by Rose Verde
“What?”
Pulling herself together, she said, “Nothing.”
“Your eyes betray you. I see you’re feeling this cowboy.” He puffed his shoulders up.
Sam rolled her eyes. “You’re just too pompous,” she teased.
He laughed. “Only you think that way.”
Her phone rang and she grabbed it. It was Todd’s sister. She hoped he wasn’t at her place again. “Hey, Becca?”
“He’s dead,” a heart wrenching sob followed the declaration.
Sam’s heart raced. “Becca, who’s dead?”
“T..o..d..d.” she wailed.
The brochure Sam was holding slipped from her grip and she turned around to rest on the paddock for support. “What happened?”
“We didn’t realize he’d left the house at some point between night and morning. His car was there when we all went to sleep.” She sobbed for a moment. “We woke up to a call this morning. It was a hit and run.”
Sam covered her face as her body shook. What a way to end. “Are you guys home now?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, I’ll be there.” She closed her eyes but couldn’t stop the tears that slipped past her eyelids.
Gentle hands rubbed her arms and for a moment, she just cried.
“What happened, Sam?”
“Todd is dead. Got hit by a car.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Chance pulled her into his arms and as memories of the past waded in, she wept. For herself, for him, the life that was cut short, everything. “He didn’t have to die.”
“No one deserves to die like that. I’m sorry.”
She nodded and pushed away. “I need to go, if that’s okay.”
“Sure. You want me to take you?”
“No.” she wiped her eyes. “You have work to do. Besides, I’m not sure I’ll be back. This is my last week.”
His eyes grew big. She wasn’t sure what she was saying, but she needed a break from everything. “What are you saying?”
“I’m so sorry, Chance.” The tears were starting up again. “I need some time to process things. Accept my apologies—”
He held her arms, a look of defeat crossing his face. “It’s okay, Sam. Do what you need to do.”
She searched his gaze. “You do understand, right?”
“I do,” he said without hesitation. “Call me if you need anything.”
She hugged him. Chance hugged her back then kissed her head and stepped away. “Will you tell Andy for me?”
“Sure.”
“I’m really so sorry,” she said again.
“Sam, it’s okay. Don’t worry. Call me when you can.”
He wasn’t planning to call her. Her heart wrenched as she walked away from him. God, help me, was all she could think of as she got into her car and drove away.
What’s next, Lord?
Chapter Twenty
Chance found the signpost to the funeral home in Sam’s text and pulled into a parking spot. Parallel parking between several cars with his huge truck along the street wasn’t a walk in the park, but he accomplished it. He looked around at people who strolled up the small elevation in twos and threes all dressed in black.
He glanced at his wristwatch. He was ten minutes early. He wasn’t sure when Sam would arrive. They hadn’t talked in a week. He wanted to call her, yet he knew she was grieving and felt she needed her space. Maybe everything was ruined for them, but that’s okay too. He’d prayed and had peace. Today, he was here to support her, show her he cared and would give her as long as it took. Deciding it was best to find the building and wait there, he climbed out his truck, grabbed the bouquet of flowers and closed the door.
The summer wind was warm, carrying on their wings the smell of trees in full bloom. He went in the direction of the others. By the time he crested the little hill, he could see a small gathering of people in front of the huge funeral home. Someone turned to speak with an elderly woman and his heart stuttered in his chest. Sam, looking so beautiful in a black dress.
Chance walked the few meters to reach the spot where the service would take place. Sam found a smile for him and came over and greeted him. She introduced him to her ex-in-laws. After pleasantries were exchanged, Chance handed over the flowers to her and she thanked him.
“We’ll be inside in a bit.”
He nodded and went in. About twenty people were seated, a couple here and there speaking in hushed tones. The picture of a smiling Todd stared back at everyone from beside the casket up in front. From what he’d read in the papers, his body was mangled, which would explain the closed casket loaded with all kinds of flowers. The guy in the picture was a far cry from the guy he’d stopped from harassing Sam. What a waste of life.
He glanced around. The atmosphere was gloomy, made worse by the depressing music playing in the background. The air seemed still. It reminded him of his dad’s service years back. The memory flooded back, him dealing with his father’s death and his shattered home. He shifted in the uncomfortable chair. Though Dad's favorite music which he asked to be played was upbeat, happy, it hadn’t eased the melancholy.
Soon, the family headed in and up to the front with fancier seats for them. The viewing and speeches didn’t take a long time. The people Chance assumed were Todd’s siblings gave the eulogy. The sermon was also pretty short, reminding them that everyone would be remembered by what they’d done.
It was so apt. His family would remember him for some things and Sam would remember him for other things. The thoughts made Chance want to do better with his life. He knew that the life a man lived for God counted more. Yet, he also knew that a man couldn’t live for God and be remembered for wrong things.
Minutes later, the procession started, with friends and family following the hearse.
Someone stepped up beside him and he looked to see Sam.
“Thanks for coming. You didn’t even know him.”
“I know someone who knows him,” he said with a smile.
She bit her lip.
“How are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m okay. One day at a time. And you? How’s Andy?”
“He’s fine. He misses you and wants to know when you’ll be back.”
“I miss him too. I’ll drop by to see him one of these days.”
“I missed you too. But don’t feel pressured to come see him until you’re ready. Teresa is still here another week.”
“So, she’s still planning to leave?”
“Yes. We’ve reached an agreement over things and she understands.”
Sam nodded.
They reached the already dug grave and he and Sam abandoned their discussion. Minutes later, the casket was lowered into the ground. Chance handed Sam his bandana as she and others around him cried.
Watching his father laid in the ground years back had fueled in Chance a desire to do the man proud. If he said so himself, he’d say he’d succeeded. Final words were said, along with prayers by an older gentleman.
When they finished, Chance turned to Sam. “I’ll be heading back.”
“Thanks for coming. Means the world to me.”
“You mean the world to me,” he said.
He hugged her and let his pounding heart communicate to her more than his words could. He let go, duffed his Stetson and headed back down the hill to his truck.
What if she never got over Todd? What if she never showed up at the ranch? The thoughts chased around in his mind. If she didn’t, maybe they were not meant to be together. Yet, he knew deep down in his heart that Sam would be back for good. In that he was content and he prayed she found the healing she needed.
SAM PARKED HER CAR in the front of her friend’s house and made a short walk to her door. The weather was quite hot, but not the balmy, humid summers in Ontario. It was record high all the same. The seconds it took her to make the walk, her blouse was already sticking to her back.
She rang the doorbell and waited. Renee opened the door, a hug
e smile on her face. She ushered Sam in.
“The house is quiet. Where’s everyone?”
“I sent them all out. Let them go have fun. It’s girl’s time today. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay.”
She hugged Sam. “I’m glad.” She led the way to the living room. “I was thinking of ordering some food and we stay here and just talk and watch a movie, or we eat out.”
“We stay here. I’m hoping we could talk and I don’t want to do that in public.”
“That’s fine with me. What will you eat?”
“Our usual.” Sam dropped onto the sofa and kicked off her shoes.
“Coming right up.” Minutes later, after she’d placed the order, Renee came and dropped beside her on the sofa. “How are you doing, really?”
“I’m okay.”
“You don’t sound very convincing. Don’t worry. This is a free session. So, tell me. What’s going on? It's been almost a week since Todd’s funeral. You still feel guilty, right?”
“I don’t know what I feel anymore.”
“So, let’s start from the beginning.”
Sam wasn’t sure where to start.
“Have you talked with Chance? I have a feeling that he being in the picture is part of all your confusion. You don’t feel like you deserve to be loved after Todd died?”
How did she always do that? Sam heaved a sigh and nodded.
Renee took her hand. “Sam, you’d been divorced for a year and with good reasons. You have a good heart in still thinking there was some good in Todd. I get it. No one is all bad, no one is all good. But, I’m looking at this from the point of an unbiased view.
“He verbally, emotionally and mentally abused you and then turned physical. You lost a pregnancy from his beatings. As if that was not enough, he had to suspect you of infidelity and used a hot clothes iron on you. Have you ever thought of what he’d do next if you had stayed?”
Sam shuddered at the thought.
“It was a miracle he signed the divorce papers at the time. I guess he felt he was also done with you. We don’t know what broke in him and he decided to start trying to get you back. He lost his chance. No matter what happens, you are not responsible for the choices he made afterwards.
There’s always a possibility he would’ve escaped the accident if he wasn’t drunk. You can’t blame yourself for that,” Renee said.
Sam knew all that. “I found out his dad forced him to sign the papers... My head knows all these, but...”
“It will take a while. You know I always tell you. Don’t try to get over things. Work your ways slowly until you get past things.”
“Whatever will I do without you?”
“Nothing, honey.”
Sam laughed. “Now, you sound like Chance.”
Renee joined in the laughter. “You love him,” Renee said after a moment.
It was a statement but Sam knew her friend wanted an answer. “I do. It’s been a miserable two weeks for me, but he deserves better.”
“That couldn’t be further from the truth. In the past two weeks, he’s given you space you wanted, showed up at the funeral, because of you, sent you texts daily to let you know he’s thinking of you. I think you need to talk things over with him. Tell him exactly how you feel and both of you can work through this together. Unless you don’t think he’s worth the time.”
“He’s worth it.”
“There you go.” The doorbell rang. “Just in time.”
Renee rose and went to the door. Sam thought over their discussion. Yes, she knew what she needed to do. It’d been difficult to sort things through her head, and she’d prayed for some perspective. Now Renee spelt it the way it’d been going in her mind, she knew it wasn’t just some selfish desire on her part.
The aroma of sweet and savory chicken and rice filled the living room and her stomach rumbled.
Renee winked. “Someone is hungry. Let’s go to the kitchen.”
Sam didn’t need any more cajoling. She followed her friend. “What’s your plan for work?”
“I’ll ask Chance if I could still teach Andy. If he’s found someone else, I won’t blame him.”
“I’m sure he hasn’t. He won’t want anyone else but you to teach his boy. You will say I told you.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I’m not just a psychologist by training. The area where I exercise my gift of the Spirit is in discernment. I guess you already know that.” She set their food on the table while Sam opened the drawer and grabbed some forks.
Renee went to the fridge. “I made some orange juice today. Just the way you like it.”
Sam set serviettes on the table. “Why, thank you.”
The two of them sat side by side and dug into their food.
“I know deep down here,” Renee tapped her chest. “That everything will work out well. For instance, your parents. Isn’t it amazing seeing them at the church? They even answered the altar call together.”
“Mom told me they met with your husband. I’m glad too, that it’s all working out. I never knew this would ever happen. I guess Mom seeing the scars on my back and realizing I was divorced and she never knew finally got to them.”
“Yeah. And like we said the last time. Your relationship will not turn all sweet overnight. But all of you involved are ready to make a go of it. That’s the first and most important part of solving issues. So, how about the foundation you’re thinking of running?”
“I have a few things mapped out. I still need a venue.”
“Which Chance gracefully offered. He said he would talk with his lawyer too, and he’s ready to commit to it financially. I think he should be the one you’re talking with. So, that was a wrong question from me.”
They both laughed. The rest of the meal was filled with banter back and forth. But even at that, Sam’s mind stayed on Chance and the life he was offering her. She didn’t plan to throw that away.
Chapter Twenty-One
Chance brought out the leftover pasta from the previous day and plopped it into the microwave. He wanted to finish it and be done with it. It was a good thing he didn’t make a whole lot. He thought it was just his psychology at play. But, even Andy couldn’t eat it. In his mind, he ran through everything he did while making the food. It was everything he’d always done. When had his cooking gone that awful?
Andy screwed up his nose. “You want to eat that?”
Chance scrunched up his nose right back at his son. “What do you think?”
Andy laughed. “You’ll eat it.”
“Good guess. I cooked it, so I got to deal. It’s either you learn to make something better than me, or you’re stuck on cereals.”
“I’m six. I can’t cook.” He shrugged. “Or we just buy food.”
The microwave timer went off and he went over and grabbed his breakfast. “You don’t want daddy to become poor, now, do you? Besides, I ain’t wasting food. I bought it with my money. You know, one day, I’ll employ you and you work to pay for our food,” he teased.
Andy scooped some cereal in his mouth. “Nope.” Milk seeped out of his mouth.
“Hey, don’t talk with food in your mouth.” Chance forked some pasta into his mouth and grimaced. “How did I cook this? It’s so different,” he said after swallowing it.
Andy laughed, spewing milk all over Chance. “Eww.” He grabbed a serviette and wiped his face.
“Sorry, daddy.” His look and laughter said he was anything but.
“You get to eat some before I accept your apology. Else you’re sleeping in the barn with the new calves.”
He shook his head. “I’ll sleep with them instead.”
Chance widened his eyes in mock horror. “Come on. It’s not as bad as that.” He wolfed down the food, not letting the taste register. When he finished, he held up the plate. “See, not so bad.”
“Yeah,” Andy rolled his small eyes and Chance chuckled. He carried his plate to the kitchen sink.
“Wh
en is she coming back?”
Chance wasn’t sure of the person Andy referred to. He turned. “Didn’t you ask your mom before she left?”
“Duh, not her. Sam.” He sounded like Chance was addlepated. The sound of a car came closer and Chance turned back to the window.
“Is she the one?” Andy asked with excitement in his voice.
“Yes.” Chance’s heart played a staccato tune in his chest and he feared it would plain fly out. Something told him she would come. That’d been why he’d hung around the house. In the past weeks, he'd just let things ride with Andy. Beyond helping him go over what he'd learned already, he didn't know what else to do. Yet, he didn't have the heart to start looking for someone else. He'd hoped Sam showed. And she did. The relief left him lightheaded.
He went to the door. Before he could say anything else, Andy flew out of the house just as Sam pulled to the front of the house. Their gaze connected and held. One second. Then two.
Andy pulled her door open and she turned a full wattage smile on the boy. Chance waited a few seconds more to coral his emotions.
He met them at the door. “Hey.”
“Hey, you too.”
“I have been studying my letters and numbers. My mom bought me some books. I’ll show you.”
“I’d love to see them.” She smiled at him.
Chance could feel the tension in her and his heart fell. Was she coming to end things for good? “How are you?”
“I’m good.”
“We missed you. Daddy made some pasta. It wasn’t anything like the one you make.”
Chance groaned. “Come on, Andy.”
“Did he now?” The gaze that held his, danced with amusement. “How about we make something better than his.” She held up a finger. “After you show me your books and do a little studying.”
“I’d like that.”
“I guess I’ll leave you both then, and catch up on some ranch work.”
“Sure. Have fun.”
He rolled his eyes at her. “You should come have fun too.”
“We’re okay here.”
