“She has another class anyway,” Taylor says, fighting a smile.
We walk over, palm trees swaying around us, and enter the casual restaurant. We get a table for four and I make sure Taylor’s sitting right across from me.
“She’s single, right?” Harrison asks after we order.
“Who?” I frown. “Oh, Arya.”
“I think she has a boyfriend,” Taylor replies apologetically.
“Damn.” Harrison pushes out his bottom lip and stirs his Coke with the straw. “Ah well.”
“Why were you guys such idiots during the class?” Everly asks.
“Idiots?” I frown. “Not me. It was him.” I point at Harrison.
He gives a guilty grimace, then changes the subject, looking at me. “What are you doing tonight?”
I’d made plans, but I can get out of them if I can just talk to Taylor and ask her out. “Not sure,” I hedge. “Some of the guys are going to Sharky’s to play pool and drink some brews.”
“Oh yeah? Who?”
“Abs, Copper, and Dutch.”
He nods.
Those guys are my best buds. They’ll totally understand if I bail on them. I just want to get this lunch over so everyone else leaves and I can corner Taylor and…
“I have a date tonight,” Everly says.
“Oh!” Taylor leans forward. “That’s awesome. Who with?”
“Dan Diaz.”
I frown. “Isn’t he the mayor of Santa Monica?”
“Yes.” Everly flicks her hair back.
Taylor’s eyes pop wide open. “You’re going out with the mayor?”
“Yes.”
“Isn’t he like sixty years old?” Harrison demands.
“He’s not that old.” Everly gives him a derisive look.
“Way older than you.” He scowls.
“So?” She lifts one shoulder. “I like older men. They’re more mature.”
She grew up with a dad who was forty-something when she was born. Wonder if that has something to do with it. Ha. Look at me being an amateur psychologist. What the hell do I know.
“Wow,” Taylor says. “I hope it goes well.”
Our eyes meet and I can see she’s uncertain about this too. We share a look of understanding. Warmth spreads through me at the feeling of connection.
Our server brings our food and we pause our conversation for a moment.
“How about you, Taylor?” Everly asks when the server has left. “What are your plans tonight?”
I perk up. I could even suggest something right now if it works out right…
“I’m going out for dinner.” Her eyes flicker in my direction as she unrolls her cutlery from the paper napkin.
Everly flicks a glance my way, her mouth tightening. “Oh. Who with?”
“A guy I met online. Anthony.”
I freeze. Anthony? What the fuck?
“You’re seeing him again?” Everly leans forward.
“This’ll be the third date.” Her eyelashes flutter again. “We met for drinks one night, and he took me to the hockey game the other night.”
Fuck! I curl my hands into fists beneath the table, staring at my food.
“Oh.” Everly sucks her bottom lip into her mouth, sliding her eyes my way again. “Well. That’s…good.”
Tension flows off me in waves. I don’t think Harrison is picking up on it, but clearly Everly and Taylor are. Taylor keeps shooting me jumpy glances.
Thank fuck I didn’t ask her out. I close my eyes, imagining being shot down in front of everyone.
“So, uh, where are you going?” Everly asks.
“Delgado.”
I snort. “You’re kidding.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Taylor lifts her glass of ice water to her lips and meets my eyes.
“Hipster bar. They serve things like hand-pulled bison with homespun rice. Frightened tuna with distressed fennel.”
Everly and Harrison crack up.
Taylor shakes her head, one corner of her mouth lifting. “Sounds interesting.”
“Hopefully he’s not as pretentious as the menu.” I pick up my fried shrimp po’ boy sandwich. It’s messy as hell, dripping with coleslaw and tomatoes. Real food. Except I’m not so hungry anymore.
“He’s not pretentious.” Taylor’s voice has an edge. “He’s a nice guy.”
“Nice. Okay.” I let my disdain color my tone. “Sounds boring.”
Heat washes through me and I feel sweat building under my arms and on my back. I want to throw my sandwich across the room, shove my chair back, and blast out of here.
I risk a glance at Taylor. Our eyes meet with a flash of heat and light and her cheeks turn rosy. Has she had sex with this fuckwacker? Because I know for a fact she wasn’t bored with me in my hotel room.
Her cheeks now are scarlet. Good. She’s remembering too.
Everly shoots me a warning glance, her head tilted, eyes wide.
I know, I’m being an asshole. Whatever.
Chapter 10
Taylor
Okay, maybe Anthony is a little pretentious. The restaurant menu was ridiculous, and I was inclined to snicker and make fun of it, but he was all into it.
He kissed me when he brought me home. It was okay. He’s probably going to want the sex stuff soon, if we keep seeing each other. I’ve been thinking about sex a lot lately, but dammit, it’s not Anthony in my fantasies.
It’s Sunday and I’m in our sunny kitchen, toasting a bagel and sipping coffee before I take Byron for a nice, long walk on the beach.
Mom walks into the kitchen and stands beside the island. “Morning, sweetie.”
“Morning, Mom.” I look up at her, and instantly read her face. “What’s wrong?”
Her lips are thin, her eyes strained. “Um, your father and I want to talk to you about something.”
“Okay. Let me put cream cheese on this first.” I smear the bagel and, carrying my plate and coffee, I follow Mom into the family room.
They’re probably going to kick me out.
I swallow a sigh. I know it has to happen sometime, and believe me, I want to live on my own and be independent. But I’ve looked at the kind of apartments I can afford and they’re crappy. Nowhere near the beach. Some of them are studio apartments that don’t even have a bedroom. Plus I’d have to leave Byron.
Well, hopefully they’ll give me some time. Maybe this is just a heads-up.
We all sit, and I glumly wait for the bad news.
“We need to talk to you,” Mom says again. “Because we have some…difficult news.”
I nod and take a bite of bagel and cream cheese.
“Your dad and I are separating.”
I choke. My eyes water. I cough. “What?”
Mom’s eyes flicker to Dad, then back to me. She twists her hands together on her lap. “We’ve decided to separate. It’s a mutual decision. We want you to know it has nothing to do with you.”
My mind is spinning. I can’t make sense of this. “You’ve been married for over thirty years!”
“I know. It hasn’t been easy coming to this decision. But it’s for the best.”
“But…why?” I stare at her, then Dad, who can’t even meet my eyes. He looks like he’s going to cry.
“We’ve agreed that we won’t discuss the details with you and Amy.”
“Amy! Does she know about this?”
“We’re going to Skype with her right away.”
“Oh my God.” Shaking my head, I set my plate down on the coffee table. I can’t eat it now. My throat is clogged up. This can’t be happening. This really can’t be happening.
I look back and forth between them, seeing the a
nguish on both their faces. “What about some counseling?”
“We’ve been for counseling,” Dad says in a choked voice.
“It did help us come to terms with things,” Mom adds, her voice also thick. “And to decide how and when to tell you and your sister.”
“You can’t do this.” I look between them again. “You can’t lose everything you’ve shared all these years.”
“We don’t lose that,” she says gently. “We’ll always have that. We’ll always have our two beautiful daughters and all the memories.”
“But…” I don’t even know what to say. It’s horrendous. Unspeakable. After thirty-two years of marriage, you’d think they’d made it through everything. I can’t comprehend this. At all. “It’s because of me. Isn’t it? If I move out, will that help? I mean, I can’t really afford it, but if it will save your marriage, I’ll do it.”
Mom’s eyes get wet. “No, sweetie. That’s not it. It’s not because of you.”
My heart throbs painfully, not entirely convinced. I don’t want this to happen. I’ll do anything to keep this from happening. “But your future…retirement…what are you going to do?”
“Well.” Mom bites her lip. “That’s another thing we need to talk about. I’m going to move out. We need to sell the house.”
“Sell the house?” My voice rises.
“Yes.” She shifts in her chair. “Neither of us can afford to buy the other out.”
“But…we love this house.”
“Yes,” she says sadly. “We do. That makes it even harder. But again…we’ll always have the memories of living here, of you two girls growing up here.”
My chest hurts so much I press a hand there. My eyes burn. “Where are you going?” I look at Mom.
“I’m going to stay with Shirley.”
I nod slowly. Her best friend. “Okay.” I suck on my bottom lip, then look at Dad. “I can stay here for a while?”
“Of course!” His eyes are red. “I’ve already found an apartment. The house is going on the market tomorrow and it should sell quickly. You can stay with me here or at my apartment if it takes you a while to find a place of your own.”
Tomorrow. Holy shit. I swallow. “O-okay.” I stand. “I need to leave.”
“Taylor…”
“I’m okay.” Almost blind with tears, I manage to find Byron’s leash. “Byron! C’mere, boy! Let’s go for our walk.”
Seeing his leash, he prances up to me all happy from where he was lying on the carpet.
“Good boy,” I choke out. “You’re a good boy.” Then I pause in clipping the leash to his collar. I straighten. “What about Byron?”
My parents give me pained looks and exchange a glance. “We’re not sure,” Mom finally says.
Now my heart cracks; it actually feels like it’s splitting into pieces with agonizing pain. I suck in a shaky breath. “We can’t…give him up.”
Mom sinks her teeth into her bottom lip. “I know you love him. But I can’t take him to Shirley’s.”
“And the apartment I found doesn’t allow pets,” Dad adds. “But eventually I hope to buy a smaller house…”
That doesn’t help right now. My chest constricts. I won’t be able to afford the kind of place that allows pets. And the apartments I’ve looked at online are way too small for him. I nod and turn away, tears sliding down my cheeks as I head outside with Byron.
The breeze off the ocean cools the moisture on my hot cheeks and I turn my face into it, eyes closed. Then I let Byron pull me along briskly, my feet sinking into the soft sand.
I walk mindlessly, for how long I don’t even know, staring out at the ocean, trying to process what is happening and what is going to happen. Mom and Dad seem like the perfect, happily married couple. It makes no sense. They don’t have fights. I don’t think either of them has cheated on the other. Of course, nobody really knows what happens in a marriage except the two people involved. Maybe I’ve just been blind.
I was away at college for two years, but I’ve been back for a while now. Surely I would have seen the signs if things were wrong. Am I that self-absorbed that I missed it all?
We meet another dog that Byron stops to greet, which means sniffing each other’s butts. I force a smile for the woman with the other dog and we make small talk for a few minutes, then continue on.
How can I live without Byron? He’s my best buddy. We’ve had him for eight years, since I was sixteen. I was the one who trained him to do his tricks, took him for walks on the beach. He sleeps in my bedroom. I mean, Mom and Dad love him too, but Byron and I have a special bond.
I guess I’m going to have to figure it out.
When I’m near home, I turn and walk toward Lacey and Théo’s place. She’s my closest friend right now, literally in terms of physical proximity, but also we’ve gotten close in the months she’s lived here. I need someone to talk to.
Luckily, she’s home, although I feel bad because I think I interrupted her and Théo having some afternoon fun.
“No, no, we were just napping,” she says, ruffling her hair.
“Uh-huh. That’s what my parents used to say when they went into the bedroom on Sunday afternoons.” And I burst into tears.
Horrified, Lacey wraps her arms around me. “What the…what’s wrong, Tay?”
Sobbing, I managed to choke out the words about what just happened. She leads me into the living room and sits me down on the couch. Byron pads after us, does a quick sniff around the room, then lies down on the rug, panting a bit from our long walk.
I tell Lacey what I know, how I feel, the questions I have. She listens, rubbing my back, being the best friend you could ever have, sympathy pouring off her.
Théo wanders in, sees me crying, and quickly starts to leave, which is fine, because I’m an embarrassed disaster. A pile of used tissues sits on the table in front of us, some of them smudged with my black mascara. I can only imagine what a horror I look like.
“Théo!” Lacey calls. “Could you get Byron some water?”
“Thank you,” I mumble, ashamed of not realizing he was thirsty.
Of course that’s when JP has to show up.
Fuck my life.
I bend my head, letting my hair fall forward as he greets us, trying to hide my face.
“Uh…everything okay?” he asks. He absently reaches down to rub Byron’s head when my dog joyfully prances up to him.
“Taylor just got some bad news,” Lacey says.
“Oh.” I sense his hesitation. “You okay, Taylor?”
Like he cares. He was such a jerk yesterday when we were all having lunch after the yoga class, being snarky about Anthony. “Fine,” I snap. “I just need to use the bathroom.” I jump up and try to escape before he sees my face.
I splash cold water on my swollen eyes and red cheeks, then stare at myself in the mirror. Yep, I look dreadful. I close my eyes on a wave of self-pity.
But this isn’t about me. Mom and Dad are hurting too. And I’m sure Amy’s devastated. I’ll have to call her tonight. And Byron…poor Byron has no idea what’s going on. An ache pulses behind my breastbone and I press the heel of my palm there.
I blow out a breath and return to the living room.
“I told them what happened,” Lacey says. “I hope that’s okay.”
I nod. That’s actually way easier than telling them myself. “Thanks.”
“Sorry, Taylor,” Théo says.
I nod.
“It sucks,” JP adds gruffly. “Sorry you’re going through this.”
I meet his eyes, trying not to, but unable to resist. And I see warmth and compassion there, and that nearly undoes me all over again. Tears well up in my eyes and I have to fight them back, dashing at them with my knuckles. “Do you have
any tequila?”
“You know we do.” Lacey jumps up and returns with the bottle and some small glasses. “And it’s not stupid to worry about Byron. You love him.”
“I do.” I pout a little, petting Byron’s silky back as I watch her pour the golden liquid. “So much.” I swipe at one more lone tear.
JP clears his throat, then picks up a glass of tequila and downs it.
I lift my own glass, stare glumly at it, then take a sip. “Thanks for this. And thanks for listening and letting me cry all over you.”
“Of course.” Lacey smiles. “You listened to me when I was crying over Théo.”
“You were crying over me?” Théo lifts an eyebrow.
“Of course I was.”
“He was crying over you too,” JP says to Lacey.
Théo flashes him a middle finger. “I was not.” He pauses. “Okay, I got a little choked up.”
I smile at this interplay. I love these people.
I mean, not JP. Not love love.
But they’re making me feel a bit better.
JP
This sucks camel dick.
I fucking hate seeing Taylor so upset. A lump of cold granite lodges in my gut and all I want to do is pull her into my arms and comfort her. Dry her tears and tell her it’s all going to be okay.
But I can’t do that.
Just when I discover she really wasn’t with Martinez and I’m free to…what? “Go after her” sounds kind of dickish. “Court her” sounds ridiculously old-fashioned. Whatever you call it, I’m attracted to her and I like her and I want to see more of her. But she’s seeing someone else, that fuckstick Anthony. I’ve already screwed up once by, uh, screwing her when another dude thought she was his. And I did that big time with my own brother. No way can I even think about going there again.
Fuck my life.
The hockey season hasn’t started yet; it’s almost two more weeks until the start of regular season. I haven’t even had a chance to show the team that I can stay out of trouble and be an asset, other than in a couple of preseason games. And damned if I’m going to give in to some kind of weird temptation when it comes to women and just prove I’m a total asshole. It’s too soon to fail. No…I’m not going to fail.
In It to Win It Page 10
