by C. J. Anaya
Or that he wasn’t mine.
A dull ache seared my heart for a moment. Not as badly as the initial pain had been once I’d processed all the lies Kheelan fed me, but the feelings I’d developed for him weren’t so easily forgotten even if they weren’t as strong as what I was beginning to feel for…
Nope.
I refused to follow that line of thinking.
Dangerous territory.
“I was torn, you were terrified, though you remained remarkably calm through it all, and in that moment I couldn’t seem to stop touching you.”
“That’s just wrong,” I said, keeping my voice light even though the feel of Jareth’s hand in mine brought forth unwanted emotions.
“It started out wrong. I made a mess of things right from the beginning, and I was so confused by your human appearance even though the light we created together signified you weren’t human. I had to understand who you were, I had to know, and I had to protect you. Anything less was unacceptable in my eyes. I knew from that moment that you were mine, but I didn’t understand how it was possible, and convincing you of the truth became quite the challenge.”
I could imagine.
Convincing me of anything when it came to Jareth was something I intended to fight on every level. I took a moment to recognize that I was trying to protect myself in case Jareth turned out to be someone entirely different. Waiting for that other shoe to drop and for Jareth to do something absolutely unforgivable—like Kheelan had—was tiring and a bit unsatisfying.
And necessary.
But if I got my memories back, none of this worrying would matter. If Jareth was telling the truth, I’d remember everything and willingly marry him in a heartbeat.
Except Jareth wanted me to marry him first, the only way for us to safely work on the maze spell together to actually get my memories back.
Gah!
I didn’t have that kind of blind faith.
“Jareth, I know you want to protect me from the damage my magic might do to me, but I’m not marrying you for anything other than love.”
Besides, what if his motives for marrying me weren’t so different from Kheelan’s? His brother had kidnapped me for altruistic reasons at the beginning. I understood his intentions were initially good since saving the Fae realm had been the main priority, but after he found out it was possible for me to hold more than one elemental magic, how did that feed his ambition? He didn’t return me to my alleged fated mate. He just kept lying about everything, and in the back of my mind I had to acknowledge his lust for power. He wanted to rule the Seelie Court with my power at his disposal. Now that Jareth and I knew I could create a way for all elemental magics to be shared between couples, was he motivated to marry me so he could work more than just Summer magic?
And once he got what he wanted and had access to all elemental magic, would I become irrelevant and pushed to the side?
Doubts and fears plagued me at this point. I absolutely had to get my memory back. It was the only way I would ever know if Jareth’s motives were sincere. It was the only way I would be able to trust him or allow myself to even entertain the idea of marrying him.
“Crysta,” Jareth waved his hand in front of me.
I blinked in surprise.
“Where did you go?” he asked. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for several moments now.” He titled my head and gazed into my eyes, studying me with a concerned expression on his face.
I pulled away from his touch, and took a deep breath in. “I’m sorry. What were you saying?”
“I was saying that there’s absolutely no way I’ll allow you to repeatedly injure yourself with your own magic in order for us to narrow down the false exits and musical combinations. Marry me, and we can work on the problem without endangering you.”
“Nope. Not happening. I’m not walking blindly into this with a guy I don’t remember. Been there, done that. Marrying you is not even on the table right now. You need to do this my way.”
Jareth’s jaw was stiff with anger. He remained silent for a moment before speaking in a low voice. “I agree that the circumstances surrounding our rushed marriage would not be ideal. I’m not exactly thrilled to marry you since you don’t remember me or the time we spent together. You don’t remember the love you once held for me. Do you really believe I want to marry you when you feel forced rather than exuberant about the idea?” He rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. “Believe it or not, I’m a bit of a romantic at heart, and I’d like my future wife to be as in love with me as I am with her, but there are other issues at stake. I may not be heir to the Seelie throne any longer, but I know my duty to my people. I love the Fae realm and its inhabitants and as a former heir to the Court I cannot turn my back on the facts. If we don’t find a way to get rid of this maze spell and unlock those memories, we won’t discover what your mother embedded within your memory. We won’t be able to stop my father, and we won’t be able to save this realm and all the races that dwell within it. We need to take action, Crysta. No matter where you and I are at in our relationship, we have to save our people.”
I nodded, letting his impassioned speech wash through me. I believed in him and in his desire to save this realm. I could tell his duty to his people was etched within the very fabric of what made Jareth the faerie prince he’d become, and I was more than willing to do what was necessary to save lives and stop King Moridan if it really came to that, but we had other options.
I shrugged my shoulders. “You make it sound as if there is only one way to solve this problem. I marry you, you gain three other elemental magics, you take on the maze spell, and eventually you defeat it.”
“Exactly,” Jareth said.
“Then what? Once you’ve freed my memories and unearthed my mother’s secret where do we go from there in our relationship?”
“What are you talking about, Crysta? You’ll remember me. You’ll remember everything we’ve been through and how hard we’ve fought to be together.”
“And what happens if I get my memories back only to find out you lied to me just like your brother did? What if we have no history together? What if all of this…everything…is one big, fat illusion?” I choked back a sob, but I couldn’t prevent the awful mewling sound coming from the back of my throat. Jareth wrapped his arms around me and held me tight against his chest. “I don’t know you, or Roderick, or Lily or Graul, but what terrifies me more than that is the fact that I don’t know myself. I don’t know my heart or my mind where you’re concerned.”
“I’ll help you,” Jareth said, his voice heavy with emotion. “Please, tell me how I can help you.”
I pulled back and stared at his beautiful blue eyes.
“Let me do this my way,” I pleaded. “Let me take on the maze spell. No matter how it harms me or what it throws at me, if you truly love me, let me find my own way through this.”
His gaze raked over my face, seeming to commit to memory every facet of my features, every nuance of my expression. He finally nodded his consent, but the effort it took to do that was monumental if the stormy look on his face was any indication.
It went a hell of a long way in gaining any semblance of trust from me.
“We take it one attack at a time,” he said in a stiff voice. “We won’t know how severely you’ll be injured each time you try a possible exit or melody. If the injuries and subsequent healings take too much of a toll then we stop for the day, Crysta.” He swallowed hard before continuing. “If your pain becomes too great we stop for the day, and if I can’t handle standing by and watching as the woman I love is repeatedly attacked…we stop for the day. Understood?”
I nodded, feeling both relieved and grateful that he would agree to this.
“Okay then, we take a break and start again this evening. I know time isn’t on our side, but I don’t think I can stomach another attack on your person right now.”
“Okay,” I hurried to agree, afraid he might change his mind.
Baby
steps.
At least we were moving forward.
“I see you enjoy the gardens as much as I do,” Lily said, startling me out of my weighty thoughts.
I whipped my head around and smiled at Lily’s hesitant expression. Did she think I wouldn’t enjoy her company?
“I like the sculptures and fountains scattered throughout the grounds,” I said as she came up to stand next to me. She studied the large fountain of a beautiful man and woman locked in a passionate embrace.
“You’ve discovered the sculptures of Oberon and Titania,” she said. “I used to sneak into the gardens at night after my chores were done and stare at them, jealous of how in love they appeared to be. I wanted that kind of love for myself.”
I turned to her and smiled.
“You have it. Graul is absolutely crazy about you.”
She blushed and ducked her head for a moment.
“That’s very true, and to be honest, after hearing Chantara’s tale of The Rending, I’m grateful the kind of love Graul and I share is nothing like Oberon and Titania’s.”
“Who is Chantara and what is The Rending?” I asked.
Lily’s eyes grew wide and then she looked a little embarrassed.
“That’s right. I keep forgetting about your memory loss. We…well, perhaps it would be best if I start from the beginning.”
I inwardly cringed at how many times I’d heard that before. Everyone started at the beginning, moving forward to the present, telling their version of my history with them.
For me, it was simply the beginning.
Lily proceeded to tell me this wild tale of visiting the Lake of Beatha and meeting a real live mermaid named Chantara, but more startling was the story of The Rending, a disturbing tale of jealousy and betrayal between brothers who were in love with the same woman. I didn’t like to consider that history had repeated itself a bit with my mother, uncle, and father and even in my own complicated love life between two brothers who claimed to have a thing for me.
“You’re saying before The Rending, all faeries everywhere originally held all elemental magics within their core, and the Seelie and Unseelie Courts used to be one Court?” I asked.
“That’s it exactly,” Lily said.
“That’s why bonding the Saytr king and Mira together felt so right to me. Their separation and lack of several elemental magics within their core was an aching wound that had been festering for centuries. And whatever King Moridan has done to the magic now has weakened everyone.” I paused for a moment, wondering if that’s why so many faeries had already been killed by this plague. “Lily, do you think two elemental magics within a faerie’s core is enough to make them immune to griesha or will it take being bonded to a significant other?”
Lily stared at me for a moment in wonder.
“Wait. You’re saying you bonded the Saytr King and his wife’s cores together just as they would have been bound before The Rending?”
“Yes,” I said. “It healed Mira’s wounds and her own magic.”
Lily grimaced in frustration.
“Graul is so terrible with details. He should have told me this sooner. You needed to remember this story. You needed to know this is how magic was meant to operate in the Fae realm. You’re saying you have the power to reverse what Oberon did to Fae magic thousands of years ago. You hold the cure not only for griesha but for The Rending itself.” She bit her lip and scrunched up her nose a bit. “The only way to know how faeries with griesha can be healed is probably by giving them another elemental magic first and seeing if that does anything.”
“It’s something I definitely need to know. Not everyone is married or even intends to get married. It would kind of stink if we had to force marriages to save lives.” I thought about my own earlier predicament with Jareth. Although, I wasn’t exactly fated to be mated to a troll.
Was Jareth handsome?
Obviously.
Charming?
The guy could do no wrong in that department, and at the end of the day there were several other things about him I found myself admiring, but being backed into a corner with matrimony as the only solution to what seemed like an insurmountable problem really wasn’t much fun.
If an extra elemental magic was enough to add an extra layer of protection where griesha was concerned, I was all for it. I would also need a few guinea pigs to experiment on.
“Lily, are there any people within the palace suffering from symptoms?”
Geez. Did I have to sound so eager?
Lily’s eyes widened in bemusement.
Right, because hoping a servant within the castle was actually battling the plague probably wasn’t an appropriate wish.
Oh, well. I was super ready to analyze someone’s core magic and see if I could infuse it with one of my own.
“I have no idea,” Lily said, “but I’m sure if we ask around the castle we’re bound to find someone, at the very least a relative to one of the staff here at the castle, who has been touched by griesha.”
“If you could put some feelers out for me, I would be very grateful. The sooner we figure out the exact requirements for this cure the better.”
“Feelers, huh?” She shook her head, but gave me a warm smile. “You have brought back several strange phrases from the human realm. I will have to incorporate this into my vocabulary. It’s doubtful Graul will know what to make of it.”
“He does seem to be very literal with language, but I get the feeling that’s a very Fae characteristic.”
“You have no idea.” She stepped forward and surprised me with a friendly hug. “I’ll start asking around now. Jareth’s been pacing the corridors just beyond the garden, giving you what he’s labeled as space. I’m sure you needed it, but I don’t think he can be away from you much longer.” She pulled back and squeezed my arm, a kind look of compassion softening the lines around her mouth and eyes. “I know this isn’t my place, but I just want to say one thing. When you first arrived here with Jareth it was painfully obvious how much you two loved each other.” She pointed to her chest and smiled. “You’ve got a reliable witness here. I promise.”
I blinked back the moisture forming, and gave her a watery, wilting grin.
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Lily.”
“Anything for a friend.”
I watched her walk away, still wondering how Lily and Graul, two completely different beings, personalities, and even races could have ended up together, loving each other amidst such crazy circumstances. I guess it didn’t matter when, where, or how love happened.
It just happened.
And apparently it had happened to me.
I shook my head from those frustrating thoughts, thoughts I had done my best to escape from, and decided to focus on something else equally insurmountable but a hell of a lot less scary in my opinion.
This possible cure.
Healing anyone by simply restoring all of their core magic to them would be infinitely satisfying, but I had to admit that this possible avenue for a cure posed an altogether different problem.
How in the world would I be able to restore everyone’s core magic to them one-by-one before the plague took thousands of lives?
I was only one person, and there were hundreds of thousands of faeries living within this realm. Distributing this cure wouldn’t be like distributing a vaccine shot. We couldn’t replicate it since I was the only one who could do something like this…so far.
Maybe it was time to start looking for an apprentice.
Which made me laugh since I barely had a handle on less than twenty spells. I circled the statue of Oberon and Titania, locked in an embrace filled with love and passion that had turned ugly and poisonous in the end.
Destructive.
It wasn’t the kind of love I’d ever accept, but what if it was the only kind of love I was ever offered?
Kheelan’s fixation on me came to mind, but I was more concerned about Jareth’s feelings for me since I was pretty darn sure that m
y feelings for him were starting to run deeper than I felt comfortable admitting, even to myself.
I filled my lungs with the refreshingly fragrant air and turned my back on Oberon and Titania. It was time to start testing the various false exits and musical combinations, but I wasn’t too scared about what my magic might try to do to me next.
I mean, I’d nearly been crushed to death.
I really didn’t think anything could be worse than that.
I stand corrected.
I gritted my teeth and arched my back as another wave of liquid fire shot through my veins, turning my skin a bright red color and creating blisters on the outside of my body. I was currently on my fourth attempt at tearing down the spell, and damn if my magic didn’t possess the most imaginative methods when it came to doling out death. So far, I’d been frozen solid, flayed alive, drowned in a pool of my own blood after my lungs exploded, and now four thick tendrils of summer magic had formed themselves into needles and were currently injecting me with what felt like molten lava.
This whole situation was really starting to cheese me off.
“Graul, you have to cool her skin down,” Jareth said. “And why has Chuck stopped blowing Winter magic on her face?”
Jareth’s panic nearly sent me over the edge. I pried my eyes open into slits and regretted it as soon as I saw the look of horror on his face. How many layers of skin had I lost? I probably looked like a walking burn victim-slash-zombie, if that was even a thing.
“We interfere with spell too much. Chuck sees this. Spell won’t stop until probability of death is reality.” My skin felt tight and leathery as I turned my head to the side to look at Graul. “We prolong her agony if we continue to heal.”
He was right. He didn’t look happy about it, but they had to let this attack run its course without any assistance or it would never stop.
Meanwhile, my entire body boiled from the inside out.
I gotta be honest here. There is nothing quite so painful as nerve endings firing off, registering the level of heat it takes to melt skin to the bone. I was screaming at the top of my lungs now, but I couldn’t stop. I dared a glance down at my hands, clenched into fists on my lap and noticed in a detached sort of way that my skin really wasn’t melting at all.
