by S. K Munt
Love, Kohl Barachiel.
August 20th AA643
Dear Kohl,
I will always reply and keep every word we exchange confidential. It is nice to have something of mine to give to someone else willingly, even if they are just a few, dark truths.
Love, Larkin.
8.
Things with Kohén continued to be strained over the next few months, but he continued to make time for me and sometimes, we’d get so involved in a hand of cards on my bed that we’d forget what the true purpose of that bed was supposed to be, or so puffed chasing around a ball in his backyard that I’d forget to look for the golden man. We studied for our exams together (he and I were the only ones who bothered, as Kelia had been utterly convinced that she’d become the future princess of Pacifica because Kohl had sent her a postcard) and that was fun and soothing and began to thaw out my anger towards him at a rapid rate.
Or at least it was until Elfin’s birthday passed and saw her walk out to breakfast the next morning with not one token of her affection (or Kohén’s secretion, as Kelia and I liked to giggle) but three. Emmerly was positively livid, Lette was not surprised, Elfin practically glowed, Kelia went white in fear and I locked myself in my room and sobbed over the bundle of letters I’d received from Kohl, trying to tell myself that this was how it was supposed to be.
It wasn’t how it was supposed to be though, and I fell harder and harder for Kohl with every letter I received, feeling as though I were transferring feelings from one brother to another and hating myself for being such a girl- and one with such a conflicted heart! I was unbearably fond of Kohl, but Kohén was my life and the dream of one day sharing one with him never really died, even though it hurt me so much every time he appeared in the corridor looking guilty and sated. He was growing so tall and strong and proud that just looking at him made my chest ache and my mind blur, and when he’d stop whatever we were doing just to enfold me into his arms and breathe into my hair without a word being spoken, I knew that he’d always be my first love, if not my only, and I his.
But love didn’t always last forever, and thanks to his need to sate his urges with other women, and my need to protect Lindy by making that deal with Karol well, ours certainly would not stand the test of time, circumstance or caste and I made a sad sort of peace with that; at least by agreeing to lie with Karol, I’d broken my own heart and dashed my own hopes for a true romance with Kohén, sparing myself the agony of him instigating my fall.
And I supposed, given the way I’d been raised, that I was lucky to have known love at all so like God, I embraced what I could: taking friendship and promises from one twin, and declarations of undying affection from the other while loving both in equal measures and praying to God every night, that someone-anyone- would love me back one day and be allowed to, because I would be free.
Kelia was the last of us to turn sixteen and she passed out from fear twice the week before. I confessed this to Kohén and he looked ill, so when Kelia emerged from her suite the day after without a single adornment, another birthday postcard from Kohl wishing her a happy sixteenth, and a smile on her beautiful face, I knew that even though sometimes Kohén’s body was in the wrong place- his heart was in the right one- and with me, and so, I defrosted a little more.
We participated in our preliminary examinations one week after Kelia’s birthday, and though the other Companions only did the basic test and an Artisan one each, Kohén and I went through every single exam, both prac and written, which ensured that we went to bed exhausted every night for a week. But it was fun and distracting, and I don’t think two people were ever closer to one another than he and I were after each test, when we’d come out of our rooms and embrace and then go back to mine or to the ballroom or the training room to study for the next together. Kohén was nervous- determined to best his older brother’s overall rank of 96% on his final examinations when he turned twenty-one, but I was oddly calm, knowing that if I did poorly, I’d have the chance to take it again in five years AND with no one to compete against.
We drank wine together after the final combat exam (which was used to qualify people for the voluntary defence Corps), and ate the last- and only winter strawberries- (they had grown in my garden alone) and laughed with breath that misted the air, talking about what jobs we might have had in the ‘old’ world. I said that Kohén would have been a solicitor or a judge, and he was pleased as punch with that, but when he said I would have been a princess, I threw my strawberry at his head.
‘No, not a fairy tale one,’ he protested. ‘I once read about one from near the end of the before, who was a star. An actress, a princess and a great beauty who inspired millions with her kindness and charity.’ He blushed and popped a strawberry into my mouth. ‘I don’t remember her name, but yeah, that could have been you.’
‘I’m no actress…’ I mumbled, and my face flamed, proving me right. In fact, I felt flushed all over, so I shrugged out of my light jacket. ‘My Artisan score will surely reflect that.’
‘You could have been,’ he challenged me. ‘You have a flare for theatrics, and when you talk… I can’t tear my eyes off your face. No one can- I even heard mother say that you’re so animated that even she finds it hard to not laugh at your antics.’
‘Kohén…’ I complained.
‘Larkin…’ he whispered, and when I glanced up and saw him watching me remove my wrists from my cuff, my fever spiked. ‘You’re poetry in motion, little bird. You struggle to remember dance steps, but every move you make is liquid and beautiful and...’ he offered me his hand. ‘How?’
‘You are more beautiful than I am,’ I said honestly, taking his hand and smiling, then running my finger over the marble-smooth skin on the back of his hand which was without a pore, freckle or stray hair. ‘Every inch of you is perfect, and you dance beautifully now.’
‘I have the blood of an archangel in my veins,’ he said me, as he pulled me off the concrete edging of the great stone steps and then down into his arms. ‘But what explanation have you for inheriting both moonlight and sunlight?’
‘Kohén…’ I blushed, looking down at our hands and away from the shadows caught in his thick lashes. I knew I should ask him to refrain from saying such things but...but...
He pulled me closer. ‘Dance with me?’
‘There’s no music,’ I protested, but I followed him out across the dewy lawn, which shimmered like the stars had fallen upon it.
‘Then I will make some.’ Kohén took me into a waltz hold and began to sing a song in a voice so rich and beautiful that I was almost too overcome to move my feet. I wanted to ask where he’d been hiding this talent, but he spun me around and we ended up stumbling and giggling, then swaying on the spot beneath Lady Liberty’s shadow.
It was a beautiful, light and intimate moment, and the more I picked up on his charge, the more it felt like I was betraying Kohl. Then again, not indulging in such a moment would have felt like betraying myself. And what could I do? I was sixteen, my life was open-ended, my feelings were in turmoil and Kohl was so far away… whereas Kohén was my everything! And to demonstrate that, he ran his hands up my arms and then cupped my face.
‘Can I kiss you tonight Larkin?’ he whispered, his breath like honey wine and his eyes neon in his excitement. ‘Just once to tide me over for the next four years?’
‘I cannot refuse, your majesty,’ I reminded him, and he lowered his lashes in shame and moved to release me. But I stopped him, holding onto his elbows and, drunk as I was, moved my body up against his while a blue light began to glow across his skin. ‘But I am also permitted to ask for a kiss from my master so please....’ I brushed my mouth against his. ‘Kiss me?’
He did, moaning softly when our lips parted and tongues brushed together, and my mind whirled as though we were still spinning in circles. Thankfully for my suddenly heavy, aching breasts and shaking knees, it only lasted a moment or two and when he pulled back, his eyes were shining and I was overheating.
<
br /> ‘Can you tell me a lie?’ he whispered. ‘Tell me that you’ve at least once contemplated inviting me to your room, regardless of how it would affect your future?’ He ran one hand down my neck and the other, down over my collarbone. ‘Tell me, just once, that I’ve done to your body and mind what you do to me every time our eyes meet?’
‘I would not be lying if I said that,’ I whispered back, and his eyes flared bright enough to blind me. I giggled, intoxicated on the effect that I had on him. ‘Or if I said that I considered flunking that exam so I’d never know that I had any potential, but to make you happy.’
Kohén groaned and rested his forehead against mine. ‘Thank you, I feel better about contemplating locking you in your room all week now.’
I laughed. ‘And I love you so, because you didn’t.’ I leaned up and kissed him again, just quickly, and then removed his hands from me and kissed his fingers. ‘Don’t go to them tonight, all right? Not after this.’
Kohén turned away and whispered. ‘As if I could…’ and my heart ached all night, robbing me of sleep and leaving sensual fantasies in their wake. I was changing, and so were my needs, and four years sounded like an eternity to hold onto what I had only ever grasped before in a Barachiel man’s arms.
The next day I woke up to an envelope on my bed with ‘PCE’ stamped in the golden seal at the back. I kept it sealed and rang the chime to signal Kohén, but a second later he burst into my room holding up his own unsealed envelope.
‘Ready?!’ he demanded. ‘I just saw Lette- she got a ninety in dance, and she’s ecstatic!’
And so she should be- ninety was high enough to guarantee a place in the Artisan caste and as a Companion, there was little else she would need to call herself a success. Maryah would pop champagne!
‘Wonderful!’ I squealed. ‘But who cares about them? Open your letter already!’
Kohén opened up the parchment, read the letter and then held it up, beaming. ‘Dance, seventy percent, Music...’ he blushed, ‘ninety-nine percent-’
‘Whoa!’
‘Shut up.’ He went on, still red at the ears. ‘Combat, ninety-two, Athleticism, ninety-three, Math, ninety-six, Science, eighty-nine…hmm, have to work on that!’ And I rolled my eyes- that could have gotten him into the Academic cast alone. ‘Written, eighty-seven, General knowledge, one hundred-’
I squealed. ‘You made it into the Blue Collars! You could be a shopkeeper with a score like that!’
‘Again… shut up,’ he joked and then finished: ‘Theology, eighty-nine….’ He frowned and I waved my hand.
‘What’s the average?’
Kohén folded the paper and grinned at me. ‘Ninety-one point one!’
I threw myself into his arms. ‘You’re gonna beat Karol in five years time, baby! No sweat!’
‘I hope so, because Karol got a ninety on his first test- but a ninety-six on his second which is still the men’s record. But I did better than I hoped so… wow. I mean…’ Kohén pulled back and scratched his temple. ‘I’m a little shocked by how poorly I did in some categories that I’m supposed to ace but still…’ he pointed to mine. ‘Okay, Miss future academic slash farmer! You go!’
‘Okay!’ I turned and opened my envelope and began to read the totals, but by the time I got to the number at the bottom of the page, I was so sure that there had been a mix up that I couldn’t stand to let any of the figures sink in.
What the HELL?
‘Cheater!’ Kohén complained. You’re supposed to read them out loud!’
I folded up my piece of paper quickly and whispered. ‘I don’t want to. I think there’s been a mistake so…’
‘Let me be the judge of that! If you flunk dance and ace history, we’ll know it’s true!’
‘No!’ I protested, taking it back. ‘Sorry but…‘
Kohén looked at me sadly. ‘It can’t be that bad, Larkin- you’re a bit brilliant and if these scores don’t reflect that, well… there’s always next time, okay?’ He sat down on the bed. ‘Just read them.’
‘Fine. But… I warned you.’ I swallowed and opened the paper and began to read in a monotone: ‘Dance, sixty-nine, Music, eighty…’ I cleared my throat, a little surprised that I had done even that well in music, and vowed to practice even more on the harp for the next exam. ‘Combat, ninety-four, Athleticism, ninety-six, Math, ninety-seven, Science, ninety-five-’
‘Wait… what?’ Kohén sounded bewildered.
‘I know,’ I said, going on: ‘Written, ninety-nine, General, ninety-five, Theology… one hundred, History… ninety-nine.’ I lowered the piece of paper to stare at him. ‘Average… ninety-two point four.’
Kohén pressed his hands to the side of his head and looked at me as though I’d just told him that God had been a miniature pig. ‘Ninety-two point FOUR?’ he cried, and I winced, knowing that as much as he loved me, he was going to take this hard. He had been MY history and theology teacher before anyone else, and I had bested him!
‘I… I had nothing to do but read and…’ I swallowed. ‘You travelled and-’
‘Ninety-two point four?’ he demanded again. ‘And you beat me in COMBAT?!’
‘Yes...’ I said in a small voice, and he stared at me, astonished.
‘That’s beaten Ora Camden AND Amelia-Rose Choir!’ He exploded, naming noble girls who were renowned for having aced the PCE the year before. ‘Do you know who the only person in this family was to ever get over a ninety two their first time before?’ he demanded. ‘My mother!’
This was news. ‘Seriously?’
‘The woman was brilliant, still is- she just uses it to think up clever insults and colour match her nails to her gowns but…’ Kohén threw himself at me and hugged me tight. ‘Larkin…! This is incredible!’
‘You’re not mad?’ I asked weakly.
‘No, I’m depressed...’ he chuckled, but sounded uncomfortable. ‘The evil part of me was sort of hoping you’d get a forty and leap into bed with me!’
‘You’ll have me on the second one… asshole,’ I said, squeezing him before pulling back to tweak his nose. ‘There are only so many places where I can improve and music and dance are not my fortes.’
‘And picking the right girl to lose my mind over is not mine.’ Kohén leaned down and picked up both of our envelopes. ‘Do you mind if I take this to show Karol and mother? They really are going lose their minds when they see these results.’
‘Sure,’ I said, for my fingers already itching to write Kohl and Lindy to tell them that my fondest wish had come true and now I knew that so long as Kohén kept his word, I could be anything.
Anyone.
Anyone’s.
But whose?
And then I smiled and sat down on my bed when it hit me: I would be my own person, and nothing mattered more than that.
9.
June, AA644
The first half of my seventeenth year flew by in a blur of classes, letters, books and glad tidings. The locust panacea was working and fields were being hurriedly sown and cultivated in time for the fall harvests, the train line to Yael was completed, Rabia held another election and voted back in their existing president Connor Camden for a second term, there wasn’t a locust or golden man to be seen, and Karol kept his promise to Kohén after he returned from his tour, and gave me a wide, albeit often cheeky berth. Sometimes, he’d even slide face first along whatever corridor we’d meet in, (usually if Kohén was at my side) to make it clear that he was not eyeing me, but if I was with others, he’d keep his face set like stone, then nod and say: ‘Duckling. Looking as unappealing, as always… carry on.’ And yes, that made me laugh. He was still a vile human by my standards, and sometimes, thinking about the promise I’d made him prevented me from sleeping, but I’d gotten old enough to see the appeal that he held for other women by more common (visual) standards, and I felt sorry for any woman who was stupid enough to fall prey to his multiple charms- the way he looked in leather pants and a sash not withstanding- because I enjoyed wa
tching him swagger away for more than one reason. Thank goodness he never caught me sneaking a backwards peek!
It was no surprise that he’d become easily distracted and less observant though, because he was turning thirty that fall, and that made him old enough to consider taking a wife, or to at least start courting eligible girls. Because of this, our common went from being a place to picnic and sing and relax- to a fashion parade, as the eligible Arcadian noble girls took to dressing themselves up and lingering near to the castle daily in the hopes of catching his eye.
Traditionally, the crowned prince was expected to choose a noble girl from another kingdom to marry or join with, which was why Ekita Tariel had had her heart set on landing him (Constance had also hailed from Tariel). But Karol had always taken a firm stance on the issue of marriage, and had repeated often (and loudly) that he was entitled to marry whoever he wanted to so long as she met the legal criteria, and that although he would allow his parents to comment on the subject, he would not rule out marrying someone if they didn’t approve whole-heartedly. In the same vein, he would very happily consider marrying or joining with a local girl based on compatibility, even if such a match offered few trade benefits.
He did say though, that he knew every girl in the Arcadian noble caste, and so far, he was fairly certain that he lacked the chemistry that he wished to have with a spouse with all of them. But even though those of us in the know were well aware that these noble girls were most likely wasting their time, Kohén refused to state this publicly, or to take any steps to dissuade his would-be female suitors and their attentions. And, being the bugger that he was, the prince would often go to the window at the end of the south wing, which overlooked the common, and make a big deal of staring down at the girls as though considering them one by one, which made everyone in the palace snigger, and the girls on the common strike poses and batt eyelashes and return the next day with bigger hats and bustles.
