by G. R. Lyons
“I don't want to be anyone else anymore,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I just want to be me. I want to remember. I want to know who I am. I want the voices to stop. I want to be free again.”
“Free again?” the doctor asked. “Can you describe that for me?”
Asenna glanced up at him, then looked away. Gods, now he was really going to think she was crazy. It was one thing to let her Division partners see her talk to an empty chair, since they usually thought her crazy and eccentric anyway.
Quite another thing to explain it to the doctor.
She took a deep breath, puffed up her cheeks, and let it out.
Here goes nothing…
“Did you hear that I died in the hospital?” she asked.
Dr. Galvin nodded. “Are you worried you'll die before your memory comes back?”
“What? No, I– I mean, yes, of course, but…that's not the point.”
“Go on.”
Asenna took another deep breath and said, “I remember it.” She paused, and when the doctor said nothing, she repeated, “I remember it. I remember dying. Being disconnected from my body.”
Dr. Galvin nodded. “That isn't an uncommon assumption. Near-death experiences, a sensation of drifting into some sort of afterlife, since the brain is still going–”
“No!” she insisted. “It really happened. I was dead. A soul, a spirit, a ghost. Whatever you want to call it. I was there, looking down at my body, watching as the doctors tried to revive me, and for a moment, I finally remembered who I really was, but I wasn't able to latch onto it before my body came back to life. I know the recognition was there, but I can't remember what it was I recognized in that moment.” She paused, and when the doctor continued silent, she added in a soft voice, “I was there. The real me. I was free. But now it's gone again.”
The doctor nodded again. “A traumatic experience on the body would certainly have an effect upon the mind, so all these things you're imagining–”
Asenna opened her mouth to tell him she wasn't imagining anything, that she knew for a fact she'd been dead, in an afterlife, but realized she couldn't explain it, nor did she think she could prove it. She shut her mouth, let the doctor continue with his explanation, and nodded absently in agreement.
A few minutes later, Dr. Galvin insisted she go back to her room and get some more rest, since she was still healing. With flagging energy, she didn't argue, and slipped back upstairs, too tired and frustrated to even care if she was seen on her way up.
She shut the door, leaned against it with a sigh, and shuffled over to the bed. She eased herself down, wincing against the pain of her wound, and closed her eyes.
Asenna settled in on her back, took a deep breath, and opened her eyes to look over at the recliner.
“I was dead,” she whispered.
“I know.”
Asenna managed a half smile. “I'm glad you're here.”
“I'm always here…”
* * *
THE NEXT afternoon, Charlie sat on the couch in Asenna's room, thumbing through a magazine and trying to stave off boredom. Asenna was across the room, sitting cross-legged on the bed, folding laundry and stacking it in neat piles around her, more or less following the chief's order to rest and move around as little as possible.
“Oh, really?”
Charlie looked up, blinking.
“Did you say something?” he asked.
Asenna ignored him, folding a shirt by feel while her gaze was fixed on the recliner.
She laughed. “When did that happen?”
His eyes went wide, and he slowly set the magazine down, shifting his gaze from her to the recliner and back.
“Are you serious?” she asked, and clutched her stomach as she threw her head back, laughing. “Oh, gods, that's hilarious.”
Moving slowly, Charlie got up, crept around the coffee table, and left the room, his wide-eyed gaze fixed on Asenna the whole time as she carried on a one-sided conversation with nothing but thin air, never noticing his departure. Charlie stepped out into the hallway, closed the door behind him, and shook himself.
“Get it together, Crawford,” he muttered to himself, and headed straight for the chief's office.
He knocked on the door and went inside without waiting for a response. Benash sat at his desk, tapping a pen on an old paper file as he scanned the contents.
“Dad, I need to talk to you,” Charlie said.
Benash looked up at him from under his eyelashes and said, “Good afternoon to you, too, Charlie.”
“Sorry, sir. Good afternoon, sir. I just…”
“What is it, Crawford?”
Charlie took a step forward, glanced back over his shoulder at the balcony, and turned to face Benash as he asked, “Is there…any chance…Asenna suffered more than just amnesia from her incident?”
Benash slowly lowered his pen and straightened up.
“Why?”
Charlie shrugged. “It's just…Well, she sometimes has these weird, one-sided conversations, like she's talking to someone who's not there. She seems…Well, she seems almost a bit touched in the head, if you ask me. Malrin and Lehinis think she's just talking to ghosts of victims, but–”
The chief launched from his chair and rushed from the office. Charlie spun around and hurried after him as he stormed down the balcony and threw open the door to Asenna's room.
Asenna was just as he'd left her, sitting cross-legged on the bed and talking to the recliner.
Benash pulled up short in the middle of the room.
“What are you doing here?” the chief asked, all his attention focused on the empty chair.
Charlie took an involuntary step back.
Good gods, they've all gone mad!
BENASH FROZE, staring at the sight before him.
To his left, Asenna shot to her feet and looked from him to the chair and back, pointing and asking, “You can see her?”
Benash whipped his head around and stared at Asenna. “You can see her?” he repeated her question back to her.
They stared at one another for a long moment, mouths agape, then both turned their attention back to the recliner.
Looking perfectly at home, the woman sitting in the chair gave him a cheeky grin.
“Hey there, Hawk,” Vorena murmured, rocking herself contentedly. “Fancy a story?”
Chapter 13
ASENNA BLINKED, eyes wide, as she tore her gaze away from Vorena.
“How is it you can see her?” Asenna asked, staring at the chief.
Chief Rothbur glanced at her, opened his mouth to answer, then turned his attention back to the chair instead. “What are you doing here?”
“How do you know her?” Asenna tried again, but he didn't answer. She turned and looked at the ghost, who was looking up at the chief with love in her eyes.
“I told you, Hawk,” Vorena murmured. “I'm always here.”
“Well, yes, at home, but not here,” the chief blurted out.
Vorena shrugged. “Home, here, in the car. I can be anywhere you are, Benash. I just usually keep hidden here so I don't disturb your work.”
Asenna looked at the chief and saw him sigh heavily as he put his hands on his hips. “Alright, let's try it this way: Why are you here?”
“Ah, well, now there's a question,” Vorena said, pushing herself out of the chair so that it rocked gently.
“Bloody…seven…hells…”
Just behind the chief, Crawford startled and jumped back, crashing into the door and staring at the chair as it slowly rocked to a stop.
“Oh, Charlie's back!” Vorena said with a smile, peeking around Benash. “I didn't see him come in.”
Across the room, Crawford was still staring at the chair, pointing with a shaking finger as he stammered, “What…in seven hells…was that?”
Asenna and Chief shared a look, then turned to Crawford, then back to Vorena.
Vorena grimaced. “Oh, right. He can't see me. Hmmm…”
; Her face lit up, and she moved easily through the coffee table and right past the chief as he pointed a finger at her, protesting, “Whatever you're thinking of doing, just–”
But Vorena came right to a stop in front of Crawford and grabbed his hand with her own.
“Holy–” Crawford gasped, yanking his hand away and pressing back against the door. “What was that?”
Asenna opened her mouth to answer, but wasn't quite sure what to say. The chief glanced over at her, gave a weary sigh, and looked back at Crawford.
“Charlie, meet Vorena– By the gods, this is bizarre. You know: the picture frame I keep on my desk. I told you about her.”
Crawford stared into nothingness, his eyes wide as he looked around for some sign of a person standing there, and Asenna almost burst out laughing, able to see Vorena standing before him, but his eyes kept missing the mark.
“Can I tease him?” Vorena asked with a smirk.
“No!” the chief barked.
“No, what?” Crawford asked, looking around.
Before Chief could stop her, Vorena darted out a hand and grabbed the end of Crawford's tie, waving it in front of his eyes.
Crawford jumped aside, staring at his tie as it fell back into place.
“Alright, I take it back,” he panted. “I've gone mad.”
Chief shook his head and sighed. “Have I ever told you that you're an infuriating woman?”
Vorena grinned. “Oh, once or twice…a week since we met.”
“Here, Crawford, look,” Asenna said, picking up her tablet from the coffee table and handing it over to Vorena. The ghost grinned and took the tablet in both hands, calling up different things on the screen and waving it around while Crawford stared, wide-eyed and frozen.
“Good gods, this is fun,” Vorena said with a laugh, watching him. She held the tablet up in front of her face and let it go, leaving it to hover there on its own.
“That's cheating,” the chief said, shaking his head as he watched her.
“What?” Vorena shrugged. “Still serves the same purpose. Besides, look, I've gotten better at this since I died.”
Using just her mental essence, Vorena moved the tablet around in midair, making Crawford press back even harder against the door.
“Gods be damned, I wish I could do that,” Asenna said, watching in wonder.
“Do…what?” Crawford gasped, looking around.
“Telekinesis,” she said, pointing at the tablet. “That's pretty fucking awesome.”
The chief sighed. “Language.” Then he lifted one hand and the tablet shifted toward him so he could grab it out of the air and return it to the coffee table. “I dare say you've tormented the man enough for one day.”
Crawford stared at the tablet, then brought both hands up to his face, rubbing his eyes.
“I'm not going mad, I'm not going mad,” he muttered to himself.
Vorena sighed. “Would you tell him I'm real?”
The chief laughed, startling Asenna as he'd been so severe a moment before.
“I could tell him again but I'm not sure he's inclined to believe it right now.”
“Tell me what?” Charlie asked, a little breathless.
“Never mind,” Chief answered, shaking his head and chuckling to himself. “Crawford, why don't you take the rest of the day off?”
“Day off,” he murmured, mostly to himself. “Right. Yeah. Day off.”
Reaching blindly behind himself, Crawford grabbed the door handle, shifted to one side, opened the door, and slipped out.
“Poor guy,” Asenna said, chuckling.
“That was fun,” Vorena added with a grin.
The chief looked at each of them in turn, rolled his eyes, and left without a word.
“So,” Vorena said, clapping her hands together. “What shall we do now? I'm half tempted to wander through the office and pick up random things. See how many people I can scare.”
“Oooh, now that's just mean,” Asenna said, laughing, then clutched her stomach and grimaced.
“Hey, now, take it easy there.” Vorena took her by the shoulders and steered her back toward the bed. “Hawk did say you were supposed to be resting.”
Asenna settled down on the bed and resumed her folding.
“Why do you call him Hawk?”
Vorena drifted through the coffee table and sat down in the recliner, rocking it slowly back and forth.
“Habit, mostly,” she answered. “He was a government officer back on Tanas, ranking member of the Hawk guard. He worked at the prison where I was held.”
Asenna blinked. “You were in prison? What for?”
Vorena flashed her a grin. “Being myself, mostly. A female with a mind to independence. Can you imagine? Shocking!”
Shaking her head, Asenna chuckled softly. “How come Chief never talks about Tanas?”
The ghost turned serious. “Not exactly full of his fondest memories.”
“Hmmm.” Asenna nodded to herself, smoothing down a crease in a shirt as she folded it in half, and cleared her throat. “Am I at all part of those not-so-fond memories of his?”
“Actually, you were–” Vorena stopped, narrowing her eyes. “Ohhh, well done, my dear. No, I'm not going to answer that.”
“Oh, come on,” Asenna groaned, tossing the folded shirt onto a pile, then picking it back up to straighten it and set it down again more carefully. “Tell me something.”
The ghost shook her head. “Nope. Not a word out of me. Hawk's orders.”
Asenna raised an eyebrow. “Why do I get the feeling that's not something you often say?”
Vorena grinned. “Because that's probably the first time I've ever actually done what Benash told me to.” She chuckled. “Alright, I'll tell you this: When you were a little girl, you were very precious to me.” She held her hands up, forestalling Asenna's questions. “And that's all I'm going to say.”
“Fuck,” she muttered. “I hate this.”
“I know, dearheart,” the ghost murmured. “Give it time. Everything will work out in the end.”
Asenna rested her hand on the pile of folded shirts, looking over at Vorena, and knew she was simply going to have to find a way to get some answers, no matter what.
* * *
BENASH WENT straight to his bedroom when he got home, shrugging off his jacket and loosening his tie as he went. He flicked on the light and came to a stop, smiling at the sight before him.
Vorena was stretched out on one side of the bed, the sheets turned down beneath her and her eyes closed.
“I thought ghosts didn't need sleep,” he teased.
“Oh, we don't, really,” she said with a smirk, opening her eyes. “Then again, even without a body, the mind does need a rest from time to time.”
Benash laughed, shaking his head as he kicked off his shoes. “Sorry, does the light bother you?”
Vorena swept her arms around dramatically. “I am light. Well…energy. No, more like…You know what, I'm not even sure how to describe it. Call it a divine particle, if you will. Something that hasn't really been discovered yet.” She paused. “No, doesn't bother me. I don't really have eyes, per se, that need to adjust to light and dark.”
“You'd think I'd know that by now,” he muttered.
“Well, you've had a long day, judging by the time. Why don't you come to bed?”
Benash went around to her side of the bed and bent down to kiss her.
“Five minutes.”
He straightened up, but she followed him, sitting up in bed as she teased him with more kisses. He finally pulled away with a laugh and went to the washroom, rushed through a hot shower, and came back to the bedroom. He shut off the light and crawled up onto the bed, settling down between Vorena's legs with his chin resting on her belly.
Vorena crossed her arms behind her head and gave him a cheeky grin.
“What?” he asked.
“I'm getting better at this whole 'being substantial' thing,” she said.
Benash
couldn't help but smile. “Yes, you are. You feel almost real, now.”
“Pfff, I am real–”
“You know what I mean.”
Vorena met his eyes, her smile fading. “Not quite the same, though, is it?”
“No,” he said, propping himself up on his elbows. “But certainly better than nothing. I'd much rather have you like this than not at all. Those first few years were…”
He trailed off and shivered, not wanting to dredge up that time of grief all over again.
“Hey,” she whispered, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. “It's alright. I'm not going anywhere.” She paused, her familiar grin back on her face. “I'm afraid you're stuck with me, Hawk.”
“A punishment I shall gladly endure,” he murmured, crawling forward until they were face to face so he could kiss her, groaning with pleasure as he settled down against her form.
“You know,” she whispered, wrapping her arms and legs around him, “one of these days, you and I are really going to have to try to get closer.”
She winked at him, and Benash rolled his eyes. “I'm old enough now to be your father.”
“Hmmm, and yet you kiss me like that,” she teased. “Besides, technically, I've aged just the same as you have. It just…happens not to show.” She flashed him a grin and continued, “And, really, Hawk, come on. What man wouldn't want to bed a younger woman?”
Benash laughed and shook his head, rolling to the side and stretching out beside her. “Not that it's even possible.”
