by K B Cinder
“That’s great. It’s a good fit, too. With your experience in distribution, you know the players in the game.”
“What about you? How was your time there?” I asked, nudging his shoulder playfully.
He chuckled, eyeing me up. “Torturous.”
I teased him here and there after a shower with sexy shots, determined to get his blood pumping. We couldn’t have sex in the city, but we could flirt at a distance.
I grinned. “Going to be a few more days of that.”
“Why?” he asked, eyes blazing.
“We’re at your brother’s house.” I loved sexy time as much as anyone, especially with him, but I wouldn’t get my freak on as a guest in someone’s home.
He stared at me as if I were insane, stopping dead in his tracks. “And?”
“It’s disrespectful!”
He shook his head, still in dismay. “You’re out of your mind. You saw my brother’s dick in slow motion last night. I think we’ve established the level of dignity they operate at.”
“That doesn’t mean that I’ll disrespect Ethan’s home.” I rolled my eyes, continuing along wobbly in the sand, and he reluctantly followed suit.
“You either get some nooky now or wait until at least next Monday,” he cautioned. “I’m flying out Monday for another trip to Chicago and then down to Tampa for the weekend to close on the sale of my house.”
He rarely talked about Tampa other than the Croft office, but it surprised me he had a house. It never came up in conversation. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to buy with his restlessness. “A bay bungalow?”
He offered a smile before turning to watch Tally bound back and forth, her tongue flopping from her mouth. “No, but it’s a few blocks from the bay. A one-story contemporary with a pool. A family is buying it, so they’ll make more use of it than I ever did.”
I observed him as he watched Tally play, lines of worry creasing his forehead. I squeezed his hand, willing to wait as long as it took for him to open up. “It sounds amazing, and I’m sure you’ll find something you love in Chicago too.”
He glanced back my way, swallowing hard. “I hope so.”
* * *
Jason wasn’t the only Barrett that knew his way around the kitchen. While he focused on the bird, Luke worked on sides and dessert. Ethan addressed our immediate hunger, making a breakfast that left me doubting I’d have room for dinner with waffles, eggs, bacon, and sausage. Spoiler: I did.
After the tastiest Thanksgiving meal possible, I cleaned up despite protests, needing to make myself useful. I didn’t want to screw up any dishes since I was hardly a domestic goddess, but I knew my way around cleaning a kitchen thanks to years of culinary failures.
The boys relaxed in the dining room while I tidied up, leaving the kitchen more immaculate than I found it, every inch of white marble spotless. Jason wasn’t kidding when he said the place was nicer than any hotel, the unit screaming luxury from the high-end double stove to the walk-in wine closet.
I dried my hands and padded towards the dining room, careful not to slip. As pretty as it was, the flooring was a death trap if you wore socks, and my purple dinosaur ones had no traction to speak of.
I found the boys right where I left them, though there were three bottles of booze on the table: tequila, rum, and whiskey. There was a stack of cards beside them, along with an assortment of shot glasses.
“What are you playing?” I asked, taking a seat beside Jason at the massive pedestal table.
“Truth or Shot,” Luke declared, rubbing his beard. “Want to play?”
“Sure,” I agreed. “I have nothing to hide.” It wasn’t exactly the truth, but it wasn’t like we’d die if they found out we worked together.
“Me neither,” Luke challenged, puffing his chest out.
I smirked. “I know. I’ve already seen it all.”
His brothers chuckled while he reddened. “Just for that, you’re going first.”
I glanced at Jason, who sat back with his shoulders relaxed, though he was rubbing his temple again. He had headaches often, likely due to Croft’s nonsense. I reached out and stroked his hair. “Need ibuprofen, Jase?”
He shook his head and smiled, waving me on to start.
I reached out and plucked a card. “If you had to sleep with one person in this room, who would it be?” I read. “Easy. Jason.”
“Oh, that’s shit!” Luke protested. “Obviously, we’d all pick you.”
Jason and Ethan nodded in agreement. It would have been a lot more flattering if I literally wasn’t the only viable option.
Jason took the next card, grinning ear to ear. “What is your biggest turn on?” He glanced my way, chuckling. “Apparently, a nice ass.”
“A chick who makes the first move,” Luke declared.
Ethan shrugged. “Confidence.”
“Definitely confidence,” I agreed. It was what initially drew me toward Jason. He was easy on the eyes, but the way he led a room set me ablaze more than anything. He was always sure of himself.
Luke grabbed the next card, brows snapping together, his expression a mirror image of one I saw on Jason’s face countless times. “How old was the oldest person you’ve had sex with?”
He didn’t answer right away, causing both Jason and Ethan’s eyes to flick his way. He swallowed hard. “Fif-ter-ee,” he grumbled, slapping the card down.
“What was that?” Jason asked, leaning forward on his elbows. “We couldn’t understand you, little brother.”
“Fifty-three,” Luke muttered, crossing his heavily tattooed arms.
The other brothers erupted in delight, high-fiving one another.
“I knew it!” Ethan shouted, pointing Luke’s way. “You totally fucked Ms. Chambers!”
“It was a rough twenty-fifth birthday, okay?” Luke defended, putting his hands up. “I had one too many shots. My mind was telling me, no, but that blazer was telling me yes.”
“Thirty-three,” Jason offered. “Twenty years younger than my younger brother’s tastes.”
Ethan grinned. “Twenty-nine.”
All eyes drifted my way. “Thirty-six,” I replied.
Jason whirled to face me, shock all over his face. “I’m the oldest person you’ve had sex with?”
“By a mile,” I teased. He only had the second-oldest, Justin, beat by two years, but there was no harm in teasing.
Jason shuddered while Ethan chuckled, grabbing the next card. “What is one thing on your bucket list?” he read.
“Fucking seriously?” Luke growled. “Why do you guys get the easy ones?”
Ethan smirked. “I want to travel to Iceland to see the Northern Lights.”
“Lame,” Luke taunted. “I want to open a tech school. Kids need to learn trades.”
Ethan nodded. “Damn right.”
“I want to go international,” Jason answered. “Now that I have the national director role, it’s the only place to go.”
All eyes moved my way. “I want to find a job I love.”
“Where do you work?” asked Ethan, glancing between us.
I looked to Jason, who nodded, giving me the okay. “Croft.”
Both of his younger brothers went wild with laughter while Jason shook his head.
“You filthy animal!” Luke hooted, clutching his side.
Jason shrugged. “When you like something enough, you break the rules.”
I grabbed the next card, groaning as I glanced it over. “How many people have you had sex with?”
All three men reached straight for the booze, not even hesitating.
“Seriously?” I laughed.
Jason poured me a shot of tequila and slid it my way. “Drink up. I don’t want to know. I don’t need a hit list.”
I tossed it back along with the brothers and laughed, the burn making my face scrunch. God, I hated tequila.
Jason grabbed the next card, groaning as he read it. “When is the last time you had sex?”
“Sunday,” w
e answered in unison, his brothers twisting their faces in disgust.
“Tuesday,” Luke replied while Ethan threw back another shot.
Luke slid the next card over, blowing out a long breath. “What was your longest relationship? What happened?” he recited. He pondered it for a long moment before grabbing the rum, throwing a shot back.
“Maybe two months?” Ethan offered, shrugging. “Nothing happened. I just wasn’t into it.”
“Two years,” Jason replied, spinning his shot glass on the table. “We grew apart.”
Luke scoffed, and Jason shot him a warning look, catching my eye.
“Four years. He left me.” My answer hung there like dirty laundry out on a line, though no one said a peep thankfully.
Ethan picked up the next card. “When is the last time you were in love?” he asked. He thought for a moment before setting it down. “I don’t know that I’ve ever been in love, so I’ll say never.”
“Over ten years ago,” Luke replied, turning to look at Jason with a smirk. “How about you, big brother?”
Jason stiffened, his eyes focused on the whiskey bottle. I thought he would grab it before he turned to his bearded brother. “It’s been years,” he declared. “Five, I’d say.”
My stomach burned at his words, but I chased the pain with a shot of tequila, refusing to lie, but determined not to make an ass of myself.
The younger brothers erupted in laughter while Jason’s eyes rested on my face, a million unspoken words flying.
Jason
Elena was in love with me.
The shot wasn’t only to avoid answering the question. She was cauterizing the wound I inflicted with my answer. I should have taken a fucking shot like I wanted to, but no, I had to prove I wasn’t a little bitch, only to hurt the person I cared about most.
We had long since packed up the game after a few more rounds. I couldn’t handle knowing exactly what my little brothers had done with their junk. I thought I knew them before, but boy was I wrong.
Elena excused herself to call her father while we headed up to the rooftop terrace, a roaring fire pit giving off enough heat to keep it comfortable. With a sweater and a tumbler of whiskey, I was set on the loveseat.
“Sounds like you’re in the doghouse, brother,” Luke teased, throwing back a shot of his beverage of choice, rum. “Sorry about that.”
I sighed, swishing my drink around in my glass. “No, it’s fine. She has to check in with her dad. He’s got the stomach flu. That’s why she’s here with me.”
“You didn’t want to bring her?” Ethan prodded.
“Well, I didn’t want to expose her to you knuckleheads, but I’m glad she’s here.” I was, truly. Elena handled their antics like a pro, not batting an eyelash when Luke went into sordid detail about who and what he did with his dick.
“I like her,” Ethan declared, locking eyes with me over the fire. “She’s good for you.”
I nodded with a smile. She was that and so much more.
“Night and day from Bianca,” Luke offered. “And I can tell she cares about you.”
“She loves him,” Ethan corrected, eyes still holding mine. “And he loves her.”
I shook my head, taking a sip of my drink. “I’m not talking about this.”
There was no way in hell I was going there. Not with them. Not with her. Not with myself. I didn’t love: I protected, I worshiped, and I cherished. There was a difference. Love was fleeting, an illusion of sorts. You could spend years chasing it, only to find you lost yourself.
Ethan didn’t budge. “Don’t fight it. Now tell me, does she know?”
Luke answered for me, lighting up a cigarette as he did. “No, because he’s a dumbass.”
Ethan’s eyes narrowed. “She should know. That’s part of the package, Jason.”
I sat back, not having it. I unloaded a lot on her already and was expecting to shovel more on top slowly. We had a lot of history to unpack, and I didn’t want to heave it all on her at once. She was my girlfriend, not my therapist. “It’s my business, lay off.”
“It’s important,” Ethan urged, sliding his hair out of his face, the long strands blowing in the wind. “It’s literally a life-or-death issue.”
“Look, I have a lot of shit going on in my life and have a lot more hiding in the closet. I get that. I’ll tell her when I’m ready. I’m adjusting to the relationship thing, a new job, and moving across the country. I can’t fuck with the past right now.” My head throbbed, a constant reminder of what I was running from.
“We’re only looking out for you, dude,” Luke grumbled, letting out a puff of smoke. “We love you, and we want what’s best for you. That girl in there is it. You need to tell her.”
“Tell me what?” Elena asked, reaching the top of the stairs behind Ethan.
Fuck.
“How beautiful you look tonight,” Luke offered, trying to diffuse the situation the only way he knew how: fucking terribly.
She shuffled next to Ethan, her frame swimming in a sweater. She stopped beside him, ignoring me as I patted the open seat beside me. Her eyes flicked between us all, her lips twisted. “Tell me what?” she repeated, louder. “Jason?”
“Errr...” I trailed, not knowing what the fuck to say. It wasn’t something one casually brought up around a bonfire with their partner. It was something that came out after hours of counseling together and half a bottle of whiskey.
Her eyes were pleading. “Tell me.”
Ethan reached out and took her hand in his, grabbing her attention. “It’s something personal, El. Not something light enough for a campfire, okay?”
“Well, I’ll be downstairs when he’s in the mood for something heavy.” At that, she spun on her heel, ripping her hand from his as she stalked towards the staircase.
Rage burned in my gut, and I wanted to go after her. I wanted to chase her down and tell her everything there was to tell, but I didn’t. I stayed in my seat, transfixed on the fire, my last bits of restraint melting along with it.
“You had no right to do that,” I muttered, turning from the fire to Luke, who was nervously puffing away.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized, face creased with concern. “I didn’t mean to push or to have her hear that. I never wanted to force you into a corner.”
“Well, you did,” I pointed out, refusing to gloss it over. “You have no right to tell me how to share my business with my person. Do you understand that?”
He nodded.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to tell the best thing that’s happened to me why I’m the biggest fucking coward she’ll ever meet.”
* * *
I found Elena curled up in one of the papasan chairs by the window in our room, staring out at the waves. Her eyes didn’t budge when I entered the room.
“I’m sorry about that,” I offered as I sat on the bed. “It wasn’t the time or place to talk about it out there.”
She didn’t reply, her eyes still focused on the waves.
“My brothers are always pushing me to do the right thing, and that’s all they were doing. We weren’t talking about you. It was about me and my bullshit, as usual.”
There was still no reply, her eyes glued on the distance. Her body was folded up tight, her arms looped around her knees.
“There’s no easy way to say this... so I’ll just say it.” A thousand emotions roared to life, everything from anger to embarrassment fleeing. I felt the tears coming, a sensation I hadn’t had in years, but I didn’t bother to brush them away, letting them fall freely. “I tried to kill myself five years ago today.”
She spun to face me, horrified. “Oh my God!” she cried, scrambling to get to her feet, tripping over herself to get to me. As soon as she did, her arms wrapped around me, her scent an added blanket of comfort. “I’m so sorry! I had no idea!”
“No one does,” I muttered, nuzzling against her shirt, reaching to brush tears away. “But it was a long time ago, and things have changed sinc
e then.”
She pulled her body from me, staring down with wide, watery eyes. “Jase, you don’t have to explain anything, okay?”
“Yes, I do,” I replied, running my hands up and down her sides, trying to work up the nerve. “It seemed like the only way out. It wasn’t, obviously, but that didn’t stop me from being a coward.”
Her face contorted, anger flashing, gripping my hands in hers. “Don’t you ever say that!” she hissed. “You are not a coward! You weren’t then, and you aren’t now! Do you hear me?”
I shook my head. “It was a stupid thing to do, but it’s still a part of me. That’s why they were so adamant I tell you. I almost did, back when I found Hank, but I couldn’t. I took the coward’s way out there too.”
“Baby, don’t talk like that.” Tears spilled forth, smudging her eye makeup. “You’re not a coward. You’re the most fearless man I know.”
I chuckled, still shaking my head. “I guess I put on a good front.”
She wiped at her eyes, smearing the black runoff. “I’m serious.”
“So am I,” I breathed. “But that’s why I get headaches, and why I have nightmares. I can still feel the jolt of the gun going off in my hand and hear the blast. I remember it like it was yesterday.”
She pulled me close, smashing my face into her shirt while she shook with sobs. “No more, okay? No more!”
I pulled my face free, reaching up to wipe her tears away. “It’s important you know, Elena. You’re my future. I don’t want any secrets.” I reached up to part my hair a little above my right ear, the spot where the scar hid beneath. “This is part of me.”
A faded circle was all that remained of an injury that left me hospitalized for two months. No one knew outside of my brothers, doctors, and Bianca what happened. Not even Croft. All they knew was that I had a medical emergency, and that was that. No one questioned the headaches or any of it.
As much as I hated Bianca with every fiber of my being, I owed her for saving my life. If she hadn’t come by to pick up her things and called for help, I would have been dead. Had she left me there, she would have inherited everything, but she didn’t. She made the call and saved my life. We did both utter “til death do we part,” after all.
