He took in her unsettled expression then peered at the rock, frowning. “And why is that such a bad thing?”
“Because it’s when my wolf is dying in each life.” She felt the same grief she always did when she was here. “It doesn’t matter where I am. In the end, I’m shifted here to die alone.”
Though Ethyn tried to disguise it, she didn’t miss the compassion in his eyes when he looked at her. “I’m never here with you...in any life?”
“No.” Though she hated the spot because she was always so lonely here, she crouched and touched the soil, more part of this piece of land than most. “I’m never scared of death when I’m here. Just sad...and worried...”
He crouched beside her. Ironically enough, given the location, she sensed he was tempted to rest a comforting hand on her shoulder but refrained. “You’re sad because I am nae here, aye?”
“Yes,” she whispered, reining in her emotions before they got the better of her. While tempted to remain vague, she ended up telling him exactly how she’d felt. Just like he had done with her wolf over the centuries. “I always felt two distinct things. I wished your hand rested on me in comfort as I departed, and worried about who would protect you once I was gone.”
“Phelan would think those thoughts,” he murmured, touching the soil as well, emotion obvious on both his face and in his voice. “I’m sorry she...you were alone.” He looked at her, and his brogue thickened. “Thank ye for being such a good companion. Whilst I cannae recall our previous lives, ye’ve been a steadfast friend in this one.”
“You’ve been mine too.” She offered a half-smile. “Even if it was a one-sided conversation.”
He met her grin. “That had to have been frustrating.”
“Trying at times,” she conceded, standing. “I wanted to offer comfort or advice on occasion when you were upset.” She shook her head. “But, I had no voice.”
“Nay, but you had presence.” He stood as well, his gaze tentatively tender as it met hers. “And you did offer me comfort. More than you know.” His eyes stayed with hers for a moment before he glanced at the woodland and back. “’Tis strange to know you’re not out there waiting for me, but right here.” Though he struggled, his kind heart was giving her more than she expected. “’Twill take some getting used to.”
Which, if she weren't mistaken, meant he would have been willing to get used to it curse or not.
“I imagine it will.” She leaned against the standing stone, more aware of him than ever. Or should she say aware of him in a whole new way? “It will for me too.”
“No doubt.” He considered her. “It has to be strange to go from the mindset and instincts of a wolf to those of a human.”
“Oh, it is,” she assured. “Not to say I don’t still think like a wolf. And my instincts are definitely sharpened in my human form.”
“What of when you’re in wolf form now?” He leaned against the stone beside her. “Do you think like a human?”
“More so every time I shift,” she confessed. “And it’s alarming, to say the least.”
“How so?”
“Well, my inner wolf sharpens my human.” She shook her head. “Where my human seems to do the opposite to my wolf. I’m softer now. More prone to acting on emotion in general where before, that would’ve only happened around you.” She kept her eyes anywhere but on him. “You definitely elicit emotions in my wolf.”
While he didn't respond to that, he did speculate on the first part of what she'd said.
“Phelan's softer now,” he murmured, thinking about it, his conclusions astute. “That’s why you seemed to be protecting my kin and me on Cray and Madison’s adventure, isn’t it?”
He referred to her tracking both parties when he and half his kin went in one direction and the other half, another.
“Yup.” Her wolf was all over the place on that one. “Before I shifted to a human for the first time, I never would’ve left your side.” She shook her head. “Even if one of my cursed-lines were responsible for separating you and your family.”
“Yet you did, which led me to join up again with Cray, Marek, and Madison.” He cocked his head. “Why was that? Were you responsible for the strange line appearing on Tiernan’s tattoo that split us all up to begin with?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Speaking of that, why did you follow the dragons and not me? And why were you there that night in person...because you were. I saw you.”
Though a lot of questions, he had every right to ask. And she would answer to the best of her ability.
“As to the line on Tiernan’s tat leading everyone in separate directions, it looked nearly identical to my cursed-line, so I’d say the curse was trying to manipulate things somehow,” she said. “Yet because Tiernan’s tat is a magical compass that protects MacLomains, it was likely a part of the curse that worked in our favor.”
He frowned. “Does such a part exist?”
“I think it must,” she said softly, fighting her emotions. Saying more than she intended. “Because whether or not this ends poorly, which it very well could, at least we had the chance to reconnect like this.” She met his eyes. “As humans.”
When he seemed conflicted, she understood. While she had been pining away for him for eons, he’d simply known her as his wolf for several years. So for him, it was merely the bond a person might feel for their pet.
“Anyway,” she continued before her emotions got the best of her. “The cursed-line on Tiernan’s tat essentially led you away from the dragons who were later attacked by the Brotherhood. So that was a good thing. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I suppose, my human half influencing my wolf gave me no choice but to go back and forth between both traveling parties. I had to protect you all the best I could. When I did, you followed me to the dragons.”
He shifted, clearly uncomfortable in his own skin, likely thinking about how it had felt being taken over by something unseen. “Where I was eventually possessed and attacked my own kin.”
“Yes.” She had never been so terrified. “I tried to stop it by shifting to my human form to distract you and perhaps alarm the Brotherhood, but it didn’t work.”
“That’s why I saw you,” he murmured.
“That's right.” Her emotions bubbled up full-force. “And that’s when I saw you...vanish.”
When he looked at her with a mixture of concern and alarm, she hesitantly shared.
“I shifted, and you were there...your eyes were yours as you looked at me.” She shook her head. “Then you were just gone. A complete stranger.” She inhaled a shaky breath. “It’s never gone that way before. I always leave you. You never leave me. Yet you did...”
She pushed away from the rock and looked in the opposite direction before he saw tears well in her eyes. Hell, she needed to get a grip. But that night had been horrific. Almost worse than her curse.
“So, I find myself thanking you again.” She nearly jolted when his warm hand finally landed on her shoulder in comfort. “For coming to my aid in the cave when I was possessed. When I fought my own kin.”
“Where else would I be?” she whispered, shutting her eyes to the feel of his touch. It felt like coming home but at the same time arousing. And that, she feared, was not good, so she stepped away.
“What is it, Ciara?” No doubt, he sensed her hesitancy. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing.” She shook her head. “Nothing important anyway.”
“I dinnae think that’s true.” He shifted so he could see her face. “What is it?”
“Probably nothing...but maybe something.”
When he kept looking at her curiously, she confessed a truth that might not matter to him regardless.
“There are several things I subconsciously know when it comes to this curse,” she said. “One of them is how risky things could be for us.”
He tilted his head in question. “Risky?”
“Yeah.” She sighed, uncomfortable as she gestured between them. “You know.”
His eyes narrowed before they widened a little. “You mean physical intimacy betwixt us is risky?”
“I think so, yeah.” She nodded, then shrugged. “I’m pretty sure anyway.”
“How can you only be pretty sure about something so monumental?” He surprised her with his sudden aggravation. “Is your subconscious knowledge about the curse that hazy then? Can it be trusted at all?”
“I’m not...I don’t...” She shook her head, just as aggravated. “All I know is what my gut tells me. And it’s that you and I touching could make our current problems a whole lot worse.”
“Or better,” he countered, “if we’re to go off what your ring is capable of.”
“There’s always that.” She peered at him curiously. “But are you willing to risk it considering how upset you are with me? Why would you want to?”
“I just dinnae like the idea of something unseen telling me what I can and cannae do,” he said a little too quickly. “And what about what we’ve already done...in a dream that wasnae really a dream?”
She bit her lower lip, not surprised he brought this up. “Technically, we didn’t do anything substantial.”
“It felt pretty substantial to me,” he grumbled, warming her heart. “And ‘twas physical, aye?” His eyes narrowed again. “Or was it just a dream at that point?”
“No, not at that point,” she said softly, remembering the feel of his warm hands on her flesh. Skin that was altogether unfamiliar to her at that juncture. Sensation that swamped her. “Not when you kissed me.”
His gaze fell to her lips. He clearly remembered the moment all-too-well. A moment that had been burned into her mind ever since. The way his mouth had felt against hers. How he had tasted. How a burning ache had ignited between her thighs as she longed for more but knew she had to stop.
For a moment, she thought he was going to cup her cheek like he had that night, but instead, he clenched his fists and dragged his gaze back to her eyes.
“I wish there had been a way you could have told me sooner,” he said softly. “That I knew you were in her...in Phelan. That you were so cursed.”
“Me too.” But there hadn’t been, and she was long past being bitter about it. Or so she tried to convince herself. “We should go.” She looked to the sky and lines then back to him, and the Viking sword strapped to his shoulder. “You have a mission, after all, right?”
“I do.” He looked up then at her. “So you can travel the lines like Julie?”
“Sometimes.” She glanced at her standing stone. What might possibly be their standing stone. “Other times, I’m whisked along them against my will, which I suspect might soon happen a whole lot more.” She looked at him. “So we should get you back to King David’s side. That’s where you’re supposed to be right now.”
“It is,” he agreed. “I need to make sure the Battle at Halidan Hill goes as it should. That things happen as history tells it when we aid Regent Archibald Douglas.”
“And you will.” She nodded firmly. Curse or no curse, she would be by his side every step of the way helping however she could. “We will.”
Or so she hoped as she chanted them in that direction only to find the unexpected on the other end of her cursed-line. Worse than that, when she had to do something she was nowhere near ready to do.
Chapter Six
Scotland
July 1333
“NAY, STAND DOWN!” ETHYN roared, thinking only of Ciara’s safety when he need naught.
Though dozen of swords pointed at his throat, she’d already shifted and stood in the shadows just beyond King David's encampment. He marveled at her speed. Faster than the eye could see. Though she appeared braced to attack, he knew she held back because these men would not ultimately harm him.
When her wolf's eyes locked with his for the first time with him knowing who she actually was, he felt humbled. Touched. Not just by her devotion but by her perseverance. Her ability to withstand such a curse yet remain the noble creature that Phelan inherently was. The good friend she had always been.
“He’s a MacLomain,” one of the men said, lowering his sword tentatively. “Though I swear the enemy lass stood beside him a moment ago.”
The enemy lass? But then what else would Ciara be? Apparently, King David’s men had been on the lookout for a lass matching her description for a while now. Though they were only in the twenty-first century and at MacLomain Castle a short time, nearly three months had passed here. Considering she shifted so quickly, Ciara obviously anticipated the king’s men might be on the look-out for her.
“I am Ethyn MacLomain, sworn to rightful King David II.” He met the eyes of the man who had spoken. The one he surmised was in charge. “And as ye can see, I am verra much alone.”
“So ye are.” He gestured at the others. “Stand down.”
He nodded his thanks to the man and asked where his brethren were.
“A few of them are here,” he reported, sheathing his blade. “The big man with the scar and the couple who have been with the king since the beginning.”
Tiernan, Julie and Marek then.
He nodded again in thanks, saying he would find them. And he would. But when he did, he wouldn’t be alone. Ciara would be with him. While he suspected Marek had already filled the others in about her plight, he still wouldn’t have her show up alone.
Though she’d melted into the darkness, there was no need to call out as he headed deeper into the woodland away from the encampment. He knew she would find him. She always did.
So he sat on a rock, waited and tried something.
“Come to me as Phelan, Ciara,” he said not aloud but in his mind, curious if she would hear him. “Just for a moment, aye?”
He wasn’t sure why he asked, why he needed this, but he did.
When, “okay,” whispered through his mind, it felt like a soothing balm on his tension. Like an old friend ensuring him that she would always be there for him.
Moments later, Phelan appeared.
She approached slowly, as if unsure.
“’Tis all right,” he said softly. “We’re just as we’ve always been Phelan...Ciara.”
“We’re nothing like we’ve always been,” she replied. “And we both know it.”
It saddened him to see her eyes so wary. To know she was right. Because as she stood there mere feet from him, he knew the bond they had shared as man and wolf was no more. How could it be when he was aware of who existed within her? The soul that was hers? Granted, he knew little about her as a person, but he felt a growing connection with her human half. A bond unquestionably born of the generations he’d spent with her wolf.
“Nevertheless, things are as they are,” he said. Though tempted to pat the rock next to him, which at one time would have prompted her to sit by his side, he didn’t. For she wasn’t entirely animal, and he would not give her commands. “Thank you for letting me see you again like this. I know you didnae have to...that mayhap you didnae want to.”
“I suppose I didn’t.” She sat rather than come closer. “And I’m not sure why...or maybe I am.”
There was no need for her to elaborate. He could feel it. Sense her. “Though proud of being a wolf, you’re also embarrassed.”
“Since as long as I can remember in every life.” Her telepathic words were whisper soft in his mind. “Not of my wolf, never her, but that I knew I was different somehow. Not as I should be. I sensed, however close we might be, that a great barrier existed between you and me.”
It was hard to imagine what it had been like for her, but based on how quickly he was catching her thoughts, he would in little time. Thanks to the ring and their growing connection, he would soon see things from her viewpoint. As though he had lived those moments. Or so he hoped. In truth, he found he would prefer that to her ending up on the wrong side of the curse and an imposter all along.
“You’re very kind in the way you think,” she murmured into his mind. “You’ve been that way in every life, you kn
ow. Connecting with you now telepathically only confirms what I’ve always known. What I've seen and sensed.”
“’Tis good to know.” It truly was. “I feel fortunate to be told such.”
Though to most, it might appear his wolf, Ciara, simply stared at him, he saw in her eyes how much that meant to her. That after all the cursed lives she had lived, she could tell him such. While tempted to go to her, crouch, and pat her like he once did, he knew the time had passed for that.
Instead, something new blossomed.
Though he wasn’t sure what he would call it at its baser level, it was a strong sense of like. Setting aside being attracted to her, he simply liked what he had seen of Ciara so far. How she presented herself to others. The kind of person he sensed she was.
He wanted to get to know her better.
“We should go to the others soon,” she said. “If they didn’t sense you the moment you arrived, by now, they know you’re here.”
“But not you,” he reminded, wondering what she would do next. Would she remain a wolf and help him from a distance? Or would she continue on in her human form?
“I’m in this with you, Ethyn,” she said either because she caught his thoughts or because she simply felt that way. “Until this curse lands me wherever I end up, I’m here to protect you...that’s what I do.”
Touched, but unsure how to react, he merely nodded.
“Head back to camp.” She trotted into the woodland. “I’ll meet you along the way.”
For a split second, he almost told her to stop, that she didn’t need to shift elsewhere, but he bit his tongue. One step at a time. She was right to leave. They should ease into this. Or should they? As he headed in the direction of the encampment, he walked slower than usual. He wanted her to catch up. To be safely by his side around so many who thought her the enemy.
“I’m here,” she said softly moments later, melting out of the night. She fell into step beside him just like Phelan always had. In perfect synchronization. “You didn’t need to, but thanks for waiting.”
“I didnae,” he denied.
A Scot's Favor (The MacLomain Series: End of an Era Book 4) Page 4
