by K B Cinder
Mom code for Josie, you look like shit.
“Yeah, you look terrible,” Olivia agreed, smirking before taking a bite of her red snowcone like a savage, decked out in head-to-toe patriotic gear. “Do you feel okay? Alex is a doctor, you know?” She gestured at her strapping fiancé at her side, our parents’ dream son-in-law.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, turning his attention from the parade to me, instantly putting his doctor hat back on, his green eyes sharp and attentive.
Doctor or not, he couldn’t help me. He was in residency to be an orthopedic surgeon, not a therapist.
“I’m fine,” I lied, turning my attention back to the parade, another cluster of flag twirlers making their way through a routine of tosses and spins. “Just tired.”
I barely slept once I got home after not-so-gracefully sprinting across the grass, sobbing for hours with a pillow pressed against my face.
“Maybe you should go to the house and lie down,” Mom suggested, lips a tight line of disapproval. “The spare key is in its usual spot.”
Beside her, Dad continued to ignore me like he had all day, Linc perched on his shoulders to watch the parade. His auburn hair blew in the breeze, bits of gray streaking through.
I was leaning towards taking Mom up on the offer, especially when I thought about driving home. I’d need to build up all the strength I could for the journey, knowing I’d have to battle Linc inside if he spied Luke out on the boat.
It wasn’t right to punish my son for my mistakes, but this one was different, one that could destroy the life I was trying to build for him. A mistake I was sick over.
“Alright,” I agreed, glancing behind me. The crowd packed in tight, but I’d be able to get back to their house a few blocks inland easily. “I’ll take a nap and meet you there.”
Mom looked me over, reaching out to rest a hand on my cheek. “Be careful and make some hot tea. Maybe you’re coming down with something.”
I shrugged, turning to weave through the crowd. I was no doubt down with something. I was lovesick. Lovesick for someone who I could never have. Not if I knew what was good for me.
* * *
Walking the few blocks to the house was easy in theory, but I hadn’t factored in that most people in Briar knew me; therefore, I was stopped countless times for hugs, life story swaps, and hellos.
Normally, I’d welcome adult chatter, but with exhaustion setting in, I was over it. I pulled my sunglasses over my eyes regardless of the sun hiding behind the clouds, hoping to make it back to the house without diversions.
People from around the county flocked to the parade, clogging up the narrow streets with cars.
Guilt tugged at my guts as I continued along, wishing I wasn’t exhausted so I could enjoy the parade with Linc. It was one of the many events I wanted to share with him and family — the main reason I came to Briar.
Sure, I was suffocating the whole time, choking down memories along with the salt air, but it was no excuse to taste trouble again.
“Hey you!” a voice called, startling me out of my head and pulling me into a hug from behind, my backside entirely pressed against their front — a man’s front judging by the bulge.
I pulled away frantically, ripping the arms from around my shoulders like vines. When I turned, I faced Pete Parvin in his usual creep attire, an open vest and jeans only somehow an outfit in his mind.
“You never reached out!” he exclaimed, a dramatic frown pulling at his face. Despite the mouth histrionics, his gray eyes remained lifeless, the beady pools always making me nervous.
“What?” I asked, taking a step back to put more space between us.
“I gave you my business card on Friday, remember? You didn’t email me!”
“Oh, I don’t work on weekends or holidays,” I lied, knowing damn well I spent more than enough working both. I’d thrown the card in the trash, no amount of money worth working with him. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he assured, reaching forward to pat my shoulder. “Hey, you didn’t tell me you and Dan Sutton were an item! I have to admit, I was surprised. Lucky son of a bitch.”
Seriously?
“We’re not,” I ground out, fury shoving aside the sorrow temporarily. I thought Dad was being a jackass by saying it. Now that I knew Dan was actually behind the misinformation campaign, he would receive an earful. “He’s my landlord. That’s it.”
“Oh...thank God!” he laughed, running a hand through his dark blond hair. “So, do you want to do dinner? I owe you a drink.”
More like he owed me a solid ten-foot personal space bubble at all times.
“I’m sorry, Pete,” I replied. “I’m not interested in dating right now.”
It wasn’t a lie as much as it felt like it was after kissing Luke. Christ, I’d climbed on top of him like a bull at a rodeo. I felt my cheeks flush at the thought and was disgusted with myself all over again.
“Oh...oh I’m sorry! Are you still married?” he breathed. “I’m sorry! Lynette made it seem like you were-”
“My husband passed,” I murmured. “But I’m not dating.”
“Not even Barrett?” he asked, reaching out to stroke my shoulder again. “He seems into you. He’s been watching us this whole time and is on his way over right now.”
“Nope.” At that, I dipped out of his hold and hurried into the crowd, holding my head down to blend in.
I made it a block in the clear, hopefully losing Luke if he really was headed towards us. I made a sharp left down a side street, and with the last bit of energy I had, I pulled into a jog, thankful I’d worn sneakers and shorts rather than the dress and heels Mom insisted on.
Five minutes later, I was out of breath, but in front of my parents’ house, groaning at Dan’s red corvette parked outside. I grabbed the spare key from the window box and was inside before I knew it, slamming and locking the door in my wake.
Being inside the house without my parents was bizarre, my former home feeling like anything but. The house was still too formal for little old Briar, the parlor adorned with vintage furniture that was great on the eye but not the behind, mainly existing as some weird form of furniture artwork.
I strolled to the family room and didn’t fare much better. The sofas in there were equally stiff except for Dad’s recliner that I wouldn’t touch. Just looking brought back bad memories of him hollering at me from it as I left with Luke for a date.
I headed upstairs, hoping Mom had set up a guest room, not that anyone visited. God knows I wasn’t welcomed for over a decade, and I was their daughter. But with Linc spending the night a few times since we arrived, I was carefully optimistic.
I hadn’t been upstairs since I left all those years before, the once-familiar halls the same wallpaper I remembered, but narrower and more confining, more like a jail cell than ever before with their stripes reaching the ceiling.
I turned the handle to my old room and was surprised to see it was relatively the same as I remembered, my white daybed still pushed against the wall. It made me a little teary-eyed, remembering the last night I’d spent in that bed, so excited to set out on my latest adventure with Luke in the morning. Little did I know the heartbreak that would follow. The pain. The betrayal.
I shuffled over and sat, the aged metal squeaking in protest as I did. It was so small, the twin-sized bed perfect for a teenager, but not a grown woman.
I imagined Linc curling up in the space, full of as much wonder as I’d once had. I wanted him to stay that way, to soak up all the love everyone had for him, even Dad.
I smiled at the thought as I nestled under the covers, happy that at least my son would have a good childhood. It was the first bit of joy I’d felt since laughing under the stars with Luke, the realization bringing the pain back.
The pain of knowing I had to stay as far away from him as possible.
Josie
Eleven Years Earlier
“Josephine, you’re a disgrace to the Roberts’ name!”
&
nbsp; It wasn’t the first time I’d heard the line from my father, and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last. It was, however, the first time he’d struck me, but unlike his insult, it would be the last time.
My face throbbed, a welt aching with each heartbeat. Mom would freak when she saw it, though I knew she’d take his side. She always did anymore, seeming to forget how he treated her in the past.
At the same time, I knew Luke was in far more pain than I could imagine, his lip split and his body battered. I needed to get to him. He needed me.
I was stuck in a nightmare, though it wouldn’t be for long. As soon as we were home, I was packing a bag and never looking back.
“What the hell were you thinking?” he demanded, locking eyes with me in the rearview mirror, the brown irises seeming rimmed with red. “Did we not teach you right from wrong? Did we not take you to Mass every week? Why do you always make stupid decisions?”
“We were going to walk a canyon — not sell our souls to the devil, Dad.”
“I don’t care if you were going to walk to the moon, Josephine! You don’t belong out with a Barrett, ever!”
That’s what it was all about. He couldn’t stand not having control. “I’m an adult. I do what I want.”
He gripped the wheel, shooting me a glance I knew meant I would have received another hand to the face if I wasn’t in the back seat. “You’re not staying here any longer. You’re going to California.”
California? Was he crazy? Did he forget I was an adult? I wasn’t a chess piece. I was his daughter. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He sighed, gripping the wheel even tighter, his face flushing more by the second. “Yes, you are. It’s part of the deal I worked out to keep you out of jail.”
Jail? He couldn’t arrest me for dating Luke. He could hate me, but it wasn’t illegal to love.
The rage inside only continued to burn bright, fury exploding from every corner of my being. “What are you talking about? They pulled us over for no reason!”
“He runs drugs, Josephine.”
I laughed, shaking my head in disbelief as I sunk my nails into the seat, hoping I’d tear his precious leather. “You’ve finally lost it, huh?”
I didn’t even care if he hit me again. I wouldn’t have him drag Luke through the mud just to make himself feel better.
“He had drugs in his car.” He met my eyes in the mirror again, their fury fading. “He’s sitting in the back of a police car. You’re here, aren’t you? That’s because you’re my daughter, and I love you. I’m trying to save you while there’s still something left to save.”
“I don’t need saving. Especially by the devil himself.” He was lying, as usual. “There weren’t any drugs in there.”
He let out a long, low breath, a slight chuckle biting its tail. “Funny, they found plenty for none being in there, and according to Luke, it was yours.”
My gut twisted, rage spiking. I wouldn’t sit there and listen to him dog the man I loved. I knew how Luke felt about addiction. We’d cried for hours together over it, his pain about his mother’s choices cutting to the bone.
I eyed the door, wishing we were coming to a stoplight so I could free myself. I was suffocating on the lies. The hatred. I couldn’t bear it.
“Maybe he sells them. Who knows? God knows the Barretts have always been desperate for money. Maybe with his grandfather dying…”
“Don’t.” John was a good man, far better than my father would ever be. “Luke doesn’t use drugs or sell drugs. You and I both know that.”
“You know nothing. You’re a child, Josephine.”
“I’m an adult.” I eyed the forest flying by, realizing he wasn’t heading back to Briar. He was heading to Portland. “Let me out of the car.”
I didn’t care where we were. I’d walk a thousand miles through hot coals to get away.
“I can’t do that.”
I jiggled the handle, discovering he’d set the child safety locks. Panic set in. I needed to be free. I needed to find Luke.
“You will. You can’t hold me against my will. It’s kidnapping. You already assaulted me. I’d hate to see you end up in jail.”
He didn’t take the bait, his eyes glued to the road ahead. “Josie, I called in a favor and worked out a deal. No charges will be filed as long as you leave the area discreetly.”
Bile rose in my throat, nausea shoving the panic aside. “What are you talking about?”
Leave the area? Charges? We were fine. It was a misunderstanding. I’d be with Luke in a few hours.
“I told you: there were drugs in the car, and Luke is pinning the blame on you. I worked out a plan to get you out of the fire. Things will be hot for a while, so I need you to lie low at your uncle’s while it cools.”
I choked back a sob. “Dad, there were no drugs in that car.”
“Josie, I love you. You’re a smart girl. Did you check every surface of that car when you got in it? Do you know where he gets his money? He can’t be making enough at the shop alone to afford that car.”
My heart dropped, but I knew he was wrong. Luke earned everything he had. “He works hard.”
“No, honey. I know it’s painful to hear, but he was going to let you take the fall for him. I couldn’t let that happen. I know you love him, but you need to think of what’s best for you.”
I shook my head, tears flowing freely again, the anger I built as a dam crumbling. “He would never do that. He loves me.”
“Josie, he did it. It’s not even a question anymore.”
I wiped furiously at the tears, breath hitching with a sob. “I don’t believe it.”
“You don’t have to. You just have to ask yourself why he would do that. He knows you have a future. Is he trying to hold you back?”
I thought back to all our fights about my trip to tour schools in North Carolina. Was this his way of holding on? Even though I already decided to stay in Portland for school?
“Betrayal sucks, honey. I know. But you need to listen to me. I love you, and I want what’s best for you. Luke Barrett isn’t it. He almost let you rot in a jail cell for his crimes. I won’t let that happen to you.”
I still couldn’t believe it, the betrayal slicing to my core, the man I loved nothing that I thought. He wasn’t my knight in shining armor. He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, preying on a dumb girl. For what? Fun? Was I a cover?
“You and I don’t always see eye to eye, but I love you. You forget that you’re my daughter, my firstborn.” He took a ragged breath, close to tears. “I know you love him. That’s why I’ve let you do your thing until now. This is different. When your livelihood is threatened, it crosses a line.”
“Why would he blame me?” After everything I’d done for him? After the years of friendship? Of love? Did I really mean so little?
“He’s scared. He’s facing serious charges, sweetie. This isn’t the juvie league anymore. He’s a big boy now facing big boy consequences.”
The only difference was now, I wouldn’t be there to save him.
Luke
It’d been a month since I danced with the devil, taking the interesting approach of trying to fuck my demons instead of conquering them.
Josie turned into an ice queen, refusing to look at the bungalow, rushing to and from the car with Linc. She was never outside except for her early morning yoga sessions, as beautiful as ever as she bent and swayed.
Usually, I slept until ten, but I’d started setting an alarm to catch her 6:00 A.M. sessions. Maybe it was creepy, but I felt closer to her.
She ignored texts and calls, refusing to answer the door when I knocked. I didn’t know what I’d done, but if space were what she wanted, I’d give it.
Each passing day ached more than the last, and I threw myself into work, doing anything to keep busy. But, at the end of each day, I still coasted down the winding stretch of Anderson Inlet Lane, eyes fixed on the cottage in a sick ritual.
I had a case of the scratchies as Marsh called i
t, when you wanted a girl so bad it made you itch. Only I wasn’t itching; I was clawing. Even he was avoiding hanging around, telling me I was being too goddamn mopey, and that was a lot coming from him.
I missed Linc too, despite only spending a sliver of time together. It was painful to watch him look toward my place, eyes always drifting towards the dock, the boat still waiting to take him out whenever he wanted. I’d purposely sit outside with Tally, hoping she’d let him say hi, but no such luck.
Fridays and Saturdays were our busiest days at the brewery, but I needed to clear my desk to hit the road. Olivia’s wedding reception started at seven o’clock sharp. I would be in the mountains by then with a fishing pole in one hand and a beer in the other.
Hopefully, the rain would lighten up, the constant deluge pinging off my office window since morning. Olivia didn’t have a mean bone in her body, and she deserved a nice day to get married, not that Mother Nature seemed to care.
The rain was so loud I barely heard the knock at the door, a tiny rap that could have passed for a beer bottle rolling across the floor upstairs. “Come in!” I called, knowing it was likely Abby coming to jabber away about the reception, oblivious to my history with the family.
She knew Josie was special, poking me endlessly about the girl in VIP at the opening, but I didn’t give an inch. The silence didn’t get me anywhere, however, as it only added to the teasing.
Tally let out a low growl from my feet as the door creaked open, the original fixtures charming but noisy.
“Shh.” I opened up the next order form, ready to place the last few before hitting the road. I had a long drive ahead of me, and the rain would only stretch it further.
“What’s up Ab-” I started, stopping when I realized it wasn’t Abby in the doorway.
It was Josie.
She looked ridiculous in a t-shirt dress and rain boots, her hair braided down her back. Raindrops glistened in the light, giving her a glow fit for an angel.
