by Jim Dodge
‘That lump on your forehead? That the flu, or just your third eye coming out for a peek?’
‘I’ve seen enough,’ I said.
He chuckled and patted me on the back, a gesture at once consoling and oddly jovial. ‘That’s the spirit,’ he said. ‘You’re a mess now, but you’ll be laughing about it in fifty years.’
‘I’ll make it,’ I said bravely. I actually did feel better with my feet back under me.
‘Yup,’ George agreed, ‘nothing stronger than the will to live. We’ll get that truck hooked on and hauled down the line, but let’s get you fixed up first.’ And in a voice calm, direct, and decisive, the shapeless figure swept me gladly into his command. ‘Start off, we get your ass dry from flopping around in mud puddles.’ He measured me with a glance. ‘I pack spare duds, but you look a little on the stubby side of my frame. ’Course this ain’t Wilkes-Bashford either, so fuck fashion in the face of need, and fuck it anyway just on good general principles.’
He opened a tool bay on the side of his truck and took out a small duffel bag, then reached back inside and removed what looked like a floppy green plastic envelope. ‘Okay, listen up: strip outside and throw your wet clothes in the bag’ – he gave the green envelope a shake and it billowed into a large plastic trash sack – ‘and leave it outside for me to take care of. When you’re stripped down, climb in the cab there where I got the heater humming and put on some dry clothes from the duffel. Should be a towel in there, too. While you’re making yourself presentable, I’ll survey the damage here.’
I appreciated his crisp, step-by-step instructions. I needed them. I was not thinking in an orderly fashion. However, as I stripped off my soggy clothes and stuffed them in the plastic sack as instructed, the cold rain pelting my goose-pimpled flesh seemed to draw me together and steady my wobbling attention.
The cab was a rush of warmth, and strong odors of orange peel and coffee, and a more subtle fragrance, faintly rank, like rotting seaweed or old axle grease. I unzipped the duffel bag. The towel was neatly folded on top. I unfurled it: a huge beach towel, fluffy white, HOTEL HAVANA in maroon block letters emblazoned down the center. I dried off, then wrestled myself into the clothes. The legs of the black Can’t-Bust-’Ems and the sleeves of the green-plaid flannel shirt were a little long, but not bad. The grey down vest and sheepskin slippers fit perfectly.
I leaned back, letting the warmth soak toward my bones. Chains rattled behind me, followed by the clank and clunk of couplings, a hydraulic hiss. The truck shuddered slightly as the cable wound up. I turned and watched through the rear window as the mangled front end of my truck rose into view. This wasn’t something I wanted to look at, so I turned around and shut my eyes. In a minute or so we’d be on our way. In a couple of hours I’d be asleep in a motel room. Tomorrow there might be money to pay for all of it. The chickens would have to look out for themselves. I wondered if there was a doctor in Geurneville who would prescribe Percodan for the flu.
I was drifting away when a tool bay opened and then slammed shut along the driver’s side. George, quick, smooth, slid in behind the wheel, his poncho gone. He glanced at me and recoiled, feigning surprise: ‘My God, it was human. What say we haul in that mess you made – I’d guess you’re looking at six bills in fix-it-up.’
No ghost at all. Flesh and blood. He was maybe 5’10’, 165, angular and lean, but a shade too compact to qualify as gangly. His poncho gone, I saw we were dressed almost exactly alike, except his pants were so faded the grease spots were darker than the fabric, and his grey down vest was scabbed with patches of silver duct tape. The only true difference was our footwear: he was wearing a pair of black high-top Converse All-Stars, a classic I hadn’t seen since my last high school gym class.
When I didn’t speak, he gave me a frank, appraising look – the first time I’d really noticed his eyes. They were a remarkable blue, the color of the sky on a scorching summer afternoon, almost translucent; and when they took on a sweet, maniacal glitter, a wild flash that faded to reappear as a slow, delighted grin, his eyes for a moment were colorless.
‘How’s the noggin? Want to swing by a sawbones to check for any extra brain damage?’
‘No, really,’ I blurted, ‘it’s this damn flu. The Smorgasbord Flu. Hope you don’t catch it.’
‘Sure it ain’t the Water Buffalo flu?’
‘What’s that?’ I should’ve known by the gleam in his eyes.
‘Feels like you been gang-stomped by a herd of water buffalo.’
‘Naw, that’s just one of the symptoms.’
‘Sweet Jesus,’ he laughed, ‘that does sound bad. But if you don’t want to see a doc, how about some medicinal relief? Simple pain is a job for drugs.’
I heartily concurred, but tentatively said, ‘It’s a long way to a pharmacy.’
‘Glovebox.’ He nodded in its direction. ‘I think there’s some codeine in the first-aid kit. Number fours. Don’t know what the four means, but help yourself.’
I was. The first-aid kit was already open on my lap, and that despite a conscious effort to mask my eagerness. ‘The four,’ I explained, ‘means you’re supposed to take four at a time, otherwise they don’t reach the right level of chemical effectiveness.’
‘Hey, I never thought of that,’ George said. ‘I tell ya, that’s one of the great things about getting out and meeting the public – get all sorts of new angles and information.’
He reached under the seat. Since I was grossly munching the codeine, I thought he’d just turned away to be polite. But when he straightened back up I saw he was holding a black baseball cap, which he slapped on his head and adjusted down over his eyes. In white letters fanned across the crown it read: Gay Nazis for Jesus.
‘Kwide a had,’ my powder-thickened tongue managed, even though my brain had stopped. Suddenly it was crowded in the cab.
‘Last guy I towed gave it to me. Name was Wayne. Took him from Anchor Bay up to Albion. He said it was a real conversation starter.’
‘Grabbed me,’ I admitted, slipping the first-aid kit back into the glovebox.
George tapped the gas impatiently.
‘I want to thank you for the dry clothes and the codeine,’ I told him. ‘Sure improved a shitty day.’
‘Been there myself,’ George said. He tapped the gas again. ‘So my man, what’s the plan? Where to and how soon?’
I leaned back in the seat, overcome by weariness. Sleep, bad plastic, firewood, sweat, loss, cash – somewhere along the line I’d made a plan, but could only remember the pieces. ‘Take me to Itchman’s in Guerneville. If I’m still alive in the morning, I’ll figure the rest out then.’
‘You’re on your way,’ he said, reaching for the emergency brake.
Despite my effort to contain it, my conscience broke through. He’d been kind to me, thoughtful, humane, and I had to pay him in bad plastic. Not even my desperation could justify fucking him over. ‘Wait a minute,’ I sighed. ‘Let me tell you how it is. All I’ve got to pay you with is a Visa card the bank demanded I return about three months ago. I was on my way into town to pick up a thousand-dollar front on a firewood order. I think I can get it tomorrow, and I could leave the cash with Itchman. How much do you figure it’ll be?’
He reached in a vest pocket and handed me what I assumed was a rate card. In a way, it was:
TOWED BY THE GHOST
One of the few free rides in life
George Gastin
No Phone
No Fixed Address
‘What are the other free rides?’ I asked.
He gave me a sharp look, surprised, appreciative, then an odd little bow of his head. ‘To tell the truth, I don’t know. First love, maybe, though I’ve heard some hard arguments the other way. I was just allowing for my ignorance, changes, and the possibilities of imagination.’
I was suddenly very curious about George Gastin, tow-truck driver. He wasn’t with Itchman’s or Bailey’s. ‘Where you from?’ I said. ‘You sure seemed to get here fast.�
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‘Twenty-one minutes,’ George said. ‘I was just turning up Sea View when I picked up the call from Itchman’s. His boys were stacked up, so I got on the horn and told ’em I was damn near on your bumper, and they gave me the go. They couldn’t get to you for a couple of hours soonest, and Bailey over on the coast is down with a busted crank. Itchman don’t give a shit. Best money is in short tows, and his garage is getting the work, anyway, as it turns out.’
‘So what are you doing driving around at dawn in this neck of the woods?’
‘My good sir,’ George huffed with mock offense, ‘a gentleman never tells.’ That maniacal glitter; the slow, delighted grin.
‘So you love around here, but don’t live around here, right?’
He shrugged. ‘Sometimes. I bum around the Northwest. Visit friends. Do some fishing. Look around. Mostly I live out of this truck here. Got a tent and a propane stove and a whole shitload of gear stashed in the tool bays. I had the truck built to my own specs by Roger Armature over in Redding. And in my travels, if I can be of help to folks, I’m glad to do it. Always interesting to meet new people, hear their stories, shoot the shit. No reason to hurry.’
‘And you tow these people for free?’ I felt unsettled; he sounded reasonable, but something wasn’t meshing.
‘Yeah, if they need it. Sometimes they’re just out of gas or got a flat or are down with some piddly-ass mechanical problem. I’m not too shabby at twisting wrenches.’
‘And no charge, right?’
‘Well, if they turn out to be outlandish assholes, I charge them for parts.’
‘Been in business long?’ I thought this was tactful enough, but George started laughing so hard he had to re-set the emergency brake. His laughter seemed so disproportionate to my unintentional wit that I was disconcerted, my confusion quickly giving way to a space-collapsing sense of claustrophobia. It struck me that maybe even a free ride with the Ghost was no bargain.
‘Hey,’ George recovered, still chuckling, ‘I’ll be in business forever. I’m not filthy rich, but I made a few sound investments in my youth and I’m pretty much free to do what pleases me, and this is what it pleases me to do.’
A cuckoo, I thought to myself. I should’ve known. Not that I’m prejudiced against strange kicks or weird behavior – often, in fact, I enjoy them myself – but I wasn’t in the mood. Why couldn’t he be excessively normal, wholly competent, eminently sane? I didn’t want an adventure in consciousness or character; I wanted a savior.
George released the emergency brake again, checked the mirrors, eased slowly off the shoulder onto the pavement, then stood on the gas. Slammed back in the seat, I twisted my head around to check my truck, certain it had torn loose and was tumbling down the road behind us. It hadn’t yet, but given the way it was whipping around, we wouldn’t be attached for long. Just when I thought his transmission would explode, George slammed into second. The big rear duals squealed for an instant, then bit, hurtling us forward. I glanced at the speedometer, convinced we must be doing 50 already, but the needle was resting on zero. I refused to believe it. My eyes frantically scanned the other gauges: tach, oil pressure, fuel, water: nothing, nada, zip. We might as well have been standing still. With an eerie, spine-freezing jolt of pure dread, for a moment I thought we were standing still, that reality had somehow inverted and left us stationary while the landscape blurred by. I felt my brain attempting to curl into a fetal position as a scream dug for traction in my lungs.
George nailed third. Expending my last bit of control, I squelched the scream and gathered my voice. I knew I’d sound foolish, but I didn’t care: ‘Excuse me, but are we standing still?’
George’s eyes never left the road. ‘Nope,’ he replied matter-of-factly, ‘we’re doing about forty-seven miles per.’ He flicked it into fourth. ‘About fifty-two now.’
I pointed out as casually as I could manage – no point in alarming him – that none of the dash gauges appeared to be functioning.
‘You got that right,’ he nodded. ‘Disconnected them. Too distracting. I listen to the engine, feel the road. Been doing it about thirty years. You get dialed-in after a bit, know what I mean? I can damn near calculate the fuel down to the last wisp of fumes and read the oil pressure with my fingertips. Not suggesting I’m perfect, understand, but when it comes to whipping it down the road I’m right up there with the best. Never been in a wreck that wasn’t on purpose, and I’ve probably made more long-distance runs in my life than you’ve whacked-off in yours.’
‘I doubt that,’ I said in all sincerity, remembering that unappeasable ache that had wracked me at puberty. The memory deflected whatever my point could’ve been, and I ended up half-blurting, ‘I thought you said you refused to live life in a hurry?’
He glanced over at me, smiling. ‘This ain’t in a hurry. This is my normal cruising groove.’
I got earnest. ‘Listen George, I’m amazed and impressed with your abilities, but I drive these roads all the time, and seventy miles an hour is about forty too fast. Slow down.’ I’d hoped to make it sound like a calm, well-reasoned request, but too much pleading quavered into my voice.
‘Well,’ George said, ‘what you got to understand is that you probably drive like Lawrence Welk, and I drive like John Coltrane. Don’t mean that as a put-down at all. I was born with it, had it on the natch; and I’ve had time to refine it. You can probably lay a tree down a foot either way from where you want it, while I’d be bucking it up in someone’s living room. Or maybe you got that nice green touch in the garden. I sure don’t. What I’m trying to tell you is relax. Just ease back, shake your cares, let it roll. I’ve been turning wheels since my feet could reach the pedals and I’ve always brought it in with the shiny side up and the dirty side down. So don’t give it a piss-ant worry. The Ghost’ll get you there.’ His tone was completely reasonable, without a trace of pleading or terror.
Streaks of ochre and crimson, the maples along Tolan Flat ripped past. George’s assurance actually seemed to relax me, or perhaps it was the exhaustion of the day in combination with the four #4’s, sweet little 16, coming on strong about then. He did seem to hit every gear slick and clean, held the road like a shadow, and generally displayed consummate skill. I gave it a moment of dull contemplation and took the best philosophical position available: Fuck it. Whatever.
‘How old are you anyway?’ George interrupted my metaphysical reverie, ‘Twenty-seven, twenty-eight?’
I had to think about it a minute. ‘I’ll be twenty-eight a month from today.’
George nodded as if the information confirmed some inner conviction. ‘Yup, that’s about how old I was when I went crazy and made my pilgrimage.’
Pilgrimage. The word wouldn’t grab hold on my smooth brain. Caravans across the relentless Sahara. Dust and deprivation. Maybe he really was some twisted religious zealot. It doesn’t matter, I told myself, truly beginning to relax. If I was going crazy, I was so far gone that all I could really do in my weakened condition was wave goodbye. Even the suicidal speed at which we were hurtling took on a strange comfort – if he wrapped it up, at least we wouldn’t suffer. Everything was beyond control. I was fading fast, functioning on my autonomic nervous system and a piece of brain about the size of well-chewed Chiclet. I was no longer capable of the intricacies of conversation, the immense effort necessary to assemble and speak words. All I truly wanted to do was vanish into a warm oblivion and come back at some other time, when everything was better. So I asked him about his pilgrimage, and then slumped back and closed my eyes to listen.
Part One
FLOORBOARD GEORGE: COAST TO COAST & GONE AGAIN
‘It is good to know
that glasses are to drink from.
The bad thing is not knowing
what thirst is for.’
—Antonio Machado
I’M GLAD YOU want to hear about my pilgrimage, but I should warn you it’s a real ear-bender. Thing is, it doesn’t make much sense unless you understand what
got me crazy enough to make it, and even then I’m not sure it’ll make any sense to you. I’m not sure – what is it now, twenty years later? – that it makes that much sense to me. But let me play you some background and we’ll see where we go.
I was born and raised in Florida, near Miami, the youngest of three kids and the only boy. My sisters were married by the time I was eight so we were never really close. My dad was a long-haul trucker, mainly citrus to the Midwest. He was a union man all the way, solid as they come. Driving big rigs was just a job to him, a skill – no romance. What he really loved were his roses. He and Mom grew these miniature roses, and every hour he wasn’t on the road he was in the rose garden. By the time he made retirement, the garden was a nursery. He died out in his rose garden one bright summer afternoon about two years after he retired. A stroke. Mom still tends the garden – got a couple of young girls to help her because she’s in her late seventies now and getting slowed down a bit, but the nursery actually makes pretty good money. People will pay serious bucks for fine roses.
When I was a kid I’d ride with my dad when school was out in summer. I loved every minute of it. The power of the diesels. Roaring through the night, imagining all the people asleep in their houses and dreaming all those dreams as the moon burned across the sky. Iowa sweltering in August and the little fan on the dash of the Kenworth barely drying the sweat. Guys waving howdy in the truck-stop cafes and kidding me whether I’d finally taken over for the old man or was still riding shotgun. Free ice cream from the waitresses and that hard-edged wiggle they used to move through the men, laughing and kidding and yelling orders to the cook.
I started learning to drive when my feet could reach the pedals at the same time my eyes cleared the wheel. I was driving relief for dad when I was sixteen, and by eighteen I was on my own. I wasn’t like dad. I had a bad case of the romance, sitting way up there above the road balling it down the pike, eaten up with white line fever. Bad enough to have the romance, but I was good at the work. Natural hand-eye coordination. The other truckers started calling me Floorboard George,’ cause that’s where I kept my right foot. Say what you want about good sense, one thing was for certain: I could cover ground. I took great pride in the fact the only tickets I ever got were moving violations, and that’s only when they could catch me. Unfortunately, they caught me over thirty times in twenty months, and when the judges in three states have jerked your license, work is hard to find. When you’re hauling perishables, it ain’t easy to justify driving around a state just because they’ll bust you for driving through it; trucking companies like you to take the shortest route, even if I could drive around Georgia and still make reasonable time.
