Sara had rolled over onto her stomach at the same time, propping herself up on her elbows. Trying to appear like she wasn’t upset, Sara shrugged, “Do you know of a better time to think about it?”
Darrin gave her a non-committal shrug of his shoulders. “Not really.”
The silence between them stretched on and on; Sara almost wondered if Darrin had fallen back to sleep sitting up. When she looked back up at him, he returned her shaky smile. Sara sat up in the middle of the bed, wrapping a bed sheet around her naked body. Darrin just laughed as she fumbled with the crumpled sheets. She brushed her mussed hair out of her face, steeling her nerves for what she knew was going to be a loaded question, “Why don’t you ever talk to me, Darrin?”
“What do you mean, ‘I don’t talk to you?’ We talk all the time. In fact, I rarely talk to anyone else but you anymore, Sara.”
His words were double-edged, making her fragile moment of strength wane. The door was open, and Sara decided that she was going to finish the discussion this time, not let him shut down again. Steeling her nerves against the impending battle, Sara continued, “I mean about anything inside here.” She tapped on the side of his head with her index finger. “Every time I try to discuss anything in your past, or feelings, or plans for the future, you shut down.”
“What do you want to talk about, Sara? What is so fucking important that you don’t know about me that it has you all tied up in knots?”
“Tell me how you got the scar on your back, Darrin.”
“Not happening, Sara. It’s not important.”
“Ok, let’s go with something simple. What’s your middle name?”
“Michael. Darrin Michael James.”
Sara shook her head up and down, before firing her next question at him, “When did you lose your virginity?”
Darrin feigned irritation as he answered, “Sixteen. You?”
Sara narrowed her eyes on him as she answered, “Same.”
The mood in the room had obviously shifted to hostility, so Sara decided to pull out the big guns. “Ok, how about you tell me about your childhood before you moved here to Amulet?”
Darrin glared at her for a second, before dropping his eyes to a spot on the bed. He didn’t look back up at her as he answered, “Why is this so important to you?”
“Because you are important to me, Darrin. I have known you my whole life, and I hardly know anything about you. I’m trying to get closer to you.”
Darrin jumped out of bed, grabbing his jeans off the floor, yanking them back on. Fury lined his face as he yelled, “I warned you off of me a long time ago, Sara. That time in my truck after your sister’s accident, and then again at the beach. I thought you understood that this is all I can give. You fucking told me you would take me anyway you could get me!” He threw his arms up in the air to emphasize his point.
Sara didn’t shrink back from his threatening posture; she felt her shoulders lifting defiantly. “I’m trying to find a middle ground here, Darrin. You talk sometimes about forever with us, and if that is where you think this is headed, there are things about you that I would like to know. Things that might help me understand you better. That’s all.”
“You know me better than anyone else in this whole fucking world, Sara. Even my own brother! This is me. Right here. I don’t show my emotions, but I use actions to make damn sure you know what you mean to me. I don’t have any secrets that are gonna bite me in the ass someday if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“No, damn it, Darrin. That’s not why I’m doing this. When you shut me out of these things, it hurts me. I want you to feel comfortable with me. Be able to share everything with me, Darrin.”
“And if I can’t, is that it? Will you walk away if I can’t spill my guts to you every time I have a fleeting emotion?”
Sara could feel her anger bubbling up inside her, ready to explode. “Don’t be a dick, Darrin. You know that’s not what I meant.”
Darrin grabbed a shirt off the floor, flinging it over his head as he answered, “You know what, fuck this. If you don’t want me the way I am, the door’s that way.” He pointed down the hallway. “If you’re worried about money, I already prepaid your rent on the trailer for a few months. I will give you a glowing reference for any of those other places that called you, too.”
Sara could feel the tears burning the backs of her eyes as she curled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She had started to rock back and forth on the bed as the tears started to fall down her face. “You’re not a paycheck to me, Darrin. You never were.”
Painful minutes passed before either of them managed to even glance at each other. Even in the darkened room, Sara could see the strained look on Darrin’s face. There was another emotion there, too; Sara could only hope that it was remorse. The silence stretched on, and neither one of them would concede.
Finally, Darrin sat down on the bed, reaching out with both arms, until Sara finally crawled over to his embrace. She was mad as hell at him, but she needed to feel his strong embrace right now. Plus, he was reaching out for her; that was at least something.
“Where do we go from here, Sara?”
Sniffling into his shirt, she answered, “I don’t know, Darrin. Are you willing to meet me half-way here? Or is this a brick wall for us?”
Sighing into her hair, Darrin pulled her closer. “I can only tell you that I will try, Sara. You can’t expect miracles from me, though. I’m not used to expressing myself.” He used a sappy voice when he said the last two words.
Sara laughed as she pulled back from his arms. “I don’t expect you to pull up a shrink’s couch and dump everything on me, Darrin. Could you try to say one thing a day to me that is out of the realm of normal for you?”
“Like what?” he asked with an eyebrow cocked.
“We can figure it out as we go. I don’t care if it’s as simple as telling me your favorite color, or favorite flavor of ice cream. Just try to step out of your comfort zone a little.” Trying to lighten the mood, Sara added, “Then maybe someday you can share with me stuff like, your favorite sexual position.”
Sara squeaked as he lifted her up out of the sheets she had clutched around her chest, laying her down on the bed, as he crawled over top of her. “I can answer that one right now. Any position where I’m inside you is my favorite.”
Sara giggled as he started to nibble on her ear, licking a path down her neck to her collarbone. Darrin mumbled into her skin, “Make up sex?”
Sara could feel Darrin’s walls going back up and that the conversation was officially over. Not bothering to answer his question, Sara moaned as he continued to nip and lick every inch of her body. If this was how he best expressed his emotions, then yes, she would take what she could get, and worry about the consequences later.
Chapter Twelve
The Saturday morning sun came all too early for Sara’s liking. It seemed like mere moments ago she had shut her eyes, her brain finally accepting some respite. Now there were faint wisps of light peeking through the edges of the blinds as her alarm on her phone was blaring. She had an appointment this morning at the humane society to meet with the Director of Placements before she could begin fostering a dog. Well, since the dog was going to be staying at Darrin’s, they would be fostering a puppy. Sara had repeatedly brought this up, reminding him that he should come, too. Shrugging her off every time, he would just say that he had already filled out his half of the paperwork.
Sara rolled out of bed, wincing as she started walking towards the bathroom. Darrin hadn’t been the most tender lover last night after they had their massive blow up. On the contrary, he had pounded into her mercilessly, causing her to orgasm several times before he finally released an orgasm of his own. Sara had hoped that his aggressive love-making was his way of clearing any pent up emotions. Not that she didn’t enjoy herself, but his almost primal actions didn’t make her feel any closer to him. He usually was extremely vocal during sex; giving her words
of encouragement, telling her how beautiful she was, or how good she made him feel. That was all missing last night, leaving him eerily silent.
After a long, hot shower, Sara dressed and left a sleeping Darrin in bed. It was a blessing that he was still sleeping, avoiding any awkward moments this morning. She wanted to get this meeting over with, and get back to her trailer for some downtime by herself. It was unlikely that she would be bringing home any animals today; the only pets that needed foster homes right now were a litter of puppies that were still too young to take away from their mother.
So this was going to be all preliminary work, and then she would be notified when there was an animal ready for a foster home. Sara couldn’t help but smile at the thought of a cute, little smooshed face of a puppy, with the sweet, yet sickly puppy breath, and the playful tugs and nips as they pulled on your clothes. Maybe Darrin had made a good decision in signing her up to do this. It always was a joy to have another living creature totally dependent on you, and taking care of their needs. This was going to be the best of both worlds because there was no long-term commitment to make; she would just be a temporary home for one of them.
The Amulet Humane Society offices were on the same lot as the Vet Clinic, which were both ten miles north of Darrin’s farm. The scenic drive passed by in a blur as Sara re-examined the prior evening’s events. It was safe to say that no headway was made by either of them last night, and now their relationship was strained, to say the least. Maybe she shouldn’t have given in to him so easily; she should have fought tooth and nail. Sara mentally quivered when she replayed Darrin’s words, You fucking told me you would take me anyway you could get me! Then he had to really lance her heart open when he practically accused her of treating him like a paycheck on legs.
Sara slammed her hands against the steering wheel. “Damn it!” Petty emotions boiled up inside her as she fought back the urge to cry again. Her cell phone had already rang once since she left the farm, but she had just ignored it. Now she had decided that she was going to shut her phone off, quickly get this stupid interview over, and then fall off the face of the earth for the day. The first place Darrin would go would be her trailer, so she needed to come up with an alternate plan.
It was too risky for her to be around Darrin today; they both needed some time to think and Sara caved every time she saw his poetic face. The curl to his lip when he smiled. The laugh lines around his eyes when he teased her. The way his biceps flexed when he was working in the shop. The way his jeans hung off his hips when he was shirtless. The way he held her tight when she needed comfort.
Yeah, she was so screwed if just thinking about him was enough to make her mind melt into a puddle. She needed to have some self-preservation where he was concerned. There were some legitimate points made last night, and while Sara had him pressed to the wall, she should have pushed for more. But she hesitated when he gave up on their relationship so quickly and pointed to the front door. Darrin told her she could leave if she couldn’t deal with him the way he was. Emotionless. Introverted. Withdrawn.
The worst of all the problems she was facing this morning, was the ever present ache in her chest when she and Darrin were apart, which right now was feeling like a gigantic chasm. Even wider than the Great Divide. It couldn’t be healthy to be so co-dependent on someone only after dating for such a short time. But she had known him her entire life; had always considered him a surrogate protector of sorts. Maybe she was confusing her feelings of longing for Darrin with her need to feel safe with someone. Or maybe there wasn’t a difference?
Pulling into the entrance to the Amulet Vet Clinic and Humane Society, the vast expanse of yard was split in two by the driveway. The space to the west of was a huge fenced in yard dotted with patches of dead grass, yellow grass or no grass at all. The east side of the property was basically a parking lot for assorted farm vehicles. There were a handful of empty parking spots closest to the main building, with only one spot to the far east end being occupied. Sara felt sheepish as she pulled her aging car in next it. The emblem on the back end marked that it was a high end luxury car, but anyone could tell by looking at the sleek machine sitting next to her that it belonged to a very wealthy person.
Leaving her phone on the seat, she grabbed her purse as she pulled herself out of her car. She walked around the backside of her own car, sneaking a quick glance at the deep red, stub nosed sports car before she headed inside the building. Sara wondered who would be waiting for her inside; she hadn’t remembered to ask Darrin any further questions about the meeting today, other than what time she was to arrive.
Once inside, the small entry way was split to allow access to either of the offices. The glass door on the right had a small cardboard clock taped to it that simply read “Closed.” The door on the left was bare, save for a bell that was hanging from the handle by a multi-colored pipe cleaner. Sara tested the door to see if it was open. Hesitantly, she walked into the reception area, letting the bell on the door jingle a few times before she let it close. The office was quiet, but all the lights were on. Walking towards the lowered counter in front of the office area, Sara grinned at a gigantic tabby cat stretched out across the counter. It paid her no attention as she walked up to the desk, except for a small twitch of its paw when Sara braced herself on the counter, leaning over to look for signs of life.
“Hello? Anyone here?”
After a few minutes of silence, Sara’s already sour attitude plummeted. There was no way that she was going to wait around for a rich as sin prick that obviously was only here because they had committed some white-collar crime and was sentenced to community service. That was the only explanation for the expensive car out front, and the lack of movement inside the building. Well, screw you, buddy!
Sara was almost all the way back out the front door when she heard a gravelly voice yelling, “I’m in the back!”
Sara hung her head, almost smacking her forehead against the glass door as she commiserated the horrible day she was having. Sneaking out and crawling back home and into her bed was looking about impossible right now.
Turning on her heels, Sara walked through the double swinging saloon doors towards the direction of the voice. “Hello? Where are you?” she asked as she peered in the different rooms that she passed on the way down the hallway.
Suddenly, a sandaled foot jutted out from the doorway at the end of the hall, shaking about. Laughter followed. “Sorry, I’m in here.” Sara could hear the sound of running water and the sounds of a collar jingling as the obviously female person started to squeal. “Damn it, Nika! Don’t shake!” She came around the corner just as the large chocolate lab dog was finishing shaking its wet fur out, getting everything, including the woman, sopping wet.
The woman continued to laugh as she let go of the leash in her hand, leaving the dog free to shake again. This time, the droplets of water splattered all the way out to where Sara was standing. Both the dog and the woman were standing in a make-shift shower, and from the evidence scattered around the room, this was where the animals were bathed.
The woman said “are you done?” to the dog, as she hunched down near it’s freshly washed face, earning a wet lick on her neck in response.
“Ewww, Nika. Gross,” she said as she pulled her shirt up to wipe the slobber off her neck, exposing her bra covered, well-endowed breasts as she did so. Sara could feel the blush creeping up her face in embarrassment for the woman. Oblivious to her discomfort, the woman wiped off her face and then let go of her T-shirt enough that it haphazardly fell back into place.
“Can you hand me one of those towels behind you?”
Sara immediately complied, handing her a big beach towel with multi-colored sea shells on it. “Thanks,” she said as she began rubbing the dog’s thick coat vigorously.
“I’m Becca, by the way. Can you open that kennel door over there with the dryer on the front of it?”
“Sure. I’m Sara.” After getting the reluctant dog inside the kennel, and the wa
rm air blowing across her fur, Becca dried her hands on the towel before tossing it across her shoulder.
“You’re here to talk about fostering one of the puppies, correct?”
Now that the other woman’s attention was focused solely on her, Sara couldn’t help but drop her gaze to the tiled floor. The brief glimpse of the devastatingly gorgeous woman was enough to make Sara feel self-conscience, but also the fact that the other woman held herself in a way that exuded self-confidence.
“Yes, I’m Sara.”
“So you’re the hottie’s girlfriend, huh?”
Hearing Darrin described that way made her head pop up, and her claws unleashed. Yes, the two of them were in the middle of World War III right now, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t afraid of defending him.
A little bit of sass pulsed through her veins as she answered, “If you mean Darrin, then yes, I’m his girlfriend.” Her voice louder than before.
Becca whistled through her front teeth. “That man is absolutely fine. I was just curious who had snagged his attention. That’s all.”
Sara could only stare with a puzzled look on her face. The woman was much taller than Sara, by six inches at least. Long, straight and silky black hair fell behind her back, not a piece out of place, even after wrestling with the obnoxious wet dog. Her skin was a golden color, and it was the same from her face all the way down past her denim shorts onto her bare legs. Sara was not bi-curious in the least, but this woman was beautiful.
Her awe of the woman quickly faded as she focused in on her surroundings again. “Did you have some things to go over with me?” Sara asked a little more tersely than she meant to.
Becca held her hands up in fake surrender. “Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to step on your toes. I have a problem with my mouth-filter when I’m out of the office. I have to be so straight-laced during the week, that when I’m out in the real world, I forget that normal people don’t have the same perverted sense of humor that I do.”
I Need You (Learning to Let Go) Page 9
