by D W Marshall
When I glance over at Thomas he is beaming. He knows me well enough to know that I won’t mention his business idea. “Whatever. I’m going to sleep in Willa’s room. And, since you can’t respect my wishes, I’ll be looking for my own place tomorrow.” I push passed all of them, leaving them stunned by my outburst, and I seriously don’t care. The dam breaks by the time I get to my sister’s room. I flop onto her bed and cry. I don’t wish I was back at The Chamber, but I certainly don’t want to be here anymore. If I can’t couch surf at one of my sisters’ houses, then I can check into a hotel until I can get to London.
This is not the life I expected to come back to. I’ve been home for nearly two months and everything is shit. When I was locked up at The Chamber, I shared so many Thomas stories with the other girls. I spoke of my beautiful little island town and my parents with such affection.
But now, I see they care more about what is proper than what is right for me. I know that I haven’t told them the entire story, but they should trust me enough to make my own decisions and support me.
My father believes that I should be someone’s wife. Hell, if I told them the truth about Thomas they’d probably think I was making the whole thing up. They believe Thomas is a prize and never asked me why we broke up. They don’t think I can do any better than him, I know it. I desperately want to call Niko; he’d know how to comfort me, but I can’t. I’ll never know how to comfort myself if I keep letting him do it.
Chapter 22
Whitney
“I wish we would have thought of this sooner,” Chalice says as she helps me with the few boxes I brought to her cottage.
“Are you sure it’s okay? I hate making you lose your media room.”
She waves my comment away. “Sweets, please. This is hardly a media room. Besides, Amaris is never home and I hate living alone. This will be perfect, us rooming together.”
She blasts music in the darling, three-bedroom cottage. The feeling is light as we dance and unpack my new room. Most likely, I’ll only be here a couple more months before heading to London. But I’d rather do the time here with Chalice.
Three hours later and we are sitting on the sofa drinking wine.
“So, was it that bad the other day with your folks that you have to slum it with me?”
I look around. “This place is adorable and hardly slumming.” I put my feet up on the table and take a couple healthy sips of wine. “It was time I got some space from them. I know they mean well.”
She turns on the television. “Well their loss is my gain. We should Facetime with Amaris. I haven’t told her yet,” she says and dials Amaris’ number.
“What’s up, ya’ll?” Amaris’ face pops onto the screen.
“We got a new roommate, when are you coming home?”
“Ahh. Seriously? It’s about time!” Amaris yells. “In that case, I will be heading back early next week. We have to celebrate.”
“Sounds like that’ll be just in time for a new roomie party,” I say.
“Sounds like a date. We’ll have everything ready when you get here.”
Amaris flashes the peace sign. “I gotta run. See you gals next week.” She disconnects the call.
I have no idea why I didn’t think of moving in with Chalice in the first place. The mood is light over here. If she does have questions, she’s the type to ask them, rather than stare at me in wonder.
“Chick flick?” she asks.
“Yes, ma’am.”
I run into the kitchen and grab the wine bottle and chips and dip we got from the store earlier. When I get back to the living room, Chalice already has a blanket out for us.
“I got the snacks. Let the sappy love story marathon commence,” I say and plop everything on the table and crawl into the blanket. Chalice picked a funny rom-com for the first movie.
The wine is kicking in and a nice buzz warms my body. My phone pings an alert.
Niko: Hey stranger. I haven’t heard from you all day. Are you okay? We still on for training tomorrow?
Me: Of course, we’re still on. I’ve been busy. I moved out of the house, and I’m staying at Chalice’s. You remember meeting her?
Niko: I do. I guess I missed you. And needed to check on you.
“Hey. Who are you texting?” Chalice says and snatches my phone from my hand.
“Chalice! Give me my phone back.” I shout and run after her, because in true Chalice form she gets up and runs with it, locking herself in the bathroom. “Are you serious? Come out right now!”
The door opens. Her expression is serious. She hands me my phone. I glance down at the text screen.
Niko: ?
Me: I’m okay. Watching a movie with Chalice. I’ll see you tomorrow.
He sends me the thumbs up emoji.
“Are you mad about something?” I ask her.
She pauses the TV and turns to me. “Is this hot guy the reason you broke up with Thomas? Because if so, I have to ask why. You have been in love with him forever and he has been there for you since you came back. I really want you to think about what you’re doing, what you’re giving up.” She stares at me.
Everyone on this island is fooled by Thomas’ good guy behavior. But I won't lie for him to her, not anymore. “The answer to your question is no. I did not break up with Thomas for Niko. But I think he did make it easier for me to walk away from Thomas.”
She shakes her head in confusion. “That’s where I’m confused, why would you want to do that? What could he have done that is so bad?”
I go into the story about the night of our proposal and what Thomas asked of me.
“That fucking, con artist, flea bag, no good, bastard.” Her islander inflection heavy in her anger. She picks up her phone.
“Wait, what are you doing?”
“I’m getting ready to cuss him out. Then, I’m going to call my brother to kick his smug face in. Then I’m calling the police on his illegal wanna be pimp ass.”
I grab her hand to stop her. “Please, for me, don’t. I haven’t decided how to tell my parents. Besides, Niko. You’re the only one who knows.”
She presses her lips together and rolls her eyes at me. “Your dad is going to fuck him up too.”
I sigh. Happy though, that she isn’t looking at me with pity, but instead, revenge scenarios. I can definitely wrap my head around that. “Well, right now my parents already look at me in a way I can barely stand. I’m not ready to add this shame to the pot.”
“Got it, sweets. You don’t have to go convincing me about anything with these islander parents. So damned over protective and well meaning. Your secret is safe with me. But I still want to kick his ass. But I’ll settle for giving you the biggest hug I can manage.”
She leans over and wraps me in her arms. Warmth envelopes me, along with her sweet lilac perfume. I let go in her arms. When Chalice pulls away her face is as wet as mine.
“Men.” We both say and laugh.
She restarts the movie and we get lost in the silence. My body lightened by my admission. One less thing to hide from someone I love. I should have told her sooner.
“So what are you gonna do about the hottie?” she asks.
“Niko?” I sigh. “I mean, nothing. We’re just friends.”
She turns her attention to me. I face the television.
“But, you said he kissed you. Twice.”
I regret mentioning the whole kiss thing to her. I dare a glance and find her staring at me with stars in her eyes, which makes me blush.
“Friends kiss,” I say, but even I don’t believe myself.
“Not with a man that looks like that, and your fine ass. Be honest, you like him. It’s okay to like someone that treats you well. And is dependable. And strong. And sweet. And damned sexy.”
I blush more and my stomach tingles thinking about him. “I mean, okay I like him. But I don’t think it’s the right time to start something new. I’m dealing with a lot of shit, you know?”
Chalice throws a pillo
w at me. “I call bullshit, sweets. Love doesn’t have a perfect time.”
“Whatever. I never said anything about being in love with Niko.” I roll my eyes at her. But my insides clench at the thought. Could I be feeling those sort of feelings for him? Isn’t it too soon?
“Who said you have to be in love now? Get to know the man, that’s all I’m saying. Have fun. Live.”
This makes me smile. She is so right, she usually is. “You know who I do love?”
“Me?”
“You,” I say.
We continue watching the movie. My mind wanders to Niko. What is he doing right now? Is he thinking about me too? A new kind of feeling forms deep inside of me—hope.
Chapter 23
Whitney
“How much longer do I have to beat this bag?” I ask Niko. “My arms weigh a ton.”
He laughs while he watches me suffer. He doesn’t answer me, so I don’t stop, he’s the trainer. Instead, he keeps going through his own series of pushups and sit-ups on repeat.
“Okay, that’s enough for today,” he says, and I don’t hesitate. My arms drop to my side but feel like they may fall off.
“Thank goodness, Niko, you are so mean.” I reach up to push him and immediately regret it. I wince in pain.
“It’ll get easier, I promise. You think you can bring a fork to your mouth? I want to feed you.”
I try to raise my arms and have to maneuver my body from side to side to make it work. “You might have to feed me.” I laugh at how ridiculous I feel and look, but even laughing strains my limp arms. “Oh my goodness, and I’m meeting your cousin.”
Niko puts his arm around me in a supportive manner, and we start towards the locker rooms. “Just wait till tomorrow, slugger; that’s when the pain is gonna hit and you really won’t be able to move. Double up on your water and if you think you can handle it, I can roll you out again.”
The roller was the most painful thing I have ever experienced, each roll made me want to jump out of my skin. “Absolutely not. I will hydrate and start with a hot shower.”
He walks me to the edge of the women’s locker room and watches me until I disappear inside. It saddens me the way he treats me. Not because I don’t like it, I do, I really do. It makes me sad because Thomas should be the one caring for me, helping me get stronger so that I can face the monsters that walk this earth.
My shower takes longer than expected with my noodle arms, and I have the hardest time reaching my head to secure my hair into a messy bun. If I had known of Niko’s plan to turn my arms into wet spaghetti I would have chosen a simple dress instead of these skinny jeans that I can barely pull up and worse the lavender button up blouse with far too many buttons. He was definitely going to have to feed me.
When I walk out, he is waiting for me, looking too attractive. It is a challenge to keep the lines straight between us. We’ve already blurred them with kisses that fill my dreams. I don’t want to be that girl though. You know, the one who jumps from one relationship to another. Then, I go back and forth about denying myself what my heart wants. Maybe Chalice is right, love isn’t based on timelines.
Niko’s smile grows when I cross into his vision, making me blush a million shades and causing a cheek-aching smile to take over my face. The butterflies in my stomach should be exhausted because they race around and crash into each other at the sight of him—who am I kidding, at the very thought of him. His hair is wet and tousled, his skin moist from a hard workout and hot shower. His fitted shirt reveals muscles I have an urgent desire to run my hands across.
I shake the thought from my head.
Niko pushes away from the wall and takes me by the hand. An act that is so simple, but for us is layered with meaning. For him he is showing me that he wants to be with me but cares enough for me to take it slow. Soft kisses, gentle hand holding. By accepting his hand I am showing him that I trust him enough to give him small pieces of me—that I’m trying to move forward.
My stomach knots when we round the corner on our way to the exit. Thomas is heading down the hall toward us. My first reaction is to release Niko’s hand, but he holds onto mine instead of freeing it. I get it, why should I show Thomas any reaction at all; he deserves nothing from me—not even my acknowledgment. At least that is how I appear on the outside. On the inside, my heart is hammering against my chest. My eyes cloud. I can feel myself panic. Niko squeezes my hand and I stand taller. This is all Thomas’ doing. He is responsible for the state of his life. Had he chosen to treat me like a human being, and someone that he loved, my hand would be laced in his right now.
His eyes fall onto our intertwined hands and when his eyes find mine they are heated with anger. He doesn’t speak, he chooses to ignore us. My body tightens as he passes, unsure of what he might do once our backs are to him.
Niko and I continue forward.
I want to turn to see if he was behind us, if he was watching us, but I resist.
“That was awkward,” I say.
The restaurant that Niko picks is a simple seaside bistro on the touristy part of the island. Niko and I make our way to the table, and he holds my hand the entire way. I’m happy with his choice of restaurant. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about the fact that locals rarely hang out in this area, unless it’s for work. I’d like to spend a night with Niko that doesn’t get back to my parents for a change. Not that it’s their business, but the less I have to hear from them about my recent choices the better.
A beautiful woman with shoulder-length blonde hair stands up when we approach a table. She has to be Niko’s cousin because the smile that crosses her face is megawatt. She comes from the booth and hugs Niko, then me. She is beautiful—fair skin, clear complexion, with a sprinkle of freckles, and a taller than average fit body.
We take a seat in the booth after an exchange of pleasantries—Niko and I on one side, and his cousin on the other.
“Oh my goodness, Whitney, you are gorgeous. Niko can’t stop talking about you,” she says, and Niko blushes.
“I’m not that bad,” Niko says.
“Keep telling yourself that, cousin,” she says and turns her attention to me. “Okay, so here’s what I know. You’re some type of child prodigy. You’re an islander and very girly; not that that’s an insult. It’s just I’m such a tomboy. You’re beautiful inside and out, strict parents, and deciding whether or not to move to London,” she prattles off.
I exhale. Niko filled her in for sure. “Niko certainly chatted up my finer qualities, kept it to the good stuff.” I have to wonder if he kept the other stuff from her for my sake or his. “Enough about me. What about you. How do you like the island?”
The server comes before she can answer and takes our order.
“I love it here. I mean, besides the sun, it’s a lot of sun. I know I’m from California, but this is much brighter. The people are super nice, and I am enjoying spending some time with my cuzzo. I couldn’t wait to meet his girlfriend.” Her smile is hopeful, like she is seeing white gowns and bridesmaids flashing before her eyes.
I choke on my water. My eyes tear up. But I don’t correct her. Sure, her words surprise me, but what’s the harm in me secretly wishing it were true? Niko doesn’t correct her either.
Sam is so easy to talk to that we all but leave Niko out of the conversation. Save the occasional comment, he is silent.
Dinner is over too soon. I really like his cousin. We promise to see each other again before she leaves.
Niko takes my hand, but this time he pulls me closer to him, so we’re not just holding hands, but our arms are touching too. The feeling generated by such a simple act is everything.
Once we are both settled in the truck Niko turns to me instead of starting the car.
“I didn’t tell her everything because I wasn’t sure that was something you want everyone to know, not because of any other reason. Some stories are our own to tell. I’m proud of you, Whitney.”
My eyes mist. He is always right the
re plucking the thoughts out of my head. “I don’t understand.”
“It was brief, your reaction, but I saw it. In the furrow of your brow, the breath you held,” he says, reaching for my hands.
“Thank you…for explaining, I mean.” I cross my heavy arms across my body. The cabin of the truck suddenly feels cramped. “I hate that I’m so quick to think the worst about myself. I was never like that before. In my session yesterday, Dr. Wesley—”
“—when did you start back?” Niko asks, he looks into my eyes; he is alight with happiness.
I shrug. “Recent development. You were right, though, I never should have stopped going.”
“Go on.”
“Well, my therapist, she is trying to make me see how much I’ve changed. But not just recognize the changes, embrace some of them, while releasing others.”
“How do you mean?”
“I mean. For one, she said there is no way I can survive the I faced without being stronger. At first I didn’t believe her, but I do see that I am stronger. If I was really a weak person, there’d be no way I would have made it out of there.”
He runs his hand down my arm. “I’m happy you are able to see that in yourself. I know I do.”
His comment makes me smile. “Thank you. We’ve also been talking a lot about fear and how it isn’t all bad. Sometimes fear is actually my body telling me to be cautious. Did you know that in our brains there is a region called the Amygdala. I’ve been reading a lot about it and it’s fascinating.”
“You are fascinating.”
I blush.
“So, this area of the brain, along with the prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus, can help your brain differentiate if something is a real danger or if something is as simple as a friend jumping out to scare you. What I’m learning is that after a traumatic event our brains can actually undergo a change. Can you believe that? I mean I’m still learning about all of this, and I’m giving you the dumbed down version. But, understanding this process is helping me process.”
