by Melissa Haag
“I don’t care about who’s wicked or punished or any of that,” Oanen said, slowly stalking toward me.
“What I care about is standing in front of me. Bruised. Battered. In pain. And I can’t do a thing about it. You’re killing me, Megan. Slowly. Methodically. And I can’t walk away.”
He stopped in front of me and gently put his forehead against mine. I felt every ounce of his anguish.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, hurting for both of us.
“Those aren’t the words I want to hear.”
I knew what words he wanted. And even though admitting it terrified me, I owed him the truth.
“I love you, Oanen. So much it hurts to breathe at the thought you might be ready to give up on me.”
His hand cupped the back of my head.
“Never,” he said just before his lips touched mine.
He stole my breath with each gentle taste and touch until I broke away, panting. He set his forehead on mine again.
“Thank you,” he said softly.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You did. You gave me your heart. It’s mine. Now and always. It’s all I’ve wanted since our first flight.”
I smiled softly before reality intruded.
“We need to call the Council and tell them what happened.”
He exhaled heavily and pulled back from me.
“I doubt they’ll listen. They know there’s something wrong with your abilities and aren’t trusting your word.”
My fury tried to lift her head again.
“Nope,” I said firmly. “Not worth it. Save your strength.”
Oanen gave me an odd look.
“I’m not going to let my fury get riled up over the Council. She needs a break, or my powers will kill me.”
His expression grew serious, and as he moved away to grab some ointment, I continued to air dry and stare off into space.
“We can’t sit here and do nothing. We know what Nicolette is like. How she gets in a person’s head and makes them do things they might not want to do otherwise. If she does that to Eliana…”
“Eliana is stronger than you think,” he said.
“She’s also more fragile than you want to admit.”
Oanen started spreading ointment on my burns, soothing the rest of my pain. It was nice having someone wait on me.
My eyes widened.
“Elbner,” I said loud enough to make Oanen wince.
“Sorry. I just realized we have a witness. Elbner can tell the Council it was Zayn.”
“Elbner is still spelled.”
“Yes, but once it’s out that we know it’s Zayn, it’s common knowledge; and he’ll be able to speak it. Just like the library, right?”
Oanen’s lips twitched.
“I love seeing the excitement in your eyes,” he said.
“I gotta get my phone.”
I moved to run from the bathroom at the same moment he reached forward to dab more salve on my front. Instead of touching the burn, his fingers brushed the top of my right breast. We both froze.
Gold exploded in his eyes, and his palm slowly closed over me, making my skin tingle with an expanding warmth.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” I said breathlessly, “but this really isn’t the right time.”
He nodded, but his fingers began stroking the sensitive skin. I pressed forward into his palm. His hand lightly tested the weight and shape of me. Then his thumb brushed over the peak.
I struggled to keep my head as heat licked its way from my middle upward. Need scorched me, and I knew it wasn’t all my own when his pupils dilated.
“Oanen. We need to think of Eliana.”
He made a pained noise and removed his hand.
“Go.”
I fled the bathroom and grabbed my phone from the nightstand. It was hard to hear the dial tone over the beating of my heart.
“Eliana, you need to get to Elbner,” I said as soon as she answered. “Tell him I know his master was Zayn Sias. I know Zayn was the one responsible for all the creatures who died with a smile. Tell Elbner I’m making it common knowledge. Once you do that, you should be able to take him to the Council as a witness. Got it?”
“Yes. Zayn Sias. Got it. Thank you.”
She hung up without saying anything else. I could only imagine how stressed out she was with her mom there.
A gentle touch to my back had me looking over my shoulder. Oanen’s gaze was locked on the burn there, but I could tell from his eyes that his mind was still focused on something else.
“I don’t think there’s anything else for us to do here,” I said.
“Oh, I think there’s plenty to do.”
“I mean, now that we know the cause behind the deaths, we should probably leave. Track down my great-grandma.” Even as I said it, I mentally cringed at the idea.
“There’s no rush. We can wait a few days for you to heal.”
I knew what he had in mind while we waited and turned fully to capture his hands.
“I don’t think you understand.”
“I’ll admit it’s been a little hard to focus with you walking around naked.”
“You do it all the time.”
He nodded slowly, letting his gaze drift downward, and sighed wistfully.
“But I don’t look like you.”
I snorted a laugh.
“Don’t move.”
He stayed where I left him while I went to his suitcase and grabbed one of his button-down shirts. It was soft and big and easier to put on than a t-shirt. With the sleeves rolled up and only a few middle buttons used, it didn’t bother any of my burns, either.
He groaned as I walked toward him.
“You have no idea how sexy you are. Wearing my shirt just made it so much better.”
“Focus, Oanen.”
He heaved a sigh and sat on the edge of the bed.
“What don’t I understand?”
“I’m stuck in a spiral of self-destruction. I feel someone wicked, try to send them to hell, burn myself in the process, and suppress my abilities for a few days just to do it all again. Only I’m not healing. Or regulating my temperature like I used to. I’m more tired every time.”
The concern on his face grew the longer I spoke.
“What are you saying?”
“When I woke up on the floor with Zayn hovering over me, he said, ‘I thought you burned yourself out.’ And he’s not the first one to say something like that.”
I sat beside Oanen and took his hand in mine, already knowing how angry he was going to be.
“Stop saying his name,” Oanen said. “I’m trying not to think about how he took you from right under my nose. I want to kill him for that.”
“He didn’t do anything bad.”
“How can you say that? You said he put you to sleep.”
“So has Adira.”
“Exactly. I think it’s safe to say you hate her.”
“Different reasons. Adira is a pain in my ass and doesn’t share information. It’s hard to hate a guy who gives up his coat and doesn’t cop a peek. At least, I don’t think he did.”
Oanen’s expression hardened.
“You’re not helping,” he said.
“And you’re keeping us off topic.”
“Right. Just stop saying his name, and we’ll be fine.”
“As I was saying, the hooded-guy—”
“That’s not any better.”
“—isn’t the only one to say I’ll burn myself out. I didn’t tell you everything my mom said that day in the diner.”
Oanen waited for me to continue.
“Her exact words were, ‘You can’t deliver the wicked to hell without your wings because without your wings, you’re not a fury, and your power will consume you.’”
His fingers twitched around mine.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I knew what you’d want me to do. And I can’t, Oanen. If I kill my great-grandma
just to claim my power, won’t I become one of the wicked I’m here to punish? I can’t kill her just so I can live. There has to be another way.”
He said nothing, just looked down at our joined hands, his thumb slowly stroking the skin on the back of mine.
“What do you want to do?” he asked finally.
“I don’t know. I didn’t tell you all of this sooner because I thought I’d come up with something better than just going to St. Louis to talk to my grandma and seeing if she has any answers.”
“Why isn’t that an option?”
“It is an option. I’m just worried that when we get there, she won’t have answers or won’t give them. Then, you’ll want me to do what my mom wants just to keep me from getting hurt more than I already am.”
He nodded slowly, and when he looked up at me, his eyes were blue again.
“You’re right. That’s what I’d want because I’m selfish and desperate to keep you with me. But, if the last twenty-four hours has taught us anything, it’s that I can’t force you to do something you don’t want to do. Or stop you from doing something that’s in your nature to do. I don’t want to change you, Megan. I want to love you just as you are.”
I leaned over and set my head against his shoulder.
“Ditto, bird boy. I’m sorry I came down so hard on you for being jealous. If the roles were reversed, I probably would have acted the same.”
“The difference is that I love it when you get jealous over me.”
I grinned and nudged him.
“You’re insane to provoke my fury like that. I don’t think she’ll share well once we’re officially…”
“Mated?”
My face flushed.
“Yeah. That.”
His phone rang, saving me from any further embarrassment.
“Hello?” He listened quietly for a minute. “No. You’re going to need to send someone else for him. Megan needs to get to St. Louis. Her powers are killing her. And, I’ll blame you if that happens.”
He hung up and looked at me.
“Please tell me that wasn’t your mom,” I said.
Chapter Fourteen
Oanen’s lips twitched, and he reached out to toy with the ends of my hair.
“No, that wasn’t my mom. It was Adira.”
“Oh, I bet being told ‘No’ made her real happy. Should we expect a portal?”
He shook his head.
“I doubt it. She won’t admit this, but she’s afraid of you. They all are.”
“Good.”
I rubbed my head and wished I could just take a nap.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
“No. But I should eat.”
While Oanen went to order food for us, I dug out the Book of Fury to read again. Gaining the little bit of understanding I had didn’t help me grasp any more information from the book. However, the parts that talked about the power consuming me now made more sense.
Oanen finally brought me a burger and fries, which I nibbled on while reclined in bed. I must have dozed off because when I next woke, he was in bed with me, and we were both lying flat. As soon as I shifted to a more comfortable position, he opened his eyes and looked at me.
“Sorry. The spot on my back was hurting.”
“It’s okay. Just making sure you’re not going anywhere.”
“No. I think it’ll be a day or two before I feel any wickedness again.” I moved a little closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder.
He stroked my back, careful to avoid the raw patch.
“Good, but I still don’t think I’ll sleep very deeply tonight. Just in case.”
I didn’t have the same problem. I slept hard and woke grudgingly just before dawn when my bladder refused to be ignored any longer.
“Going to the bathroom,” I whispered softly as I eased away from Oanen.
He made a sound of affirmation and rolled to his side, his breathing still soft and even. I wondered how long he’d stayed awake to keep an eye on me. It must have been a while because he was still in the same position when I returned.
Easing into bed so as not to disturb him, I settled next to him. His warmth soothed me, and I exhaled contentedly. However, I’d slept so much that I couldn't fall back to sleep. So I lay there thinking.
Why was it so easy for me to know what everyone else wanted me to do and so hard for me to know what I wanted? I knew exactly what I did not want to do. But what did I want?
I decided what I really wanted was to go about my life my own way and not the way the gods wanted me to go. That didn't mean I was unwilling to have a task or job. To be useful in some way. When I really thought about it, I liked the idea of being part of something bigger than myself. I just didn't want to feel cornered or manipulated into doing something I didn't want to do.
I mean, why make some of us crave flesh and then condemn us to hell for answering the craving? Was everything just a test to see how we exercised our free will? What about those impulses some of us couldn’t control? I couldn’t fight the way rage consumed me whenever anyone wicked was around. What was the point of my existence, then? Was I truly only here to hurt others?
My thoughts went round and round until the sun rose, and Oanen jerked awake. I smiled when he rolled over, searching for me.
“Morning,” I said.
He exhaled when he saw I was where he’d left me, and I smiled wider.
“Worried you’d lost something, again?”
“You have no idea. How long have you been awake?”
I shrugged and tilted my head to look at the clock.
“Almost two hours, I think.”
He gently tucked me close to him again, and his lips brushed over the column of my throat. My eyes rolled back in my head at the sensation.
“Mmm.” I couldn’t help the sound. Every time he touched me, it just got better.
He groaned and pressed another kiss to my skin before getting out of bed.
“Don’t make sounds like that, Megan. I don’t have the restraint.”
I watched him walk to the bathroom, glad he couldn’t see my stupid grin. I liked that I was his weakness.
While he showered, I went to the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal. He re-emerged with shorts riding low on his waist and tousled wet hair before I finished my breakfast. In that glance, I knew he was my weakness, too.
“So what time do you want to leave?” I asked.
“I don’t know yet. It’s up to you.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. I didn’t miss the way his gaze skimmed my exposed legs as I sat there in his shirt.
“You’re the one who has to face your great-grandmother, and you’re right that she might have a better answer than what your mom already gave you. I’m not going to push you to leave until you’re ready.”
“But what about when I start feeling things again?”
“This place is warded. Unlike the druid’s house, the warding here will keep out sound and emotion. You’re safe here for as long as you need.”
“And as soon as I step outside, the collective wickedness of this city will bring me to my knees. It’s better if we leave before I get my powers back. We don’t have to go to St. Louis. We can go anywhere. Somewhere quiet.” I realized the flaw in my thinking as soon as I said it. If I waited to go to St. Louis, I’d run into the same problem I was trying to avoid when leaving New York.
“Crap,” I said under my breath.
“Why don’t you try your mom again?” he suggested.
I snorted. “What for?”
“You know more now. You understand what she’s talking about. Maybe this time you’ll be able to get through to her about why you don’t want to kill your great-grandma.”
I sighed heavily. “Normal humans would never have this conversation. No one kills grandmas.”
“I don’t know. The humans made a Christmas song about it.”
“That doesn’t count. It was Santa.”
I froze and looked a
t Oanen in wide-eyed shock.
“Is Santa real?”
Oanen threw his head back and laughed. The sound did things to my middle and made me wish I wasn’t hurt.
He turned away, still chuckling.
“I’ll get your phone,” he said.
I finished eating and put my bowl in the sink before he returned. This time, he also had a pair of shorts for me to put on.
Smiling, I accepted the phone and set the shorts aside. I sat down again and crossed my legs to expose one thigh up to my hip. Gold started to appear in his gaze.
Letting that distract me, I dialed my mom’s number.
“This better not be another call from New York,” Mom answered.
“We need to meet and talk in person again.”
“Why? Everything you need to know is in the book.”
“Obviously it’s not, or I wouldn’t have four very large burns on my body. Two of them I blame on you.”
“The note said to get your ass to St. Louis to kill your Grandma Irene. I gave a name and address. That’s everything you needed, Megan. Now get your ass into your lover boy’s car and get to your grandma.”
Frustration clawed at me because I knew that even if my mom would shut up and listen for two seconds, she still wouldn’t give a damn about how I felt about all of this.
“How does a mom just stop loving her only child? I hope I never have kids.”
Without waiting for her reply, I hung up.
Oanen caught the phone when I threw it.
“Don’t let your mom’s poor parenting skills close the door on having your own kids,” he said softly.
I cringed, realizing what I’d said.
The phone in his hand started ringing, and he looked down at it.
“It’s your mom.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s Paxton. And I don’t need to talk to her.”
Instead of setting the phone down, he answered and put the call on speakerphone.
“Megan’s listening,” he said.
“I never stopped loving you, Megan,” my mom said in a much calmer tone. “I’m telling you to get to your grandma to save you. You set your power free, but without wings, you can’t use it. It’ll burn you up. You need to get to your grandma.”
