t going to sit at the table but, you know, we sat across from the table and I was amply mocked by Keith and everybody immediately.
Author: How did it feel? You seem someone who’s quite able to take it, that kind of, I guess that kind of teasing, but the first time you went in there and you couldn’t sit at this table, because only certain people could sit at this table, what did they say to you? Did you retaliate?
Joe: I don’t remember exactly … No, no, I was intimidated, I was very intimidated, because a lot of those guys were guys I had watched on TV and stuff, you know. So to me it might as well have been, like, George Clooney and Brad Pitt or whatever. I was in awe of them because I wanted to be a comic and I knew them as great comics so, but, you know, you kind of laugh because you’re being included in some way, but I used to take it really hard. That’s the one thing I really appreciated about the Cellar was, like, it really thickened my skin up. Because I’m still a sensitive guy, but, like, I was really sensitive. I would take everything to heart. And then one day Keith was like, ‘Stupid, we make fun of you because we like you.’ He’s like, ‘If we didn’t like you, we wouldn’t talk to you. That’s worse. That means nobody knows you’re there.’ I was like, alright, well I’ll take that I guess.
CHAPTER 90
Keith Robinson: We’re deep into our sessions. Like, you had to watch everything you wear. If you wore the wrong thing, it’s on. Like, I wore a pair of sneaks. I lasted one night with them. I wore the wrong jeans with these sneaks and it highlighted how bad these sneaks were, and they got on me so bad, but I knew Kev was after my sneaks so I brought another pair of sneaks and I left them in the trunk of the car. They were getting on me so bad I just ran out, ran to the car, put my safe sneaks on and ran back, because if not, they would have been on at my sneaks all night long. It’s not going to happen. I’m the guy that gets people, I don’t get got.
CHAPTER 89
DC Benny: It was like, alright already with the fucking Tough Crowd. I was happy for everybody, I loved Colin, I’m happy that everybody had a sort of venue to do what they did at the Cel
lar table. I did not really participate too much in that, just sitting at the Cellar table, you know. I think it was a couple of reasons. I’ve done a few of these roasts and the last thing you would think … There are some comedians I’ve done jokes about that took it really, really hard. And it’s just, I was like, I don’t know, I’d rather be liked. That’s my thing. I’d rather be liked. So, you know, you’ve got the Cellar table every time you get there, those guys doing their thing. Whatever, you jump in a little bit, jump out a little bit, but at a certain point … I got there one night and it’s going on at the table and it’s going on on the TV and it’s like, fuck, enough already. Enough already. It’s annoying. It was just annoying. It was like, sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s just fucking annoying.
CHAPTER 88
Dov Davidoff: They were like a pack of hyenas, but that were very perceptive and very funny and smart, and so I remember examining my jeans and everything I was wearing before I walked into the club. I went over with a fine-tooth comb to make sure that nothing stood out in such a way that one of those animals would be able to attach themselves to it. But at the same time, I have nothing but respect for Patrice and Colin and Jim and those guys. Colin’s a particularly brilliant human being.
CHAPTER 87
Author: You told the studio audience not to applaud on Tough Crowd.
Colin: I told the audience every show, don’t applaud.
Author: Why?
Colin: I’d say it on the air too. I said, ‘Don’t applaud. Either laugh or don’t.’ Because I felt like it was a pandering thing more than a … The whole point of comedy is not agreement. It’s laughter or not laughter. It’s involuntary.
CHAPTER 86
Rich Vos: I just remember me and Patrice attacking Dat Phan on Tough Crowd. I watched a clip on YouTube and felt bad years later after watching it, probably recently. I sent him an apology. We were very rough on him.
Author: By email?
Rich: No, by homing fucking pigeon. Yeah, by email. We beat down a guy that wasn’t ready to be … That wasn’t in our league. It would be like two high-school kids beating up a middle schooler or whatever and after I saw the video years later it was an ambush and it wasn’t … I just felt bad. So I sent him an email and I said, ‘I hope everything’s going well for you.’
CHAPTER 85
Colin: What I remember, you know, is going downstairs to the Cellar, watching guys on stage all talking about, being brutally honest about race, about ethnicity, how they felt about political correctness. There’s just no political correctness. Political correctness is just the death of comedy. It’s just unbelievable. So that was basically what happened. But downstairs I’d see the antidote for what I saw as this whole society of platitudes and false empathy, and this kind of fake compassion, and so when I got a chance to do this show, that’s what I brought. I brought all these people and I was like, let’s try to make it like the Comedy Cellar. The table and the stage, you know. It wasn’t just about the table. The whole show’s point was not just for people to insult each other, it was also to talk honestly and brutally about society. And the beauty of it was, when somebody got too big on their platform everybody would try to trash your clothes or your outfit, or if I tried to organise things too well they trashed me, so it was kind of … That was the subplot. I felt like the trashing of each other was the subplot of Tough Crowd. I felt like Tough Crowd was about the honesty of talking about how you felt about ethnicity and all these different things.
CHAPTER 84
Colin: Where I grew up was very multi-racial and very open as far as the way people spoke to each other. You know what I mean? If you were funny, you said whatever you wanted and that was it. And even if you weren’t funny there was a culture of what other people just call breaking balls, or other people call being sarcastic. But anyway, at the start there just seemed to be different people that you could always joke with. Any comedian. Comedians are good like that, but then at the Cellar it became, somewhere along the line, it was just certain people starting to hang out there at the table that were more enthusiastic about it than others. It became like a sport. You’d bust balls and the rules were, you can’t cry if it gets a little brutal, everyone else will regulate it. You know what I mean? Nobody can really take offence that badly.
CHAPTER 83
Noam: I don’t think he was upset about the petition.
Author: You don’t think so? Ted Alexandro didn’t think he was, he thought he was fine with it. The only person who said he did think your dad was upset was Mitch Fatel. He said he was sitting at the table one time and your dad was upset when he looked through this petition, and he was upset that all these comedians had signed it, and Mitch hadn’t signed this petition, so your dad was happy with Mitch.
Noam: Okay. The word ‘upset’ is not very precise. Certainly you get a petition and a bunch of comedians sign it, it’s upsetting. But I took you to mean that my father thought that they had done something they should not have done or had no right to do. No. I don’t think he was upset with them. He wasn’t angry with them. He might have been upset that he thought it wasn’t fair, but I can tell you this, it wasn’t a big thing. I would remember. I had my father’s ear. And he didn’t think along those terms anyway. He would have just looked at it … He never begrudged people making money. He always liked to pay the most. There is always the case that people tend to overestimate how much money the boss is making. I mean, I do it. I go into a place and see it’s crowded and say to myself, ‘Oh my god, this guy must be making a fortune.’ And I stop and go, ‘What the fuck’s the matter with me, don’t I know better?’
CHAPTER 82
Manny reads Ted’s petition,
New York City is the Mecca of stand-up comedy and we, as comedians, are proud to share that tradition with you, the clubs providing comedians with a venue to perform. However, while the clubs are thriving we feel that we are not being adequately compensated for our work. The weekend rates for comedians have seen a negligible increase in the past fifteen to twenty years, and in some cases no increase at all. Again, New York City is the standard and with this in mind we ask that our weekend pay be adjusted to a level commensurate with the revenue being generated and the work that we do. The last pay increase of any note for comedians was in the mid-eighties. Based on cost of living increases, $50 in 1987 being equivalent to $100 in 2002, we, the undersigned, ask that our pay for weekend (Friday and Saturday night) spots be increased to $100 per set. It is our intention to work together in a spirit of collaboration, mindful that we are part of a great tradition and hopeful that we can continue to contribute to and honor that tradition. Please feel free to contact us through the below email address, or through one of the phone numbers below, to discuss this matter further. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
[email protected]
TED ALEXANDRO ___-___-____
EDDIE BRILL ___-___-____
WILLIAM STEPHENSON ___-___-____
VIC HENLEY ___-___-____
GREG GIRALDO
TODD BARRY
JEFF ROSS
JIM GAFFIGAN
LEWIS BLACK
NICK DI PAOLO
SUSIE ESSMAN
JUDY GOLD
MARC MARON
VANESSA HOLLINGSHEAD
WALI COLLINS
TOM PAPA
CYNTHIA KOURY
RICH VOS
KEITH ROBINSON
JOE VEGA
SHERROD SMALL
TONY ROCK
JIM FLORENTINE
RUSS MENEVE
PETE CORREALE
BEN BAILEY
DC BENNY
PATRICE O’NEAL
JIM DAVID
KEVIN BRENNAN
FRANK GIA
KEVIN FLYNN
RICH FRANCESE
GREG CARE
Y
AL DUCHARME
VINNIE BRAND
CORY KAHANEY
TOM COTTER
JUDAH FRIEDLANDER
MODI
JOHNNY LAMPERT
JUSTIN McKINNEY
TIM YOUNG
KYLE DUNNIGAN
JOE MATARESE
BILLY BURR
ANDRE FERNANDEZ
GREG FITZSIMMONS
MIKE BIRBIGLIA
SPANKY
ERIC McMAHON
BUDDY FITZPATRICK
Don't applaud. Either laugh or don't. (At the Comedy Cellar.) Page 16
