by Leigh Kelsey
“And you won’t get hurt,” Lili whispered, trying to stave off the panic. Spying—in Hell? But to start a life with Gabriel… “How long would I need to be there?”
“A couple hours at most,” he assured her, his gold gaze steady when she met his eyes. “And I’ll come to get you out personally. You’ll be okay, I promise.”
Lili’s heart still beat fast at the thought of it—going to Hell—but if Gabriel was there to meet her, nothing bad could truly happen.
“They’ll never even know you’re there,” he added, his voice so soft that it lowered any defence she’d ever had against him—and there weren’t many. “But if you’re too scared, Liliana, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have asked this of you, it’s too much responsibility—”
“No!” Lili stopped him with a hand against his chest, over his steady-beating heart. “It’s not too much. I’ll do it. You’ll be there to get me in and out, and it’ll only be a few hours, right?”
“Right.”
“Then I’ll be fine. And if it’ll help your mission, and help Heaven—and stop the demons invading Earth, too—I definitely want to help.”
It would be nice to see the looks on the faces of all those people who’d said she should have been slaughtered at birth, when she was the one who saved Earth. Her nervous smile brightened to a grin.
“When do I go?”
“Tomorrow,” Gabriel said, and before Lili could bleat in panic, he kissed her roughly and burned every complaint from her mind.
Whenever an archangel was sent on a holy mission, people gathered in the squares and parks to celebrate. Heaven became full of garlands and streamers and fizzy drinks in long, elegant glasses. There was singing and chanting and cheers heard for miles. But this wasn’t a holy mission, Lili told herself as she walked through the hushed streets of Wisteria the next night, Gabriel at her side. This was a secret mission, and if Hell found out Lili was going to spy on them and not Gabriel, the whole thing would be ruined.
But that didn’t stop the unease beating at her breastbone as they walked down dark, silent streets, following the neat roads of Wisteria towards the edge of the city. Wisteria was bordered on three sides by mountains but on the fourth edge it was open to the sky below, a brutal drop that children were forbidden to go anywhere near. Lili had never seen it until she’d left for the academy, and the first drop off the jagged edge had been terrifying. She’d screamed her lungs hoarse, and then snapped out her wings, swooped, and loved it.
But there had been throngs of people at the edge that day, cheering as the latest batch of the young angels embarked on the next stage of their lives. Now, as Gabriel and Lili reached the jagged cliff, only two angels waited for them. And both of them were men who hated her, who’d argued with Michael to have her killed.
Raphael, an archangel, and Ilaian, who ran Heaven’s economy and was one of the most important members of angelic society because of it. Raphael was the tallest man Lili had ever met, with dark skin, darker hair, and a suit made of feather-light fabric that cost more than Lili’s entire wardrobe. He scared her, as did Ilaian, a portly bald man with an oily smile and beady eyes. Their wings were moonlight white, fluttering as Lili and Gabriel neared, and Raphael’s brow even shone, a hint of his halo coming through.
Lili stuck close to Gabriel, her stomach sloshing with nerves until she felt sick. Their presence here only served to drive home how important Lili’s mission was. She dared a glance between the two angels as she and Gabriel stopped beside them, right on the edge of the cliff overlooking the black, star-dotted sky that hung between Heaven and Earth. It was a stunning, humbling sight, but even the beauty of it couldn’t distract Lili from her fear. She kept glancing to Gabriel for reassurance, itching to reach for his hand but not daring.
“Everything ready?” Raphael asked Gabriel, ignoring Lili except to give her a cold once over.
Gabriel nodded, the bronze tones of his skin, hair, and wings silvered by the moonlight around them as he pulled Lili closer, his hold bruising. Relieved for his nearness, Lili relaxed in his grip, her stomach beginning to calm down. She should be worried about the next part of her mission—entering Hell, sneaking around, finding out the information Gabriel needed, and escaping to pass it on—instead of letting this nighttime meeting unsettle her.
She was just being silly, nervous because she didn’t know either of these men. But Gabriel was here; she was fine. Gabriel dug his fingers into her bicep, as if he too was trying to reassure her.
From the corner of her eye, Lili saw a bright flash of silver pass between Raphael and Ilaian, starlight making the object shine, but she didn’t get the chance to determine what they’d exchanged. Gabriel had spun her to look at him, his fingers bruisingly tight on her shoulders. She was going to Hell but he was taking her, and she’d be safe. She’d be safe.
“Don’t fight,” Gabriel warned, and a cold stone of panic plunked into her belly even as she told herself she was being silly, she was safe, Gabriel had her.
“Fight what?” She breathed, scanning his stoic face. His expression gave nothing away but Lili drew strength from his composure; if there was anything to worry about, he wouldn’t look so confident about their mission. “Gabriel?” she asked quietly, her back beginning to itch and the urge to face Raphael and Ilaian growing. She trusted Gabriel but not those men; something about them made her skin crawl and her belly twist.
Behind her, one of the angels snorted. Ilaian, she thought, his voice raspy and smug. “Not a single doubt, eh Gabriel?”
“None,” Gabriel replied in the cold, flat voice he sometimes used. Lili knew he had to talk that way whenever there were people around, knew he couldn’t let his voice be gentle and warm unless they were alone, but Lili didn’t know what they were talking about. Fight what—and doubt what?
“Gabriel?” Lili asked again, this time a breathy question. The twist in her stomach became a knot, her heart starting to race. Gabriel’s grip had stopped feeling reassuring. “Is this—is this part of the mission?”
“I almost feel sorry for her,” a deep, silk-smooth voice said—Raphael, she thought.
At those words, true fear grabbed hold of Lili, chilling the blood in her veins. For a panicked second she froze, staring into Gabriel’s flat bronze eyes, but then self-preservation instincts kicked in and she struggled. Breathing fast, little whimpers escaping with each exhale, Lili bucked and twisted and fought to get free of Gabriel’s grip, but his hold was ironclad. His expression did not change one bit; he just dug his fingers into her shoulders and trapped her in place.
Her heart beating a mile a minute, Lili ran over everything Gabriel had said about this mission, about what it would entail, but he’d never once told her not to fight, never said anything about—about—
Oh stars. Ilaian came closer, enough for her to see from the corner of her eye that he held a blade. A very specific blade—long and thin, like a spear but with a serrated edge at the tip. A knife for severing. For Falling.
“No,” Lili gasped, wrestling for freedom so hard that her feet left the ground, her elbows and fists and knees connecting with Gabriel, with Raphael, with Ilaian as the bald, sneering man raised the Severance, that vile blade. “Please, please—I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“You exist.” It was Gabriel—her Gabriel, who had made love to her just last night, who’d touched her hand before they left and told her she’d be fine. He’d told her she’d be safe, and now—now her Gabriel was holding her mercilessly tight, keeping her in place so Ilaian could bring the chilling tip of the Severance to the place where her wings knitted into the skin of her back. “That is enough of a crime,” he finished, his voice flat and empty of any warmth.
Lili’s stomach crashed to her feet, and all the struggle drained out of her. She didn’t have the energy to fight anymore, couldn’t even keep her eyelids open. Her heart was … empty. Not hurting but hollow. Tears streaked her face but at the first cut, that ice-cold blade slicing through membrane and flesh
alike, a fire rose in her belly.
Energy and rage filled her, rushing into the hollow space in her chest, and Lili renewed her efforts to escape. Her hands curled into fists, her feet kicking anything she could make contact with, Lili fought with everything she had. The violation, the betrayal ripped a piercing scream from her lungs, the sound tearing up her throat.
And the pain. Lili had never known her body could hurt so much, that agony could fill up her entire body until she hurt everywhere, her fingers locking as she squeezed her fists to tight, her body trying to curl around itself to protect her from the excruciating torment as the Severance sawed at her vital limb, but unable to thanks to Gabriel’s brutal grip.
Lili screamed until her voice broke, pleading with Ilaian, Raphael, Gabriel, anyone to stop the pain.
The first wing made a soft thud as it fell from her back and Lili sobbed through her shattered breathing, suffering and soul-deep hurt strangling her screams until she was hiccupping sobs and pleas and apologies for things she hadn’t even done. She’d do anything to make them stop, but they shut out her words, stilled her limbs until she couldn’t even kick, and tore the Severance through her second wing.
Numb and ruined, Lili hung limply from Gabriel’s grip, her body twitching as pain ravaged her and heat slid down her back.
She felt it, like warmth fading, like a shadow blocking out the sun, as her Grace faded. It wouldn’t fully disappear as long as she had angelic blood but it was muffled, pushed out of her reach. The Gods had forsaken her. She was no longer a true angel, but a Fallen angel, damaged and disavowed.
Her knees hit the unforgiving rock of the cliff as they finally let go of her. The angels weren’t laughing anymore—worse, they were chatting. They casually discussed Uriel’s new wife as Lili collapsed over herself, bereft and broken on the edge of the world.
Her wings—her wings. She pushed through the torture weakening her body, fought past the twitches and shaking, and gathered them close, sobbing as she clutched her severed wings to her chest. They were no longer pristine white, but crusted with blood and sandy dirt.
Her heart lay broken in her chest, a shredded pulp of the organ it had once been. And Gabriel had done that. Her Gabriel, who had said he wanted to start a life with her, who’d sworn she’d be safe. Lies. Every single thing he’d told her was a lie. She would—she would never trust anyone again. And especially never an angel with a pretty face.
All those times he’d been cold and distant, and she’d thought he was just hiding his feelings because he had to. She’d been so blind, so in love with him that she’d failed to see what was right in front of her. He didn’t have feelings.
A kernel of something caught in her lower belly, that heat that had given her the strength to keep fighting. Rage. As Lili bowed over her knees, wings clutched to her chest, her back weeping blood and the world going darker around her as pain clamped down, she burned with fury. No—with something else. It didn’t take her long to figure out what it was. With her wings severed, her Grace dullened, Lili’s demon side was making itself known. Well. If these hateful angels wanted a demon, she’d give them a demon. And later—later she could fall apart and choke on her cries and allow the pain to push her over the edge of unconsciousness.
Lili got up carefully, wavering twice as pain and dizziness spiked but managing to get her feet under her. She didn’t let go of her wings for a second, ignoring the blood crusted all over their feathers and the blinding agony racing across her spine at the movement. Panting through gritted teeth, she held onto the rage, that … that demon power. She crept up on the angels as they spoke good naturedly—they’d now moved onto the topic of Ilaian’s promotion—and before dizziness swept over her again, Lili grabbed Gabriel’s hand, digging her fingernails into his palm and using whatever strength she had left to tug him towards her.
Before he could throw her back to the ground, Lili bared her teeth and sunk them into his throat, gnashing them as deep as she could manage, that heat in her gut splashing higher, encouraging her anger. As if her demon blood knew what she wanted, Lili’s teeth elongated until fangs ripped through the skin and muscle of Gabriel’s throat, the iron tang of blood coating her tongue.
Wavering with dizziness as pain spiked, Lili spat the hunk of flesh on the floor and said, “You are the worst angel I have ever known, Gabriel Zeusson. I hope someone betrays you as badly as you’ve betrayed me, and I hope it kills you.”
Raphael and Ilaian grabbed swift hold of her and hauled her away but it didn’t matter. She’d had her revenge, as little as it was. With archangel blood Gabriel would heal in hours, but he was bleeding now and that counted for something.
“I trusted you,” Lili screamed as Raphael dug his arms in tighter around her, her boots scraping the ground. She realised he was towing her towards the edge of the cliff and her heart rate spiked, clearing through the dizziness for a second. “I trusted you, you vile excuse for a man.”
She’d given him everything—her body, her virginity, and worse, her heart. Her trust, her innocence and faith. And even as he’d fucked her, deep down inside he had laughed every time. Every time he’d given her a slight smile, a crinkle of his eyes, a kind word, it had been to—to manipulate her. And she’d fallen for it because he was an angel and she’d never considered that he could be wicked.
“You can kill me,” she screamed as Raphael dragged her. “You can kill me, Gabriel, but it’ll never erase all the time we spent together.”
Gabriel snorted. “The time we spent together. As if I would sleep with a half breed bitch by choice. And a scarred bitch at that. You were a task, Liliana. A means to an end.”
Lili stared at him, her heart collapsing all over again even as anger still burned a path through her body.
Raphael jerked her onto the very edge of the cliff, and before Lili could act, before she could begin to even struggle, he thrust her away from him and let go.
Their vile laughter was the last thing Lili heard as she plummeted off the edge.
Lili didn’t remember hitting the Earth far below Wisteria, though she must have. She didn’t remember bones breaking. The first thing she became conscious of were sparks like lightning crackling over her skin, little hairs standing on end on the back of her neck as her body convalesced. Magic poured through her insides like ore, a reassuring warmth even if it wasn’t Lili’s own magic. Bones reformed, skin knit back together, and gradually the pounding inside her skull faded.
“Liliana Kazana?”
Lili tried to open her eyes but her eyelids refused to budge. She tried to speak but all that came out was a gurgle. She hurt, deep in her body, in her heart, even if the fatal injuries from the Fall had been erased, healed within minutes. She wanted to ask who had healed her, who had spoken. It sounded like a man, his voice even and warm, worry curling around her name. But it wasn’t Gabriel, and right now that was all that mattered.
She flinched from the archangel’s name, and her battered body jolted. She was healed—mostly—but she felt raw all over. Like her body was brand new, sensitive and fragile.
The man, whoever he was, sighed and then the world folded in around Lili. No—she’d been lifted from the hard, unyielding ground. She was pulled into someone’s arms, a stranger’s arms, and she was so weak and crumpled inside that she couldn’t find the energy to fight. She couldn’t even open her eyes to see where she’d fallen and who now gathered her up against him. What was the point? Gabriel had lied, had betrayed her, hated her, and her wings…
“My—” Lili croaked, that tiny word an enormous effort. Her tongue felt as big as a lizard, and just as uncooperative. “W-wings,” she forced out, and sagged into his arms, utterly drained. At least she wasn’t on the hard ground anymore, at least she was starting to warm up, at least someone was holding her. Even if it wasn’t the man she’d loved, her betrayer.
Pain wrapped around Lili’s heart and squeezed tight, and she fought again to open her eyes but they were thoroughly glued together. Gabrie
l didn’t matter—Lili wouldn’t let him matter—but her wings did.
“Your…” The stranger seemed to grasp the situation, his hand flexing under her knees, squeezing tighter for a moment. “You’re not hiding them with a glamour?” He asked urgently. Lili did her best to shake her head, but the world tipped into dizziness even behind her closed eyelids, and she steadied herself against his strong chest, drawing in the scent of sandalwood. His soft voice sharpened when he whispered, “Why would you do this? Are you that invested in Heaven’s cause?”
Lili tried to explain, tried to tell him they were severed from her against her will, but he began to move, marching across the ground, and the movement rocked the wounds on her shoulder blades—where her wings had been ripped from her, where this stranger’s healing hadn’t mended the skin—and she blacked out.
The girl was a masochist. She had to be. Who else would sever their own wings to orchestrate a Fall? And all that just to enter Hell to spy for the archangels? Her mind had to be shattered. There was no other explanation for why someone would do this. How he’d found her, broken on the ground … no sane person would do that to themselves. Her ribs had been ruined, legs crushed upon impact, and bones jutting from her arms. And that was before he realised she’d cut her wings.
Why should he find them for her? So what if she’d lost them in the Fall—it was her own fault. But Cerny’s conscience couldn’t let him walk away, knowing her wings were nearby and she was without them. And something else occurred to him: if the girl’s mind was indeed damaged, someone could have taken advantage of her madness and sent her to spy. She might not be entirely culpable.
So Cerny sighed, held the girl tighter, and traipsed across the wheat field in search of her severed wings. Every so often he gazed down at the angel in his arms. She was so small, and with her eyes closed and her face slack, she looked … vulnerable. Blue veins stood out in her eyelids, dark shadows around her eyes and her bone structure so fine that she looked as breakable as a bird. Everything about the angel from her porcelain face to her small stature brought out protective instincts in Cerny. The longer he looked at her, the longer he saw a damaged, beautiful girl in need of security.
