When the song came to an end, Willow smiled. “That’s all for tonight, everyone. You have amazing voices and it was wonderful being here.”
Another volunteer stood beside Shelley.
Willow smiled. “Mrs. O’Brien has arrived to take everyone through to the dining room. Let’s have some hot chocolate and cookies!”
It was almost as though someone had flicked on a light switch. As soon as Willow finished speaking, most of the children leaped to their feet and hurried past Shelley. Everyone except Charlie and Andy.
John wrapped his arms around the boys’ shoulders and quietly said something to them. Then Mr. Jessop, the center’s honorary head gardener, knelt on the floor. After another few words from him, the boys held Mr. Jessop’s hands and joined the other children.
In the unguarded moment between the boys leaving and John seeing her, Shelley’s breath caught. John’s face was etched in defeat.
As soon as he saw her, his Pastor John mask slipped into place. But that sense of false happiness didn’t fool Shelley.
“It’s okay to show people how you feel,” she said softly when he stood in front of her.
“What if they don’t like what they see?”
“Then they don’t deserve your trust. Are Charlie and his brother okay?”
John sighed. “It’s a long story.”
“Do you want to share it with someone? I’m a good listener and I won’t tell anyone, especially Mabel.” When he didn’t reply, she stepped closer. In a hushed whisper, she added, “I have a stash of chocolate fudge in the bottom drawer of my desk. If you’re feeling adventurous, I’ll share it with you.”
“What if you get a late-night sugar rush? Aren’t you worried you won’t sleep?”
“Sleep is overrated. Come on, Willow and the other volunteers will look after the children.”
“I just need to say goodnight to Andy and Charlie.”
“While you’re doing that, I’ll go to the kitchen and make us coffee.”
John’s worried face softened into a smile. “Now you’re really living dangerously.”
“It’s part of my personal improvement plan.”
“Late-night coffee and chocolate fudge?”
Shelley shook her head. “Spending more time with friends.”
It took John a moment to realize what she meant. With a sigh, he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Thank you for being my friend.”
And just like that, the missing piece inside of Shelley slipped into place and made a perfect whole.
John sat heavily in the chair beside Shelley. “The coffee smells great.”
Shelley opened the bag of fudge and inhaled the sweet goodness. “So does this.” She leaned toward John so he could smell the candy. “When I first tasted Brooke’s fudge, I’d fill my lungs with the sweet scent for ages before I took a bite. The anticipation was almost as good as the taste. But now that I’m living here, I’m more impatient.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“That’s what Bailey says, too. If I were generous, I’d say I was being more spontaneous.”
John snorted. “You can’t count that as proof that you’re working on your personal improvement plan.”
“Why not? It’s my plan.”
“It defeats the whole purpose if you stretch the criteria to suit you.”
Shelley looked at the candy. “I’m not sure I want to share my contraband with you anymore.”
John’s fingers dipped inside the bag. “Too late. You can’t promise me fudge, then change your mind. Besides, I’ve still got the cups of coffee in front of me.”
“That’s true.” Shelley left the bag of fudge on the table and reached for her coffee. “Tell me about Andy and Charlie. When everyone was singing, they were very quiet.”
“A lot has happened tonight.” John rubbed his forehead. A headache had been building for the last hour and he’d foolishly thought it would go away.
“I’ll get you a couple of Tylenol. I keep them in my top drawer for emergencies.”
Gratefully, John took the tablets, swallowing them with a mouthful of coffee. “Thanks. What else do you keep in your desk drawers?”
“If I told you that, all my secrets would be revealed.”
John frowned. They couldn’t be as bad as his secrets. “Charlie and Andy’s mom, has had some issues over the last few days. Andrea’s behavior has been erratic and she’s found it difficult to concentrate. I spoke to Bailey and we had a meeting with Andrea this morning to find out what’s going on.”
“I’m guessing it didn’t go well?”
John nodded. “Andrea thought we wanted to take the boys away from her. But that wasn’t the point of the meeting. She needs more emotional help than The Welcome Center can give her. Bailey called Zac and he spoke to her. He decided that the best thing for Andrea was to take her to Polson to the mental health center. Their crisis response team is assessing her and will decide whether she needs to be treated at the center or as an outpatient.”
“Is that why Bailey sent me a text telling me she wouldn’t be home until later in the evening?”
“It is. For everyone’s safety, it was better if Bailey went to Polson with Zac and Andrea.”
“How’s Andrea?”
“She’s doing as well as can be expected. I don’t know how her meeting with the crisis response team is going, but Zac will call me when he knows what’s happening.”
“What about the boys?”
“That has a slightly happier outcome. Gordon Jessop, our head gardener, used to foster children when he lived in Billings. Zac made a few phone calls and everyone was happy for him to look after Andy and Charlie until we know what’s happening with their mom. They’ll come to The Welcome Center after school each day and Gordon will take them home with him after dinner.”
“It was nice of him to do that.”
“The boys like spending time with Gordon, so it was the best solution for everyone.”
“What about you? Are you okay?”
Instead of looking at Shelley, John picked up his coffee. “I’m all right.”
Shelley studied his face. “I’ve only known you for a short time, but it looks as though Andrea and her sons’ situation has upset you.”
With trembling hands, John placed the cup of coffee on the table before he spilled it everywhere. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing heart. He’d never told anyone about his childhood, about the tragic circumstances that led him to Chris and Vivienne Collins, the best foster parents in the world.
“John?”
He glanced at Shelley, hoping she understood how difficult this was for him. “I’ve never told anyone about my childhood. I thought if I pretended it didn’t happen, then it hadn’t. But that only works for a while. Then, when you least expect it, all the feelings and memories you’ve buried come rushing back.”
“And this is one of those times?”
John nodded. “My birth parents were alcoholics. Until I was about seven, they both had jobs and functioned almost as well as everyone else. But when my grandma died, Mom became worse. Then the fighting started and everything spiraled downhill from there.”
He wouldn’t tell Shelley about going to school with no breakfast or making jam sandwiches for dinner because that was all there was in the house. There was no money for new shoes when his feet grew too big or for school camps, stationery, or any of the other things his friends took for granted.
“One of my friend’s parents saw what was happening. They called child and family services and I was put into foster care. The first placement wasn’t good. Then I found the Collins family. Overnight, I went from being an only child to having two parents and five sisters. They are the most kind, loving, and generous people I’ve ever met. They saved my life.”
“Where do they live?”
“Three of my sisters live in Lake City, Colorado. One lives in Phoenix, and my youngest sister lives in Los Angeles.” When he thought about his fo
ster parents’ house in the woods, some of the weight lifted from John’s shoulders. “Mom and Dad retired to a cabin overlooking Lake San Cristobal in Colorado. Dad spends his days fishing and volunteering at a local youth camp. Mom started a knitting group which turned into a successful online business. I keep telling her to slow down, but she doesn’t listen.”
Shelley’s smile made his breath catch.
“I like the sound of your mom,” she said.
“She’d like you, too.”
A soft blush washed across Shelley’s cheeks. “What was it about Andy and Charlie’s situation that upset you?”
“They remind me of myself at the same age. The world is a big, scary place when you’re eight years old and don’t have an adult you can count on. You learn different ways of coping, do things simply to survive. It changes who you are and those changes stay with you for the rest of your life.”
Shelley handed him the bag of fudge. “Have another piece. It will make you feel better.”
“You’re willing to share it with me now?”
“I was always willing to share.”
Her softly spoken words pulled at something deep in John’s heart. “Thank you.”
“So, how do you feel about Mr. Jessop looking after the boys?”
“I’m grateful he was willing to do it. If it weren’t for Mabel, Bailey and I wouldn’t have known he was a licensed foster care provider.”
Shelley sighed. “Maybe Mabel isn’t so bad, after all.”
“She means well. How was your day?”
“Not nearly as exhausting as yours. By tomorrow, I’ll have most of the documents ready for your application to the county. I’m ticking things off The Santa Express project plan and Bailey loves the ideas we’ve come up with for her wedding.”
“You’ve done a lot considering the number of people waiting to see you each day.”
“You noticed?”
“It’s hard not to when they’re sipping coffee and passing the time of day in The Welcome Center.”
Shelley bit her bottom lip. “I’m sorry if they’re a nuisance. I could—”
“No. I didn’t mean that.” John ran his hands through his hair. “I’m tired and I didn’t explain myself very well. I’m happy for people to come here. That’s what the center is all about. I’m only worried about you.”
“I’m fine. When I tell them I’m not starting my business until after Christmas, they’re happy to come back later. A lot of the people who’ve come to see me haven’t been to The Welcome Center before. They’re impressed with what you’ve created.”
“Believe me, it’s a team effort.”
“Every team needs a leader. Is your childhood part of the reason you became a pastor?”
John nodded. “I can’t change what happened to me, but I can give people the ability to make a better life for themselves and their families.”
“Do you know how special that is?”
He thought about the men and women who came to Sapphire Bay because they’d heard about his PTSD support group, the parents who knocked on his door because they had nowhere else to go, and the children who came to the youth programs looking for a friend. “The special part isn’t the services or the facilities we provide. The special part is the magic that happens between the community and the people who come here.”
Shelley shook her head. “The special part is you. If you hadn’t gone through what you did, you might never have come to Sapphire Bay. The Welcome Center and the tiny home village wouldn’t exist. The magic started with you. Everything else just makes it stronger.”
Tears filled John’s eyes. “Sometimes I feel as lost and alone as the people who come here. Getting older doesn’t change the person I am inside.”
Shelley held his hand. “That’s why you have friends—to help you through the bumpy parts of life.”
“Does that friendship include sharing unlimited amounts of chocolate fudge?”
Shelley smiled. “Unlimited might be going a little far, but I could share the last few pieces with you.”
John tightened his hold on her hand. That was good enough for him.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Bailey said. “But you’re a little grumpier than usual.”
Shelley pushed the armchair she’d bought from the thrift store along the back of the delivery truck. “I’ve had a lot on my mind. Are you ready to lift this onto the ground?”
Bailey jumped off the back of the truck and wiped her hands on her jeans. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
With her hands positioned at the base of the chair, Shelley took a deep breath. “It’s heavy, so be prepared for the weight. We’ll lift it on three. One…two…three.”
Bailey groaned as the chair bumped to the ground. “Next time, ask me to have a look at any furniture you want to buy. I’ll remind you about this morning and how my back never survived.”
“You’ve hurt your back?”
Bailey smiled. “Not yet, but it adds drama to the story.”
“I don’t need any more drama in my life,” Shelley muttered.
“I thought you were enjoying working at The Welcome Center?”
Shelley held the arm of the chair. “I am, but it’s not the center that’s the problem.”
“Let me guess,” Bailey said as she helped Shelley move the chair closer to her cottage. “John keeps stealing your fudge?”
“If it were that simple, I wouldn’t mind.”
“We’re the ones who make our lives complicated.” After dragging the chair to the edge of the porch, Bailey wiped the snow off the bottom step and sat down. “Tell your amazing sister about your troubles.”
“My amazing sister will get a wet bottom if she sits on the stairs for too long.”
Bailey shrugged. “It’s a small price to pay for finding out what’s going on. Besides, the longer we delay lifting the chair into the cottage, the more likely it is that Steven and Mila will arrive. Steven could lift the chair all by himself.”
Shelley sat beside her sister. “He does have nice muscles.”
Bailey sighed. “And gorgeous eyes, a cute smile, and lots of other things that would make you blush if I told you.”
“At least all his cuteness is aimed at you. I can’t decide whether John likes me as a friend or likes me as someone who could be more than a friend.”
“And that’s what’s making you grumpy?”
“No. It’s the sleepless nights and too much fudge that are making me grumpy.”
Bailey’s eyes widened. “You know there’s a really easy solution to your problems, don’t you?”
“I don’t want to leave The Welcome Center.”
“You don’t have to. Just stop eating so much fudge. If you need some kind of visual reminder about why you’re not sleeping, call Brooke. She’ll let you watch how she makes the fudge and, believe me, the amount of sugar that goes into each batch will shock you.”
Shelley’s drawer of fudge had become so much more than an afternoon pick-me-up. John would visit her each afternoon and, over a bag or two of candy, they’d talk about what was happening at the center and in their lives. The sugar rush she got from the fudge was nothing compared to how happy she was when she was spending time with him.
Bailey leaned her elbows on her knees. “Have you asked John how he feels about you?”
Just the thought of asking him made Shelley break out in a cold sweat. “John’s friendly to everyone. What if I’ve mistaken his friendliness for something else? Do you know how embarrassing that would be?”
“It has to be better than not knowing where you stand.”
Shelley wasn’t so sure.
“John’s forty-two years old,” Bailey said as she studied Shelley’s face. “He’s not the type of person to mess with anyone’s feelings. If his dating history is as exciting as yours, he’s probably feeling exactly the same way about you.”
“I don’t think so. He doesn’t have any problem talking to complete strangers or figuring
out how to help someone. Why would he have a problem talking to me?”
“It’s not the talking that’s the issue—it’s the subject. Why don’t you want to ask John how he feels about you?”
“Is this the part where you turn into a family therapist instead of my sister?”
Bailey smiled. “No diversionary tactics allowed. Just answer the question.”
Shelley looked at the snow-covered yard. “I’m scared that he’ll tell me he only wants to be friends.”
“Let’s go a little deeper. Why are you scared?”
“I hate it when you start ‘digging a little deeper’. The word ‘why’ should be deleted from every dictionary in the world.”
“So should ‘procrastination’.”
Shelley growled. “Fine. I’m scared because I don’t know if I’m good enough for John or if I’ll ever have a relationship with anyone. Just look at what happened with Jarrod. I left it until the day before we were getting married to tell him I didn’t love him. How bad is that?”
“You’re getting better at the ‘why’ questions.”
“It’s not funny. You’ve got Steven and Mila, and Sam is married with a baby on the way. What have I done with my life except ruin every relationship I’ve ever had? John doesn’t deserve someone like me in his life. I’ll probably destroy any relationship with him, too.”
“Self-pity isn’t helpful.”
Shelley’s mouth dropped open. “That’s so mean.”
“But true. You’re overthinking everything again. Dwelling on what happened in the past won’t make you feel more comfortable in another relationship. All it will do is put a barrier between you and John. Do you trust him?”
“What kind of a question is…” Shelley glared at her sister. “Okay. I’ll stop being so defensive. Yes, I trust him.”
“And does he trust you?”
Shelley thought about the time they’d spent together. John had shared things about his life that he’d never told anyone else. They laughed at crazy things and cried over soppy movies at the center.
The Santa Express Page 8
