by Rose Verde
“I don’t know about that.”
“I think I’m a good judge of character, Sam. You love them, and it’s natural to feel resentful about their non-commitment to you and your brother. Especially after your brother passed, you’d think they’d stay back, try to fix things with you, but they didn’t. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel hurt, betrayed. I’ve been there...”
He was quiet for a moment. “When my ex-wife left us, I was mad. Andy was just three. I had the ranch to worry about. I’d not been very involved while dad was alive and I feared I was going to fail. The last thing I needed was my marriage breaking. I would’ve been upset if she’d gone with Andy, but at least, I’d be sure he was well cared for. What did I know to do with a three-year-old? My mom wasn’t there, so I had no one. So, imagine me trying to hold a ranch that felt like a pack of cards that could come crashing down in no time and caring for my little boy.”
Sam switched the phone on the other ear and listened. “As I struggled through all of those things, I panicked, prayed, believed, and faced days of defeat when nothing went right. I had help. My cousin, Ronnie’s family. But nothing was the same. I was angry and promised myself I would never forgive her.”
“How did you eventually forgive her?”
“God helped me. For a long time, I prayed and got no answers. I didn’t realize my unforgiveness kept me from hearing God. So, I lived in what felt like a dark cloud for a whole year and counting. And then, one day I became desperate and cried out to God. He showed me a scripture in Matthew 5:23-24 It speaks about forgiveness... I knew He wanted me to let go of my anger.”
“That doesn’t seem fair.”
“I couldn’t agree more. But, I knew that was what I needed to do. God had been impressing it on my heart for days, but I just couldn’t fathom it. But, I’d hit rock bottom then. So I told Him to help me let go. The first thing I did was call her up, to tell her I forgave her. I still struggled. But with every day that passed, as I reminded myself I’d forgiven and moved on, it went from my head to my heart and gradually, I felt relieved. Things began to look up. I began to see clearly what I needed to do. At that moment, I thought she was the prisoner, only to realize I was.”
“Pray for me, Chance, will you? I have so much to work through, I don’t know where to start.”
“Cast your burden upon the Lord and he shall sustain you. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. I’m praying for you.”
“Thanks.”
“Anything for you. I love you, you know that.”
“I do.” Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to say the words back to him. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“If you want to spend time with your parents, that’s fine.”
“We will end up staring at each other. Not the best way to spend the day.”
“I get it. We look forward to having you.”
When the call ended, Sam set her phone beside her and stared into the inky black cloud. The stars twinkled, breaking the darkness in places. Lord, I need You. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to be a prisoner of my own emotions, but right now, I don’t know where to start.
Chapter Sixteen
Chance walked out into the sunny Sunday morning on his way to church. He climbed into his truck. His sister would come with the children later. A car turned down the ranch road. Was his sister expecting anyone? He looked in the side mirror but couldn’t make out the female driver.
He grabbed a CD from his stack and slid one into the player. The music soon filled the truck. Seconds later, the car pulled up beside him. A smiling Sam waved at him. Chance's heart knocked against his ribs. He smiled back. He wasn’t expecting to see her until later.
He opened the truck door and came down. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she said as she reached him.
Chance leaned down and kissed her on the lips. She blushed, causing Chance’s smile to grow wider. “What’s up? Thought you’d be spending time with your parents.”
“They’re going to visit Mom’s sister. Where’s everyone?”
“Getting ready for church. I’m on my way. Wanna go with me?”
“Why not? I’m here.”
Chance went round and opened the passenger door. “Hop in.”
She pressed the key to her car to activate the lock, then she came around and climbed in. Her sweet perfume tantalized his nostrils. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He went round and climbed in. “I see you’ve gotten a new car.” He pulled out admiring the red sports car for a moment. With the admiration came a doubt in his mind. Would Sam stay on the ranch if he asked her? He was sure she liked him, if she kissed him the way she did, but... He pushed his mind from there and concentrated on what she was saying as he drove down the road.
“My insurance company had this ready but I was too fearful to drive. But, getting around, grocery shopping has been a nightmare. I called someone I know there, and they said I could pick it up this morning. So, I did.”
“What did it feel like?”
“Not bad. I expected to have a panic attack but I didn’t.”
He took his gaze off the road briefly and looked at the woman who was quickly taking a huge part of his heart. He loved her frankness, loving heart... he loved everything about her, scars and all. “Late last night, I was going to read my Bible and my word for the day popped up again: Fear has torment.”
“It does. Imagine that nothing I feared happened and for weeks I’ve had to go about without a car.”
“How are things with your parents?”
She relaxed back and heaved a sigh. “I don’t know. We didn’t talk again. I went to bed early.”
He reached over and squeezed her hand. She returned the pressure.
“I guess I’m more annoyed about the fact that if they had been here, given us the support we needed, maybe my brother would still be here. I... I don’t know how to deal with that. What parents behave like mine?”
“There are all kinds of people out there. We might never understand why they act the way they do... I’ve told you that my mom left when we were young, and left Dad to deal with bringing me and my sister up and running the ranch. And then I got married to the one woman I couldn’t wait to see every day and then she bailed out on me and Andy. Yeah, It’s hard, and the worst is, these are people you love.”
“Right. I mean, I meet all kinds of jerks every day. Whatever they say or do may hurt me, but I don’t think about it or dwell on it. But this.”
“Spot on. Cut yourself some slack, Sam. You don’t have to get over their treatment of you. You just need to be able to get past that and move on.”
“How did you get so smart?” she asked with a huge grin.
Chance pulled into the church parking lot and put the truck in park. He faced her, “Life. Every single thing we face, is for a purpose. I didn’t get here overnight, I promise. Paul said, ‘God’s intention is that we’re able to comfort others with the comfort we have received.’ I never knew I would meet you one day, and I’d have the opportunity to act all put together.” He winked.
Sam laughed. “Talk of ego the size of Alberta.”
Chance roared with laughter. He took his Stetson from the dashboard and set it on her head, loving the way it looked on her. “You’ll be fine, my dear.”
She held his gaze and something flickered in their hazel depth—love, admiration, he wasn’t sure what. He wanted to kiss her again, like he wanted to do every day. “You’d make a good cow girl. The Stetson looks great on you.”
She pulled down the mirror and looked at herself. She grinned. “Yeah? I sure look good.”
“Talk about ego the size of Alberta,” he teased.
Sam laughed and swatted him. “Let’s go.”
Chance climbed down and waited for her to join him. He took her hand and they walked toward the church where several people who came early like them, had gone in. They met a couple of people and Chance introduced her. Truth is, he was proud to introdu
ce her to people who had become like family over the past years. He wanted more than anything to tell everyone that she was more than a friend.
They found a spot at the back and sat down. It was Chance’s usual spot with Andy. Sam looked around at the sanctuary with about a hundred people already seated, some praying while others sat conversing in low tones.
“I like the décor. It’s peaceful ... inviting.”
“I do too.” Chance glanced around at the light green pews that matched dark green rugs. The lighting was amazing for a small church. But their pastor believed in excellence from decorations to every single thing in the church.
Chance had been invited by his first foreman when he was in college, and he’d loved it since then. Jake had since moved away to start his own ranch. He and Chance’s ranch were separated by a fence behind his property. They mostly did things together, moving pastures, especially during branding season.
“How come your house is mostly bland,” she said bumping him with her shoulder.
“Because men don’t worry about décor.” Then an idea popped in his mind. “You can change anything you want.” Her surprised gaze met his. “Tell me what you need and change whatever you don’t like. I’ll pay you.”
She tucked her lower lip between her teeth and contemplated him. He’d come to recognize that look when she was thinking. “How about I think about it for a while?”
“That’s fine with me. If you have ideas, you can run it by me and we’ll see.”
She nodded and looked away. Was she wondering if he was serious? He was. Little things to show her he wanted to share his life with her. He took her hand and twined their fingers.
He’d been praying about them and he felt so much peace.
Someone clapped him on the shoulder, and he turned to see Jake Ryder. He sat behind them with a huge smile on his face. His fiancee, Lori sat beside him, beaming.
“Good to see you, small boss.”
Chance shook their hands. Even after so many years, Jake still called him by the nickname he gave Chance. “How’re you doing, man?”
“I can’t complain. God is good.”
“Glad to hear that.”
Jake’s gaze shifted to Sam. “You want to introduce us?” he asked, shifting to him.
Chance rolled his eyes. “Why?”
“Are you serious?” he asked Chance in mock horror. “Someone is afraid I’d steal his girl.” He winked at Lori. "Except that I'm already taken."
“I’m Samantha. You can call me Sam.”
Jake reached out a hand to her. She shook his but instead of shaking her hand and letting her go, he held on.
Playfully, Chance retrieved Sam’s hand. Jake roared with laughter and then quickly covered his mouth as people turned to look at them.
Sam tugged the hat over her face and Chance poked her playfully in the side. Jake wasn’t embarrassed by anything. For someone who’d had a terrible childhood, he was fun loving, a great guy. He pumped Chance off the shoulder and then relaxed back on the bench.
Minutes later, Sierra, her kids and Andy walked in. The children came over to greet Sam.
Sierra sat on his side since the kids had all taken the other side of Sam. She leaned over to Sam and whispered. “I didn’t know you came. I was wondering who owned the car parked at the ranch. I’m sure my brother was the reason you didn’t come in to say hi, seeing how he just whisked you away.”
Sam blushed. “I apologize. I didn’t think of it.”
“Right. That’s how to know someone is in love. You better take care of my brother while I’m gone.”
Chance rolled his eyes at his meddling sister. “Discussion over, Sis.”
“In a second.” She took Sam’s hand. “I mean it.”
Sam grimaced. “I know.”
The worship team went up to the podium, and worship began. It was a half hour of uplifting worship. Chance enjoyed listening to Sam’s voice as she sang. She looked cute in the cowboy hat she still had on. She must have sensed his gaze, because she looked up and smiled at him.
His heart overflowed with love for her. She was a breath of fresh air like his sister said. He knew without a doubt now that she was the one he was meant to be with. But, she’d been badly hurt and he was determined to give her as long as it took to finally open up to him.
The video announcement followed after the worship ended, and then the pastor, Ray Campbell, came up on the podium. “It’s good to see you all on this amazing morning, yes?”
“Yes,” came the chorus from about a hundred and fifty people in the small community church.
“Awesome. If you’re new here, we’re glad to have you. Please stop by at the lobby and get your gift at the end of the service. I’ll be there to greet you.” He smiled. “Thanks everyone for coming out today. We’ll be talking about something God laid on my heart, that I feel is crucial to us in this season. It’s the weapon of forgiveness. I’m not sure if this is going to be a series yet, but we’ll see.”
He flipped his Bible open. “Let’s turn in our Bibles to Matthew 5:23-24. He waited for a moment and then began to read. ‘Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.’
He looked up at the congregation. “I’m going to give us a little background here. The people of Israel had to take their gifts to the temple in Jerusalem to make a sacrifice. Depending on where the person lived, that could mean days of walking to get to the temple. Maybe two, maybe three as the case may be.”
He walked down from the podium, his Bible in hand with his index finger between the pages. “Now, picture this. If it took someone two days to bring their offering to the temple, it will take another two days to get home. Same if it took them three, same number of days to go back.
“And Jesus is saying here, if you reach the temple and the spirit of God brings to your mind that someone has something against you, you have to leave the gift there and go back. Hmm.”
He went back to the podium and set his Bible back down. “I’m thinking in my mind. Why not offer the gift, then go back and reconcile with your brother? I mean if going back and forth takes me four days and then I have to leave the gift right there, go all the way back, and then back again and then back again. Seriously?”
He folded his hands across his chest dramatically. “How many of you are thinking like me? Now, don’t raise your hand.”
That earned a chuckle from the congregants.
“As I studied that scripture, I realized God is more interested in the spirit with which the gift is given than in the gift. I mean, the gift is His first before it became ours.” He was quiet for a moment. Chance loved that about the man. As Chance listened, he searched his heart.
“The devil knows that you are not likely to fall into sin because you are smart and know his devices. So, he comes against you with the spirit of unforgiveness. But, that’s why Jesus said, offence will come. Not may come. Make no mistakes about it. They will come. The issue is what we do with offence when they come.”
He looked down at the page opened before him and read it again. “What should be our attitude to offence? Because the truth is you can’t control what people do, but you can control how you react. And the scripture we just read didn’t say if you are the one who offended your brother. That doesn’t matter. You might have the right to be mad at them. You may be the one who was hurt. But, Jesus is saying, do not let offence stay in your heart.
“Saying the words ‘I forgive you’ isn’t easy, especially when you’re the one hurt. But, when you say it, you release them from your heart. I’ve had people come against me in the course of my ministry. Unfortunately, it’s not necessarily people outside the body of Christ. That would’ve been easy, if they were my unbelieving acquaintances.
“I was resentful for a long time until God showed me the principle in this scripture. I
wrestled with God for a while as to how unfair it was that I had to be the one to apologize when they were the ones who did me wrong. But, I knew what was the right thing to do. When I finally got over my grumpy self and did what God wanted me to do, I felt free. All the while, the devil kept me from realizing that I was the prisoner, not the person who offended me.”
Sam looked at him, probably remembering their discussion from last night. Chance smiled at her. He leaned closer to her and whispered, “I promise I didn’t say anything to him.”
“I know,” she whispered back.
“Jesus knew that. No wonder, before He died on the cross, His prayer was for His father to forgive them.” He closed his Bible. “Why do you think Jesus came in the first place? The devil had caused Adam and Eve to sin. His hope was that man would live constantly under the anger and punishment of God. But, God had a different plan: I will send my son to die on their behalf, offer them forgiveness instead of punishment... and here we are today.
“The Bible says we should be angry and sin not. It says not to let the sun go down on our wrath. Why? So we don’t give place to the devil. Shall we rise to our feet?”
He waited until everyone had risen. “There are a few people here. You are saying, pray for me, Pastor. I need to let go of the hurt that people have done to me. I don’t know how, I need help. Can you step forward quickly?”
A number of people made their way to the front. He began to pray for them while the pianist played softly in the background. He gave words of knowledge to several of the people he prayed for. When there was remaining one person, Sam slipped out of the seat and went forward.
Seconds later, he faced Sam. “You’ve been deeply hurt by some people in your family. I’m not going to go into details. But as a result of their actions, you find it difficult to forgive them. But, God wants you to live in freedom and he’s setting you free today. There’s something special about you and the devil knows that. But out of your ashes, God is bringing something beautiful.”
As he spoke to her, Sam fell to her knees sobbing. When he was done speaking, he prayed for her. Then he prayed for the rest of the congregation.
