by Holly Renee
I wanted her close to me and far away from Lucas.
He had used her enough for a lifetime, and I didn’t want her to be anywhere near him.
I knew that I couldn’t protect her from everything, but I felt like I had let her down so badly that I could never let anything happen to her again.
"I saw Josie was back at school today." She was staring at me as I pulled out of the parking lot.
"Yeah. I saw her too." I didn’t mention that I managed to get her sent to the headmaster’s office or that I kissed her against the lockers. Frankie didn’t need to know any of that.
"How did that go?" She sounded genuinely curious.
"Well, I think she hates me." I chuckled even though I didn’t find anything about this situation funny.
"Good."
"Good?" I balked at her response. "I don’t want her to hate me. I want her to forgive me."
"You may not want her to, but you deserve for her to. I’m glad she hasn’t forgiven you."
"You’re supposed to be on my side. You know that, right?"
"I am on your side." She nodded her head and typed into her phone. "But I’m also on the side that thinks you’ve been a complete asshole and need to grovel if you want her to forgive you."
"Do you forgive me?" I took my eyes off the road long enough to look at her.
"I’ll always forgive you, Beckham." She smiled and slipped her phone into her jacket pocket. "But I’d probably forgive you faster if you take me to the club for a hot fudge sundae."
I rolled my eyes and laughed. Frankie could be won over when it came to just about anything if you had sweets.
"We can do that."
We pulled up into the club, and I spotted Josie’s car right away. I hadn’t seen her since our encounter in the hallway, and that was probably what she wanted. She wanted nothing to do with me.
Even if she had a weak moment and let me kiss her, even if she had kissed me back, it didn’t mean anything. Not to her.
It had meant far too much to me.
Because I was desperate to do it again.
After the way things were left in my bedroom, I was desperate to touch every inch of her and prove that I wasn’t the guy she thought I was. It didn’t matter that I was. I was capable of being that guy and far worse, but I still wanted to prove her otherwise.
Because she had been looking at me like I was the devil, and even though that was once all I wanted, I would do anything to take it back now.
We climbed out of my SUV, and Frankie linked her arm with mine. We didn’t stop by my dad’s office as we made our way to the dining room. He was probably busy, and I wasn’t in the mood for another lecture.
"Let’s sit outside." The dining room was mostly empty during this time of day, but I knew Josie would be in there and she wouldn’t want to see me.
And I didn’t want to make things awkward for her at work.
Everything was already so fucked up at school.
Between her returning, the constant gossip of the fucking sheep in that school, and Lucas running his mouth about me, everything felt fucked up.
"Okay." We pushed through the dining room and took a seat at a table that was covered in what was left of the summer sun.
We were only out there a minute before Allie came out the door and smiled at us. I searched behind her to see if Josie was with her. I didn’t care if she thought I was desperate for her friend, because I was.
I felt desperate for every part of her.
"Hey, guys. What can I get you?" Allie smiled, and you would never know that I had just fucked over her friend. If Allie was cross with me, she didn’t show it. Her smile was trained and friendly.
"I want a hot fudge sundae with extra fudge and a glass of milk." Frankie hadn’t even looked at a menu. The two of us had been eating here since we were born, and we knew it like the back of her hands.
"I’ll have the same." I nodded but still looked through the glass windows for a glimpse of her dark brown hair. "Is Josie here?"
I knew I shouldn’t have asked. I should have kept my mouth shut and left Allie out of it, but I couldn’t help myself.
Allie hesitated before slowly nodding. Her smile slipped then. She didn’t want to tell me anything more about her friend. She had always been kind to me, but she was loyal to her friend. "Would you like me to tell her something?"
"No." I tapped my fingers against the arm of the chair and looked back toward the door. "I was just curious."
"Okay." She took a step back, and I could feel her studying me. I could feel her trying to figure out what the hell my angle was. "I’ll get those sundaes started."
She disappeared through the door, and I forced myself to look away. I looked back at Frankie who was watching me and smiled.
I knew that she wasn’t buying a second of it. "Where are Olly and Carson?"
"Carson needed new cleats so Olly went with him."
"Why aren’t you with them?" She cocked her head to the side.
"Because I’m here with you." I placed my elbows on the table and looked over at her. She looked so much like me that it was kind of scary. The only real difference between us was that I was a spitting image of my father, but Frankie inherited lots of our mother’s softness.
"Mom wants to know where we are." She tapped on her phone screen. "Apparently, you’ve got us both on the high alert watch now."
I chuckled, but she wasn’t wrong. My mom was almost as furious as my dad about what happened, but she handled her anger in a different way.
And her way always seemed to make me feel so much guiltier.
"Did you tell her we were here?"
"Yeah." Frankie nodded. "She said she and Dad are going to meet us out here."
I puffed out a deep breath. Of course, they were. Dad knew Josie was here, and he didn’t trust me around her. Not that I could blame him.
"Before they get here, who was that guy I saw hanging around your locker earlier?"
Frankie looked confused by my question, and it was adorable. "Who, Mike? He’s my lab partner."
"Lab partner?" I leaned back in my chair and grinned at her. "Is that code for boyfriend?"
I was just teasing her, and she knew it. Frankie hadn’t shown interest in any guy since Lucas.
"Absolutely not." She sat up in her chair just as Allie walked out carrying two glasses of milk. "I’m not interested in him like that."
Allie set our glasses down wordlessly, and we thanked her before she was gone again.
"What about anyone else? You thought about who you might want to go to the winter formal with?"
The winter formal was a big deal at Prep. Typically much bigger than prom. It was held at a different lavish location every year, and the party was far too over the top for a bunch of teenagers. This was the first year Frankie would attend now that she was a junior, and it was like a rite of passage.
"I don’t think I’m going to go."
"Why not?" Most girls had been looking forward to this damn formal since freshman year.
"Because." She said it like that one word explained everything. "No one is going to want to go with me. Plus, it seems lame."
I hated that she thought that. Any guy would be lucky to take her. "We’ll go together."
She looked at me like I had lost my mind. "I’m pathetic enough already. I will not be going to the formal with my brother."
"You are not pathetic." I practically growled out the words. Nothing pissed me off more than her thinking that. Nothing pissed me off more than knowing I had a hand in allowing her to think that.
"What’s pathetic?"
Frankie and I looked up just as we heard my dad’s voice. He and Mom walked out onto the patio hand in hand, and even though he was getting weaker, he still pulled out Mom’s chair for her to sit down.
"Frankie was telling me that she thought she could out-hit me on the ball field, but have you seen those excuses for biceps?"
Frankie smiled, and I knew she was thankful I chang
ed the subject. She hated talking about herself anymore, but she hated it more when our parents talked about her.
It made her feel weak and invisible, and I only knew that because I had caught her crying one night after dinner.
"Frankie’s biceps are beautiful." My mom leaned over and kissed Frankie on the forehead before looking to our glasses. "Are we having dessert?"
"We are." Frankie smiled just as Allie came out with our sundaes.
"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Clermont, what can I get for you?" Allie smiled at my parents, and this time her smile was one hundred percent genuine.
"Hi, Allie." My father smiled up at her. "Can I get my normal burger and fries?"
"Of course."
"I’ll have the same and a water." My mom reached out and dipped her finger into my sundae before licking the chocolate off her finger.
"Okay. I’ll have that right out."
As soon as Allie left, they were on me.
"I heard Josephine was back at school today." My mother crossed her arms and leaned against the table. It was one of the things I loved most about her. She was never like most of the other moms I knew. She wasn’t a stickler for appearances and faked niceties.
She expected us to have manners, but she didn’t expect us to be perfect. She never had.
"Where did you hear that?" I shifted in my seat. My mom’s eyes flicked to Frankie’s, only momentarily, but it was enough. "Seriously, Frankie?"
"What?" She held up her hands.
"I hope that you stayed far away from her. You know her father is on a warpath after what you did."
"I didn’t do it," I said for the hundredth time. It was one of the first times my parents hadn’t believed me. My father said I was jaded by rage, and he was right, but I still didn’t do what they think I did.
"You didn’t answer my question." She gave me her mom look that used to scare the hell out of me.
"You didn’t ask one."
My dad huffed and chuckled, but my mom continued.
"Did you stay away from her today?"
"Would you believe me if I said yes?" I crossed my arms.
"Probably not." At least she was honest.
"Then no. I didn’t stay away from her."
My mom rolled her eyes and knocked her hand against my dad’s bicep.
"Beck, we’ve talked about this. Regardless of what happened, you need to keep your distance from her. Her dad is not happy."
"Her dad can kiss my ass."
Frankie laughed, but my dad didn’t. He was serious. He thought the fear of her father was enough to make me stay away from Josie, but he was wrong.
I didn’t care that Joseph Vos thought he could ruin me or that he thought I was trying to ruin his daughter. He was supporting the snake in his own house. His own precious stepson was the one capable of everything, and he was going to get away with posting Josie’s video just as he had Frankie’s.
I wanted to slam my fist into his face over and over again until he could never utter another word.
But I had been warned to stay away from Lucas too. According to my parents, the only time I was to have any sort of interaction with Lucas was during a baseball practice or game.
My dad knew that I wanted to smash his face in every time I saw him.
When I had told them that I hadn’t posted the video, I saw the doubt in their eyes. It only deepened when I had blamed Lucas.
It didn’t matter that I showed my dad where I sent the text. He thought I was trying to set up Lucas to take the fall.
I guess that was what Josie had thought too.
Everyone on the baseball team had access to that Instagram account. I couldn’t lie and say that I didn’t. I had no proof that it wasn’t me. The video was on my phone, and I was obviously the one who had recorded it.
My plan had been fucking stupid. I had been a fucking idiot, but I hadn’t thought out everything when I sent it to him.
I was furious with him, and I had her. That was all that mattered. That was all that I could see.
I should have known that Lucas would have never stopped. He would never just let me send him a video like that and get away with it.
I don’t know why I had expected anything different from him.
I knew exactly who Lucas Vos was. He had proven that to me.
I was never going to be able to get to him through Josie. It didn’t matter that their dad would be disappointed in him for not taking care of her. That would never be enough.
He didn’t care about her or anyone else.
"You do realize that he could press charges if he wanted to, correct? Something like this could ruin your life."
"After what Lucas did to Frankie, I’d think he’d be a fool to even try." I hated saying that out loud in front of her, and I saw Frankie’s posture change just slightly at my words.
"This isn’t the place." My mom’s words reached me just before Allie stepped outside with Josie on her tail.
My body went perfectly still. I hadn’t expected to see her, let alone come out here carrying my parents’ food while Allie carried drinks and condiments.
She didn’t look at me as she made her way to the table. She smiled kindly at my dad, and I wondered how hard that was for her. She probably thought he was as cruel as I was.
She probably thought my whole family was.
"Hi there, Josie." My dad looked like he felt as awkward in this situation as I did.
"Hi, Mr. Clermont." Josie’s eyes flicked across the table to me before settling on my sister. "Hey, Frankie."
"Josie, this is my wife, Ella."
Josie set her plate down in front of my mom and smiled. It was tight and uncomfortable, and I knew she wanted to be anywhere but here. I had no idea how Allie had convinced her to help her in the first place.
"It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Clermont."
"You too." My mom’s smile was genuine and sad, and I knew she wanted to apologize to her for my behavior. She was ashamed of what I did, of what she thought I did, and I didn’t blame her.
Josie didn’t look at me again before she started to walk away. I knew that I shouldn’t have, but the urge to follow her was overwhelming. The urge to scream her name and demand she listen to me was all I could think of.
She was so damn close to me, perfectly within reach, and I couldn’t touch her.
I pushed out of my chair, and my mom put her hand on mine. "Beck."
I knew I should have listened to her. Not only had I just ruined Josie’s life, but she was at work. I had no business talking to her here. I had no business doing anything with her.
But I couldn’t stop myself.
I followed her into the dining room, and I knew she saw me. Her steps were sure and fast, and she didn’t dare turn around to look at me. Allie did, though. She looked at me like she thought I had lost my damn mind, and maybe I had.
Josie pushed through the kitchen doors as if she thought that would stop me. She was insane. I wasn’t scared of walking into that kitchen and making a fool of myself.
I didn’t care what any of these people thought of me. It didn’t matter that they could all potentially be my employees one day. Nothing mattered at that moment except for her.
"Josie, please stop."
She didn’t answer me. She set down the tray far rougher than necessary and grabbed a glass from the shelf. She moved around the station as if I wasn’t even there, but her movements were sharp and frustrated.
Allie was looking around at anything but me and pretending like I didn’t exist.
"What do you want me to say?" I huffed out the question in frustration. "I’m sorry. Okay? But I did not post that video."
Her hand tightened around the glass she had just filled and her back went rigid. She turned to face me, and I swear I could see the fire flickering in her eyes as she stared at me.
This girl wanted nothing to do with me. Her anger was the only thing she felt when it came to me. Everything she had felt before was gone.
It didn’t matter that she had kissed me back in the hallway earlier today. Nothing mattered.
I had accomplished what I had set out to do. I had ruined Josie Vos’s life, and she fucking hated me for it.
"Get out." Her voice was calm, but it felt like a threat.
"I’m not leaving until you talk to me." I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter. She could be pissed all she wanted, but she had to talk to me. She had to listen.
"Beck, I think you should go." This came from Allie, but I wasn’t listening to her. I was too busy staring at Josie, and her beautiful damn eyes that looked like they wanted to kill me.
When I had first met her she looked so much like her father, but I could barely see him when I looked at her now. She was nothing like him.
It didn’t matter that she had his eyes or the exact shade of dark brown hair.
Everything about her was different.
"Did you even hear what I said about Lucas at my house?" I knew that other people could hear us, but I didn’t care.
"Don’t bring Lucas into this." She was still staring at me. "Man the fuck up and take responsibility for what you did."
"You’re right." I held up my hands. "I made a fucking mistake. I would take it all back if I could. If I could just go back to what we were—"
"We were nothing." There was so much fire in her voice when she cut me off.
"We were." I felt just as angry. "We still are."
She laughed, and I knew that she was on the verge of losing it in front of all these people. These were her coworkers. She was going to have to face them every single day, and I saw the way they all looked at us. They knew what had happened.
Everyone knew.
"You are out of your fucking mind, Clermont." She grabbed a small tray and placed the glass on it.
"Then why did you kiss me today?" I knew I shouldn’t have said it. I should have walked away and let her calm down, but I couldn’t think rationally around her.
"You kissed me." She pointed her finger in my direction. "And I think it’s perfectly clear that I have made some stupid fucking mistakes lately."
"I’m a mistake?" Rationally, I knew that I was. How in the world could she see me as anything other than a mistake?
Trusting me was a mistake.
