by S. K Munt
‘Yes. He came more than once, and pretty soon, the concept of running and keeping you safe from him started to seem impossible, and without your father’s support, and without me being able to voice my suspicions that you were another man’s child… I ran out of options. I realised that I wouldn’t be able to guard you forever, and I couldn’t bear the thought of you being raised in the Wildwoods like some heathen. I hate the third-born rule, but I also knew that it could save you where I could not. So I handed you over to the crown, hoping you’d be sent far from here where you’d be safe from him, but when they kept you in Arcadia and for such a purpose as this one-’ she motioned to my dress, ‘it broke my heart.’
I winced to know that despite all of her grief, she was still ashamed of me. ‘Why didn’t you go to the king and duchess and explain that you were attacked?’ I demanded.
‘Because they wouldn’t believe me! And if they found him and he was able to repeat my personal conversations with Allegra, it would damn me further and see all three of my children raised motherless! ‘
Sybil… Allegra… Golden man… Satan...
‘… Besides, I didn’t really believe him; I always hoped that you truly were your father’s… just a month late and that he was a madman, and one on the other side of the fence! And you were so pale, while he so golden… you didn’t resemble him anymore than you did your father. But… then I looked up and saw you today and… and you could have been fraternal twins, so striking is the similarity!’
My heart sank, and I closed my eyes against tears and was assaulted with memories of the golden man. Yes, we did look alike now. We hadn’t then but now… I sobbed. My father wasn’t my father, and there was a good chance that my biological father was a nutcase, or evil. I shuddered.
‘I’m sorry Larkin, but I was bound by law and a vow to God and the need to protect all of you from my mistake as best as I could. I realised that I couldn’t spend forever protecting you, or even risk you coming back to visit, so I cut ties with you and waived that first visit. And I’m glad that I did, because he came back every six months until the year you turned nine, and that was when he must have given up. I have not seen him since but by then, it was too late for me to visit with you, and I’m sorry but yes, your occupation destroys a little part of me every time I think about it, so I needed that distance too!’
‘How do you think I feel?’ I demanded.
‘I wouldn’t claim to know,’ she admitted morosely. ‘But I did know my own heart, and though we are all supposed to be equal…’ she swallowed. ‘I have taken an unbreakable vow and I suffer for it every day. I sleep in a cold bed alone and if I try to demand more compassion from your father, I know he will likely detonate and expose me, so I close my lips against my sobs so I don’t cause him lost sleep as well. One night, he got so angry and drunk that he made a crude comment about ‘Larkin’s father’ in front of your brother and sister-’
‘Father has seen him?!’
‘Yes, just once, six months after you left, which was when he first distanced himself from me by moving into another room. His faith in my love for him got us through the pregnancy and the start of your life, but his unhappiness surged once you were no longer around to call him ‘father’ with love in your eyes, and his distrust has eroded our family slowly since. Now when he visits your brother and sister, he does it alone without a farewell, and I know he is escaping me like they did.’ She sniffled. ‘One day I know… he won’t come back.’
My heart twisted. ‘Mother…’
‘Don’t call me that! I am not, I have failed that purpose, and I feel as sorry for myself as I do for you, perhaps more.’ She pressed her forehead into her palm and sobbed again. ‘You are so vibrant and healthy and loved, but I have been walking on eggshells for almost seventeen years and I am as cracked as they! Then I come here and see a duchess and king joined because they were not sure of their love enough to marry as I did and are therefore, free to use girls like you, born from loving, broken marriages like MINE and staring down at me with their judgmental eyes and I just…’ her voice was growing raspier, her breath staler as though she were decaying from the inside out. ‘I can’t handle the judgement from people who I know are worth less than me.’ Her eyes flared. ‘I didn’t cheat on your father with another man, and he forgave me for my dalliance with another woman because he’d contemplated the same thing and yet here I am, suffering still, and yet he does not care! They say time heals all wounds but not his.’
‘Not at all?’ I asked forlornly.
She sniffled. ‘Sometimes, I catch him looking at me with fondness or longing, or he brushes my hair with his hand and I think maybe, there’s still love there,’ she wiped at her eyes. ‘But he’s threatened to leave me a few times, and I think doubt is the only reason why he has not. I’m scared that one day he’ll see you and know for certain that you are this man’s child, not his, and he will snap and cast me out.’
‘Is that why you came forward today?’ I asked. ‘Hoping that her case would correlate with yours and convince father of your innocence?’
‘Yes,’ she said sadly. ‘But I couldn’t save her any better than I could save myself, and it won’t until he is found and proven to be a predator!’
‘I still don’t see how this makes any sense!’ I cried, shifting closer and hearing Kohl call out my name in warning. ‘This man would surely have to be a dark Nephilim to lower himself to such behaviour or shape shift or whatever, but I truly have no powers to back that claim!’
‘Well, if he is a Nephilim, then he must be a weak one or he’d easily get over that fence to snare you and others like you instead of harassing his conquests into handing you all over.’ She bit her lip. ‘And weak Nephilim find it harder to conceive a child with a divine gift. Perhaps that’s why he’s fathering so many- hoping and hoping that one day, he’ll get one that he can use!’
‘Well it’s not me!’ I whispered. ‘Tell father that, tell him to come see that I am powerless and maybe that will buy you more of his belief. And… tell him he will always be my father to me, and that I miss him.’
My mother shifted closer. ‘I’m sorry Larkin, but it’s no use. He does not love us anymore… and in coming here today, I’ve only made it worse. Now that we’ve all described this man so perfectly to the court, and if he is seen by your side after… everyone will suspect that I am an adulteress. And if they catch him and test your blood, they will know it, even without power, and I will be banished.’ Her face crumpled. ‘And your father will let them take me away! And why? Because once again I did the right thing- the honest thing to help someone else, and now I am in more trouble than before, and caused you grief when I only wanted to shield you from such things!’ She inched closer, looking desperate. ‘Do you have any idea of how much it scares me, to think that I could not only lose all of his affection, but his protection? After how I stood by him?!’
Tears spilled down my cheeks as I thought of how desperate I would feel without Kohén’s loyalty. ‘I do.’ I clutched at the grass near the gate and heard the electricity hum, and this time; it was Kelia who cried out. ‘Oh, mother… I wish I were a Nephilim- a healer! I’d come home, I’d touch his heart…’
‘Are you sure that you’re not?’ my mother asked, perking up. ‘You could do so much for me, if you were! Maybe you just haven’t found your power yet! They say it usually takes a severe emotional prolapse to-’
‘There’s nothing there!’ I cried, pressing my hands to my sweaty, heaving chest. ‘I’ve know every kind of emotion there is- I have been at my lowest, and my happiest, and I have been incredibly angry but all I can do in that state is yell, whereas Kohén only has to feel a flicker of emotion and- boom-the power surges!’
‘But he was so certain of you!’ my mother whispered, eyes bright with hope. ‘He was certain that you could touch that fence! He didn’t want you dead when he asked you to do that- don’t you see? He wanted to prove to himself that you were the one worth fighting for!’
But I shook my head. ‘No, Kohén zaps me all the time and it can hurt a lot!’
‘But it doesn’t kill you?’
‘No,’ I said, wiping at my own tears. ‘But he wouldn’t dare touch me if there was a risk that he might!’
‘Are you sure?’ my mother breathed, and held out her hand. ‘Try and see! Maybe you are stronger! Touch the fence Larkin! Right now! Or take my hand and we’ll touch it together!’
‘What?!’ I demanded, alarmed. ‘No! It will kill me or us both!’
‘No it won’t!’ she wept. ‘And even if it does kill you, at least they won’t bother testing your blood, and I won’t be found out! Or it will spare you and kill me and I will get out of this life before the truth of your origin can damn me in your father’s eyes!’
It felt like I’d been hit with a truck. A shiver started in my scalp and travelled right through me. ‘You WANT me to die?!’ I shrieked, unable to comprehend that our intimate interaction had taken such a downswing. ‘For your own protection?’
‘Larkin!’ I heard Kohl bellow. ‘Get AWAY from her!’
‘You should!’ my mother bit out, her eyes wild and unfocused. ‘I am old and frail! I will not survive long if your father turns me in!’
I brought my hand up to my mouth to hold in a sob and that was when my mother struck out, reaching for me. She got a fistful of my hair and pulled and I screamed as I began to pitch forward.
‘Stop! Don’t!’ I shrieked, certain I would drop dead from fear if the fence spared me.
‘Devil child!’ she hissed. ‘Whore! I rid myself of you years ago and yet you still yank at my heartstrings and judge me in my dreams! I won’t see Satan get me in her need to get to you!’
My heart jumped into my mouth as I caught myself on the ground with my nose only an inch away from the fence. I wanted to brace myself against her but the brick was too far away and the grass ripped out in fistfuls when I grasped at it. The hum was a scream in my ears but then a hand was around my waist and I was flying backwards.
‘Larkin!’ Kohl’s voice was in my ear. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Oh my God!’ Kelia took my hand and tried to pull me off him. ‘Oh my God! Mrs Whittaker you are an evil, monstrous-’ she screamed again and I felt something grab my foot and drag me back towards the fence. I craned my neck and saw that my mother was gripping my sandal, biting down on her tongue and smiling with grim triumph. I kicked out but Kohl hooked my knee and dragged it up, bellowing:
‘No!’ And tugging my mother into the charged bars. Her eyes widened with horror, but she managed to halt her fall on the grass with one hand.
‘Whore!’ she screamed again. ‘Be a good girl for mummy, and just fucking DIE! God wants you gone!’
‘God wants her love and none of yours!’ Kohl hollered, throwing me clear of him and to the side, and a blinding light flashed as thunder cracked. Kelia jumped and I caught her and pulled her back into my arms, feeling her shake violently. Rain started to fall hard on us, and when my mother saw the sky open above us, she screamed and flinched then to my complete horror- grasped the fence with both hands to steady herself.
No! God please no!
More light flashed and just like that, her hands were on fire. I watched screaming soundlessly as she shook and jerked with thousands of volts before being thrown clear. Her body landed hard, like a dropped rag doll, and though smoke and flames had already begun to waft from her hair and clothing, the rain pelting down on us put it out and made the air fill with acrid smells and evil hissing; the rain that Kohl had called forth, to save me, just as he’d shocked her with that crack of thunder, and forced her to grab onto whatever she could! I wrenched my eyes away from my mother’s corpse and looked at Kohl, who looked thunderstruck himself.
‘I didn’t mean to…’ he whispered, and his face crumpled. ‘I just- I just killed-’
‘No,’ I dropped my head onto his chest and held him, trembling. ‘You just saved me, and put the fire out!’
‘She grabbed the fence,’ Kelia whispered, coming to his other side and taking one of each of our hands. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. ‘She took her own life when she failed to take Larkin’s hand. We all saw it! Kohl, that was so brave!’
My mother is dead because of me, oh God, forgive me! Take her soul please! I know that she loved you!
But Kohl lowered his head and sobbed. ‘I’m not supposed to lie. I’m not supposed to do murder! I am a Barachiel- even those accused of murder deserve a hearing before they are-’
‘I heard her,’ I whispered, sobbing into his neck. ‘She was guilty, and so she took her own life.’ I lifted his face and stared into his neon eyes. ‘I saw it, Kohl. She said it. My father didn’t love her anymore, and she wanted to die if he could not forgive her for having me for him to lose. You just stopped her from taking me with her.’
Kohl bit his lip, looking anguished. ‘Really?’
‘You are a hero,’ I whispered, ‘not a murderer.’
Kohl stared hard at me, and I back at him and then suddenly, his eyes softened and the rain stopped leaving him glowing, glorious and with his white deep-necked shirt plastered to his muscular frame. A scintilla of lust burned inside my lower abdomen.
Satan help me… he is truly divine!
‘I will go get help!’ Kelia sniffled, getting to her feet. ‘Karol and Kohén are on their way, let Larkin explain Kohl. Larkin…’
I looked up at her and away from Kohl’s heaving, muscled chest. ‘Yes?’
She shook with her tears. ‘If I ever see you within two feet of that fence again, I will kill you myself.’ She swallowed. ‘I am NOT going into that harem without you!’
I tried to laugh, but only more tears came out. She smiled a friendly, relieved smile and trotted away, intercepting Karol and Kohén and speaking heatedly. Kohén looked so shaken that I knew he’d not leave my side once he’d arrived at it, so I turned back to Kohl and grasped his hands.
‘Kohl… we’re going to be surrounded by people in a moment so before they come, there’s something I need you to know.’
He stared at me, his expression still anguished. ‘Yes?’
I leaned in and hugged him, pressing my lips to his skin, just beside his mouth. ‘You may be a Nephilim to some people, the prince’s twin to others, and a third-born to your parents… but to me, you’re my guardian angel, who I am afraid I will fall in love with, if you do not leave soon...’ I kissed the side of his mouth and he moaned softly and turned his face to mine, trying to kiss me properly. My heart skipped and I inhaled sharply, widening my eyes because I could see Kohén racing over from behind us, and thankfully Kohl seemed to remember himself and the laws, grasped my jaw instead.
‘I am already in love with you,’ he whispered, looking at my lips with so much longing that I ached for the touch of his. ‘And I am going to become King of Pacifica, just so I have the power to make my own laws, and twist those laws so that we can be married.’ His eyes burned into mine. ‘Not joined- but married.’
My heart skipped again, this time because I was as moved as I was terrified of what Kohl’s devotion to me would mean for Kohén’s dreams. But before I could respond, I glanced over at my mother’s body and screamed when I saw that she was not there alone because standing behind her, and grinning at me through the thick, spiny bracken, was the golden man.
My father.
I screamed, and then the world went black.
7.
Chaos reigned in the castle following my mother’s death, and from what I was told, there were a lot of very scared and confused people waiting anxiously for me to wake up and explain my side of what had happened.
Only I did not wake up for days- three whole days and when I did, it was to a changed world. No one knew why I had been unconscious for so long, and though they put every healer in the castle to the task of waking me up, it wasn’t until Kohén came in to wait at my side that I was roused by his familiar scent. I blinked until he came into focus, and stared when I s
aw tears on his cheeks. This concerned me at first as I wondered what else had happened to make him cry (Clearly he couldn’t be weeping over my mother! Even I wasn’t sure if I could do that now!) But then, after holding me so tightly that I thought my head would pop off, Kohén explained that I’d been out for days, not seconds or minutes as I’d thought, and to him it was a miracle because he’d been starting to fret that I never would come to.
‘I love you,’ he whispered, and I remembered my moment with Kohl instantly and felt a pang. ‘And I’m so sorry for the way I’ve acted because of those feelings. On your birthday, I thought I would die if you did not open your door for me but when I thought you were dead, I wanted to die for having wasted our time together, or for having led you to believe that I objectified you the way that she did!’ He rubbed my hands between his, and his eyes were neon again. ‘I will never treat you that way again Larkin. I can see how my lust for you scares you, and I don’t want you to be scared. We are friends, and I won’t give you cause to worry that that has changed until you are free. I promise you that!’
‘Thank you,’ I whispered, though my coma had done nothing to chip away at my anger toward him. ‘That means the world to me.’
Kohén didn’t want to leave my side, but a lot of people wanted to see me so he grudgingly went and had a shower (he hadn’t left my room for those three days) and when Kohl walked in alone next and shut the door behind him, I shrank into myself a little. What was I going to say to him?
‘They let me in next for being your hero and all,’ he said, smiling gently but stopping at the foot of my bed before I could become lost in my thick pillows.
‘Three times over,’ I said dazedly.
‘I suppose… but…’ he swallowed. ‘I’m going to make this quick. I meant what I said the other day, and I can tell that I don’t mean enough to you to say anything so… final… back.’ I winced but he held up his hand and went on. ‘And even if you could, I don’t think it’s safe for me to hear it because, well, we’re alone, and you just scared the hell out of me so I’d probably kiss you enough for a lifetime if you did.’ He smiled and I flushed. ‘But Larkin…’ he wrapped his hand around the white leather bedpost with equally white knuckles. ‘I am yours, and I am going to wait for you to be free.’
