by Lilly Atlas
Rolling his shoulders, Copper resisted the sudden and furious urge to wrap his fingers around Rusty’s throat. Though he’d always been a little hard for some to take, Rusty hadn’t spoken about women, at least the important ones in his life that way. Then again, back then he hadn’t spent five years without female company, surrounded by hardened criminals.
“Ain’t like that.”
“No? You telling me you ain’t fuckin’ her? If you’re not, maybe I’ll take her for a spin.”
Copper leveled him with a stare that typically had his men running to obey his orders.
With a laugh, Rusty lifted his hands in surrender. “My bad. I can wait. Just send her my way when you’ve worn through her. Though if her snatch is all used up by then, I’ll probably pass.”
Jesus Christ. Every ounce of strength Copper had went toward keeping his fists balled at his sides instead of smashing his brother’s face. This better just be post-prison tension relief because it would be the one and only time Copper would listen to Rusty speak of Shell that way.
“She’s not a fuckin’ Honey, Rusty. She’s family to the club and is treated as such. Don’t forget that shit.”
Laughter had Copper bristling. “Seriously, Cop? She’s family and should be treated as such,” he said in a mock-Copper voice. More whiskey flowed out of the bottle and into Rusty’s glass. “Good thing I’m back here to set you straight. Sounds like you grew a fuckin’ pussy while I was gone.”
“Didn’t grow a pussy. Just got fucking old. Chasing a different set of tits every night loses its appeal, baby brother.”
“So, what? You and Shell playing house or some shit? Gonna put a ring on it?”
Talking about whatever was going on between him and Shell wasn’t at the top of his priority list. Didn’t seem right to discuss the relationship with his brother when he didn’t have a clue himself what was happening between them. Nothing should be happening, yet there he was kissing her senseless in the middle of the diner all because some slick suit made a play for her. “Don’t know. Still new. She’s important, though,” he said, his tone making it clear it was an order, not a statement. “She and her daughter both.”
The glass froze halfway to Rusty’s lips. Having not had any alcohol for five years, his eyes were already glassy. “She’s got a kid?”
“Oh, shit, yeah, guess you wouldn’t even know about that. Got knocked up right after she left here for college. It messed up her plans, and she never finished her degree. Stayed in New York until about a year ago when she came back to be near family.”
“Huh.” Rusty resumed drinking but stared at the back of the bar, rubbing a hand over his chin. He may not have the beard Copper did, but the height, red hair, and chin-stroke let everyone know they were blood.
Talking about Shell had him itching to see her. Seemed like days instead of hours ago that he’d woken in her bed, curled around her softness warmed by sleep and the heat of his body. Now that he’d had her, the need for more coursed through his veins like a drug. They weren’t going to be a sex once-a-week kind of couple. No fucking way.
At this point, once a day wouldn’t even be enough. Might make him the worst brother in the universe, but he couldn’t wait for Rusty to head on up to his room to get settled.
Copper needed his woman.
Shit.
He was off his fucking rocker, thinking of them as a couple. They couldn’t be a couple. Technically speaking, he was old enough to be her father. But the seal was broken. He’d fucked her, multiple times, and wasn’t willing to give that up.
Who was he kidding? It was more than sex, and he knew it.
He was fucked.
“Pass me that bottle, brother.”
“HERE.” IZZY SLID a juice glass filled to the brim with bourbon across the table. “Drink up, Shell.”
Leave it to Izzy to come packing bourbon. “Seriously? It’s three in the afternoon on a Thursday, and my child is coloring fifteen feet away. What the hell are you doing with this anyway? You’re pregnant.” Shell lowered her voice. Even though Toni was the only other person still in the diner, Shell didn’t know if Izzy had revealed her news to anyone else yet.
“You don’t need to whisper. Toni knows I’m knocked up. So does Steph. Jig hasn’t told the dudes yet. And the bourbon’s not for me. Toni called and asked me to grab Beth from preschool. When I asked if you were okay, she said shit from your past was blowing up. If that doesn’t call for bourbon, nothing does.”
“Don’t start without me, bitches,” Toni announced as she emerged from the kitchen with a giant basket of French fries. “Here.” She tossed the basket on the table. “To soak up the booze.”
Beth was happily coloring pictures for her aunties while munching on a grilled cheese sandwich Ernesto whipped up before he took off for the day. After Shell’s freak out in the bathroom, Toni let her finish out her shift, but called Izzy because, as she said, “Izzy is a badass bitch who rocks in a crisis.”
Not a soul knew the identity of Beth’s father. Until a few hours ago. The birth certificate was blank. Hell, even her mother was clueless. Everyone assumed she fucked the first man who reminded her of Copper in some lonely and lovesick desperation. Had the truth not been far worse, she’d have been insulted by their assumptions.
But seeing as how what really happened had her in therapy for two years, she let them have their false impression.
“So, what’s going on?” Izzy asked as she popped a fry in her mouth. The twenty-ounce bottle of ginger ale she was never without these past few days rested on the table in front of her. “This have anything to do with Rusty getting out of prison early? Jig called me when he left here earlier. Everyone seems psyched about it, but I gotta say, my man is not his biggest fan.”
Both Toni and Izzy looked to Shell. Since she’d grown up around the club, all explanations of past goings on fell to her. But this wasn’t something she really had any insider information on. She shrugged. “Not sure if something actually happened between them or if they’ve just always rubbed each other the wrong way. It’s not like Jig is a font of information regarding his feelings on any subject.”
“Hmm.” Izzy played with the tail of her long braid. “I’ll have to grill him about it. I have my ways of getting pretty much anything out of him,” she said with a wink.
Toni laughed. “I’m sure you do, girl. But we’re getting off topic. We’re here to talk about Shell.”
Well, damn, for a hot second, she thought maybe they’d forget about her. No such luck.
The table fell silent. Having said the words once already that day, she wasn’t sure she could get them to pass her lips a second time. An invisible fist wrapped itself around Shell’s windpipe making her suck air in restricted gasps. Memories of a time best forgotten bombarded her. Of a decision she made during impossible circumstances. Dropping her head to her hands, she tried to control her breathing.
“Shit!” Izzy said. “Whatever it is, Shell, we’ll help you through it.”
A gentle hand landed on her back, rubbing soothing circles over her spine. Within a minute, her breaths came easier and her mind cleared.
“Want me to say the words for you?” Toni whispered near her ear.
With her face still hidden, Shell nodded.
“All right.” Toni’s hand never stopped moving. “This afternoon, Shell told me that Rusty is Beth’s father.” The words were spoken low enough Beth would never overhear.
The diner grew quiet except for the repetitive swooshing of Beth’s crayon over the paper. Then Izzy said, “Well, shit, give me that fucking bottle.”
“Izzy!” Toni shrieked. “You’re pregnant. You know you can’t drink that.”
“I’m not gonna drink it. I’m just gonna hold the bottle. You can’t tell me news like that and not expect me to lean on my buddy bourbon. Hello, sweet baby,” she said to the bottle. “One day we’ll be together again.”
Shell giggled into her hands. Beside her, Toni snickered as well. After a
few seconds, Shell’s giggle grew into a full-out belly laugh. She threw back her head and just let the hilarity happen. Izzy’s comment hadn’t been that funny, but something had to crack the tension and laughter was so much better than the tears threatening to burst free. The other two joined in and they hooted together until Beth looked up from her project and said, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, baby,” Shell answered wiping tears from her eyes. “You making us pretty pictures?”
But Beth was already back in the zone and didn’t answer.
“Shit,” Izzy said. She set down the booze. “I’m guessing this isn’t something Copper is aware of.”
“No. It’s not. Rusty either. Actually, you two are the only people I’ve ever told. And if either of you tell—”
“Hey,” Toni said motioning to Izzy for the bottle. “Girl code. It’s in the vault.”
“Thank you. I hate asking you to keep something from your men, but I just can’t have them all knowing. Not yet.”
“You don’t have to worry about it.” Izzy reached across the table and squeezed Shell’s hand. “Like Toni said, girl code.” Grabbing a fistful of fries, she asked, “Did you guys date?”
“No!” Her answer was immediate and so strong, both women jumped, then shared a concerned glance. “Uh, sorry, no we didn’t date. Have never dated.”
“So, a drunken night of fun at the clubhouse followed by a terrible mistake of a one-night stand?” Izzy asked with her mouth full of crispy potato goodness.
Shell dropped a fry midway to her mouth. She couldn’t have swallowed it if her life depended on it. Showed just how bad the situation really was that she wished she’d done what Izzy predicted. “No.”
“Did, um…” Toni wrung her hands. “Did he rape you?”
And there was the question that drove her to therapy even before Beth was born. For months after Rusty went to prison, Shell struggled with guilt, heartache, and shame so severe she couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and had a difficult time making it through her basic daily tasks. Once she saw the tiny swell of her pregnant belly pop out, she knew she needed to get her head on straight. Protecting her daughter was the most important thing, and she couldn’t do that if she couldn’t take care of herself.
“It’s more complicated than that,” Shell said, tearing shreds off a napkin. “I made the choice to sleep with him, and I own that, but it wasn’t because I wanted him or wanted to be with him. There were…circumstances that led me to feel I really had no choice.”
The decision to sleep with Rusty was something that caused her so much anguish and guilt over the years. Because she had chosen to sleep with Rusty. She never fought him, never told him no, basically let him do whatever he wanted to her. But it had been a choice made under extreme duress. He’d given her two options, and the bitch of it was, she’d picked the lesser of two evils.
Suddenly her skin prickled, and she rubbed her arms, the memories of Rusty’s touch like an irritating rash. The realization of what she’d just confessed crashed down around her. Oh, God, people knew her secret. The need to curl into a ball and hide her face slammed into her. “I have to go.”
Toni’s arm came around her shoulders. “Hold on, let’s talk a little more. If Beth gets cranky, I’ll just make her a milkshake.”
“No, I mean leave.” She shook her head. “Leave town. Move somewhere else.”
Toni gasped, letting her arm fall. “No, Shell, you can’t. You tried that once, and it didn’t work. You were away for years and came back because this is your home. You belong here.”
Shell hung her head as the weight of the world settled on her shoulders. “I came back here thinking I’d have years before Rusty was even eligible to get out. And now…it’s just too risky for us to stay here.” Glancing up, she took in her friend’s open-mouthed stare.
“But…” Toni looked so stricken Shell wanted to hug her. “But you and Copper are just starting something. Think about Copper. You can’t leave now.”
The laugh that left Shell’s lips wasn’t one of humor. “Trust me, I am thinking of Copper. I’m always thinking of Copper. This news would destroy him. He’d kill Rusty, and then where would we be? Certainly not living happily ever after in a little ranch with a white picket fence.”
“But—” Toni started.
“Okay, hold up,” Izzy said, lifting her hands. “Let’s all take a breath for a moment—wait, did you just say she got with Copper?”
Shell nodded, her face heating. God, she wanted to stay if for no other reason than to explore this thing with Copper. But life didn’t always give you what you wanted. That was for damn sure.
“Shit, girls, I missed everything this morning. Damn job, getting in the way of my juicy gossip.” Izzy waved her hand in front of her face. “I digress. Look, Shell, you don’t need to give us any details. The details don’t matter, and you don’t owe them to us. We’ll support you no matter what you decide. But you do owe them to Copper. And at some point, it’s going to come out. Even if you leave. It’s not as though Rusty won’t find out you’re a mother. And he might be a motherfucker, but I’m sure he’s smart enough to add two plus two. Or one plus one in this case.”
All good points. But if she and Beth were far away, Rusty couldn’t blackmail her. Couldn’t lord Copper over her head. Couldn’t torture her as he’d done in the past. Couldn’t make her…
Shit, she shuddered. Would he try to get her back into his bed? The fries she’d eaten sat in her stomach like clay brick.
“Even if you run, what’s to say he won’t use whatever hold he has on you to get you to come back again? Once an asshole always an asshole. If he’s going to do something, you moving might not make a difference.”
Well, shit. Izzy sure knew how to take a bad situation and cover it in mud. But she had a point. A valid point. Rusty wasn’t above blackmailing her to return home with Beth. “Fuck,” Shell whispered.
“I have an idea. Let’s give it a few weeks. See how things are going to play out. For the past five years, Rusty’s been in prison. I have a feeling the only thing on his mind is tearing through the Honeys and drinking himself stupid. Take that time to get your head on straight. Come up with a plan. You’re going to have to tell Copper at some point.” Izzy uncapped her ginger ale and took a small sip.
When Izzy said it, the idea of talking with Copper sounded so feasible. But then, Shell hadn’t told her friends the entire story. Copper’s devastated reaction was only one of the issues she’d be dealing with. Still, it appeared her reprieve was up, and she’d have no choice but to tell him soon.
“I think it’s a good plan. Don’t make any rash decisions, Shell. And when the time comes that you’re ready to tell Copper, we’ll have your back. I promise we’ll stand with you.” Toni placed a hand over Shell’s.
“Absofuckinglutely,” Izzy said.
A lump formed in Shell’s throat. “If it comes down to it, you have to remain loyal to the club. To your men.”
“You are the club, Shell.” Toni put her arms around Shell’s shoulders. “I refuse to believe anyone would make us choose. Besides, we’re sisters as much as the guys are brothers. Never forget that.”
“And,” Izzy said with a shrug. “Jig already thinks Rusty is a fuckwad. He’d never side with him over you.”
For the first time since the day she sat naked on her bathroom floor staring at a positive pregnancy test, the warmth of having someone in her corner eroded the icy blanket of loneliness she wore daily. She had friends, she had support, she had women who believed her and believed in her without even knowing the full story. Based solely on the power of her character.
Maybe, just maybe, there was a way to come out of this without new wounds on her heart.
But could she say the same for Copper?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SHELL WAS PULLING away. She’d tried a hundred flimsy excuses to get out of coming to Rusty’s party. Copper had shot down every one with ease, but even after agreeing to att
end, she seemed reluctant.
Shit, maybe all she’d ever wanted from him was a half dozen or so orgasms. Nothing more. For years, his brothers ragged on him, telling him she wasn’t only hot for his dick, but head over heels in love with him, too.
Could they have been wrong? Was she satisfied now that he’d scratched her itch?
No. That was bullshit. She hadn’t been with a man in the year she’d been back. Might make him a stalker, but he was positive no one had touched her. Shell wasn’t the fuck for fucking’s sake kind of woman.
She has a child, supposedly with a man she fucked to get you off her brain.
To be honest, Copper wasn’t sure he believed that explanation. It was a little too pat. A little too easily wrapped up in a bow. Too out of character for the Shell he knew. Plus, it didn’t explain why Beth’s father was entirely out of the picture and Shell all but refused to speak of him. No, there was something else to the story. Something painful. Every time he thought of it, his gut churned, alerting him something was off. Over the years, he’d learned to trust his gut above all.
And someday, he was going to get the story out of her.
Of course, he’d have to get her to stop refusing him first. Over the past three days, she’d come up with bullshit reasons to avoid spending time alone with him. Not what he’d expected after she’d blown his mind Wednesday afternoon.
He was an idiot. Instead of complaining, he should be looking at her hesitancy as a gift from God. An easy out. Couple of hot fucks then done. Wasn’t that the perfect scenario? He wouldn’t have to extricate himself from the situation. He should jump on that train and get back to the way things were. He’d been tossing out reasons to stay away from her for years, yet he couldn’t just walk away.
Shell had secrets. Another reason to let this fizzle out. But he just couldn’t walk away. Though it didn’t seem to be a problem for her. The cold shoulder was pissing him the fuck off.
Especially right then when she looked like a combination of an angel and a biker’s wet dream. Rusty’s welcome home party was in full swing, and unlike Copper’s recent birthday event, this one was planned by the guys. That meant many, many, wasted women in barely-there clothing, brothers in various stages of fucking both behind closed doors and out in the open, and enough booze to float the entire clubhouse.
