“Chris,” was all she could say before he bounded over to her, sweeping her up in his arms, spinning her around.
“I found you, Sara! Oh, sweet Jesus, I finally found you, little one.”
Chris set her down on the ground as he pulled her close to his body, the familiar mix of his cologne and manly scent permeated her nose. Without giving it a second thought, Sara pulled his face down and was kissing him, with all her passion flowing into the connection between their lips.
Sara heard tires squealing next to them, and a door slamming before she was pulled away from a reluctant Chris. Suddenly, the crunching sound of a fist landing on bone split the evening air, and Chris flew backwards.
“What the fuck are you doing with my girl, man?” was all Sara heard before her actions started to register in her brain.
“Darrin,” Sara gasped as she said his name, watching in slow motion as Chris stumbled and fell backwards onto his arm, narrowly avoiding hitting his head on the foot plate of his motorcycle. Blood was dripping from his mangled nose as he tried to get up.
“Oh my God! Chris, are you alright?” Sara ran over to where he lay, pulling the bandana off his head, using it to staunch the flow of blood from his nose. Chris tried again to stand, but something was wrong with his arm, and he could barely hold himself up, let alone use it for balance. Sara wrapped her arm under his back, trying to help him stand. Once Chris was up, Sara could tell that he wasn’t steady on his feet, so she kept her arms wrapped around his waist.
When both of them were standing, Chris wrapped his arm around Sara’s waist, possessively tugging her into his body. It seemed to be more solid than it was before; almost like hitting a brick wall.
Sara couldn’t bring herself to look at Darrin, knowing damn well the anger and the hurt that would be splashed across his face. She turned and put her right hand on Chris’ chest, pushing him back enough so that he didn’t pull her flush to his body. “Can you stand on your own?”
His face hardened a bit as he wiped the remaining blood from his nose. “Sure, I’ll be fine. I’ve been hit harder than that before, Sara. This fucker considers you his girl?”
Darrin stepped in, grabbing her arm, practically ripping it out of the socket as he pulled her away from Chris. “Yes, she is, douche bag!”
“Get your fucking hands off her!” Chris yelled as he stumbled forward, grabbing for Darrin’s T-shirt.
Sara braced her hands on their chests, pushing hard to keep them apart. “Darrin, stop it, please! And Chris, please keep your hands to yourself, okay?”
Chris’ body visibly tightened as he turned his head to spit; Sara grimaced at the blood tinged saliva that flew out of his mouth. “Boyfriend, huh?”
Her heart was practically thumping against her ribcage as she tried to think of a suitable answer to his question. Darrin was her boyfriend, her lover, her protector, and her savior. But the minute that Sara realized that Chris was here, she had thrown herself at him, practically attacking his mouth with her own. Shame washed over her features, making her shoulders sag as she fought back tears. Still looking at the ground, all she could do was nod her head.
Darrin inched closer to her, reaching out to grab her hand with his. “Come on, Sara. Let’s get you in the truck.”
His fingers twisting around her wrist made her instantly jerk back. “No. Chris is hurt, he needs to go to the emergency room.” Compassion softening her features as she turned back to Chris. “You need to see a doctor. I think your nose is broken and something is wrong with your arm.”
Darrin reached out for her hand again, but this time he softly gathered her fingers in his. Once he had ahold of her, he stepped in closer to her body. He didn’t make any further moves, or say anything else to either of them. Chris looked down at where Darrin and Sara’s hands were joined, and then his pained gaze traversed back up to her face. The sorrow in his eyes morphed into an unnamed emotion, then Chris took his nose in both hands, pushing against the protruding bone until there was an audible snap.
Sara shivered at the noise, but quickly recovered as more blood began to flow from his nose. Her gut reaction was to reach out to him, but that fell away as Darrin began to pull her towards the truck again. “He’s fine now, Sara. Come on, doll baby. Let’s go home.”
Sara dug her heels into the pavement, barely halting Darrin’s forward momentum. The shell-shocked look on his face when she looked at him made her want to cringe; it broke her heart that she was the one that was causing him so much hurt. Darrin continued to stare at her, until his upper lip trembled. “Please?”
The realization of the situation came rushing over Sara like a flood, making tears pour from her eyes. It was hard to see Darrin in so much pain. He had been her everything these last few months, more so than she was willing to admit. Now she had betrayed him by kissing another man, and he was reduced to begging her to come home with him.
With trembling hands, she gripped Darrin’s T-shirt, twisting the material in between her fingers. “Okay. I know I don’t deserve it at all right now, but trust me enough to talk to him for a minute? I need to tell him goodbye. Give me two minutes.”
Sara could see the mask fall over Darrin’s face as he swiveled his neck from side to side, releasing the tension with an ominous crack. Looking over Sara’s shoulder, he glared at Chris as he spoke loud enough for him to hear, “Two minutes. And the fucker better keep his hands to himself.”
Chris snorted his disgust before waving Sara over to him. To her surprise, he did keep his distance from her, but just barely. His face was not like she remembered; there were faint jagged scars under his eye, and one eye lid was drooping considerably into his line of sight. Now that he was no longer wearing his skull cap, Sara could see that his hair had been dyed a stark white, instead of the soft blonde that it used to be. The most shocking difference that she could see was the void of passion in his eyes; he looked as if he had just seen his own death.
“Chris, why are you here? How did you find me?”
“Obviously I came lookin’ for my girl. It took me a while, but Dominic had given me the general vicinity you lived in, and then I did a little PI work on my own to find you.”
Sara braced herself as she continued, “I shouldn’t have kissed you. That was wrong. I’m with Darrin now, Chris. Thank you for coming to see me, but I think it would be best if you went back home.”
Chris casually ran his fingertips through his day old beard; the rasping across his fingertips loud enough for Sara to hear. “That would be counterproductive, Sara.”
Sara laughed nervously. “And what is that supposed to mean, Chris?”
“I just found you, Sara. I don’t intend to lose you again. I’m not leaving town.” He walked back to his motorcycle, gracefully straddling the massive bike. He grimaced under the weight of the bike, and Sara started to step towards him.
Barely shaking his head, “It’s okay, kitten. I’m fine. You better go before the caveman throws you over his shoulder and hauls you away.”
Sara stood there, gaping at him, unsure of how to respond. She uttered a few syllables, realizing she had no idea what to say to him. Finally, she threw her hands in the air, turning on her heel, and stomping back to where Darrin was standing. She breezed right past him as the loud rumble of Chris’ motorcycle sounded behind her. Darrin tried to catch up to her, but she was already inside the pick-up truck before he made it around the truck bed. Chris had already taken off down the road, directly in front of them. He gave her a slight wave with his hand before he revved up the engine, flying towards downtown.
Sara watched him drive away, as her seemingly predictable world crumbled around her.
Chapter Fifteen
Sara sat on window seat in Darrin’s living room, looking out onto the large backyard and the field of corn at the perimeter. The sun was just starting to fall out of sight, leaving behind a gorgeous array of colors that mottled the sky. The gentle August breeze was swaying the chest high stalks in a rocking motion. Aft
er sitting here for over an hour, waiting for Darrin to come inside, she had started to sway back and forth herself. It was a peaceful rhythm that was helping to calm her chaotic thoughts and emotions.
The ride back to Darrin’s farm was made in complete silence; the only sound was the intermittent clicking of the turn signal. Sara sat as close to the door as she possibly could, with her elbow propped up on the window frame, her chin in her hand. She kept her face turned away from Darrin as silent tears rolled down her cheeks.
There were no words to say, especially since Sara was still stunned from seeing Chris. She was still shocked at her own behavior, and even more so by how violently Darrin had reacted. Never in a million years would Sara have expected Chris to find her, or even bother to look for her. As far as she was concerned, she had been a one night stand for him in college, and she had been unsuccessfully trying to put him out of her mind for the nine months that she had been home. Memories from that night came back in pieces:
“I fully intend to make you scream in a short time from now. The biggest thing that I need from you is your trust. I need you to know that I take your submission to me very seriously. I want to fulfill your every sexual desire, to have you completely let go and allow me to take you there.” He released her arms from his grip, reached around behind her and grabbed her ass with both hands. Pulling her forward so that her sex was pressed against his thigh, Sara felt the throb between her legs. Releasing his hold, Sara started to slide down his thigh towards the ground. Her swollen clit tingled as it rubbed between the fabric of their clothes.
Chris pulled her head close to his, slowly brushing his lips across hers. “You’ll always be safe with me, little one. Always.”
Sara gently traced her lips with her finger, reliving the recent kiss with Chris. The fire and passion in his lips had almost burned her, reminding her of what they had shared together once upon a time. Chris made Sara feel like she was in control of the kiss, when in all actuality, he had been the one guiding and leading her as their mouths melded together. The overwhelming urge to sink into his body like a limp rag doll, and submit to his will had made her mind go blank, making rational thought impossible. One kiss from Chris, and all the words he had whispered to her in passion that night were coming forward.
Chris tilted his head to the side, looking deep into Sara’s eyes, reciprocating the emotional closeness she felt. “Are you ready, baby? This is where you give me everything. I possess every last inch of you. Can you do that for me, Sara?”
The answer to his question didn’t matter anymore. It was all just a bunch of words. There was nothing real about that night. No true emotions or feelings at all really. It was just sex. Then, when the night was over, Chris was gone.
Fresh tears started to stream down her face when she thought about Darrin. He had been there for her at every turn this summer. Guiding her. Helping her. Loving her. So it was inconceivable at this point that she would throw all that away for a man that had tossed her aside so quickly before. Sara was beyond ashamed of herself for her actions and for allowing her half-forgotten desires of being a weak plaything to resurface, and damage her relationship with Darrin.
Sara had no idea where their relationship was at this point, but it was entirely possible that Darrin was planning a way to get her out of his life as quickly as possible. Or that he couldn’t stand the sight of her right now, and needed to have some space. Whatever his reason for staying in his shop all afternoon and half the evening, Sara had hoped that he would come back inside of his own volition, so that they could talk about everything that had happened today, and quite possibly start to get past it. But Sara was well aware of Darrin’s lack of emotional range, and decided the best place to start would be with letting each of them have some time to think.
Well that time had just run out. The yard light had just started to flicker on, signaling that the sun had finally set. Sara trudged across the driveway, hands in her pockets. She was desperately trying to appear cool as a cucumber in case Darrin was watching her from the window in the office. There was no way that she needed to sob like a baby, asking for forgiveness. She needed to show him that she was sorry about what she had done. The best way to do that would be to keep a handle on her emotions, and try to reassure him with her determination to keep their relationship. If there was one left. No, Sara scolded herself. Positive thoughts only. They needed each other, and there was no reason why she couldn’t fix this. She didn’t want Chris. She didn’t. At least that is what the rational part of her brain was telling her.
The door to the office was locked, so Sara walked around to the side door on the west of the gargantuan shed. The door that led straight into Darrin’s ultra-secret “toy room.” The man had a fetish for collecting every new-fangled press, lathe and grinder that had been invented. He kept these more expensive tools in the back room away from would-be thieves. The room also held shelves and shelves of spare parts, bolts, wires, and other things that Sara had yet to identify. It would be the last place she would expect Darrin to be hiding out, but some days there were very few things about him that were expected. Like the way his lip trembled when he begged her to come home with him.
The side door was unlocked, but Sara still carefully opened the door, almost afraid of what she would find. Would he have destroyed whatever he could mangle with his hands in a rage, or be laying on the floor, passed out in a drunken stupor? Maybe he wouldn’t even be in here. Maybe he had taken off through the woods behind the farm to some unknown spot.
The whir of metal grinding against metal made her jump as the door slammed shut behind her. Darrin was leaning over the metal lathe, concentrating on a long metal cylinder that he had obviously recently made, based on the scraps of material laying all over the floor. Sara carefully stepped over the shards, keeping her hands over her ears to be ready when the noise started again. Instead of resuming his work, Darrin set the grinder down, pulling the thick leather gloves off his hands. He didn’t turn around to look at her, he just stared straight ahead at the wall.
Sara tried to keep her composure, nearly failing as she reached out a trembling hand to touch his bicep. The air left her lungs in a rush when Darrin flinched beneath her touch. Her carefully crafted control immediately dissipated when he pulled away. Tears started to dribble from her eyes, unbidden.
Neither one of them spoke, leaving the silence in the room to speak for them. Sara had to fight every instinct in her body to flee.
“Darrin, will you come inside and talk with me? Please?”
Darrin picked up his creation from the lathe, sliding it across the bench to a clean spot on the adjacent work bench. He turned around to open a drawer, grabbing a strange looking small tool that had what looked like a compass attached to a sliding set of pinchers. Resuming his work, he casually answered, “I will when I finish with this drive shaft.”
Sara’s determination kicked in again, making her fist her hands on her hips. “Fine, you work. I’ll talk. I have given you space all day, but I have a feeling that you are going to keep avoiding me if I let you.”
Darrin just huffed his answer, and turned his face enough to pin her with a venomous glare. “I wasn’t avoiding you, Sara. I was trying to figure out what the fuck to do with this.” He gestured between them with his hands. “I think best when I’m in the shop, and I just lost track of time.”
Sara took a tentative step forward, her hands sliding down from her hips to rest on the outside of her thighs. “And what did you decide?”
Darrin’s expression softened. “If you want him, I should let you go. I shouldn’t have forced you to come back here with me.”
“What makes you think I want him?”
Darrin’s jaw clenched as his teeth ground together. Once he had taken a deep breath, he answered, “Maybe because his tongue was crammed in your mouth, Sara.”
Sara clenched her eyes shut, trying to block the image that Darrin must have burned in his brain. Finally, she rubbed her fingers across her forehe
ad, trying to ease the crease that she had created in her skin. “I don’t want him, Darrin. He was somebody from college that I had a one night stand with. He has a way of making me feel…submissive.” The word was hard for her to form, let alone say out loud. After a pause, she continued, “He has a different perspective on intimacy than most. It’s really hard to explain.”
Darrin leaned back against the counter, crossing his feet. “Try me.”
Sara leaned against the counter on the opposite side of the room, preparing herself to give up the most intimate details of her romantic encounter with Chris, and the night they had spent together. Darrin wasn’t going to understand; in fact, Sara was sure that he would kick her out if he knew how perverted she had been. But, she was backed into a corner, and it was best to lay it all out on the table now.
“He had a way of making me do things, by the sheer force of his will.” Darrin had started to utter something, but Sara held up her hand to stop him. “I don’t mean he forced me to do things I didn’t want to do, Darrin. He had this sense to know what I wanted in a sexual situation, and was able to get me out of my comfort zone.”
Darrin didn’t say a word, he just shrugged his shoulders and gave her a puzzled look. Sara turned, ready to bolt from the room, rather than tell him anymore. She made it two steps before she stopped herself, almost cutting her ankle of one of the pieces of steel on the floor.
“He tied me down to take away my control. He even shared me with someone else. It was consensual. But, he was gone before I woke up the next day. It isn’t something I care to share.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed of your past, Sara. It makes you the person you are now. I can honestly tell you that if you would have told me about this before, I would have done more than punch that fucker. Consensual or not, Sara, you deserve better than that.”
Sara turned around, ready to defend Chris, instead she saw the pain in Darrin’s eyes. Pain that she had put there. Pain she wanted to take away. Her anger contained again, she barely whispered, “You deserve better than me, Darrin.”
I Need You (Learning to Let Go) Page 11
