“I know that. I know you could have had us arrested for sexual harassment. Hell, what Grant did is classed as sexual assault. I’m not condoning or making excuses. What we did was fucked up.”
“But you thought you were giving me a taste of my own medicine,” she states, like she’s finishing my sentence.
“I don’t know. You know about the twins, but as for Grant, I’ve got no clue. What he did… he went too far.”
“And my mum?” she asks, clearly wanting the subject closed.
“I’ve told you some, but what I didn’t tell you was that I went to my granddad, on my father’s side, and asked him about what I’d heard. He filled my head with so much crap, but I swear to you, Ivy, he never went into details about what she accused them of. He only said that she lied, tried to discredit our family, and that Mum was seriously hurt because of it. Everyone around us constantly blamed Mum’s health on your mum. As a kid, it stuck inside my mind, and I’ve been feeding off the anger from that all these years. There were a lot of things going on that kept fortifying that anger, letting it grow, and I hadn’t realised how much until I heard you and Nova arguing, and you let it all out about your upbringing.”
“But we slept together. None of this makes sense. If you hated me that much, why? Why did you suddenly change how you felt?”
I arch an eyebrow at her, wondering if her question is legit. It is. “Simple. Because you are you. You don’t realise how refreshing it is to be around you, to be with someone who doesn’t have money signs in their eyes when they look at you. The way you see the world, how you look at the smallest things… I was drawn to it. And I didn’t change how I felt about your mum until the second you revealed the truth at the hospital.”
“But you didn’t believe me.”
I sigh. “You didn’t exactly believe I didn’t know, either. I guess we were wrong about a lot of things. And it wasn’t that I didn’t believe you, I just didn’t want it to be true, because no matter how much I hate him, he’s still my dad. I still share his DNA.”
The tension in the air lowers, and she starts to relax somewhat, letting those walls she’s built so high come down a little.
“I guess I should throw your words back at you and say you aren’t your father.”
“Aren’t I?” I blurt out, surprising myself.
She looks genuinely confused as her eyebrows pinch together. “You might be a prick, but never once did you scare me, Kaiden. I’m not weak, but even the strongest can buckle when it comes to having that choice taken away from them. But I knew what you were doing. I just didn’t know why. The only time I ever got worried and questioned myself was the night Grant pushed me into the pool. I don’t think you’re like your father.”
“I don’t know what got into him that night,” I admit. Grant and I came to blows after that fiasco at my brothers’ birthday party, getting in each other’s faces. I warned him to stay away from her, that I’d sort it.
“I need to find a way to get back to the manor. Nova needs to see this,” she explains, pulling me from my thoughts.
And just like that, she isn’t wary around me. The offer to give her a lift home doesn’t leave my lips. Instead, I ask, “It’s that easy?”
Looking up from her bag, she raises her eyebrow. “Is what easy?”
“You aren’t mad at me? You believe me?” I didn’t realise how much it had bothered me to know she didn’t believe me until now. I’m not one of those people who obsess about something until it drives them crazy, but I’ve found everything Ivy does drives me crazy.
She makes a guttural sound at the back of her throat. “Like I said earlier, I’m not you. I don’t put blame where it doesn’t belong.” Ouch! I wince, wishing I hadn’t asked. She sighs, looking at me in exasperation. “I’m still angry, but not like I was before. It’s going to take time for me to trust you again, but I don’t think you were keeping this from me. I saw your face when the recording played in the classroom. It wasn’t one of shame, or anger at me for accidentally playing it, and you didn’t care that other people heard. You genuinely looked shocked.”
That’s because I fucking had been. I still feel sick at the thought.
It still bothers me that we aren’t together, not how we were before. I’ve never begged for anything, and even if I could push past my pride and beg her for forgiveness, it would only push her away.
Right now, Ivy needs to know I care, and I can’t do that with meaningless words. She needs actions.
And she’s going to get them.
No one has ever gotten under my skin the way Ivy does, not one person. She wormed her way inside, and although I should have been pissed, I wasn’t. I found I liked having her there. The only regret I have is not seeing it sooner and instead had been a dick to her.
“Come on, I’ll drop you back.”
Her eyebrows shoot up at my offer. “That’s not necessary.”
I smirk a little. “Unless you want to call Nova, you’ll be waiting until school finishes. Taxi’s won’t know where to look. We’re kind of off the grid.”
Although she doesn’t look happy, I see the resolve in her expression. “All right, but this doesn’t mean shit, Kai.”
I gesture for her to leave the room. She doesn’t move, pointedly looking at me as if to say I’m stupid. A small growl rumbles up my throat, and I turn, leaving the girls bathroom.
She’d meant it when she said she doesn’t trust me, not even to walk behind her.
Nearing the exit, Principle Hackett cuts us off, glaring at us. He dismisses me easily, as is his way, but I don’t like the look he gets when he eyes Ivy. It’s a mixture of disgust and annoyance.
“Miss Monroe, skipping class on your first day?”
Ivy, still not herself, curls her arms around each other, staring at Hackett with a blank expression. “I’m just taking her home. She has to leave to see her aunt.”
Eyeing me now, Hackett’s lip curls. We’ve never gotten along, and more than once I’ve tried to get him fired. Not for the sole reason that we don’t get along, but because I think he’s a sleaze who preys on vulnerable girls. More so than not, a rumour will hit my ears that he’s slept with another student. Or blackmailed them. I’ve seen his reactions, seen the way he looks at them, and I don’t like it. Even if I didn’t have the school’s reputation to upkeep, I’d still want to fire him.
But he’s easily controlled by the board, so they keep him around, and until someone makes a formal complaint, he’ll stay. Or so they tell me. One day he’s going to fuck up, and on that day, I’ll be there, ready to get the proof they need.
He’s also under my dad’s thumb. The two had known each other before he started here at the school, and I’ve often wondered if Dad got him the job so that if Mum ever left him, he still had influence and control over the school. And I wouldn’t put it past him to use Hackett as a way to keep an eye on me.
“It’s her first day, and Miss Monroe hasn’t called to say she needs her niece home.”
“Why would she call you?” I ask, daring him to answer. It’s not like Nova personally knows him.
He splutters a little, red-faced. “I’m the principle of the school.”
“But calls go to the receptionist,” I tell him dryly, purposefully not calling her by her name. No child should live with the last name ‘Crapper’.
He turns his attention to Ivy. “I can’t grant you permission to leave the school premises. If you do, I’ll have no other option but to suspend you.”
Ivy’s back goes ramrod straight. “What?”
I quickly step in before she manages to get in his sights. One rant from her can make the strongest man feel inferior. It’s how I felt every time she fought back, not seeming the slightest bit unnerved. She’ll put him in his place, and he’ll feel humiliated, and although that is something I’d love to see, it won’t bode well for her. The rumours flying around Kingsley Academy mostly start with girls who had answered him back. Ivy wasn’t going to be one of those gi
rls.
“Respectfully, sir, you can’t stop us from leaving and you can’t suspend us for it. We’ll be back for afternoon classes. Ivy has a family emergency at home. Why else would she be leaving this early in the day? She’s not even had her first lesson. And you are capable of calling Miss Monroe. I can’t say she’ll be pleasant about you holding her niece up, but that’s between you and her.”
He hates that I’m confronting him, putting him in a position where he can’t really argue. “And why are you leaving, Mr Kingsley?”
“She needs a lift as Miss Monroe is indisposed at the moment. If that is all, we really should be going.”
“You can wait until I’ve spoken to Miss Monroe to confirm this,” he tells me, the veins in the side of his neck popping out, no doubt picturing me dying a slow and painful death.
I grind my teeth together. “We’re done.”
Awareness spreads through my system as I take Ivy’s hand, pulling her out of the exit doors. Mr Hackett begins to call us back, his tone becoming angrier and angrier by the second.
If I thought for one second that he wanted us to stay in school for academic reasons, or that we weren’t allowed to leave, I’d obey his rules. I might be a dick, but I still respect figures of authority, even if it pains me to do so.
The sound of my car unlocking eases some of the tension. Not all, but enough for me to drive us back safely.
Ivy keeps quiet, off in her own thoughts. I desperately want to ask if she’s okay—it was her mum on the recording—but I’m sensing she needs time right now. Time, I can give her. I just don’t know how much until I take back what’s mine.
CHAPTER TEN
IVY
My gaze keeps flicking from the road to Kaiden. There’s something sexy about watching him drive, seeing the concentration on his face. He’d taken his blazer off and rolled up his shirt sleeves the minute we got into the car, allowing me to now appreciate the pulsing veins in his arms as he grips the steering wheel. He is truly a sight to behold, and I wish I had time to see him drive in one of the races he takes part in.
Although my body still craves him, my heart and mind haven’t decided whether they can trust him or not, which is why my attention has been divided between the road and him. I want to make sure we’re actually heading to the manor, but I also need to keep an eye on him. There are many emotions you can decipher from a person’s expression, and I guess I’ve been waiting for his to portray something that doesn’t correlate with what he’s been telling me. But I’ve found no anger, no cunning, sly looks, no flicker of emotion— other than the deep sadness I can see he’s trying to hide. It’s in the slight downturn of his lips, the barely perceptible tensing of the muscles beneath his eyebrows. It’s like he got slapped with reality and doesn’t know his place in the world anymore.
Which has been my life for so long; never feeling like I fitted anywhere. I’ve never belonged, not even to my mum.
The tension washes away the minute we pass through the community’s gates, yet, my heart races in anticipation. I’m still sceptical about Nova, even if her concern has seemed honest.
Rubbing my hands over my pleated skirt, I keep my gaze locked ahead. I’m nervous about the recording. Listening to it again isn’t an option for me. There is no way I could stomach it.
Putting the car into park, Kaiden turns to me, his expression grim. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry you had to be brought into all of this.”
I watch him closely, hearing only sincerity in his tone. “That’s the thing, I wasn’t brought into all of this, I was born into it. Born because of it.” I take in a deep breath, my fingers gripping the strap of my bag until my knuckles turn white. I can’t do this with him. He might be sorry, but it doesn’t change what’s happened. There isn’t a way for us to forget. I don’t know how to trust him again, how to see the man I used to after he got over being angry. Instead of voicing all that, I turn and say, “Thank you for the lift.”
I exit the car, not bothering to look back at him when he calls my name. The reminder of what we could have been is too painful. I long to feel his touch, to have him hold me and tell me everything will be okay.
The second I enter the house through the side door, the sound of quiet sniffling reaches my ears. My heart stops and the bag slips through my fingers. I race through the house, searching for Nova, panic rising in my chest.
What if he’s hurt her too?
“Nova?” I call out, quickly scanning the kitchen. I notice a steaming cup of tea sitting on the counter. She can’t be far.
I don’t bother telling Kaiden to get lost when I hear him following, not wanting to waste time arguing with him. Getting to Nova is the only thing that matters right now. I won’t let what happened to my mum, happen to her.
I didn’t understand it at first, the feeling inside of me, but I do care about her. I do care what happens. It was the same kind of feeling I got when I thought she betrayed me, when I thought I might lose Selina. It was a fear that I might lose them.
I’m scared to lose them.
Because you care.
The moment I hit the living room, I come to a sudden stop, my heart in my throat when I see Nova bent over a crate. Piles of books surround her; some open, some closed.
Diaries.
Mum’s diaries.
I sag against the living room doorframe when I see there’s no sign of physical injury. Hearing us enter, Nova sits back, tears streaming down her cheeks as she glances over at me. What I see is heart-wrenching. Deep, withering grief and despair pours out of Nova in waves, overwhelming me, to the point I nearly collapse.
A thousand things run through my mind as I wonder what has happened, but the sight of the diaries is just solid proof as to what this is about.
“I’m so sorry, Ivy. I’m so sorry I didn’t help you, help her.” She sobs, bringing a diary to her chest. “I wish I could go back. I wish I could have stood up to our society. I’m so sorry I failed you, Ivy.”
As if approaching a wild animal, I slowly take a step into the room. She flinches, looking back down at an open diary.
“Nova, it’s okay,” I promise her, keeping my voice low.
I’ve felt emotions before—I’m not a robot. I’ve always known my upbringing wasn’t conventional, that Mum wasn’t like other mums. I’ve had to stand up for myself with a lot of people, learn to take care of myself, and over the years I hardened something inside of me, so I couldn’t be left heartbroken. But those walls I built so long ago to protect myself, crumble the second her gaze locks with mine. She’s filled with so much guilt and sorrow, it’s suffocating. I want to run, to break free of this room and suck in air that isn’t filled with grief. But I can’t run, not from this, not from her.
From the moment I met Nova, I lied to her, to myself. I pretended I didn’t care, that she was nobody, but deep down, it was all a lie. She does matter. I do care. And that scares me. She scares me. She has the power to run me down the same way Mum did. And it would hurt. I held onto hope the second she walked into my life, whether I choose to admit it to myself or not. I wanted a chance at a real family, a real life. And because of who I am, I wouldn’t let myself reach for it, treasure it.
You wanted Nova to work for it, a voice inside my head whispers.
It hits me like a ton of bricks, and I stagger backwards a little, nearly losing my footing. All this time, it wasn’t a lack of trust or my self-preservation coming between us, it was that I wanted Nova to want me, to work hard at keeping me.
I wanted someone to love me.
“I’m a terrible person,” Nova whispers brokenly.
“No, you aren’t,” I tell her, because she’s not. I’ve met arseholes in my life, and she’s not one of them, not if I’m honest with myself.
“Yes, Ivy, I am. This happened to her, and she had no one. I’m her twin sister and I was never there for her. It was easier to accept what I was told. I could pretend that it was just a story. But these are her words, her thoughts and
feelings. She must have been terrified. Cara was religious, just like our grandparents, and wanted to wait to lose her virginity until she found ‘the one’. She lost more that night than anyone can really know. She lost her entire future—the one she writes about in these diaries.”
“Calm down. It’s going to be okay.”
“I’m failing you too. I let you get hurt. He hurt you as well. Nearly killed you,” she cries, losing it. I’ve never seen her like this. She’s always so well composed. “I miss her. I miss the girl she was and grieve the woman she was supposed to be.”
It’s like it’s all hitting her at once, and I grimace, wishing I knew how to comfort her. I’m angry at Royce all over again, wanting to run him down like he had done to me.
“Where did you get the diaries?” I ask quietly, sitting down next to her.
“From me,” Annette says, stepping inside the room. She hands Nova a glass of water, guiding it to her mouth. “Drink,” she orders shortly.
“You?”
Annette studies Kaiden for a moment before placing the glass onto a tray. She bends down next to Nova, watching her worriedly. “Yes. I found them not long after I was hired. I knew the rumours, heard the stories, and I found—” She stops, looking at Kaiden again, biting her bottom lip.
“Found what?” I ask.
She shakes herself out of it but seems to withdraw a little. “I found Mr Kingsley looking for them. He asked for them rather adamantly, saying they were important. At first, he was charming. He made it seem like he was doing Cara a favour. I didn’t know what I know now, but I could see in his eyes that he was no good. And he’s not. He got so angry when I told him I couldn’t help him,” she explains, sadness glittering in her eyes.
“He hurt you,” I guess, then remember the day Royce presented me with a cheque. “And he hurt you that day he corned me in the kitchen, didn’t he?”
She nods. “Yes. He can be very forceful,” she explains. Her hands begin to shake, and I want to reach out to comfort her. “I’m sorry, Mr Kaiden, but it’s the truth.”
Crowd of Lies (Kingsley Academy Book 2) Page 9
