“I’m going to go out and get some tea,” she pipes up a moment later. “If you can show Tex around the house while I’m gone, that’ll be great.”
I smile at her, trying to show her I won’t hurt him.
“Behave, Daddy.”
A chuckle escapes me as inappropriate images of Texas bent over my bed infiltrate my head. Behaving is the last thing on my mind.
“I’ll be good, baby girl.”
Texas looks at me then with admiration. It practically knocks me off my feet. His eyes are glossy in a prideful way. It’s silent communication, but I hear it loudly. I love how you love our girl.
She is our girl, isn’t she? It dawns on me that he could take care of her with me, love her alongside me, and be what she needs when I can’t be.
“Bye, Tex.” She gets on her tiptoes and leaves a big kiss on his cheek then follows suit with me. “Text me your shopping list, Dad. I know you have one.” She giggles when I smile at her.
“You do know your old man,” I muse.
She gets her jacket and purse and heads out the door. As soon as her car door opens and closes, I’m on him. He doesn’t act surprised when I grip the back of his neck and force his lips to mine. My little prince falls into me as I take all my anger and disappointment out on his mouth. He shouldn’t have left, all it offered was a gaping hole inside me.
Pulling back, he stares at me in both trepidation and wonder.
“Why’d you leave?” I rasp, my voice laced with too much feeling. It’s too soon. I’ve never felt this way. Ever.
“I-I couldn’t risk Prim finding out.”
“Finding out what?” I ask, already knowing the answer. I’m hiding too.
“That I’m gay,” he hisses. “Fuck.” He pulls off his beanie and runs a hand through his soft hair. “I’ve never said it out loud.”
I stare at him in open shock. How not? Wouldn’t his—
“Was that your first time?” I plead, not sure what for since he quite possibly gave me something treasured by most.
“Yes.” It’s one word, but I see the importance in his eyes. “I’ve never wanted to risk it before…” He closes his eyes, and I want to touch him, hold him, reassure him in every way I can.
My body hums when he touches my chest.
“You came from nowhere.” It’s a whisper, but the words eradicate the fear from my body.
Our lips meet again, this time not as frenzied. It’s more relaxed, absolute, giving me a peace I didn’t know was possible to have.
My phone rings, breaking us apart. Seeing it’s Prim makes my heart hammer unnaturally.
“Hey, made it to Jubilees. I don’t see your list.”
I try controlling my breathing, but a full-blown panic comes over me as I realize my daughter doesn’t know about either of us. This situation could get messy. Why isn’t it easy to just come out and tell her?
“I-I’ll…” I choke on my words.
Visions of her hatred clog my mind and mouth. Her mom understood easily, but when I’m with the guy Prim’s in love with, will she understand then?
Not even a moment later, Texas pulls my phone from me, understanding in his features.
“Sorry, Prim. Your dad just stubbed his toe,” he lies easily. He lets out a fake chuckle that doesn’t meet his eyes. “We’re getting along great. Your dad is quite the talker. I’ll get it sent over. It’s in his note section on his phone? ‘Kay, got it.”
He has this conversation with her as I attempt to control my breathing. By the time he hangs up, he’s checking my notes and sending it over. The fact that he’s in more control than me right now only shows he’s gone through this scenario before. He’s used to the panic, the reality of being caught.
“You okay?” he asks, touching my chin as he did to her.
Heat simmers in me. A new wave of pride overcomes me, and I’m kissing him again. He groans in my mouth, pushing me on my back, flat against the couch. His hands make use of my clothes, touching me where he couldn’t last night, exploring where he may have been too afraid to.
He grinds into me, and my cock feels ready to slide into him again. Knowing he gave me his first time only furthers my rampant need to claim him again and again and again until my cock is the only one he’ll ever crave.
“What is it about you?” I whisper against his cheek as he’s kissing my throat.
He lifts a little, his sweet eyes shedding each layer of me in a single glance.
“I’ve been asking myself all night. I-I’m sorry I ran,” he murmurs. Shame licks his features, but I understand now. It makes sense.
“I never would have outed you,” I affirm, grabbing his jaw with resolution. “She doesn’t even know I’m gay.”
My admission has him staring at me with fear.
“She doesn’t even know about you?” he questions.
It isn’t an accusation, but with his discomfort, I think it’s a scary revelation, as if I’m not telling her because of her reaction. It’s partially that, but it’s also because this town might talk about me for it. I’m already cast out by being divorced. Not that they should care or have a say. Putting Primrose in the spotlight keeps me in the closet just as much as dread.
“Until last night,” I say slowly, gauging his reaction. “I didn’t feel the need to.”
It’s honest, truthful. My sad boy. Him coming into my bar with a solemnness that fit mine changed everything. It shouldn’t. Happenstance doesn’t define anything, but last night, it did.
“That’s why I was up all night,” he whispers against my throat. “That and my rock-hard dick wanting more of you.”
A groan leaves me like a wish, and my patience and need to be subtle snaps like a fucking rubber band. One second, he’s against me, and the next, I’m flipping him on his back, taking what’s mine.
“Fuck,” he hisses when I find his piercing through his hoodie. I bite and tug almost too roughly, unable to stop the greediness filling my veins.
Sitting up, I undo his jeans, trailing them down his thighs. No boxers again. My eyes meet his, and he fucking smirks, playing with his lip ring with amusement. He’s hard and ready for me. With a teasing grin of my own, I take him into my mouth in the next breath, and he’s swearing unintelligibly. From his balls to his shaft and up the veiny length of him, I lick.
Tasting him.
Savoring his unique flavor.
Absorbing all he gives
All of him.
Salty. Sweet. Perfect.
Him.
My little prince.
My Texas.
My sad boy.
He makes this choked noise when I grab his balls, massaging and tugging on them in a way that I know feels good. Sucking him all the way to the back of my throat, I groan at him leaking. It’s making me ravenous.
“Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he bites out as I feather his tip with my tongue.
He grips my head, and I can’t tell if he’s trying to stop me or make me go faster, but I grip his shaft and move it up and down in tune with my mouth’s pull.
“Gonna come.”
The gritty way he says it nearly has me coming in my pants. I take him in another deep tug as he shoots down my throat. I’m not stopping until every drop is gone and in me. It’s mine. Just like him.
I’m only popping off when his tang slicks my mouth. With a leisure lick across the slit of his head, I smirk.
“Jesus fucking Christ.”
The sedated look on his face and how flushed he seems only makes me want to do it over and over until the memory sticks. Tucking him away, I crawl up him and steal his mouth. He doesn’t hesitate to lick inside mine. My little prince is going to kill me. I know it.
As soon as I’m backing away, the sound of a car’s door closing echoes. Primrose. I jump into action, wiping my mouth of drool and straightening my clothes.
Looking at Texas, I notice he needs to fix himself. “Bathroom. She’s back.”
His eyes widen, and he stands.
&n
bsp; “It’s the last door on the right.”
It’s not. It’s my room, and that’s where I want him. My bathroom. My room. And if I wanted to deny why I want him in there, I could, but it has everything to do with his scent mixing with mine and seeing him in my space.
Instead of waiting on bated breath, I rush outside to help Primrose bring in the groceries, hoping my face doesn’t indicate how little I showed Texas around the house and instead took pleasure in him once again.
“Need help?” I offer, wishing to seem normal.
Why am I like this? Why can’t I come out and say I want that guy in my house?
“Thank you!” she chirps happily.
She’s such a bright light. So happy. She’s constantly smiling and wanting the best for everyone.
Let’s hope Texas is cleaned up by the time I’m back inside.
Chapter Seven
TEXAS
Fate. A four-letter word. Something out of the control of all parties involved.
Happenstance. A twelve-letter word. Something that just seemed to happen.
Both have similar traits. One defines Devin and me, and the other is the bar. It just so happened to have occurred there. Maybe all this time that I was alone, lost, and unable to control my future was fate working for me. That run-in with Prim on a random sad afternoon, a domino in the race of life.
Now, me being caught and kicked out, it’s all falling into place for some reason.
Maybe I’m meant to be happy.
To find love and peace in a man.
Maybe I’m not sick or broken, just lost. Lost until my bartender found me.
Last door on the right, he told me. I open the door. He wanted me to come in here, and I can see why. Devin’s room is black and smoky, all full yet empty. There’s something missing from the space, a disposition I understand. He’s been isolated for years. It shows in the lack of pictures on the charcoal gray walls and the way his black sheets are fitted and topped with a black comforter, showing no color or life.
Someone with a vibrant daughter reflects how my soul feels inside perfectly. I’m smiling yet still feeling somber, seeing how alone he must feel on a daily basis.
Making my way around the room, I pass his massive closet that could be its own room before spotting the bathroom. My hands meet the brass of the knob, and when it opens, the huge room inside takes my breath away. Dad and I lived a small life, less than comfortable but not bad enough to be entirely miserable. This bathroom alone is the size of my living room back at home. It has a huge shower that could fit five people, a huge tub possibly with jets, I don’t know, and a double sink vanity. I’ve never seen anything so elegant in person.
Everything is colored black and white, cool tones, and all modern. I swear my dick jumps out at this. Didn’t realize that could happen. It’s probably the visual of what I just did with Devin and what I could easily see myself doing to him in this bathroom.
The thought rots soon, turning into negativity like all my thoughts tend to do.
Is this the same bathroom his wife was in? My stomach cramps. You know that feeling of melancholy, the one that comes regardless of knowing all the facts, just for the sake of your heart getting in the way? That’s me. My mind. How much I allow myself to believe I don’t deserve to be happy.
I’m very aware that he doesn’t enjoy women. It’s obvious that there are only men in his heart and mind, but knowing he could have and possibly did live here his entire marriage, raising Prim and loving her makes me very sad. Very fucking depressed, really. Did they fuck in here and in that room?
Stop, I chastise myself. It’s over now. It happened before me. I didn’t and don’t have any claim on this man, even if everything in me says otherwise. He’s mine.
After taking a few minutes to calm my jealous heart and fix my clothes, I creep out of the room to hear Prim and Devin having a conversation.
“He’s the best, Dad. We met by chance a year ago, and he’s the best thing to happen to me,” she explains with awe.
My chest seizes up. Does she… have a crush on me? An icky feeling invades my senses. Fuck. Am I that naive to think we could be friends and she’d be okay with it?
“Does he feel that way too?” Devin questions.
She may not see anything in it, but I hear the green monster. Just experienced it myself.
“I don’t think so, but it’s okay. He’ll eventually like me, right? He doesn’t date, ever. What if he’s waiting for me to make a move?”
Everything I worried about comes to head when she admits that. No. Nothing will change. I don’t date for my own safety and peace. It’s not because I’m waiting. Or maybe it wasn’t, and now Devin has come along, throwing that notion out the window.
“Sweetheart,” he stops her from explaining how we’re best friends. “I don’t think love works that way.”
“What do you mean?” Her voice sounds so far off, like she’s in the clouds, high on this idea of happiness that no one can take away.
“Love comes when you least expect it. Instead of searching, it finds you. It slams into you at random moments, first by hitting you in the gut and tugging at the strings inside you that hold all your feelings, and in the end, making sure you realize it’s real. You cannot force love out of someone. It works against that.”
“That kind of makes sense,” she finally responds. “Is that how it was with you and Momma?”
I grimace, not wanting to hear it.
“No, baby. It didn’t. Your mom and I had a different companionship. We loved each other so much, but we were never in love. Love found her when Nick came into the picture. He loved her like I couldn’t. He made her feel like she was the only person in the room. They are soul mates.”
“What if that’s me and Tex?”
I hear him let out a long breath, and I realize I’m letting one out with him too, virtually sending him support for this next part.
“If he felt how you do, Primrose, I don’t think he’d hide it. You’re too beautiful and lively to avoid.”
She scoffs. “You have to say that. You’re my dad.”
He chuckles. “I might be your dad, Prim, but I’m right. Tex wouldn’t hide his feelings. I’ve just met the kid, and I can already tell you he’d seep love. He’d show you his sadness, the soft center of his being, and express it entirely.”
She sniffles, and my heart aches. I hope she’s not crying. I would feel like the biggest shit. “I-I get it.” She hiccups. “I just love him.”
There’s shuffling, and I’m sure Devin pulls her into his arms, the same arms that make me feel safe. “I know, baby. I think he loves you too. I do. Just not in the way you hope.”
“Thank you for listening, Daddy.”
“I’ll listen whenever you need. No matter how big you get, you’ll always be my little girl.”
Warmth and grief fill me, seeping through as it overflows with emotions I’m not used to having. He’s such a good dad. If my father was even an ounce as loving as Devin, I probably never would be as empty as I am.
After swiping the shed emotion from my eyes, I interrupt them. “What’s wrong?” I ask, but Devin can tell I already know. Nothing fools that man. Guess I’m found out then.
“Nothing,” Prim answers, wiping her face. “Just needed a cry.”
I pull her into my chest, hoping to give her all the love I can, the only love I can give. Usually, I avoid skin contact, affection, and emotional moments, but she needs this, and I can give it to her.
“Thank you for being my best friend, Prim.”
She shakes with new tears, and I hold her as Devin watches. Something in his face tells me he needed this as much as she did, like there may have been a disconnect, and now it’s patched up.
“Let’s make those nasty rabbit sandwiches,” I mutter.
Devin’s eyebrow raises skeptically at me.
I laugh, tipping my head back. It feels so good to do so.
Prim punches my arm and glares at me. “It’s no
t rabbit sandwiches, Tex. You big brat. It’s vegetarian cuisine.”
We all burst out in amusement at that. Prim makes these inedible sandwiches with random food she finds and puts almost an entire head of lettuce on it, ketchup, mayo, mustard, you name it, and I’ve even noticed her with peanut butter on there before. She always brings one when we get a late drink from Grounders. It’s the most despicable thing I’ve witnessed.
“If you say so, Prim. I’m going to just pretend it’s edible to make you smile.”
She giggles, covering her face. “I can’t. I’ve got spin class in thirty. Don’t worry, though. I got you and Daddy some meat.”
We both look at each other and then smile, enjoying the moment together.
Chapter Eight
DEVIN
Primrose leaves, and we eat lunch in silence. I know he heard our conversation. It was plain as day on his face.
I don’t know how to move forward with this when she’s in love with him. Dads are supposed to be the last person to break their child’s heart, and eventually, it’ll come out. Feeling the way I do and seeing him feel it too, it’s bound to destroy her.
Do I keep my distance?
Is it okay to dive in with someone nearly half my age for love?
It’s love. It has to be.
You can’t stumble into something this brutal if it’s not meant to be, right?
After about four hours, Primrose comes through the door. The sun has already set, and I’m not entirely sure how time flew by so quickly. Being lost in the mind erases it altogether.
“Hey, Dad. How did it go while I was gone?” She’s in her yoga pants and a loose tank. She’s flushed but smiling.
Something about working out gives me the same peace of mind. Pushing my body to its limit has always given me a type of satisfaction that equates to success. She’s like me in that sense.
“He’s been in his room. I think he has a lot on his mind,” I offer, not knowing whether that’s true or not.
She nods and then heads toward his room. Jealousy flares to life. If I was a better man, I would tell her. If I was better at this, I would also be the one with him, comforting him.
Forbidden: A Romance Anthology Page 13
