by Helen Lacey
“A month?” he said again, gentler this time, less demanding, more appealing.
And Annie felt her resolve slipping. Since she didn’t have a job to start, she could be a little flexible. “Three weeks. I’ll give you an extra week.”
He smiled fractionally. “A compromise? It’s a start. Although, I still think three weeks isn’t nearly long enough to find a replacement. It took me six months to find you.”
There was something absurdly intimate about the way he said the words and she colored hotly. I really need to pull myself together. Imagining that everything David said to her suddenly had some kind of hidden meaning was ridiculous.
“I’m sure a good placement agency could help you,” she said and sipped her tea. “Just tell them what you need and they’ll send through applicants with the right qualifications.”
“What I need?” he echoed and glanced at her for a moment before focusing his attention toward the fireplace. “Let’s see...someone who is reliable, responsible,” he said and counted the attributes with his fingers on one large hand. “Trustworthy. Honest. And someone who will cherish my children above anything or anyone else. I don’t know...seems unrealistic to expect I can have all that twice in a matter of a few years.”
Heat burned behind Annie’s eyes and she blinked tears away discreetly. She didn’t want to hear praise from him now. It only made her leaving all the more difficult. Which he would know, because David was smart and clearly knew how to push her buttons.
“That person sounds too good to be true,” she said flippantly.
“I know,” he said, keeping his gaze directly ahead. “But I found her, nonetheless.”
“I thought I was the one who did the finding,” she reminded him. “I approached you, remember?”
“Thank god,” he said and sighed heavily. “After that last drill sergeant, I thought I’d never find you.”
It was an odd conversation. Talking about finding one another in that way, to an outside observer, would sound as though they were speaking of lost loves and soul mates—not finding a suitable nanny for his children. But Annie knew in her heart that David would only ever see her as the woman who had stepped into the role of caretaker for his kids.
“I’m sure you’ll get someone else who will do a good job,” she assured him.
“You know,” he said, still not looking at her. “If you want to go to Hawaii, we can go.”
“Hawaii?” she repeated incredulously.
“You said you wanted to go to Hawaii. Okay,” he said and shrugged a bit. “I’ll take you.”
“I don’t—”
“I haven’t been on a real vacation for years and the kids would love it,” he said and glanced sideways. “We could ask Nan and Ivan and Leah to come along...make a real family trip of it.”
Annie stared at him, her head reeling. A family trip? His family. Jayne McCall’s family. And Annie would be there as an employee, looking after the kids, doing what she did best.
“No.”
“No?” he repeated. “Just like that?”
“Just like that,” she replied and sipped more of her tea, wishing for the rain to stop so that she could get up, get out and get away. “But you’re right, you should go on a vacation. The kids would love it. And I’m sure your new nanny will enjoy a working holiday.”
“I didn’t mean a working vacation,” he said loosely, but Annie saw the way his eyes crinkled at the corners and knew he was tense. “I meant that you could chill out...you know, relax. I could book a couple of suites at one of those big resorts near the beach. I’ll look after the kids and you can drink those fancy coconut cocktails with the little umbrellas in them and read your romance novels while you hang out by the pool in a bikini and—”
“Bikini?” She spluttered the word out with a mouthful of tea. “I don’t do bikinis.”
“Why not?”
Heat suffused her cheeks. “Because...because this is not a bikini kind of body and—”
“You should like your body more,” he said quietly and unexpectedly.
Annie didn’t dare look at him. It was a very un-David thing to say. She stole a quick glance in his direction. He was staring into the fire, but she noticed a tiny pulse beating in his cheek
He shook his head, almost to himself. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, it wasn’t appropriate.”
Annie tutted. “Stop stressing David, you’re the most appropriate man I’ve ever known. You could write a rule book on appropriate behavior.”
He turned his head and met her gaze, and something flashed between them. The kind of look she never expected to see in his eyes. For a moment, for one of those flashes of time where the world seemed to stop spinning and everything was focused on only the two of them, Annie could have sworn she registered something that looked a lot like a straight-up physical reaction. Simple chemistry. Awareness. Desire.
No. Impossible.
She’d become a master at hiding her feelings. The queen of denial. He couldn’t know she wanted him, craved him, wondered what it would be like to be made love to by him. And even if he did, he certainly wouldn’t respond in kind.
She was imagining it. She had to be.
* * *
Strange, David mused as he looked at her, but it took all of his willpower to push back the mental image he had suddenly running riot through his brain. Images of Annie lying on the sand wearing nothing but a tiny, revealing bikini. The idea sideswiped him for a second, and then settled in his blood. The clingy, ill-fitting T-shirt wasn’t helping, either. It outlined every dip and curve and left nothing to the imagination. His groin tightened and he shifted uncomfortably, trying to think of something intelligent to say, coming up with nothing. Sure, he wasn’t usually much of a talker, but he’d never had trouble talking to Annie. If anything, she was one of the few people he felt genuinely comfortable around. But this feeling...this was different. He wasn’t prepared for it. He was...confused.
And he didn’t want to be confused about Annie. He didn’t want to blur the lines. All he needed was for her to stay and care for his kids. He certainly didn’t need to be thinking about her walking along the beach, her lovely curves encased in a bikini top, her hips swinging sexily as she moved. How it might feel to touch her. To run his hand through her honey-colored hair, or bring a lock to his lips...
Goddammit. He cut it off before his imagination could run any further. That was stupid of him. And improper. She worked for him. He was her boss. The simple fact she was employed to care for his kids should have waved liked a red flag at that moment. Like it usually did.
So why was it suddenly so hard for him to shut that door?
“The rain’s stopped.”
Annie’s voice pulled him from his unexpected sex-on-the-brain trance and he quickly got to his feet. “So it has. I’ll turn off the generator and get the horses ready, if you’d like to lock up.”
He didn’t wait for her reply, didn’t dare look at her again. He dumped remains of his tea in the sink, doused the fire—imagining it was his libido that was also getting put out—and left the cottage quickly, taking deep breaths as he made his way to the generator shed. Five minutes later he had the horses ready and was waiting outside for her. She came out, her damp shirt tied around her waist. David ignored her as she put on her boots, but passed her his rain coat when she came down the steps and walked around Star.
“No, I couldn’t possibly—”
“Take it,” he insisted and pushed the coat into her hands. He sprang into the saddle and waited for her to put on the coat and mount her horse. For a city dweller, Annie had taken to horses liked a seasoned pro. He’d taught her to ride soon after she started working with their family, and admired her skill and determination to be an accomplished rider. “Ready?”
She nodded and pushed her Stetson down low. “Let’s go.”
T
he ride back to the stables would take close to an hour as the ground was muddy and slippery and they had to be content with a brisk walk. David stayed in front a few strides, checking the ground for holes or collapsed rabbit burrows. It rained again and he got soaked through, but he ignored it and continued on.
“Annie,” he said when he couldn’t stand any more of the silence, easing King to a slower pace so she could catch up.
She looked at him. “What?”
David tried to smile, but his jaw felt like granite. “Did you mean what you said earlier? You know, about me being...appropriate?” he asked and then continued on before he lost his nerve. “Because if I’ve ever behaved in a way that makes you feel as though you’re not completely safe, it was never intentional.”
She laughed. Laughed? When he was torn up inside wondering if he’d ever overstepped. “Believe me, David, you have always been a complete gentleman. I know exactly how you feel about me.”
She did? Right. The thing was, in that moment, David had no freaking clue.
When they reached the ranch, Rudy was waiting for them and they quickly dismounted.
“Give them a brushdown and a feed,” he said and undid the cinch.
He didn’t wait for Annie. Didn’t want to talk to her for the moment. He didn’t want to dwell on the confusion churning through his head. Didn’t want to think about her leaving the ranch, her online fireman boyfriend or what she looked like in a bikini. He headed directly for his bedroom at the rear of the house, ditched his clothes and took a shower, as icy cold as he could stand. He dressed in fresh jeans, a clean shirt and loafers, gathered up the wet clothes and headed for the laundry room.
And bumped head-on into Annie in the doorway.
She yelped in surprise, dropping the basket in her hands. “Sorry,” she said and bent to pick it up. She’d clearly showered and changed also, and no longer wore the skin-tight T-shirt. But the loose-fitting pink shirt she had on gaped as she bent over, revealing the soft curve of her breasts and some kind of spandex sports bra that shouldn’t have raised his blood pressure a notch, but did. He ignored the inconvenient twitch suddenly rumbling through his body and grabbed the basket so she could continue picking up her clothes. The scent of her perfume, or body lotion, or shampoo or something, assailed him instantly and he sucked in a breath, startled by how the mix of vanilla and spice unexpectedly alerted his senses. He’d picked up the same scent countless times before...but in the warm confines of the laundry, it was stronger, more intense, able to work its way under his skin and through his blood.
David cleared his throat and waited, then gently pushed the basket back into her hands.
“The kids...” Her voice trailed off.
“What?”
“They’re in the kitchen having a snack, with Mittie. I’m going to play a card game with them.”
“It’s your day off,” he reminded her.
She nodded, but he noticed that her cheeks were ruddy. “I need to talk to them, you know, to tell them I’m leaving.”
“We’ll do it together.”
She looked surprised. “Oh, I thought you’d...”
“What?” he queried. “Leave you to do it alone?” He shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Do you?”
“No. But this morning you said you weren’t going to play bad cop.”
“I was angry this morning,” he admitted quietly.
She look startled by his candor. “And now?”
Now I’m just confused.
“I just want to protect my kids, Annie. That’s my job.”
Her eyes glistened, like she was fighting back emotion. Whatever was going on between them, he didn’t like to think she was upset, even if she had turned his world upside down.
“Spend whatever time you need with the kids,” he said, secretly wanting nothing more than to get away from her. “I’ll join you soon.”
She bit her lower lip, and he wondered for a moment if she wanted to ask him something, but she didn’t.
She disappeared, but David stayed in the laundry room for a moment, loading the washing machine, then slamming the door harder than necessary. He rested his hands on the machine and took a long breath, exhaling heavily. Get a grip. He couldn’t believe how complicated things had become in a matter of hours. Yesterday his life was perfectly normal. He had routine. He knew what to expect. Everything was okay in his world. But Annie had blown that routine spectacularly out of the water.
David was tempted to lock himself in his office for an hour or so to help get the chaos out of his head. Work always cleared his thoughts. After Jayne and his mom had died, it was work that got him through the tough days. That, and stepping up to be both mother and father to his kids. And of course, soon after, there was Annie. Like an angel, she’d picked up the scattered pieces and brought calm to the chaos.
David sighed. Hiding in his office wasn’t the answer. Annie planned on telling the kids and he needed to be there when she did. He stretched his back as his gut rumbled. The day had been so dramatic he’d forgotten to eat. He left the laundry and walked to the kitchen, finding his kids at the table, playing a game of Go Fish with Annie. She looked up when he entered the room, her lovely mouth curling into a smile at the edges.
Lovely mouth?
Where on earth did that come from?
David shook his head, moved around the countertop and opened the refrigerator, acutely aware that she was watching his every move, but trying to look as though she wasn’t.
“Where’s Mittie?” he asked.
“In her room,” Annie replied. “She said she had an email to send to her travel agent.”
“Did you tell her...” His voice trailed off and he shrugged lightly.
“Yes.”
“Daddy,” Scarlett said and turned, grinning in the way that always made David’s heart flip over. “Jasper doesn’t play fair.”
Annie laughed softly and the sound echoed around the room. Had he ever noticed before how sweet and husky her laugh was? He met her gaze, half smiled for a second and then stopped rummaging through the refrigerator for a snack. His daughter didn’t quite know the rules of the game, but she certainly knew when her brother was cheating.
“Jasper,” he said with one brow raised. “No cheating, okay, sport?”
Jasper shrugged and widened his eyes innocently. “Sure, Dad.”
David returned to the refrigerator and spotted a leftover serving of lasagna. He unwrapped the dish, then popped it into the microwave. Before he pressed the timer, Annie spoke.
“Ah, Jasper... Scarlett,” she said quietly, “there’s something I need to tell you.”
David noticed that her hands were pressed flat on the table. She was nervous and he saw real pain in her expression. He tried being mad at her and failed. The truth was, she’d given far more than she’d taken over the years. He came around the counter, perched on the edge of a stool and waited for her to speak.
“I’m going away soon,” she explained simply, her voice almost cracking. “In a few weeks. Which means I won’t be your nanny anymore.”
David watched as she swallowed hard after each long breath. And he knew, in that moment, how hard it was for her.
No one said anything for several seconds. Scarlett was fiddling with her cards and he noticed that Jasper was tugging on his bottom lip with his teeth.
“So, you won’t be taking care of us?” his son asked quietly, his concentration focused on the cards in his hand.
Annie nodded and spoke gently. “No, sweetie, I won’t. You’ll have a new nanny who will look after you.”
His son still didn’t look up. “Just not you?”
Scarlett got off her chair and stood beside Annie. “But I don’t want a new nanny.”
Annie grasped his daughter’s hand gently. “I know you don’t and it’ll be hard at first
. For all of us,” she added and glanced up at him.
David saw his daughter’s expression crumble and his heart just about broke. His kids understood. They knew what Annie’s departure would mean to them. They knew how lost they would all be.
“I don’t want you to leave,” Scarlett said, her bottom lip wobbling. “I want you to stay. I want—”
“Scarlett,” David said and moved to the table, reaching for his daughter when the tears in her eyes became too much to bear. “It’ll be okay, honey,” he said and hauled her into his arms. “I promise.”
She hugged him, dropping her face into his shoulder, hiccuping a couple of times. He noticed she was still holding the cards tightly in her small hand. “How about you finish your game?” he suggested and sat her back down at the table.
Scarlett nodded and let out a shuddering beath. “Okay, Daddy.”
David met Annie’s gaze, noticing how bright her eyes shone, and suspected she was barely hanging on to her emotions. He managed a tight smile. Trying to offer comfort, even though she’d turned his world upside down.
“You okay, buddy?” he asked his son and ruffled his hair.
Jasper nodded, blinking hard. “Will you play cards with us, Dad?”
He looked at Jasper’s strained expression and quickly sat. As much as he, too, was confused by Annie’s decision, he wouldn’t show it in front of his children. “Sure. Deal me in.”
They played a round and he ignored the tense silence. But by the second round Jasper tossed his cards into the middle of the table and said he’d had enough and quickly left the room.
“Should I go to him?” Annie asked, half rising.
David got to his feet, noticing how Scarlett was once again holding Annie’s hand. “I’ll do it.”
He found Jasper in his room, sitting in a chair by his fish tank. He remained by the door for a moment, remembering how he’d had to have the hard conversation about Jayne’s death over four years earlier. Jasper had been so young, and it had taken time for the reality of losing his mom to truly sink in. For the first few days he’d cried a lot, and then, suddenly, he stopped, and never appeared to cry again. David wondered if he was right in letting Jasper keep his pain dammed up at such a young age. But he’d never wanted to force his son to talk about his mother or the accident. He figured he would, when he was ready.
