by K B Cinder
Luke’s fingers drew lazy circles on my skin. “Because I was going to propose.”
I stiffened, the world suddenly feeling a thousand times colder, Luke’s hand blazing hot against my flesh. “What?”
“That’s why we were going out to the canyon.”
“Did he know?” I asked, terrified of the answer.
Luke chuckled, the rumble of heat fluttering across my skin as his mouth hovered above my shoulder. “Of course he did. I asked him for your hand while you were working at the diner.”
My father had him battered for loving me. For wanting to love me forever. I was going to be sick, the room seeming to tilt at his words. “What did he say?”
“He told me to stay the fuck away from his daughter.”
“And then what?” I asked, hanging on every word of a horror story, a part of my own history I’d never heard.
“I told him to have a good day. Then I fucked his daughter.” There was laughter in his voice at the end, classic Luke humor piercing through the moment.
I smacked his chest. “I’m being serious, Luke!”
“So am I!” he shot back, a hint of comedy lingering.
Despite the added pressure of a proposal, it still made little sense. Dad objected to me marrying Scott, but he skipped the wedding. He could’ve done the same with Luke.
“I don’t understand any of this.” It was too much, a whirlwind of information. I didn’t know whether to cry, scream, or curl up into a ball. I couldn’t make a scene at Liv’s wedding.
“Neither do I, but we won’t understand it. You can’t understand evil without an evil heart.”
I shoved against his chest. “He took you from me! He lied, and he stole something we’ll never get back — time!”
“But you have Lincoln,” he breathed. “And you met your husband.”
I did. I met a man who plucked me from loneliness, chasing away the depression that settled in where Luke had been, filling the role amazingly well. I loved him, as much as I loved Luke, and losing him hurt the same. And like Luke, he was never good enough for my father.
“He hated Scott.”
“At least he’s consistent,” Luke chuckled, running a hand along my side gently. “But now I know you didn’t leave me for nothing. I’m disappointed you believed him, but I can’t say I blame you.”
I nestled my face against his chest. If life was twisted before, I didn’t know what to call it anymore.
“This is insane.”
“More like fucked up,” he laughed. “But getting mad won’t fix it. Hating him won’t fix it. The only thing we can do is defeat it.”
“How do you defeat something like this? He stole eleven years of my life!”
“You don’t give into it. You do the opposite of hate; you love. You love Linc with everything you have. You love yourself. You love Olivia.”
“I love you,” I blurted. “I’ve always loved you. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
It felt so dirty to say it, to admit aloud, that I’d loved another man while married to another, even thinking of him during my vows.
“I love you, too.”
I hauled his face to mine, kissing the man I loved more than air, one of two I’d lost, only now I had him back in front of me, and I’d never let him go again.
Luke
Prying my lips from Josie’s was almost impossible, but it had to be done. We needed to head upstairs before things went too far, and as much as I wanted to fuck like crazy in my office, I couldn’t.
Not like that.
She deserved to be savored. Cherished. Worshiped.
So I did the next best thing. I strolled into the reception with the woman I loved on my arm, sticking out in jeans and a t-shirt. Meanwhile, Josie was breathtaking, the horrid pink color palatable when draped on her curves.
More than one head turned as we walked by, especially those belonging to women I once entertained, only now I was entertaining them in a new way and providing enough gossip to last a lifetime.
A Barrett was with Ed Roberts’ daughter again, the daughter of Briar royalty dating its forgotten son. The daughter cast away by a father desperate to save himself from his own sins.
But he’d never hurt her again. Not with his hands. Not with his words. Not with his secrets. I’d shield her from it all, and there’d be hell to pay if he tried otherwise.
All around things were winding down, the crowd thinned considerably from the 400-person headcount. The music lowered to crooning from the big band tunes that blasted earlier, trickling down the stairs when I caught a glimpse of Josie headed to the basement.
Despite the downtick in action, the place still stunned, everything falling into perfection. Abby outdid herself, and she’d hear all about it in the morning after I had a chance to settle and start planning for the next step.
My future clung to me as we walked across the event space, hunting for Lincoln and her shoes. I wouldn’t let them ride home with Ed, whether he was on the other side of the limo or strapped to the fucking roof. I didn’t care.
As I scanned the room, I spied my target, the mini Josie slumped in a chair a few feet away with a scowl while Trish chatted up well-wishers beside him.
I whistled once, catching his eye, a smile igniting as he sprang to his feet.
“Did you just call my son like a dog?” Josie laughed.
I shrugged. “It worked.”
“Mr. Luke!” he called as he ran to us, Trish shuffling after him with a worried look on her face cracking her usual polish.
“Hey, Little Dude!” I extended a hand, and he shook it with a smile, his pink bowtie crooked.
He puffed his chest out, proud of his tuxedo complete with tails. “I was a ring bear!”
“Bearer,” Josie corrected, reaching out to right his tie. “And you did a very good job, Linc.”
I was sure he did. He probably counted out his steps perfectly, each covering at least one Mississippi.
“Do you know where your mom’s shoes are?” I asked, noticing Ed approaching with Trish.
He smiled wider, happy to help. I didn’t have kids, but I figured if they came when called like a dog, they’d like having a job too. Not made Tally happier than playing fetch. “At her seat!”
“Can you grab them for me, bud? I’m driving you guys home.”
He nodded, running off just as Trish stopped in front of us. “I don’t think that’s a good idea…” she trailed. “You don’t have a booster seat, do you? And Josie, what do you think?”
Josie’s arm was rigid in mine. “I’ll get it out of the limo.”
“Honey,” Trish started, looking between us nervously as Ed came up behind her, a hand placed in the small of her back. “Maybe you should come home with us for the night.”
“What’s all this fuss about?” Ed was already aggravated, his face more flushed than his ridiculous pink cummerbund.
Trish played with her pearls, her lips pressed together. “Josie is going home with Luke.”
“Like hell! She’s drunk!” Ed barked, reaching for Josie. “You’re taking advantage of her!”
I pulled her back, just out of his reach. “I’m driving her home, not sleeping with her. And she’s not drunk.” She was buzzed at most.
“Yeah, right. You do something honorable!” He rolled his eyes, stepping forward to reach for her again.
I stepped in front of her, fully protecting her. “Coming from you, that’s rich.”
He tensed, knowing exactly what I was talking about. “I was a civil servant. I’ve lived an honorable and dignified life. That’s more than you can ever say.”
I could destroy the empire he’d built with just a few words, but I swallowed them down. It wasn’t the right time, not that it would ever be. What he did was disgusting, but revealing it would hurt those around him more than him after so many years.
It’d hurt Josie. Olivia. Trish. I wouldn’t do it.
“You abused the fuck out of that title,” I muttered, pushing
down the rage. “But, it’s over.”
Trish inhaled sharply while Josie’s hand clenched my bicep, both women eager to cut the tension.
“Luke, let’s go.”
I stared him down, sizing up yesterday’s hero, knowing it was nothing but talk. He hadn’t done shit for Briar or our district, spending his time in D.C. doing everything but fighting for Maine. Just like he spent his time in Briar doing everything but supporting his cancer-stricken wife.
He’d taken eleven years from us with his lies on the surface because of the proposal. But once she mentioned the lie, it was clear as day.
And while it churned in my guts, I could never tell Josie the truth.
Josie
I was never drinking again.
Seriously. Ever.
I’d only had two-and-a-half rum and cokes, but they were more than enough, my head screaming as the sunlight poured in the bedroom window.
A full face of makeup coated my flesh like tar, flecks of mascara and god-knows-what smeared on my pillow. I sat up, head spinning, the weight of the polygamy updo straining. A dozen or so pins were sprinkled around the bedspread.
The last thing I remembered was Luke handing me flannel pajamas, the starchy pair the last thing I wanted to wear in summer, but I didn’t argue.
I knew he hadn’t slept in my bed, the room smelling like nothing but my perfume, and the sheets were twisted, as usual, my nightly twirls winding them like fabric corkscrews by morning.
I rubbed at my eyes, more smudges of black rubbing off on my hand as I grabbed my phone to check the time.
9:00 A.M.
Lincoln.
He never slept in, always crawling in bed with me to snuggle when he got up. He’d done the same thing for four years.
I ripped the covers from my legs, almost toppling onto my face as I sprang towards the door. As soon as I yanked it open, I was backhanded by the scent of bananas.
“Lincoln?” I rushed around the corner toward the kitchen, terrified of what mess I’d be walking into. The last time he’d tried to make himself breakfast, I spent an hour cleaning up a gallon of milk.
Light poured in the kitchen windows, forcing a hand over my eyes. Standing at the putrid pink counter was Luke eating French toast. Linc was camped out at the table doing the same, a freshly-cut piece headed straight into his mouth.
Premade sticks adorned their plates, the logs of bread ushering in nostalgia. All around, there were sliced bananas, Linc’s arranged like car tires on each stick.
Where the hell did we get French toast and bananas?
I hadn’t gone grocery shopping yet for the week, too wrapped up in the wedding for routine errands. Linc loved it, excited to have hot dogs most nights, but I missed eating food that didn’t come sealed in plastic.
“Morning, sleepyhead.”
Linc giggled at Luke’s words, delaying his next bite. “Hi, Mommy!” He was already dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, a feat for the gods before ten o’clock on the weekend.
“Well, you two were busy.” I scanned the room, spying an orange juice container on the counter. “Did you go to the store?”
How did I not hear them cooking or going in and out? Usually, I was the world’s lightest sleeper.
“Nah, I ran to my house.” Luke stabbed a hunk of banana, popping it in his mouth. “Made plenty for you too, Sleeping Beauty.”
“Mind if I get situated first?” I asked, gesturing at the disaster that was my hair and makeup. The only thing that could remedy either was a steaming hot shower.
“Take your time,” Luke replied, grinning. “We’re going to head outside to play with Tally when we’re done. She’s sitting out on the deck. I didn’t want her to scare you.”
“I’m not afraid of her.” I was full of it, but I hoped one day I wouldn’t be. A big animal with teeth in my house made me nervous. Especially one with more muscles in her shoulders than I had in my whole body.
Luke’s eye roll didn’t go unnoticed, but I let it slide. Only because he was cute.
Okay, sexy.
He must have gone home to shower at some point, his long hair damp and disheveled. He’d adopted the cleaned up look since the opening, his once bushy beard now a neat, trimmed masterpiece that framed his face rather than hid it.
I knew I’d made an ass of myself by telling him I loved him. He said it too, but in truth, we loved what we used to be.
After eleven years, we had a lot of catching up to do, something we’d start when my head didn’t feel like it was full of sand.
And when I didn’t have a little boy watching my every move.
* * *
The creature in the bathroom mirror was as crazy as I imagined, my winged eyeliner smeared like mad, hair a suitable home for a bald eagle or seven.
It took forever to get all the pins out, setting them one by one on the counter as I stripped out of my flannel cocoon, skin slick with sweat from the dense fabric.
I could hear Luke and Linc playing in the yard as I showered, the thin windowpanes doing little to muffle their laughter. It was so strange to hear him with someone else, as it’d been just the two of us for as long as I could remember.
I’d always been the one running around with him, playing friend and foe, teacher and disciplinarian. He was full of energy, sometimes too much for his own good, and filling all the roles in his life was exhausting.
But hearing them warmed my heart, a much-needed comfort with the hell around the corner. It was a matter of time before I had to face Mom and Dad again, and leaving Liv’s wedding with Luke was likely the final nail in the coffin for my relationship with the family patriarch.
I scrubbed the thought away with lavender shampoo, trying to free the tendrils of umpteen layers of product, the stylist trying her best to tame the wavy locks.
But as I washed away the wedding night, thoughts of Luke came creeping up, worry settling in.
Did he know I was a package deal? That every decision would be made with Linc in mind first and foremost?
He lived a bachelor’s life. Would he give it up? Could he?
Could he handle all that came along with a kid? They got along great, but so far, Linc had behaved. He could be a real stinker when he wanted to be, especially with that temper.
And what about Linc?
Would he be okay seeing me with another man? Would it be too much for him? I’d hidden the only other relationship I’d had since Scott from him, wanting to take it slow.
Tears burned as I scrubbed my flesh, their laughter bouncing around the walls giving me all the answers I needed.
Lincoln would be fine.
I was the one who needed baby steps.
Luke
Kids were exhausting.
I’d spent twelve plus hours rebuilding motors in the past and wasn’t nearly as tired as I was after a day with Lincoln, climbing trees and exploring the woods behind the cottage with Josie.
If we weren’t climbing trees, we were racing down hills, Josie looking on while we wore one another out. As a kid, Nan had sent us boys off to burn our energy in the dense coniferous forest, and as teens, Josie and I had loved them the same. Coming full circle with Lincoln was more than weird, but still felt right, like it was meant to be all along.
The thought of a kid had always scared the shit out of me, but the fear was gone when it came to Lincoln and Josie. He wasn’t some screeching hell demon who wanted to drain the life from me. He was a funny little boy that liked counting, playing I-Spy, and asking questions. Lots and lots of questions.
“Luke, why do you have long hair like a girl?”
“Luke, why do you have stamps all over you?”
“Luke, how do you grow a beard?”
He continued his pursuit of all life’s questions while we spent way more time making shish-kabobs than eating them, and kept the questions coming until we crashed in the living room after, finally succumbing to the exhaustion that was slowly pulling me under too.
With the coast clear,
Josie and I cuddled and watched the news, not that there was much to report on in Briar. A new town mailbox. An aggressive turkey spotted by the harbor walk. A long-time lunch lady retiring.
Once the informercials flipped on, I carried Linc upstairs to bed, the tiny tyke not even stirring when I lifted him.
The loft differed from the last time I’d seen it, Dan’s old room now fit for a little boy instead of the moron that had once holed up in it. The water views were bared, no longer hidden by the stupid posters he’d hung over them, a small bookshelf holding children’s books instead of porn. It was night and day from bare-bones decor downstairs, Josie putting every bit of effort to making him at home first.
The years had changed us, but I could see who Josie had become in her son. She was funny. She was passionate. She was selfless. She was an amazing mom and woman with enough heart to go around the world and back.
And she was mine.
I tucked Lincoln in, studying the wild man at rest as thoughts swirled. Apprehension. Fear. Excitement.
I didn’t know squat about kids or parenting or any of it. All I knew was that I wanted him to be happy, and I wanted Josie to be happy. I’d do everything I could to make both of them smile every day. Laugh every day. Feel loved.
“I promise,” I whispered, tugging the blanket just up under his chin before heading back downstairs, discovering Tally rolling around on the hardwood.
The other lady in my life was nowhere to be found, her spot on the couch bare.
“Jos?” I called, glancing into the kitchen.
Not there either.
“I’m in the bedroom.”
My cock stirred at the thought of having her alone finally, remembering her lips on mine a night earlier, her hands gripping me through my jeans in the darkness.
I turned the handle, stepping in, spying her lying on the bed looking up at the ceiling with her hands crossed serenely on her abdomen.
