Can we talk tonight? I really need this, London. Please.
I inhale and blow it out before responding to him.
Okay.
Midge comes into the main lobby with Daniel, laughing loudly at something he said, then stops short when she examines the expression my face.
Her smile disappears. “You’re bailing, aren’t you?”
“Uhh, I’ll catch you guys later,” Daniel says, excusing himself.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t plan to, but Hunter texted me again. He really wants to talk, and I feel like I owe him that. I’ve been avoiding him, and I should at least hear what he has to say.”
She tilts her head, twisting her mouth into something that’s neither a smile or frown. It looks like disappointment, but she grabs and squeezes my hand. “Text me later.”
“I will.”
An hour later, after I’ve showered, changed, and poured myself a drink, Hunter shows up. I stand in front of the door for several seconds, my heart mimicking his hard and rapid knock. The quickening of my heartbeat is the only movement in my body, as I stand stock-still, contemplating opening the door. For whatever reason, I’m nervous. Perhaps I wasn’t ready to have this conversation, but another succession of knocks snap me out of my thoughts, and I pull open the door.
Hunter appears tired, his facial hair visible in a way it usually isn’t, but he offers a grateful smile as I let him in. We both stand around awkwardly, not used to not hugging and kissing each other upon meeting up. He doesn’t go straight for the couch like he used to, and I don’t know what to say to him.
“Uh, you want a drink?” I ask, holding up my own.
“I’m good. Thanks.”
“Okay, wanna sit down?”
I walk over to the couch, and he follows, sitting on the opposite end.
“Well, first off, thanks for meeting me with me.”
I laugh a humorless laugh. “You don’t have to sound so formal.”
He chuckles. “Sorry.” Hunter clears his throat and takes a couple seconds before continuing. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since the last time we talked.” His hands come together, his right hand rubbing the knuckles of his left in a nervous gesture. “I want to start off by apologizing for being so selfish. I guess I didn’t realize it. I mean, I know I didn’t. When you brought all of that stuff to my attention, I was shocked. I never thought about the things I was doing.”
“Maybe I should’ve said something sooner.”
“Maybe,” he answers with a shrug. “But this is still one hundred percent on me. I should’ve seen what I was doing. I should’ve realized you were unhappy hanging out with my friends all the time. I guess I just thought you were as happy as I was, but after Friday night, and the way I was being, I get that’s how you probably feel when you’re with my friends.”
“No, Hunter,” I cut in. “I’m never like you when we hang out with your friends. I’ve put forth effort. I’ve tried talking to them and listening to them, but the difference is that your friends ignore me. You all have conversations I can’t contribute to. I end up being forced to entertain myself, but only after I try. You never even tried.”
“I’m sorry. I clearly need to do a better job at paying attention. I can admit that. My friends are…different.”
“You keep saying that. You said my friends were different than yours, and you were right. My friends are different, but different in that they try to talk to you.”
He nods his head. “I get it. I’m sorry. Look, London, I’m here because I want to give us another chance. I want to start over.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know, Hunter.”
Hunter scoots closer, grabbing my hands in his. “Please, London. Just one more chance. I’ll hang out with your friends. I’ll talk to them and get to know them. I’ll even go to the bar with you.”
I look away from him, hoping the tears that are burning my eyes don’t fall. So many thoughts and feelings assault me at once, and I don’t know how to filter through them.
What Hunter and I had for the past year has been both good and bad, but not terrible. He doesn’t talk down to me, he doesn’t cheat on me, and he’s reliable. He’s someone I know has a good heart, even if he has been a bit selfish and unaware. There’s definitely room for improvement in our relationship, but I’d have to give him a chance in order for those improvements to take place.
And then there’s Royce. Royce who makes me laugh and gives me tingles by just looking at me. The sex we had was the best sex I’ve ever had, but maybe that’s all it would be with us. We’d hookup for a while until he found someone else to focus his attention on.
“London,” Hunter’s voice is a scratchy plea. He’s sad and broken and seeking another chance.
I am comfortable with Hunter. He knows what food I like and don’t like. He knows I sleep on the left side of the bed, and knows I don’t say much before I have my coffee. He knows about my mom and dad, and why my relationship with my mom is strained. He knows me more than a lot of people do. And that’s why I say, “Okay.”
I try not to think much of it when Midge walks in with Daniel and Jon, and London doesn’t follow them. Maybe she’ll be late.
“What can I get you guys?”
“I’ll take something light, but with a bit of a bite,” Jon says. “What would that be?”
“Bocce Ball?”
“I’m not a liquor pro. Break it down for me, baby,” Jon says, shaking his head.
I crack a smile. “It’s like a screwdriver, except we use Amaretto instead of Vodka, and add some club soda.”
“That’s fine.”
“Daniel? Anything?”
“I’m the DD. I’ll just take a ginger ale.”
“Midge?” I ask, glancing in her direction as I start on Jon’s drink.
“Just double up on those ingredients,” she points at the orange juice and Amaretto. “I’ll make it easy for you tonight.”
“Thanks,” I say with a laugh.
The way she looks at me makes me nervous though. Her eyes hold something akin to sadness in them, and that’s rare for Midge, but more than that, I sense pity radiating from her. She’s usually loud, demanding a new drink, giving me shit about something or other, but tonight she’s subdued and can barely look me in the eye.
I wonder if London told her about us, and now she feels uncomfortable. I almost ask her where London is, but I don’t want to seem too needy, so I decide to wait and see if she shows up.
“Here you go,” I say, passing out drinks and taking cash.
I wander off and pass the time by talking to the customers in between making drinks. It isn’t too busy in here tonight, but Jim is here with Craig, like usual. I get pulled into another argument they always seem to have.
“Royce, tell Craig here that there’s no way the Indians won’t go to the playoffs this year.”
“Look, it’s not like I don’t want them to make it, but I just don’t see it happening this year.”
“It wasn’t long ago they had that twenty-two-win streak!”
“So? Doesn’t mean they’re gonna go to the playoffs.”
“Royce,” Craig says, looking bewildered. “What do you think?”
“Well, I hope they make it, because I wouldn’t mind heading to a game.”
“See?” Craig says, his eyes on Jim.
“He didn’t say he thinks they’ll make it.”
I laugh, knock on the bar, and excuse myself. “Gotta go make drinks, guys. I’ll be back.”
Those two are always arguing about sports, and it doesn’t matter what season it is. They’ll argue about hockey during basketball season, and plan on going to football games during baseball season. They’ve been friends for twenty something years, so I guess this is just what they’re used to.
I approach Midge and Jon who are still sitting at the bar, talking quietly to each other. “You guys good?”
Jon almost jumps out of his chair at the sound of my voice. “Shit. You scared me
,” he says, whirling around to look at me.
“Sorry,” I say with a laugh. “You need another drink?”
“Yes, please.”
“Midge?”
“Sure,” she replies, pushing her glass toward me.
The door opens and my eyes flicker up to see if it’s London. Instead, an older man comes in.
“She’s not coming.” Midge answers my unasked question.
“Oh?” I try not to sound too disappointed.
Midge shakes her head and Jon looks up at me with a weird look on his face, waiting for my reaction, or perhaps worried I’ll keep asking questions. They must’ve been talking about her before I came over.
“Hm. Did she say why?” I ask, needing to know if it’s because of me, because we hooked up.
I notice Jon’s head drop down, like he was hoping I wouldn’t ask. Midge barely meets my eyes and kind of shakes her head in a non-committal way. “I’m not too sure. She needed to take care of something, I think.”
“I see.” I finish making their drinks and then give them a parting smile as I head back to Jim and Craig.
I don’t expect Midge to give me the truth. London is her best friend after all, but I can’t help but think there wasn’t anything she had to take care of. Maybe she’s embarrassed, or worse, maybe she regrets what we did. All I know is that I need to talk to her as soon as possible. I need her to know that she wasn’t a one-night stand for me. I need her to know that it only took one night for me to become completely addicted to her.
I already crave her soft mouth and tight pussy. I need her body pressed against mine again. I envision her laying under me, her sun-kissed hair spread out around her beautiful face, and those bright blue eyes gazing up at me with nothing but carnal desire in their depths.
Hours later, before Midge leaves, I approach her. “Hey, Midge.”
She looks up from her phone. “Hey.”
“Is Daniel giving you a ride?”
“Yeah, they’re pulling the car around the front.”
“Good.” I pause and put my hands in my back pockets. I don’t know how she’ll react to my request, but I have to ask. “So, do you think you could give me London’s number? I need to talk to her.”
Without a doubt, based on the sad and sympathetic expression on her face, I know she knows something I don’t. She scrolls through her phone and places it in front of me, London’s number on the screen. I take my phone from my pocket and create a new contact.
“Thanks.”
She gives me a compassionate smile. “I hope everything works out in your favor.”
Before I can ask anything else, she slides from the barstool and heads for the door.
It’s nearly ten-thirty when my phone dings with a text message from Midge.
Just thought you should know Royce asked for your number tonight, and I gave it to him. I don’t know when he’ll try to contact you, but it could be tonight.
My heartrate picks up speed. The night I decide to get back together with Hunter is the night Royce wants to get in touch with me. My luck is awful. But I guess I created this problem myself, and luck has nothing to do with it. Shit.
I don’t respond to Midge, because I don’t know what to say. I appreciate her letting me know, and she probably did that assuming I was still with Hunter, but he already went home. I’m also not sure how to tell her that I’ve decided to give Hunter another chance.
Hunter and I decided that if we’re going to start over, we’re going to treat this like the beginning of a new relationship. We’re moving slowly. He’s going to take me on dates, and there won’t be any immediate sleepovers.
There was a moment during our talk that I contemplated telling him about me and Royce. It’s probably what I should’ve done if we’re to start on a clean slate, but with him talking about coming to the bar with me, I don’t think he should know I slept with the bartender. And a selfish part of me doesn’t want him to make me stop going. It’s the best bar in town, and I still want to be able to go out with my friends. However, this means I need to talk to Royce, and my heart hurts thinking about the conversation we have to have.
I decide to take a relaxing bath before I go to sleep. Tomorrow I’ll have to tell Midge about what happened tonight, and I don’t look forward to the disappointment on her face when I tell her.
It’s just after eleven-thirty when I finally climb into bed. Pennywise jumps on top of the comforter and makes himself comfortable near my feet. I turn off the lamp and close my eyes and that’s when my phone dings.
My eyes pop open and I lay there for a few seconds before reaching for it. I take a deep breath, stretch my arm out, and angle the screen toward me.
Hey Sunshine. You up?
My heart slams against my chest before plummeting into my stomach. I have to tell him that I got back with Hunter, and I don’t know how to say it. How do I sleep with someone one day and get back together with my ex four days later? Will he care? Is he wanting to tell me that it was just a one-night thing and he doesn’t see a relationship? Somewhere deep down, there’s a part of me that doesn’t believe that to be true.
How can I continue seeing him? Maybe I will have to find another bar. I did this shit to myself, and I have to own up to the consequences. I’m a grown ass woman, and I’m doing what I think is right. I wasn’t with Hunter when I slept with Royce. I didn’t cheat. I didn’t make any false promises either. But why does it feel like I’m about to break his heart?
I think about being a chicken shit and just not answering, pretending I’m asleep already, but that won’t change anything. I’ll still have to have this conversation eventually. Might as well get it over with now.
With a deep breath, I text back.
Yeah. Can you call me?
It takes two minutes before my phone rings, and I’m already sitting against the headboard, my heart hammering into my ribcage.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” His voice is low and cautious. “Wasn’t sure what time you went to sleep.”
“It depends.”
Our conversation stalls, and I can tell he’s just as nervous as me, but I don’t know why. His usual self would be talkative and playful. He doesn’t normally allow pauses in conversation, and I wonder what he’s thinking.
“So,” he starts.
“I’m glad you called,” I say at the same time.
“Oh?”
My heart shatters at the sound of joy in his voice. “Yeah, I need to tell you something.”
“Oh.” His tone turns serious. He already knows.
“Hunter came by today.” He doesn’t say anything, so I take another deep breath and keep going. “He, well, to get to the point, I decided to give him another chance.”
The silence that follows feels eternal. It’s like time stands still around us. I can only hear my thundering heart and his quiet breaths. I begin to wonder if he even heard me at all. I hope I don’t have to repeat the words again. I stay quiet and chew on my bottom lip, waiting for his response.
“Oh.”
It’s the third time he’s said that word since we’ve been on the phone. The first was filled with hope and happiness, the second time he said it, it was coated in dread, but this time it’s jam-packed with sorrow. Who knew such a small word could hold so much feeling?
“I’m sorry, Royce.”
“Why are you apologizing?” he asks, his tone a little sharp.
“Well, because, you know. Saturday night.”
“You’re apologizing for Saturday night?”
“No. I just mean, because of what we did, and now I’m with Hunter again, and I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.”
He scoffs. “Does he know?”
“About us? No.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“No.” I pause. “Are you?”
He sighs. “No.”
“I’m sorry. I just felt like I should give him another chance. We’ve been through a lot, you k
now? And I wasn’t sure what was happening with us. I thought maybe it was just a hook-up. I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry. You did exactly what you wanted to do.”
“What do you mean? I didn’t plan for all this to happen.”
“No? You didn’t go to the bar that night, wait until closing to tell me you broke up with him for any particular reason?”
“No. I…”
“You knew what you wanted to happen, London. We both know the truth. You’ve wanted me almost as long as I’ve wanted you. The minute you broke up with him, you came to me. You know what you wanted to happen.”
“You’re acting like I used you.”
“Didn’t you? You got what you wanted. You’ve heard rumors about me, you told me that, so you wanted to find out for yourself. The minute you did, you ran off and got back with your boyfriend.”
“Royce, no. It wasn’t like that,” I say, emotions getting the better of me. “I’d never do something like that. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship. I like you, yes, but I owe Hunter another chance.”
“No, London, I deserve a chance. I didn’t even get one. You crawled into my bed with me and ran off as soon as you could. If you had stayed the night, you would’ve known that it wasn’t just a hook-up to me. I would’ve told you that.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice breaking.
“It’s fine,” he says, his voice clipped.
“Royce.”
“I guess I’ll be seeing ya around, huh?”
I open my mouth to respond, but I’m met with a dial tone. Sobs wrack my body as I curl into a ball and cry into my pillow.
By the time Friday comes around, I can’t ignore my brothers anymore. I used all of Thursday to spend time working on my house, and didn’t answer any of Cill or Elijah’s calls. I don’t normally ignore them, not after our parents died. I just didn’t want to have to tell Cill that he was right about London.
But Merrick is set to be in town today, and we’re all supposed to be spending a couple days at Elijah’s. Merrick said not to worry about picking him up, since the nearest airport is an hour and a half away, not that we give a shit, but apparently, he has a ride from the airport to Gaspar.
On the Rocks (Kingston Brothers Book 1) Page 13
