by Sarah Ruhl
HE
It must be the hot and sour soup.
SHE
Yeah.
Poor Angela. I feel terrible.
HE
She’ll be okay. Don’t think about her right now. Think about me.
SHE
She’s so angry.
HE
Teenagers are angry. It’s a stage.
SHE
And Laurie? Staying there? Do you think Angela likes Laurie better than me?
HE
No.
SHE
She probably makes home-cooked meals.
HE
Yeah, she is a good cook.
(She looks at him)
Sorry—it’s just—really good meatloaf.
SHE
Right.
This place is a mess.
My husband once said you and I would still be together if you’d been prescribed the correct antidepressants.
HE
Your husband is such a romantic.
SHE
He is. Kind of.
Maybe I just need a shower. Or a change of clothes.
She looks at her dress.
SHE
I didn’t bring a change of clothes.
HE
You can wear Laurie’s clothes.
SHE
No, thanks.
I’m just going to—take a shower.
HE
Let’s take a shower!
SHE
I want to shower alone though.
HE
Fine. Go shower.
She goes to the shower, which might be in the kitchenette.
HE
Have fun!
SHE
I will! Don’t go anywhere!
HE
Where would I go?
He sits there. Starts to eat some cold Szechuan noodles.
The doorbell rings. He opens the door.
It’s the director.
DIRECTOR
Hi.
HE
Hi.
DIRECTOR
You’re not answering your phone.
HE
I know.
DIRECTOR
I was worried about you.
HE
Why?
DIRECTOR
Because you weren’t answering your phone.
HE
I’ve been—busy.
DIRECTOR
I can see that.
I called you five times. For an audition.
HE
Oh. Shoot. Did I miss it?
DIRECTOR
Yes. But we could work something out—
HE
Does it pay?
DIRECTOR
It’s Detroit Actor’s Theater. I think they pay scale.
HE
Never heard of it.
DIRECTOR
It’s DAT for short.
HE
DAT? DAT Theater?
DIRECTOR
Look—it’s very reputable. It does honest, sort of edgy, high-octane stuff. Actors from both coasts come to work at DAT because the work is really very honest. No frills. It’s really about the work.
HE
Oh.
They pay scale?
DIRECTOR
Yes.
HE
I need money.
She enters, freshly showered, wearing a bathrobe with a towel wrapped around her hair.
DIRECTOR
Oh—
SHE
Hi.
DIRECTOR
I didn’t know—
SHE
How could you not know—
DIRECTOR
These things always go directly over my head. It’s a blessing, really.
SHE
Do you want some—I think we have some—rice?
DIRECTOR
No thanks. I came about an audition.
SHE
Oh, what is it?
DIRECTOR
Something I wrote myself, actually. My first play. Kind of a gritty, downtown New York kind of a thing. I miss New York in the seventies.
Looking at the apartment.
DIRECTOR
Actually, do you mind if I take a picture of your apartment? Research.
SHE
It’s a mess, sorry.
DIRECTOR
No, it’s perfect!
SHE
What are the roles?
DIRECTOR
(Taking a picture of the apartment with his phone) What? Oh, there’s a meaty role for the man, but the woman’s role is— smaller and—well—she’s a whore—an aging whore—she wants to leave the business and become an ophthalmologist—how comfortable are you with nudity on stage?
SHE
My situation has changed. I need the money.
DIRECTOR
Oh.
HE
We’ll only go out of town together. We’re a package deal. As of now.
SHE
When are auditions?
DIRECTOR
Two hours ago.
SHE
Oh.
DIRECTOR
We could, I guess we could read some of it here?
HE
Do you have the script?
DIRECTOR
As a matter of fact I do.
SHE
I’m all wet.
DIRECTOR
Use it.
SHE
Okay.
DIRECTOR
(Taking out the script) You’ll have to share.
I can be the pimp.
Let’s see . . . From: “You taste like a whore”?
HE AS JOHNNY
You taste like a whore.
DIRECTOR
Sorry—Could you try an Irish accent?
HE
Yeah. Uh—regular or northern?
DIRECTOR
Oh. Northern.
HE AS JOHNNY
You taste like a whore.
SHE AS WHORE
What does a whore taste—
(As herself) Sorry, am I Irish?
DIRECTOR
No, uh, try a Brooklyn accent.
SHE AS WHORE
(Brooklyn accent) What does a whore taste like?
HE AS JOHNNY
Like blood. And childhood.
SHE AS WHORE
(Indicating an imaginary knife) What is that?
HE AS JOHNNY
A knife. I’m going to leave my mark on you.
SHE AS WHORE
No! Don’t!
HE AS JOHNNY
I’ll be gentle.
He pretends to make a mark on her inner thigh.
SHE AS WHORE
Oh! No! . . . wait, don’t stop, I like it . . .
(Not acting, whispering to him) I can’t do this.
HE
(In a low voice to her) We need the money.
SHE
Right.
(To the director) Sorry, could you just give me a sort of overview of the play?
DIRECTOR
Sure. So, there’s this very charismatic soldier in the IRA who runs guns from New York to Belfast. You meet in Washington Square Park watching street musicians and fall in love. He doesn’t realize you’re a whore. You don’t realize he’s in the IRA. When he realizes you’re a prostitute he gets violent with you, and ends up revealing that he’s in the IRA. The two of you plan to escape together, to move to Dublin and open an eye glasses clinic for poor children, but when you finally get up the courage to tell your pimp you’re leaving, your pimp kills you, and in the last scene, your lover finds you bloody on the floor, and he’s about to shoot himself in the head, when his comrades burst in the door and kill him first. And there’s this sort of rain of bullets, and then they sing a Catholic hymn over the bodies, and then a small child enters and removes the glasses off your dead body and puts them on—and this little boy can finally see, and then a beam of light comes down, and well, I think it will be rather devastating. Okay?
SHE
Okay.
So in this scene—
DIRECTOR
Just trust your instincts.
SHE AS WHORE
You leaving?
HE AS JOHNNY
You want me to stay.
SHE AS WHORE
Dunno.
HE AS JOHNNY
You look like my sister.
SHE AS WHORE
Yeah?
HE AS JOHNNY
Yeah.
SHE AS WHORE
What’s her name?
HE AS JOHNNY
Haven’t spoken her name in twelve years.
SHE AS WHORE
You wanna? Say her name?
HE AS JOHNNY
Yeah. It was: Holly.
SHE AS WHORE
What happened to her? Holly?
HE AS JOHNNY
Died.
SHE AS WHORE
Sorry.
HE AS JOHNNY
Yeah. What an angel face she had. Kinda like yours.
SHE AS WHORE
How’d she die? IRA?
HE AS JOHNNY
Stop asking questions. You ask too many fucking questions.
They look at the director.
DIRECTOR
Great. Could we take it just from: “Stop asking questions,” and make it a little more visceral? Just go to the end of the page.
HE
Okay.
(As Johnny) Stop asking questions. You ask too many fucking questions.
SHE AS WHORE
Okay.
HE AS JOHNNY
Get on the bed.
SHE AS WHORE
No.
DIRECTOR
Oh—you can skip hitting her. That will all get choreographed. Then there’s a knock at the door.
The director knocks.
HE AS JOHNNY
Is that your pimp?
SHE AS WHORE
I work alone.
HE AS JOHNNY
Your brother?
SHE AS WHORE
I’m an only.
HE AS JOHNNY
Husband?
SHE AS WHORE
I wish. I don’t have a husband.
HE AS JOHNNY
Who the fuck is it then?
DIRECTOR AS PIMP
Open the goddamn door!
She screams.
HE AS JOHNNY
Shut up!
I said shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!
He covers her mouth and muffles her scream.
HE AS JOHNNY
God, you’re beautiful.
He kisses her, roughly.
DIRECTOR
Nice work. Whew. Thank you. It’s hard to go to those dark places. I know. I know. But it was really deep work. Really good. And I think we can really do this together, you know, I’ll make a safe place for us, I promise, in Detroit.
The music of Detroit.
Scene 3
A tech rehearsal. Detroit.
No set change.
It is, oddly, an exact facsimile of He’s apartment from New York. But now it is a set. Maybe there are curtains above it.
Or a new lighting instrument above it.
She is now wearing a whore outfit and He is wearing an Irish sweater and cap.
DIRECTOR
(Over a microphone) Sorry we’re just checking sound levels— bear with me, please.
Can we get a little more light on the couch?
The lights are adjusted as they talk.
SHE
It’s a little weird—don’t you think?
HE
What?
SHE
The set?
HE
Yeah.
SHE
They even got this stain, on the couch.
HE
Jesus.
DIRECTOR
(Over the mike to the lighting designer) Okay the sound is fine can we move on? And can we get some daylight in through the window please? But more melancholy? Like light through the dust in Hell’s Kitchen at five o’clock in mid-November? No . . . yes . . . less blue . . .
HE
Want to run lines?
SHE
Sure.
HE AS JOHNNY
So I was a freebie, huh? Charity for a foreigner?
SHE AS WHORE
It wasn’t like that.
HE AS JOHNNY
Tell me—do you like whoring? Tell me about your first time.
SHE AS WHORE
Don’t wanna.
HE AS JOHNNY
Tell me.
SHE AS WHORE
Why?
HE AS JOHNNY
It hurts me to hear and I want to hurt.
SHE AS WHORE
The first time I kept my eyes closed. He was as old as my dad. After the first time they all just blurred together. Can’t tell ’em apart. I have blurry vision, you know? I told my mom I needed glasses in first grade, she didn’t believe me. But I think I like looking at life blurry, you know? Makes things easier. In the morning, before I put my glasses on—that’s my favorite part of the day—all blurry.
He moves in to kiss her, as Johnny.
HE AS JOHNNY
Can you see me? How about this close?
SHE AS WHORE
All blurry.
HE AS JOHNNY
I can see you. I can see you just fine. And you look nice—real nice. For a whore.
They kiss.
He pulls her head back by her hair and gazes at her, as called for in the stage directions.
SHE
Okay, okay, I got it.
Remember that time you called me a whore?
HE
You mean in real life?
SHE
Yeah.
HE
Not really.
SHE
You don’t?
HE
Oh, wait—right, the time you were sort of acting like a whore?
SHE
I was twenty-four—I needed some independence—I was on tour—
HE
You don’t cheat on someone you love and tell them on Thanksgiving.
SHE
Sorry. You don’t call someone a whore and throw a large electric fan at them.
HE
It was at a bookcase.
SHE
The bookcase was in my direction.
HE
Sorry.
SHE
It scared me for a long time.
HE
Sorry. I really am.
SHE
Thanks.
DIRECTOR
Okay. Can we jump ahead to the entrance of the pimp?
Kevin enters in a pimp costume.
KEVIN AS PIMP
Open the goddamn door!
She screams, as the whore.
KEVIN AS PIMP
What are you doing to my lady?
HE AS JOHNNY
Sorry—I—this your lady?
KEVIN AS PIMP
Yeah.
HE AS JOHNNY
I’ll leave you two alone then.
See you around, Holly.
And I’m sorry about your blurry vision.
I really am.
You’ve got nice eyes. Real nice.
DIRECTOR
Okay. Good. Can we tech the shooting bit really quick?
SHE
Sure.
DIRECTOR
Is your blood pack handy?
SHE
Yeah.
DIRECTOR
So from: “You take one step towards that door and I’ll—”
KEVIN AS PIMP
You take one step towards that door and I’ll—
SHE AS WHORE
What?
The pimp shoots her.
She falls down as if dead.
The blood pack doesn’t explode.
DIRECTOR
(Toward a sound designer offstage) The sound of the gunfire was totally off. And why didn’t
the blood pack go off??? Again? Everyone ready?
The pimp shoots her.
A different gun sound cue.
The blood pack doesn’t explode.
DIRECTOR
Hey, can we get a new blood pack after the dinner break? And can we get a sound of a pistol instead of a rifle? Thanks. Okay. Let’s take dinner.
People start to clear the stage. He approaches the director.
HE
(To director) Hey, I was thinking, what if I move to exit on “See you around, Holly,” then I come back to her and do the line, and then exit on “Real nice”?
DIRECTOR
You know I’m open. Try it.
He tries it with blocking.
HE AS JOHNNY
I’ll leave you two alone then.
See you around, Holly.
He moves to exit. Turns back.
Gives her a rough kiss.
HE AS JOHNNY
And I’m sorry about your blurry vision.
I really am.
You’ve got nice eyes.
He moves to exit. Turns back.
HE AS JOHNNY
Real nice.
She rolls her eyes.
DIRECTOR
Good. Good.
HE
(To She) What?
SHE
Nothing. Also, can we choreograph the kiss, because it’s a little rough, and I think I’m bleeding because he bit my upper lip.
DIRECTOR
Do the two of you want to work it out on your own on the dinner break?
SHE
No, I’d prefer it if the director directed it.
DIRECTOR
Okay, so let me get in a little closer to see what you’re doing.
From “I’ll leave you two alone then”?
HE AS JOHNNY
I’ll leave you two alone then.
See you around, Holly.
He moves to exit. Turns back.
Gives her a rough kiss.
SHE
Ow.
DIRECTOR
So maybe a little less tongue and teeth? Maybe you sort of swoop in like this? Kevin? (He demonstrates on Kevin) So you can see? And sort of bend her back a little, so we don’t really see the kiss? (To Kevin) Thank you.
KEVIN
You’re welcome. No problem.
DIRECTOR
Or: what if you sort of shake her before the kiss, sort of like this?
HE
Okay.
He shakes her.
DIRECTOR
Are you good with that? Was that safe?
SHE
Maybe he could shake me more like this. So my neck isn’t involved.
She shakes him.
HE
Ow.
DIRECTOR
You okay?
HE
Sure. How ’bout like this?
He shakes her.
SHE
Jesus.
KEVIN
I actually trained in stage combat?
DIRECTOR
You did?
KEVIN
I mean I’m not like a certified fight choreographer but I’m an advanced actor combatant.
DIRECTOR
Oh I didn’t realize, oh that’s wonderful. Kevin, could you come take a look at this?
KEVIN
Sure. I would actually shake her more like this?
