by West, Jade
I felt it all at once.
As much as I wanted to believe we’d make it through this and come out as one, a quiet little voice down deep whispered that I was craving something that could never be. That we were a flicker of candlelight in an open window, doomed but alive, fighting the inevitable.
But still, my soul was sailing high.
I’d lived long enough to know that life has a rhythm – that this much of a high can hit the sky, but then ultimately peaks and tumbles. But maybe this time I was wrong. Maybe, amongst the chaos and the carnage and the disgust of the whole world looking on, just maybe we’d hit the sky and soar.
I could hope.
I could dream.
I could try.
We thrusted and writhed so hard across the grass that we reached the stone ledge of the fountain. I didn’t care whether there were people passing by or watching from windows. I didn’t care about passing cars, or CCTV cameras, or anything but the way he was touching me. The spray of the fountain soaked my hair, and my face and my tits through my dress. He kissed his way down my stomach through the satin and I moaned for him as he hitched my dress up around my waist.
Tonight I’d chosen red for my knickers.
“That’s a good little dirty girl,” he groaned as he saw them, and then he was at me.
My clit was alight, and his tongue was a-flicker, and I was already lost by the time he clamped his mouth through the lace and sucked hard.
“Please…” I managed, and I wasn’t sure whether I was talking to Lucas, or the world around us, or even what I was truly asking for – release in that moment, or from the battlefield where we were taking fire from both sides, exposed in no man’s land without a weapon.
Because that’s what it felt like.
It felt like a battlefield.
It was the scowls over truth or dare, and the disgust of my family, and the videos of his little girl running around that oak tree, so innocent.
It was rocking together cross-legged on his bedroom floor as we sobbed over what could’ve been.
It was the pain, and regret and the desperation for another chance.
I exploded as his tongue flicked just right to set me on fire, back arching against the grass. Fuck, oh fuck, yes. I was soaked in water, writhing on the lawn as Neptune watched, crashing and sailing and panting for breath.
And then I was smiling. Smiling as a strange tide of feeling bloomed up from my stomach and up with it came tears at my eyes. I didn’t get it, but I couldn’t stop it. That crazy combination of the highs and the lows singing as one.
His mouth tasted of me when it came back up to meet mine, and my hands reached up to hold his face.
And then he fucked me.
Neptune didn’t let up with his torrent, and this time we were both getting soaked underneath the spray, but it didn’t matter. Lucas kept on thrusting until I was whimpering underneath him, building up a second time round. I turned my face flat to the stone as I reached a second peak. But no. He wouldn’t let me look away. He forced my face back to his and his eyes were right back on mine, and we came like that. A mirror of explosion as we both crested and bucked and unloaded.
Vulnerable.
Exposed.
Perfection.
He caught his breath against my shoulder.
“I’d never have made it back to yours,” he laughed, and I laughed along with him.
“Neither would I.”
He raised himself up just enough to tug my dress back down, and I propped up on my elbows as he stared at me.
“You looked like you were about to cry for a minute back there. That must have been some kind of orgasm.”
“Guess that’s what two glasses of prosecco does to me.”
“Would take a bit more than two glasses of prosecco to do that to you,” he said, and helped me to my feet.
My feet screamed out pretty loud from the fresh assault of my heels, but I didn’t care. I leant into Lucas as we took the correct route home this time, and we were happily back to constellation spotting, soaked through to the skin and wandering without a care until we were just a street away from mine.
That’s when he stopped and turned me to face him.
“Don’t give up on us,” he said. “I know it’s going to be real fucking hard, but don’t ever give up on us, Anna.”
“I couldn’t give up on us,” I said back. “I love you too much. But I guess that’s why I felt the tears at the fountain. Knowing what’s coming ahead.”
“At least we get to face it together this time.”
I took a breath and forced a lighter smile. “Well, this conversation sure got intense. So much for the giggle-dancing in Oscars.”
“Yeah, maybe we need to fire up another round of Better the Devil You Know when we get back to yours.”
That made me laugh. “We’d have to be mad to fire up a round of anything that would get Vicky out of bed at 2 a.m.”
“Kylie Minogue will have to keep her mouth shut tonight then.”
We held hands and swung them between us as we crossed the road and took the last steps to my front door. I stared up at the darkness of the windows. Thank God Vicky was definitely in bed.
I turned the key in the lock as quietly as I could and we made our way through the living room with careful footsteps. I started up making him a tea when we reached the kitchen.
“Nice place,” he whispered as he looked around, and I shrugged.
“Not as nice as yours.”
“If Neptune delivers your wish then maybe you can join me in the countryside. Bill and Ted would love to have you.”
“And how about you?” I whispered. “Would you love to have me?”
He stepped across the kitchen and I abandoned his tea making to hold him tight.
“Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to have you in that house with me, Anna. You make it so much of a home that it’s already screaming empty with you gone.”
“And how about Millie, Lucas? Would she love to have me there too? And what about Maya? Will she ever swallow it down and let her come visit? Somehow I don’t think it’s going to be that easy.”
He let out a breath. “She’ll have to. Somehow she’ll have to stomach it. Everyone will.”
I let out a breath right back at him. “And are you sure you want to go through that? Because it could be one hell of a road, Lucas. She could tear you to shreds and you know it.”
“She’s been tearing me to shreds for years, she can just make it worse. And yes, I want to go through that. I want us.”
Now wasn’t the time for this, not after spinning and twirling and bopping to the beat for hours on end. I finished stirring his tea and handed it over, and then I let out a stretch and a yawn and said I was ready for bed.
He didn’t disagree.
We made our way through to my bedroom, and it was so strange to have him there under the bedcovers I’d been alone in for months. Strange but beautiful.
“If anyone finds me in here it’s going to be an even bigger shit storm than it already is,” he whispered, stating the obvious, and I nodded.
“Yeah, well, the whole saga is one massive shit storm, one extra cloud of poop isn’t going to make any difference.”
“I haven’t seen Vicky Mason in years,” he said, and I smirked against his shoulder.
“I’m not sure these are the best circumstances for reacquaintance.”
“I guess we’ll find out in the morning.”
I hoped not, but that would be a whole other wish for Neptune’s fountain.
Crossed fingers and a wish at the moon would have to do instead. I gave both gladly.
He went to sleep before I did, and I stared at him in the darkness, until dreams found me too.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lucas
I woke up before she did, her face still pressed to my shoulder and her arm stretched over my chest. Black cherry and sea and heaven itself.
I breathed in her hair and relaxed un
der the covers, and listened to the bustle of the street outside.
Until I heard the bustle of someone moving around the kitchen from down the hall.
Anna was still fast asleep, so I weighed up my options. On one hand it would have been an easy choice to sink back down into the bed and face the confrontation together, but no. If there was even a sliver of a chance I could save her from any of the fallout that was coming I’d happily head out there alone.
I was gentle as I lifted her arm from my chest. She wriggled and yawned, then rolled over, gripping her pillow tight before settling back down under the covers without waking up. I climbed out of bed and gathered my clothes up from the back of her armchair, as quiet as I could be as I pulled on my shirt and stepped into my trousers. And then I went out there to face the music.
Vicky Mason was in a fluffy pink dressing gown as she munched on a bowl of cereal by the cooker, completely oblivious to my presence as I approached. She had her phone propped up on the side, watching a gym video about push ups, well absorbed in the fitness commentary until I arrived in the doorway.
She leapt out of her skin when she saw me standing there, cursing as she dropped her bowl to the counter and slapped a hand up to her heart.
“Fucking hell, you made me jump.”
Her expression of shock turned to one of disgust as she looked me up and down. I’d known this interaction wasn’t going to be an easy one, but still, I wasn’t expecting the simplicity of the greeting that came out of her mouth.
“You’re a cunt,” she said. “You can fool Anna all you want, you know, but you won’t be fooling anyone else. No chance.”
“I get it,” I said, but she kept on going.
“Like you didn’t fuck her up bad enough first time round. Why the hell are you fucking things up for her again? She’s got Seb to get back to, you know. It’s such bullshit you even being here.”
“Yeah, I’ve been a cunt,” I replied. “But I’ll sure as fuck never be one again.”
She laughed a hiss of a laugh at me. “I’m never going to be convinced,” she said. “And believe me, I’ll be the easiest person to talk to. Just wait until you see Nicola, or Jim, or Terri.” She paused. “Or Dawn, or Hannah, or Yasmin for that matter. Seriously, Lucas, nobody on this planet is fighting your corner. Just give it up and fuck off.”
I stared at her but didn’t speak, because what could I say?
“Poor Maya,” she continued and her stare was fierce. “I heard plenty about her at the girls’ night on Friday. Great job you did fucking her over too. People were plenty keen to talk about how shitty she’s had it. Just a shame Anna bailed before she could hear it.” She shook her head and picked up her cereal. “Please, Lucas, just fuck off, will you? Fuck off and leave Anna alone. She’s got a decent guy to get back to. What have you got to offer her? A few better orgasms? Big fucking whoop.”
“I love Anna,” I told her. “I’ve always loved Anna. I’ll be giving her everything I can. I’d do anything to make up for what I did to her.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she said and her hand gave me the chatter gesture. “Like I said, no point in trying to convince anyone. It’ll never happen. You’re just a fucking prick.”
It struck me right there in that moment, looking over at her and the way she despised me, just how far people’s opinion of me was well beyond repair. There was no way Vicky Mason would ever look at me with anything other than a hiss of fuck you, and she was right – she really would be the easiest person in the crowd to seek forgiveness from. I didn’t stand the slightest hope with anyone else.
I’d been planning to be a lot further along in the Vicky interaction by the time Anna came out of her bedroom, but no. She was at my side and wide-eyed before I’d even registered she was awake, staring from me to her friend across the kitchen then back again.
Vicky pointed at me as she first addressed Anna. “What the hell is he doing here? Nicola would’ve gone ballistic if she’d stayed over. And she nearly did. She was talking about watching the latest Apprentice episode and ordering pizza last night!”
The way Anna’s mouth dropped open said it all. The very prospect of Nicola Henshaw being face to face with me in this place was enough that she paled.
“Seriously,” Vicky continued. “Have you both gone crazy or something? Aren’t you even giving a toss for the utter shit fest that’s occurring right now? I thought you’d be at least trying to stop it, Lucas. You must be an even bigger prick than everyone thinks. Congratulations, that’s quite an achievement.”
I narrowed my eyes, having no idea what she was talking about, and seemingly neither did Anna. She piped up before I did.
“What do you mean, utter shit fest that’s occurring now? We went out to Oscars last night, no biggie.”
“You are joking, right?” Vicky asked.
Anna shook her head. “Uh, no. I’ve been pretty much avoiding everyone since girls’ night. What are you on about?”
Vicky cursed under her breath before she answered. “Dawn was saying that Maya really does know you’re back together now and is planning to run from all of it. She wants to move the fuck away from the mess and take his daughter with her.”
The words were out of my mouth in a flash. “She wants to take Millie? What the fuck are you talking about? Dawn Richards was saying that?”
Vicky nodded. “Yeah. Dawn was telling everyone about just how much of a prick you were to Maya when we were all at girls’ night on Friday, I mean she’s her bestie, right? But then when Anna didn’t answer the what’s going on between you and Lucas question and downed that stupid bloody glass of wine it was obvious that things were a whole load more serious than some weekend fucking. Because that’s what people were hoping it was… just some weekend fucking… and even that was bad enough…”
“But what the hell?” Anna said. “What’s that got to do with anything today?”
Vicky actually looked uncomfortable, even though she hated my guts. “Dawn was pinging us all yesterday saying that Maya was upset. She said Maya wasn’t going to have Millie seeing any of this shit, or seeing her daddy fucking some other woman, and she’d rather it was just them setting up together on new turf than having to talk Millie through this bullshit.” She paused. “She’s already been looking at properties over in Hampshire by her parents, or so Dawn says. Hannah says so too. They were pinging about it yesterday.”
That was too specific to be made up, and I felt myself paling too.
“Let me get this straight,” I said. “Dawn Richards was saying that Maya is upset I’m back with Anna and is looking at properties in Hampshire?”
“Yeah,” Vicky said, as though it was obvious. “She said Maya’s already planning an extended stay down there from this afternoon. She was helping her pack yesterday. She sent the group chat some photos of them in the garden over there… I mean, I guessed you knew…”
Holy fucking shit, I had no idea. I didn’t even know where to start with the thoughts that tumbled.
Anna was staring up at me with a horrified expression to match mine, and my heart pounded as the full implication hit me.
If Maya was taking Millie down to Hampshire there was nothing I could do to hold her back. Not in the short term. She could drive on down and stay with her parents for as long as it suited her, and I could picture it being a damn long time. However long it took to get what she wanted from me.
No.
I couldn’t lose Millie like that.
But I could. I could lose Millie like that. Maya could be getting in the car right there and then as far as I knew, and I should have known it. I should have seen it coming. I could picture her so clearly, bitching along with Dawn while she packed, revelling in just how much losing Millie would destroy me. Because that’s what she’d do if she was hurting. She’d try to hurt me back harder.
I didn’t know what to do, just stood there mortified as Anna squeezed my arm and shoved me towards the kitchen door.
“Go,” she said. “Seriously, Lu
cas, just go. You have to. You have to get to her before she leaves!”
“Get back to her and stay if you have any sense!” Vicky snapped, but this time Anna snapped back.
“Stop!” she hissed across the kitchen. “Just stop a second. You don’t even know what the true situation is. Nobody does. I didn’t!” She turned back to me, and this time she pushed me harder towards the front door. “Go,” she said. “Please, Lucas, you have to get there before she leaves. Please, just go!”
So I did.
I grabbed my shoes and my tie and forced myself into some kind of order. I gave her one quick kiss and a squeeze, and then I was out of there, piling out onto the street and launching myself across town to Broad Street car park as fast as I could go. I daren’t have tried to message Maya ahead, just pressed my foot as hard as I could on the accelerator and tore through the lanes.
I let out a hiss of relief to see her car was still on her driveway. I threw myself out of the truck and raced to the door, and my fists were pounding on the wood so hard it shook the frame. Maya peered her way around the living room curtain to check out who was knocking, like she’d ever need to check who the fuck would be busting their way inside as she got ready to steal Millie to Hampshire.
“Open the fucking door!” I shouted, cursing myself when I figured that Millie must be able to hear me. Maya scowled and shook her head before she moved away from the window, and I forced myself to shut right up until I heard her on the other side of the door. It rattled, then opened an inch, and there she was, but the door was held tight on a security chain. There was no way I could bust my way in without creating one hell of a commotion.
“Oh, you want to come over now, do you?” she spat. “Done enough fucking Anna Blackwell for one weekend, have you?”
“What the fuck has any of this got to do with who I’m fucking?” I hissed. “We’ve been separated for months. YOU were the one who left ME.”
“BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU’D COME RUNNING!” she screamed and her eyes were wild. “BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU’D SORT YOUR FUCKING LIFE OUT AND COME RUNNING!”
