From this point on and for the next 12 years, just to drive home the insanity and obsession, Dad would still try to harass me into conversations and speak of the matches as if they were only a week old. To this day he can name dates, times, events, and the names and teams of nearly all my opponents strictly from memory. This ended in 1996. Only in the last couple of years have I seen it finally start to recede and him cease to obsess. But my hatred for him remains. It has never faded.
- Male, 30’s, Ohio
The worst part about abuse is that no matter where it starts, whether it be physically on the outside, sexually, or mentally from the inside, it manifests to each and every thought.
Every thought becomes about what you have been through. Why me? If I do one thing wrong will it happen again? Will everyone see me as less than normal now? You begin to feel like living in your own skin alone is cringe-worthy, like walking on eggshells.
Courage is to rise above your situation and emotions and look at reality. Courage is to realize your worth is not determined by anyone but you. Courage is realizing that no situation of your past or actions of another human being defines you. Courage is making your life what you want it to be because you know you are strong enough to overcome whatever comes your way.
My advice to a teen or anyone for that matter that is being abused is, don’t be afraid to do what’s necessary to get out of your toxic situation. There are still great people in this world. Share your story and don’t feel guilty about taking time and learning to love yourself. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and when you finally get there, you will know what it feels like to have a broken heart heal.
Being broken does not mean you are unworthy, it just means when all of your pieces come back together, finally, you are a masterpiece. There is a skill to learn in every situation brought upon us in life, and in abusive instances, your skill becomes a strength. Keep pushing forward.
- Brittaney S., 20’s, Coshocton, Oh
I am going through so much right now: just starting a divorce, we have three kids, and he was with someone 12 days after we split up and has had our kids with her not letting me know until my daughter and a friend told me about it! Mad at me because I don’t think it’s right to have the kids around her yet (oh yeah, and he got drunk with her the night he had the kids. Both had accidents because they were camping and scared to go out to the bathroom because he was sleeping with his new girlfriend in his truck and had them in a camper. So, I had to clean them the next morning).
But we were together over 7 years, and he is now telling me he never loved me and calling me every name he can to hurt me! 7 years he has mentally beat me to the ground to the point I feel I’m not good enough for anyone! He has left me probably 10 times in that time frame but came back never said sorry just said we would work it out? He broke and trashed so many things in our houses. He checked himself into Chillicothe at the V.A. once, and he promised me that if I “okayed” his release, he would keep up with his counselor and medication. But he didn’t, and it went bad again shortly after that! The kids and I were scared of him. We walked on eggshells, so to say, on a daily basis never knowing if he was going to flip out over something.
He didn’t pay attention to the kids or me and if he did it normally wasn’t good attention. He took over our bedroom and turned it into “his” room. The kids weren’t allowed back there, he had his computer stuff in there, but that wasn’t the reason, he just didn’t want to deal with them!
I’ve slept on the couch for four years because he refused to take the locks off of the doors that went to our youngest daughter’s room (she is only 4 now). But I didn’t feel safe not being able to get to her quickly. We had already lost one house to a fire, so I am scared about things like that, but he still didn’t worry that I slept on the couch while he was back in his room! And yes, he worked and paid the bills but that’s what he wanted, he wanted me to stay home with the kids! But he ignored us if he had company over, his dad or friends, and they all went back to his room to “smoke.” I don’t do that, so I didn’t fit in, so I just went about and did whatever. But if I ever had a friend over (I only have a couple), he was right out, normally staring at them like he was undressing them (that made me feel even shittier about myself). But then he would take over the conversation and talk to them, not me, and if I tried to talk, he always talked over me. So, I rarely had friends over!
But he could come and go as he pleased and be gone as long as he wanted with no explanation. He wouldn’t watch the kids for me to go to the grocery store, so I had to take my girls with me. Caleb is 15, so he stays home. But if I went to my friend Dayna’s house, it was always 20 questions: where? How long? What for? And, my goodness, if I stayed a little longer than expected he would be sooo pissed when I came home, he wouldn’t talk to me!
And 7 years I was never allowed my own bank card, never put on any of his accounts, I was given an allowance, as he called it, for groceries and what was needed for the house! But he spent and bought what he wanted, when he wanted, and I never could question it.
He has mentally beat me down so bad, I should be happy we are apart, but it’s really hard to hear him say he started sleeping with someone 12 days after we separated and that he never loved me! He is 32 his new girlfriend is like 18-20, I don’t know, but it’s his little sister’s friend. She has a little girl, so he is now playing house with her! He is now threatening to shut off my cell phone, won’t give me money to take the kids to lake/park this weekend, because his girlfriend will have her kid, so he wants ours to come play/babysit!
And he told me earlier he was done and not to ask him for anything anymore. He didn’t care; it’s not his problem anymore!! And I’m so sorry to bother you with this, but I just guess I want to know I’m not crazy and if anyone else thinks this shit is wrong? And also, I just need to vent to someone else who understands depression and what it truly feels like. My panic attacks have started again, but normally just sitting with my girls and having them rub my back and talk with them will ease them up! Again, sorry to bother you with all of my “drama” as he calls it.
- Lacey Boyer, 30’s, Ohio
(Sent via messenger, and then I asked if she would like to have her story added to this book.)
Abuse Help Information
Sexual Assault
- National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-4673
- Website: Rainn.org
- Website: Publichealth.org/resources/sexual-abuse
- Website: D2L.org/get-help/national-resources
- Phone: 866) 367-5444
Domestic Violence
- Website: Domesticshelters.org
- Website: Womenshelth.gov
- Website: Loveisrespect.org
- Website: Bwss.org/resources/information-on-abuse/
- Website: Thehotline.org
- Website: Futureswithoutviolence.org
Child Abuse
- www.Childhelp.org
- 1-800-422-4453
Books by Jacob Paul Patchen
Fiction
Sheltered: When a Boy Becomes a Legend
(upper middle-grade fiction, action/war, 2020)
Children’s
Words That Matter
(children’s picture book series, TouchPoint Press, 2019)
Poetry
Of Love and War
(poetry, Adelaide Books, 2018)
Creative Nonfiction
Life Lessons from Grandpa and His Chicken Coop
(creative nonfiction, family/inspiration, 2015)
Talking S. H. I. T. (Social, Humorous and Inspirational Thoughts)
(creative nonfict
ion, collaboration of social/humor blog, 2017)
See more of Jacob at Jacobpaulpatchen.com or on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTube.
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
Word-of-mouth is crucial for any author to succeed. If you enjoyed the book, please leave a review online—anywhere you are able. Even if it’s just a sentence or two. It would make all the difference and would be very much appreciated.
Thanks!
Jacob
About the Author
Jacob Graham, writing as Jacob Paul Patchen, is an Ohio writer who earns his inspiration through experience. He uses a unique voice of wit and grit to write about social issues, such as family, love, humor, learning, and war. Jacob is a five-star author of several books in various genres, an award-winning poet, and a combat veteran.
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At Daddy’s Hands Page 18
