Already, she had done things without me asking her to. I also took note of how gorgeous she was. I just tried not to focus on that too much.
I smiled at her, “No, Rachel. It’s okay, seriously. I think I’ve got things under control. How about I call you if I need anything.”
“Okay, sounds good to me. Nell, have a wonderful weekend with your father. I’ll see you Monday.”
Putting the bottle of nail polish back into her purse, she zipped it up, then checked the website really quick for new comments. “Okay, I’ll see you Monday. Have a good weekend, you two,” she said, and just like that, she was out the door.
“Let’s get this place closed up and head home, shall we?” I asked Nell.
She nodded enthusiastically, and I went upstairs to shut down and pack up my laptop. I brought it home with me every Friday, in case things came up, I could deal with them from home.
“Ready?” I asked Nell.
“Yes, Daddy,” she said, and we walked down the stairs and out of the front door of the building.
I turned and locked the front door, double checking to make sure it was locked by pulling on the door. Then we walked over to the car, and I helped Nell get in. Once we were both buckled up. I turned to her in my seat, “What do you want to do?” I asked her.
She shrugged, “Can we get pizza?”
I nodded my head, “Of course, we can do that.”
I drove down the street a few blocks to our favorite pizza place. It wasn’t overly busy, so it was the perfect time to be there.
Nell and I ordered a pepperoni and sausage pizza, then we went and sat down at a table that was next to a big window.
As we waited for the pizza to come out, Nell told me all about her first week of kindergarten. She was so excited as she spoke, and it made me excited for her. She told me all about the playground, and what areas were her favorite. She had a favorite swing and preferred the bigger slide of the two. But she also liked to run around on the big field.
She told me that she was excited to be able to eat lunch there next year, and went on to say that she was glad she got to eat lunch with Rachel every day. It made her happy, and I was so glad to hear that. It helped me immensely to know that somebody good was watching over my daughter. I wasn’t leaving her in some daycare where anything could happen at any moment. I had never wanted to leave her to daycare because I’d heard way too many horror stories. Being a single parent, I just didn’t want to deal with it if I had any alternative.
“Oh, and Daddy, I have a friend named Kassondra. She’s my bestest friend, Daddy.”
“I’m glad you made some friends, Nell. I knew you would.”
“No, not just friends, Daddy. Kassondra is my bestest friend.” Her eyes suddenly lit up, and I looked behind me to see a person walking over with our pizza. He set it down, asked if we needed anything else and left us to enjoy it. I grabbed a paper plate from the stack he’d left on the table, and handed one to Nell, then served us each a slice of pizza.
“What else do you want to do tonight?” I asked her.
“Well, Kassondra wants me to go over to her house tomorrow and spend the night. I have her mom’s number in my backpack for you, so you guys can talk about me going over there.” The way she explained this to me was like I was having a conversation with an adult. I didn’t think I’d ever get used to her sounding so that way.
“So what, you don’t want to go watch some movies?” I asked her.
Nell shook her head, “No, I really just want to go home and get my beauty sleep,” she said.
I couldn’t stop laughing at that. Children always sounded so hilarious when they tried to use adult language. I’d never heard her say anything like that before and found it very funny.
“Okay, sweetie,” I told her.
We finished eating our pizza and boxed up the rest, then we headed home. I hoped I could spend a little more time with her, and I wanted to bond with my daughter after such a big week. I still couldn’t believe she was in school. When we walked in the door, I asked her again if she wanted to watch a movie.
“I just want to get to sleep, Daddy,” she said.
“Are you sure, sweetheart?”
Nell looked at me with her big blue eyes, “Yeah, I’m sure. I want to get some rest so I can go see my friend tomorrow. Can you call her mom, please?”
“Okay, sweetheart, let’s get you to bed,” I said, taking Nell’s hand and walking with her to her bedroom. After she got changed and brushed her teeth, I tucked her in. Then I went over to her bookshelf and selected Goodnight Moon. I read the book to her, and she read parts of it with me. I’d always enjoyed how smart she was. She picked it up so fast. But then again, I had read it to her repeatedly for a good six months. Repetition is key.
“One more time?” she asked.
I smiled down at her. And just because I felt like I was losing time with her and I knew she wasn’t going to be around the following night because of the sleepover, I reread the book to her. And when it was over, her little eyes were very heavy, and she was starting to drift off to sleep. It was amazing to me how easily she could sleep. I wished I could sleep like that, but insomnia kept me up most nights until one or two AM.
I gave her a kiss and a hug, then turned the light off and closed her door. I left it cracked a bit, just like she’d always asked me to. I headed into my bedroom and sat down on the bed. A few minutes later I heard her yell for me. I got back up, walked down the hallway and opened the door.
“Yes?” I poked my head into her room.
“Can I have some water?” she asked me, sleepily.
I nodded my head and walked into the kitchen. Grabbing a bright pink cup with a lid, I filled it with water, headed back to Nell’s room, and handed her the cup. She took a few large gulps and laid her head down. She quietly whispered good night, and I could swear I heard her snoring by the time I left her room.
When I went back to my own room this time, I thought about Rachel painting Nell’s fingernails today. It made me think about Whitney and how she would never be able to do that with Nell. I was glad Rachel was around and that she had done something like that with her. It made me feel a lot better about where Nell might be headed. I hated thinking about her growing up without her mom. It was one of the things that kept me up at night. I had never told anybody that, it wasn’t really anyone’s business.
I laid down and struggled to sleep, now too worried about Nell going to her first sleepover.
Chapter 10
Rachel
I woke up on Saturday alone in my apartment and bored. I had spent the last week working, my first week of working in a long time: my first week of doing much of anything in a long time really. I was antsy, and feeling ready to get out and let loose. My body was feeling a bit tired. I hadn’t worked that many hours for so long that I’d completely forgotten what it was like. It was a distinctly different type of ‘tired’ than what had kept me cooped up in my apartment all this time. Though my body was weary, I still felt energized.
I decided I needed a visit with a friend. I got up, got dressed, and headed to Sadie’s bakery. I knew that I could use some time with my best friend, even if it was just for a few minutes between customers.
When I got there, Sadie was more excited to see me than I expected. She came around the counter, despite having customers, and gave me a big hug.
“You know you have customers, right?” I asked, flattered that she stopped to give me a hug.
“Yeah, I know, but I had to stop to give my favorite person a hug,” she said.
I laughed as she walked back around the counter and I made my way over to a little table by the window and sat down, waiting for a lull in business. I was excited to tell her about my job, and about Nell. I was sure that she’d want to hear about her, being my best friend after all. She always been there and supported me through so much.
It took about fifteen minutes before Sadie could come over and sit down for a visit. When she did, she broug
ht me one of her famous chocolate croissants.
“What brings you out and about this morning?” she asked and sat down next to me.
I looked around her bakery. It was small, but it was quaint. I remember the first day that she bought it. She’d been so excited, and the first thing she’d done was bring me to see it. I told her she had made a fantastic decision and that I knew she would be great baker. She used to bake treats for me all the time, and I loved every bit of them.
“I just wanted to get out of the house,” I said.
“That’s strange for you,” she said, and I laughed.
It was true that I rarely ever left the house unless I had to. The divorce had torn right through me and had literally changed who I was, both mentally and physically. I didn’t eat much for a long time and lost a lot of weight. Just recently I’d started to gain a little bit of it back, but not too much. The depression I’d fallen into had weighed me down a lot. It was Sadie who had always been there for me. She was such a great friend. I had her to thank for the happiness I was starting to feel.
“I know. I wanted to thank you for pushing me to get a job. I know it’s only been a week, but I really am starting to feel a little better,” I told her, as I took a bite of my croissant.
“That’s great news, Rach. I’m so glad to hear it. I knew it would happen if you just took a baby step. That’s why I pushed you so much. How is the job?” Sadie was looking at me, studying my face, and I knew she was trying to read me. She had always done that, and I wasn’t normally bothered by it because I knew she was just trying to be a good friend.
I cleared my throat. “It’s going pretty good actually. I’m the assistant to the owner. So, I do everything from booking appointments, responding to comments on the website, answering the phone, things like that. But his nanny just had a family emergency, and she had to leave so, I’ve been watching his daughter Nell when she gets out of school in the afternoon.”
Sadie gave me a funny look, “Watching his daughter?”
“Yes. I love it she’s such a sweet little girl,” I smiled.
My smiles even seemed a lot more genuine these days. They weren’t as fake and forced as they had been. I knew I had been only working for a week, but it had been the best week I’d had in over a year now.
“Well, how is he?” Sadie asked.
I bit down on my lip; it was a nervous habit of mine. I wasn’t really sure how to describe James. I hadn’t really had a chance to get to know him or talk to him really. Honestly, I had spent more time with Nell than with him so far.
“Hmmm. I’m not really sure how to answer that,” I said, with a shrug.
“What does that mean?” Sadie asked, just as another customer walked in. She looked at me, then at the customer and then back at me. “I’ll be right back.”
Sadie got up from her chair and walked over to the counter greeting the customer. I watched as she took the customer’s order, filled it, took the money, and gave them their change. She did it so flawlessly, as if it was second nature to her. I had always wanted to be that way, but it just seemed so hard, and I felt awkward. Especially, after everything that had happened.
Sadie walked back over and sat back down, “Now, where were we?”
“You were asking me about my new boss.” I didn’t really want to talk about him, but that’s mostly because I didn’t really know what to say. I thought about how he had acted towards me all week, like a little standoffish. “To be honest, he’s a little cold.”
Sadie gave me a funny look. “What do you mean by that?”
“I’m not really sure myself. He’s just a little standoffish. Like he doesn’t really want to let anyone in. But I did learn something from Nell.” I wasn’t sure if I should continue talking or not. It wasn’t really Sadie’s business to know about James.
But I could tell Sadie wanted to know more; she didn’t even have to open her mouth. Without her even saying anything at all, I knew that she wanted more details. Maybe I wasn’t too bad at reading people either.
A customer came over and asked for a refill on her coffee. Sadie said, “You bet,” as she jumped up, quickly went around the other side of the counter, and grabbed the carafe. She brought it over and refilled the lady’s coffee. Then she went around to the other occupied tables, to see if they needed anything and refilling coffee cups.
When she sat back down, I still wasn’t sure if I should tell her about his wife or not. But the look on her face told me she wasn’t letting go until I told her something good. I shook my head.
“So, I learned from Nell that his wife passed away two years ago. Nell was only three. I don’t know if she really remembers her mom much, she didn’t say anything about that. But it kind of explained why James seems a little awkward,” I said. I felt a little bad for letting his secret out-of-the-box like that to someone he didn’t even know, but I knew I could trust Sadie.
“So, it looks like James is packing around some baggage, too,” Sadie said like it was some sort of sign.
I rolled my eyes at my best friend and finished off my croissant.
Sadie was looking at me, staring at me. It was like she was examining me, or maybe just trying to choose her next words very carefully. I hated when she did this, when she acted like she had all the wisdom in the world. I loved Sadie to death and knew that she meant well, though, so I always put up with it.
“Rachel,” she said to me. “I want you to really think about what’s going on, and I don’t want you to get too attached to these people. I can already tell that you are. Don’t step in there like you’re her mom.”
I cocked my head to the side, “What you mean by that?”
“I just don’t want you to get too attached to this little girl and try to play mommy. You don’t know them that well, and you could end up causing problems,” Sadie said.
Frowning, I tried to figure out where she was coming from, and I didn’t really know how to take it. But I knew it was coming from a place of concern, and I didn’t want to piss her off. She had stood by me through some bad times, and I didn’t want to lose her as my friend. I didn’t need that kind of hurt in my life.
“It’s not like that at all, Sadie. I’m just doing my job, and part of my job is keeping an eye on her after school. Just until the nanny gets back. I’ll make sure not to play mommy. Those are not my intentions. You were the one that told me to get a job, remember that?”
Sadie clasped her hands together. It was something she often did when she was feeling frustrated. I didn’t understand why she was frustrated now though. This was all true, and the things I was pointing out to her were facts. She was the one who’d pushed me to get a job. Now that I’d found one she was lecturing me on how to do it.
“Yes, I do remember that. But, what I don’t remember is telling you to get a job babysitting someone’s child. I don’t remember telling you to do something that could end up potentially hurting you,” she said.
Leaning back in my seat, I stared at her, flummoxed. I didn’t really know what to say or think. Sometimes, it just felt like a never-ending battle with her, and I just didn’t know how to please her. It seemed like no matter what I tried, she would always nitpick at something.
There was a moment of silence, and I started debating on whether I should just leave or stay here and try to keep talking to her. I was torn. I didn’t like fighting with my friend. Especially, not now, just when I was starting to feel better. Just when I was about to decide, she cleared her throat.
“I do have to admit that it is really good to see how lively you’ve become. You seem so much happier, and you know that makes me happy. You’re my best friend, Rachel. I really just don’t want to see you get hurt. You’ve already been through so much, and you’re just now starting to feel better. At least, it seems like you have,” she said. “I can’t remember the last time you popped in like this.”
“I do feel better, and I’ve been doing more around the house too. Like laundry and stuff like that.”
<
br /> “That is awesome. So pace yourself a bit. I just want you to be careful. I don’t ever want to watch you fall back into that deep hole again.” She picked up a napkin and wiped some crumbs up off the table.
She had a point, and I really didn’t feel like fighting with her. I gave her a bright smile.
“I know, and I promise you that I’ll watch what I’m doing. I won’t push myself too much, and I’m not gonna let myself get involved in the way you think I’m going to. I know how to protect myself.”
She returned my smile, “I love you, Rach.”
“Love you too, Sadie.”
After getting up to help another customer, she came back and sat down next to me. We talked for a little while longer, changing the subject. She told me how well her business was doing, so much that she would be opening a second shop on the other side of town. I congratulated her, of course, and told her that we should go out for drinks to celebrate later on.
I left shortly after that. She needed to get back to work, and I needed to go get some things done around my apartment. Suddenly hungry despite the croissant, I thought I should pick up some groceries, too. But I thought about what she said, and I was feeling a lot livelier. Even to myself, I seemed healthier and happier. This job was good for me, I was sure of it.
Chapter 11
James
I loaded up the car with Nell’s bags and helped her into her booster seat. Then I got in, started the car and backed away from our house. I headed on down the road towards the home of Nell’s friend. I had gotten the address when we’d confirmed the sleepover.
It was all a little bittersweet for me. First kindergarten, and already now her first sleepover. I wasn’t sure I was going to get used to it. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if she was going to either. It was hard to predict if she would be able to make it through the night or would want to come home. This was a brand-new friend, so she didn’t even know the girl’s mom. But Nell was a very outgoing girl who never really felt like she had to rely on me a lot. She was really independent, so I trusted that she would be all right through the night.
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