by Serena Lyons
“Callum, I can’t take this…” I pant as I buck down on him, I need him inside me.
He pulls away from my clit. “What do you want?” He teases, his eyebrow raised in such a way that it’s clear he knows exactly what I’m asking.
I pause, can I really say it out loud? Then the pressure from his finger lessens, and I’ll do anything to keep him from going. “You… your finger… inside me.” I stammer.
He smiles wickedly, then dives back down to my centre. As his tongue strokes my clit, his finger pushes inside my centre.
I vibrate around him, loving the sensation of finally being touched, inching closer to the release I powerless to prevent. “More.” I beg.
He pushes a second finger inside of me and moans, his response muffled by my body, He reaches up, twists my nipple, sharply, and suddenly it’s all too much.
“Oh, my God!” I yell as my body disintegrates under him. I’m falling off the edge of a cliff, nothing to grasp on to. I’m lost to powers stronger than my mind as waves of pleasure cascade out from Callum’s touch.
I’ve never felt anything close to this before. I never even dreamed my body was capable of such intense pleasure. All my nerve endings fizz as wave after wave of bliss ricochets out from his touch.
“Not God, Callum.” He flexes his fingers deep inside me, making aftershocks of pleasure shudder through me.
“You’re quite something, Faith. You know that?” He moves up, sitting next to me and strokes my cheek gently. His touch is featherlight and so tempting to lean into.
I freeze. If I let him kiss me after that explosion, I won’t be able to stop myself from letting him have every inch of me. I’m not sticking to my plan. If this moves too fast, I might never get the chance to avenge Millie.
If it moves too fast, I might fall under his spell.
“No!” I push him away from me. Even though he’s much bigger and more muscular than I am, it’s surprisingly easy to move him.
“I have to go.” I jump up from the sofa. I must look ridiculous, my tight dress pushed down around my waist. I pull it up over my breasts, trying to ignore the pained confusion that sweeps over Callum’s handsome face.
There’s no way I can search for evidence now. I can’t think. I have to escape before I do something I regret.
4: Callum
I’m speechless. This never happens to me. I give great head, but Faith is looking at me like I’ve wounded her.
There is no way she faked that explosion. She disintegrated, every inch of her shook underneath me. She enjoyed it.
“What the hell?” I ask finally, sitting up and leaning towards her. “What do you mean you’re going?”
“I just, I just… need to go,” she answers not stopping moving, collecting her belongings, fumbling around for her underwear.
“Hey Faith, baby, come on. We can work this out.” I can’t ignore the throbbing between my legs. I need her. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this hard. She fell apart in my arms with an intensity I’ve never felt before. I need to do the same.
Our foreplay started the moment I clapped eyes on her at the party, so different from every other girl there in her edgy black dress, heavy make-up and bright hair. She reminded me more of one of Dad’s sexy backing musician’s than the usual Westforde girl, but with a wariness to her movements that suggested that she wasn’t quite as worldly as she looked. And then her dance moves, I broke my rule about bringing girls back to my home after I experienced those. I knew I needed more space than a pokey, college dorm room would give. I wanted to spread her across my king size bed and ravish her. Desire makes me try again. “Stay, we’ll have fun.”
She freezes, hands clenched around her lacy knickers. “I want to leave.” Her eyes find mine; wide, scared, desperate to get away from me.
Something in her panicked stare reminds me of my sister and I forget about my dick. “Hey, calm down. Are you okay?” In a different scenario this could be my sister, running scared from a man who only cares about his own pleasure. I can’t be that guy.
No matter how fucking hard it is not to pull that silly dress over her head and ravage her. I’ve only seen parts of her, because I left that silly dress on. I should have stripped her naked before I ate her out. Then at least I’d know exactly what I’m missing out on.
“I need to go.” She pulls on her underwear and picks up her bag.
I jump up. “Let me walk you back, it’s late and you’re upset.” I stroke her arm.
She flinches like I’ve burnt her. “Please, don’t touch me.”
“Faith, please, what’s wrong?” I gulp, she wanted that, right?
She deliberately keeps her eyes turned away.
“Hey, look at me.” I clench my hands to stop myself from reaching out to touch her again.
“No.” She walks towards the hall.
Could she be a virgin? It doesn’t seem likely, the way she jumped on my body, the depth of her kisses, screamed experience. And she would’ve got scared earlier.
“Faith?” I try again, but she keeps her eyes firmly turned away from me. “Hey did I…” I stop myself from asking if I did anything wrong. I didn’t, I know I didn’t. My confusion morphs into annoyance.
“I have to go.” She looks at me this time, her eyes fixing on mine. They’re even bigger than they were before, almost glossy with emotion; hunger, confusion and something that almost looks like fear. “I just, please, I just need to go now.” She stutters, her dark eyelashes drooping shut.
When she opens her eyes, it’s like her vampy make-up fades away, all I can see are her eyes, big and staring straight at me. Even though they’re completely the wrong colour, they morph from brown to blue, into Millie’s eyes. The confused pain is identical.
I stagger back on to the sofa, landing with a bounce. The guilt I thought I’d gotten rid of floors me. When am I going to learn, all I do is hurt people?
My head sinks into my hands.
Faith mumbles something inaudible and her footsteps dance across the floor, but I don’t bother looking up, or saying anything else.
When are women going to stop looking at me like that? Like I’m hurting them?
Fuck, I need a drink.
The slam of my front door echoes through the entire old building. She’s gone and I’m glad. What the hell was I thinking taking her home with me? I don’t bring girls home anymore.
“Fucking idiot!” I shout out, but my voice just echoes in the empty room, reminding me I’m alone, yet again. I flop back on the sofa, but her smell assaults me; vanilla, musk and a hint of jasmine.
I can’t stay here, haunted by ghosts. There’s no way I’ll be able to sleep with my brain whirring like this.
My phone buzzes. It’s Axel, he’s sent a photo of himself; eyes wide, pupils dilated, skin slick with sweat.
Axel: Where’d you go? Party is ON FIRE! Loads of takers for your share if you’re not coming back…? You have 20 mins.
My share. That’s exactly what I need. I quickly punch out a message.
Callum: Be there in ten. DO NOT SHARE. That’s all mine.
The party is still in full swing when I get back to college. Everyone’s just that slight bit looser than when I left; hair more dishevelled, eyes wider, dance moves more exaggerated.
“You came back.” Axel slaps me on the back. “Thought you were going to spend all night with that hot fresher.”
“There was a hot fresher?” I try to shake the image of Faith from my head. Laid out on my sofa, her rosy nipples hard and wet from my lips, the way her fingers dug into my head as she came. Fuck, just the thought of her is getting me hard again.
“Don’t pretend, everyone saw you sneaking off with that girl with bright blue hair. She looked like she’d be filthy.” He sniggers and I clench my fists, tempted to punch him.
“I wish, turns out she was a big cock-tease.” I swallow hard, knowing that this will be all over college in the morning. But I have to say something. Poor little maybe-virgin Faith wi
ll have to live with the consequences. “Not worth spending any more time on.”
Axel opens his mouth, but then a wary look goes over his face. He must see that I’m not joking. “Well there’s plenty more hot, new ass in college, but first things first.” His hand dips in to his jeans and then he drops something into my hand.
I know without looking that it’s my share. I throw it into my mouth, then grab the glass he’s drinking. Whisky and coke, the peaty taste assaults my tongue, but at least it overrides the memory of Faith.
“Let’s get this party going.” I bump his fist, then move on to the dancefloor. Nothing helps me escape like music in any form.
The DJ is surprisingly good for a college event. The pill kicks in and I stop thinking, just lose myself in moving to the music.
I wish I was dancing with Faith again. She was the best partner I’ve ever had, we instinctively knew exactly how to move in sync, elevating dancing to some sort of spiritual connection.
Stop it! I don’t need someone to dance with, no matter how good it felt partnering with Faith earlier. A precursor to moving across her body in private later.
A soft hand grabs my bicep. My breath catches. Could it be Faith having changed her mind? I try to ignore the hope flickering in my stomach as I spin around.
Oh. It’s Jess, a girl the year below me that became my friend with benefits last year. She wants more, it’s obvious from the way she’s always around me, looking over and then trying to pretend she isn’t. She doesn’t realise that with me, more is dangerous.
“I thought you’d run home?” She tries to make her voice casual, but something about the tense set of her shoulders tells me she saw me leaving with Faith.
“Nothing there to hold my attention.”
“Maybe you’ll have more luck here.” She flicks her hair over her shoulder. “Want to dance?”
I hesitate. Do I?
Fuck it, I might as well.
I wrap my hands around her hips, but it feels strangely platonic. Nothing compared to the sparks of electricity I felt when I touched Faith.
We start dancing. I lose myself in the music, staring at the bright lights that morph into mesmerising orbs of beauty.
“Cal…” Hands tug on my head.
I don’t want to stop looking at the lights, but Jess holds my head so I can’t see anything but her. She keeps looking at my lips, then staring at me with an expression of undisguised interest. She stretches up on her tiptoes, pulling my head down at the same time.
Fuck it, I might as well kiss her. Even though I’d rather be staring at the lights, the pill reduces my desire to protest. I am going with the flow.
“I missed you over the summer,” Jess murmurs into my lips between kisses.
I don’t reply. What can I say? I didn’t think of you once over the summer.
“Let’s get some air.” She tugs on my arm and pulls me out of the marquee.
We stumble out into the quad. Stupidly, I look at the rooms wondering which one of them is Faith’s, if she’s up there looking down at me.
“Cal?” Jess reaches out to rub my chest. “You there? Want to come upstairs?” She knows better than to ask to go to mine.
I shake my head and force myself to look at her. She’s very pretty: does eyes, glossy dark hair, a tight body. So many guys would give anything to have her desperate to take them home, but she leaves me cold. “I’m great, this is my favourite song. Let’s go back to the dancefloor.”
Jess’s face falls. “You’re not still thinking about that slutty fresher, are you? It’s not like you to say no.” She arches her eyebrow, and I know that if I don’t answer carefully, college will be filled with whispers that I have an unrequited crush on Faith.
“Jealous, are you?” I laugh and step closer to her. Maybe she’s right, losing myself in her will be the best way to forget about Faith. I lean forward and kiss her again, but I’m just going through the motions. For some stupid reason, kissing her makes it feel like Faith’s haunting me, reminding me of how much hotter her kisses were.
It’s like when I tried to get with other girls after Millie. As soon as they started pawing at me, she jumped into my head, reminding me that I didn’t deserve anyone’s affection.
Faith and Millie.
It’s always the nice girls I hurt most. There’s no way anything can happen between us again. I have to make sure she stays away from me. Step one, making sure everyone sees Jess and I all over each other. Jess knows things will never get past casual with us.
“Why would I be jealous?” Jess pulls away and looks up at me, biting her bottom lip. “I’m the one you’re kissing.”
“And you’re the one I’m going home with.” It’s worth testing if going to Jess’s room will get frigid Faith out of my mind.
5: Faith
Fuck my life.
My alarm blares at an ungodly hour. I fumble for it, a slight champagne hangover clogging my movements.
Shame churns my stomach as flashbacks of Callum assault my senses. His blue eyes glinting with hunger, the taste of myself on his lips, his deep moans. My pulse races and desire pools low in my body just from the memory of him. No one has ever made me feel like that. Turned my body into molten gold. Somehow pulled me apart in the most intimate way.
Christ, what was I thinking, letting him ravage me in that way? Making myself so vulnerable? I could blame the alcohol, but I didn’t have enough for that to be a valid excuse. I could tell myself it was to find something that could help me avenge Millie, but I didn’t even stay long enough to search for any evidence.
All I did was let him own me.
Idiot, idiot, idiot.
I clench my fists and drop my feet to the cold floorboards. I can rectify this, I have to go back there and get some proof.
First, though, I need to properly integrate into college life. This entire week is a light one, designed to let us first-years ease into our new situation before classes start. It’s a week of gentle welcoming talks, sales pitches from a cacophony of student clubs and social mixers that seem designed to allow the older students sufficient time to pick off the most attractive freshers. My cheeks flame. Leaving the party with Callum will make sure I’m on the ‘hottest freshers’ list and that everyone’s clamouring for my name.
The only vaguely official event I have is a welcome chat with my tutor in…
“Fuck!” I have fifteen minutes to get ready—not an easy feat when I’m dressing like a stranger—and cross college to my tutor’s office.
Grabbing a towel, I race down the stairs to the shared bathroom on the floor below. The door is locked and I swear again. Just my luck. There’s another bathroom on the ground floor, but chances are it’ll be occupied too, and my fifteen minutes must be dangerously close to ten already. I can just shower later, at least there’s a sink in my bedroom.
Puffing up the steep staircase—Victorians must have been fitter than history suggests—I realise I’ll have to go outside brandished with the remnants of my time with Callum. His mouth covered my entire body with his licks, bites and kisses. I shudder, like I’ve been marked.
Stop being ridiculous. It’s not something visible that other people will notice.
I stomp back up to my room and pull on some ripped jeans and a nineties rock-band t-shirt. Staring at my pale, hungover face in the mirror I apply the least amount of make-up I think I can get away with, more dark on my eyes and a tiny bit of blush. I need to be a sexy bad girl, not the wrong type of hot mess inches away from rehab.
Stuffing a pen and notepad into my bag I run all the way down the stairs. As I push out to the quad, I search on my phone for the email telling me where to find Professor Headley.
“Erlingham Quad, Staircase Six, Room Four,” I whisper, trying to quash the little voice inside my head telling me that I’m going to be late. Prove to my tutor on day one that I don’t really belong here.
Stop it. I’m not mousy little faithful Faith anymore. Even if I am late, I’ll just walk in wi
th my head high, I—.
“That’s her.” A hissed voice grabs my attention.
I scan the quad. Two glossy-haired girls giggle awkwardly and spin on their heels when they see me looking. “… Callum… slut…” A few malicious whispers drift in my direction.
They’re talking about me. My cheeks burn and I hate myself for being such a wimp. I knew my going home with Callum wasn’t going to go unnoticed, but the theory and the reality are quite different.
I’m not a slut. I didn’t want to go home with him last night. It was for Millie.
Not because of the way Callum’s kisses made me come apart.
Or how he played my body like a virtuoso lover.
“She’s called Faith apparently…” Another voice brings me back to the present. “Callum said she’s frigid.”
The words hit me like a punch in the stomach. I find the speakers, it’s another two girls and their faces have that same pinched excitement from sharing juicy gossip. But they’re not as groomed as the previous pair, their hair isn’t as shiny, their clothes aren’t as flattering. A less dangerous target. I walk over to them. Fuck worrying about being late, some things are more important.
“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Faith.”
They freeze, mouths dropping open.
“I thought you’d want to put a face to the name. I heard you talking about me.” I force myself to smile, although it probably sounds like sarcasm.
The taller one answers, “We weren’t—”
“Save it.” I hold up my palm. “Did you know people are conditioned to recognise their name at very low volumes? Denying it makes it clear you weren’t saying anything flattering.”
The girl who spoke looks at her feet.
“So, do I get to learn your names?”
They look at each other, like it’s a trick question.
I stay quiet, chances are they’ll be too polite to not answer.
“Priya,” the darker-haired one says eventually.
“Ashley,” the tall girl manages a thin smile.
“Faith, nice to meet you.” I smile widely. “You guys can buy me a drink next time we’re in the bar. Get to know each other properly.”
