by Sandi Lynn
“I guess I’ll have to, and she will tell me the truth.”
“Be careful, Chase. You might not want to hear the truth.”
I finished the program I was working on and didn’t leave the office until eight p.m. I hadn’t spoken to Kinsley because I didn’t want to deal with her attitude at the office. But now I was ready, so I showed up at her apartment unannounced.
“What are you doing here, Chase?” she asked as she opened the door.
“We need to talk and you’re going to tell me what the hell your problem is,” I spoke in a stern voice as I stepped inside her apartment.
****
Kinsley
I spent the last week trying to figure out how to tell him about the baby, but I couldn’t. A part of me was scared, but I knew he had the right to know. I did a lot of soul searching during the last few days and accepted the fact that this was real and I was going to be a mom. Strength had to become my best friend for I would not be the kind of mother mine was to me.
“What are you talking about?” I sighed.
“You have been unbearable. You don’t want to see me, you won’t have sex with me, and whenever I try to talk to you, you act like you hate me. What the fuck did I do to you? Because if I did something, I sure as hell have no clue what it was.”
“I just think it’s best that we don’t see each other anymore outside of work.”
“And why not?”
“Because.”
“Damn it, Kinsley. ‘Because’ isn’t an answer!” he shouted so loud that I flinched and lost control.
“Isn’t this exactly what you wanted?” I shouted back.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I overheard your conversation with Lexi in your office. The one about us getting too close and how you were going to let things fade between us.”
“You heard that?”
“Yes, I did.”
“You knew I couldn’t be anything more than just a sexual partner with you. I told you that from the start!” He pointed at me. “And you agreed. You said you weren’t looking for anything else.”
“Oh no.” I shook my finger at him. “You aren’t putting the blame on me. I never once hinted to you that I wanted anything more.”
“I’m not going to stand here and argue about this with you,” he sternly spoke.
“Of course you’re not, because you’re the one with the issues. So anti-relationship. Scared to death to get involved with someone for one reason or another. Have to sleep with every woman you lay eyes on and don’t give a damn how bad you hurt them. You walk around L.A. like you’re God’s greatest gift to the world, but in reality, you’re just a scared little boy trapped inside a man’s body hiding behind all your mommy issues!” I shouted.
He stood there and stared at me as anger overtook him.
“You don’t know a damn thing about my mother, and how dare you say that to me. I’m done with you!” he yelled as he pointed his finger at me. “Done!” He headed towards the door and placed his hand on the doorknob.
“I’m pregnant,” I spoke in a calm manner.
He froze and slightly turned his head.
“What did you just say?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Is it mine?” he asked, refusing to look at me.
“Of course it’s yours. You’re the only man I slept with.”
He turned around and faced me. My heart was rapidly beating, and I felt sick to my stomach. So sick that I felt like I was going to pass out, so I sat down on the couch.
“When did you find out?” he asked in an authoritative tone.
“Last week when I went to the doctor.”
“You told me he said it was a virus.”
“I was in shock and I was trying to figure out a way to tell you.”
“Are you keeping it?”
“Yes. I’m keeping it.”
“I don’t want to be a father, Kinsley. Not now, not ever. Fuck! How did this happen? You took the morning after pill.”
“Apparently, I had already ovulated.”
“I can’t believe this is happening.” He placed his hands on his head.
“Me either. But it is. I’ve thought a lot the past week and nobody will ever know you’re the father. So, you don’t have to worry about your precious reputation. I’m going to raise this baby alone and I’ll have papers drawn up relinquishing you of your parental rights.”
“You’d do that?” he calmly asked.
“Yes.”
“And what are you going to tell people when they ask who the father is?”
“I’ll tell them I had a one-night stand with someone.”
“I can give you a lump sum of money. You won’t have to worry about not being able to support it.”
“I don’t want anything from you, Chase, and I certainly don’t want your money. I’m going to raise this baby by myself and I’ll make it work like I’ve done my whole life.”
“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked.
“Yes. This baby didn’t ask to be created and I sure as hell am not turning my back on him or her.”
“I hope you understand that I can’t be a part of this.”
“I do understand, and I don’t want you to be a part of this.”
“Okay. As long as we’re in agreement. I have to go.” He walked out the door.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chase
I shut the door to her apartment and inhaled a deep breath, taking in the fresh night air. This was too much to handle and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t call my friends because they were never to know that I was the father of Kinsley’s baby, and I certainly couldn’t tell my dad. I was on my own with this one. As long as Kinsley stood by her word, my life wouldn’t change and no one would ever know. She was strong, a lot stronger than me, and she could do it.
I drove home and went down to the beach, staring at the dark ocean water with a bottle of scotch in one hand and the other tucked into my pants pocket. Bringing the bottle up to my lips, I took a large drink, trying to calm the nervousness that resided inside me. I sat down in the sand and wished that Kinsley would have lied to me and told me someone else was the father.
“Why? Why are you doing this to me?” I spoke as I looked up at the starry sky. “You know how I am. You know I run and you know I never let myself get involved. I forgave you years ago after she left me. I thought that was my ultimate punishment. But now this? Why would you do that?” I took another drink. “The kid didn’t ask for this and he or she certainly didn’t ask for me to be its father. Is this another punishment for the way I live my life? Because if it is, you’ve really outdone yourself on this one.” Once again, I brought the bottle up to my lips and finished off the scotch that was inside it.
Falling back into the soft sand, I thought about Kinsley, and the reasons I was so upset she rejected me. The reasons why I kept sleeping with her. The reasons why I cared when she was sick, and the reasons why I didn’t want her seeing anyone else but me. I closed my eyes to stop the tears from stinging and before I knew it, the sun had risen.
****
One week later
The past week had been total hell. Kinsley and I didn’t utter a word to one another. In fact, I barely saw her the whole week. I purposely stayed away from my father’s office, which wasn’t hard since he was gone on a business trip. I was sitting at my desk, when there was a knock at the door.
“What is it, Lexi?”
“It’s not Lexi,” Kinsley spoke as she opened the door. “She’s at lunch.”
“What can I do for you?”
“I have the papers for you to sign.”
“Papers?” I asked in confusion.
“The ones relinquishing your parental rights.” She handed me the envelope. “I hired an attorney and explained to him the situation. He said the courts could deny it, so he made sure everything was properly indicated.”
“As in?”
“You�
�re giving up rights to the child voluntarily, I agree, and that I want no money for support. There’s a few other things listed. You’ll see them when you read over the documents. You should have your attorney look at it as well.”
“I will. Thanks, Kinsley. How are you feeling?”
“Tired, but fine. I just wanted to drop those off. I need to grab something to eat before my lunch hour is over.”
“Yeah. Sure. Enjoy your lunch.”
She walked out of my office as I held the large envelope in my hands. I didn’t have time to look over the documents, so I put the envelope in my briefcase for later.
****
Kinsley
This was for the best and I knew it. He didn’t want to be a father and I wasn’t going to force him to be. I wasn’t going to let my child grow up like I did. I was an accident and my father didn’t want me, but my mother forced him to be a small part of my life, and to be honest, I think I would have been better off if I never knew him.
Shortly after I got home from work, there was a knock at my door.
“Delilah.” I smiled.
“Hello, dear. I brought over dinner. I hope you don’t have plans.”
“Actually, I don’t have any plans. Come in.”
She stepped into my apartment with her large red casserole dish and brown-handled paper bag and went into the kitchen.
“I made a chicken dumpling casserole and a fresh homemade loaf of bread.”
“Sounds delicious. That was so sweet of you to do that.”
I reached up and pulled down two plates from the cabinet.
“We haven’t had much of a chance to talk lately,” she spoke. “Plus, I wanted to check up on you and see if you were all right.”
“I’m fine.” I smiled as we sat down at the table.
“One night last week, I was going for a walk and I heard a lot of shouting coming from the apartment. Then, when I was on my way back, I saw Chase leaving and he didn’t look happy. I haven’t seen him back here since.”
“Chase and I aren’t seeing each other anymore.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. You two made such a cute couple.”
“We weren’t a couple, Delilah. We were more—”
“Friends with benefits?” She smiled.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You know what that means?”
“Honey, I may be old, but I’m up to date on what you young people do nowadays.”
“Yes. We were friends with benefits.”
I loved Delilah. She was so easy to talk to and was so wise. I could tell her anything and I knew she’d take it to her grave.
“I’m pregnant, Delilah.”
Her face lit up with excitement as she grabbed hold of my hand.
“Kinsley, that’s wonderful news. Congratulations. I take it Chase is the father?”
“It’s complicated. He is, but nobody can ever know.”
“Why?” She cocked her head in confusion.
“He doesn’t want the baby and he doesn’t want to be a father. So I had papers drawn up relinquishing him of all his parental rights. I won’t force him to be something he doesn’t want to be, because in the long run, it’ll hurt the child.”
“That’s true. I take it you know this from personal experience?”
“Yes.” I looked down as I played with my food.
“You’re a brave and fearless woman, Kinsley Davis. You don’t have to worry about me. I won’t tell a soul and I’ll be here to help you.” She softly smiled.
“Thank you. I know I can trust you.”
“He’s frightened, that’s all,” she spoke. “Whatever happened in his past has a grip on him and it won’t let go. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and I know he cares for you deeply, even if he doesn’t admit it to himself.”
“I don’t think Chase Calloway is capable of caring for anyone but himself.”
“He is, and I think he would make a good father. But, as long as he lets his past consume him, he will never truly live up to being the man he was meant to be.”
“I know that. I just wished he did.”
After we finished eating, Delilah helped me clean up and headed home.
“Thank you for dinner. It was delicious.” I gave her a tight hug.
“You’re welcome, dear. If you need anything at all, please call me.”
“I will.”
I shut the door and headed to the bathroom to take a bath. As I lay there, letting my mind wander, I thought about my mom. My pregnancy was something I should be sharing with her, but I didn’t want to, and it saddened me. She wouldn’t care anyway, and I could never trust her around my baby.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Kinsley
“Mr. Calloway, can I talk to you for a minute?” I asked as I stepped inside his office.
“Of course, Kinsley. What can I do for you?”
I took in a deep breath as I sat down in the chair across from his desk.
“I don’t know how to say this,” I softly spoke.
“You’re not quitting, are you?” he asked.
“No. I’m pregnant.”
He set down his pen and leaned back in his chair.
“Oh. I’m going to assume this wasn’t planned.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”
“I’m not.” I looked down in embarrassment.
“May I ask who the father is?” he spoke with the fear that I was going to name Chase.
“I had a one-night stand with a guy I met. I’m embarrassed and ashamed.”
“Please tell me that one-night stand wasn’t my son.”
“No. It wasn’t Chase.”
“Whew, you had me worried there for a minute. Well, thank you for telling me, and if there’s anything you need, just ask me. I will support you in any way I can.”
“Thank you, Mr. Calloway.” I got up from my seat and headed towards the door.
“Kinsley?”
“Yes?” I turned around.
“Don’t be ashamed. Accidents happen.”
I gave him a small smile and walked out of his office. I could no longer hide the news from Lexi. She was my best friend and I felt like shit not telling her when I found out. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready for anyone to know.
It was lunch time, so I walked over to Lexi’s desk.
“Are you ready?” I asked.
“Give me one second.” She typed away at her computer.
“Kinsley.” Chase nodded as he emerged from his office.
“Hi.” I looked away as quickly as I could.
“Are the two of you going to lunch?” he asked.
“Yeah. We’re heading over to the Chinese restaurant. Kinsley is craving their wonton soup.” She smiled.
Chase glanced at me and a small smile crossed his lips.
“Hey, why don’t you join us?” Lexi asked him.
Shit.
“Nah. It’s okay. You two go and have girl talk.”
“Kinsley doesn’t mind. Do you, Kinsley?” she looked at me.
What the hell was I supposed to say? Yes, I do mind because I didn’t want to be around him?
“No. Not at all,” I lied.
“Are you sure?” he asked me.
“Why not? The more the merrier.”
Little did he know that I was going to tell Lexi that I was pregnant. When we arrived at the restaurant, we were seated in a booth, which made it extremely awkward because I didn’t know who Chase was going to sit next to. I tried to make it so I was the last one in the booth and I’d sit next to Lexi, but Chase had to go and be a gentleman and motioned for me to slide into the seat first before he sat down next to me. Shit. We placed our order, and as soon as our food was ready, I figured now was as good a time as any to tell Lexi.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out as I picked up my spoon.
“What?!” Lexi exclaimed as she dropped her fork. She glanced at Chase and then back at me. “Is—”
“Did you know about this?” she asked Chase.
“No. I’m just as shocked as you are,” he replied.
“Kinsley, who’s the father?” Lexi asked.
“I had a one-night stand with some guy I met while running on the beach. We talked, went out for a couple of drinks, and it just happened.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this guy?” she asked in disappointment.
“Because I was ashamed, and I didn’t want you to think any less of me. It happened one time. He was from out of state. I didn’t even get his last name.”
God, I hated lying to her and it was killing me, but I had no choice.
“Did you know about this guy?” She cocked her head at Chase.
“No. Kinsley, I must say I’m a little shocked.” Chase glanced over at me.
“What are you going to do?” Lexi asked.
“I’m having the baby and I’ll raise him or her alone. I can do it.” I smiled.
“Wow. I don’t know what to say. Congratulations. You know I’ll be here to help you every step of the way and I’m sure Chase will be too. Right, Chase?”
“Yeah. Sure,” he spoke with a panicked voice. “Anything you need.” He swallowed hard.
“Did you tell Mr. Calloway?” Lexi asked.
“I told him this morning.”
“What did he say?” Chase asked.
“Not much. He told me if I needed anything to let him know.”
****
Chase
“What happened between you and Kinsley?” Lexi asked as she followed me into my office when we returned from lunch.
“We aren’t having sex anymore,” I replied.
“Why?”
“She overheard us that day talking.”
“Which day?”
“The one where I said we were getting too close and I was going to let things fade.”
“Oh my God, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I guess I didn’t want to talk about it. She said some pretty nasty things to me.”
