by Rita Hestand
She turned away. Her heart warred with her brain. She tried to wish him away, but her heart shouted she didn’t want him to leave.
"I'm in love with you." He whispered. "Please, stay with me."
She whirled around, "It will not work, Clay."
The intimate way she used his name, the desire in her eyes, assured him she cared for him too.
"Don't you think I've told myself that a million times too?" he asked with a slight smile to his lips. "Don't you think I've put up every argument there is between us? But it's no good honey. The feelings just keep growing."
Clay firmed his lips, and his stare bore down on her.
"I guess it depends on how much we love each other, doesn't it? Right now, I got a lifetime of love stored up, for when the right woman came along. I've been waiting forever it seems. And now that you are here, I can't fight it, or walk away from it, it's just there. It's not going away; it gets stronger the more I fight it. It just happened. Being around you, smelling that womanly scent of you, seeing your eyes go soft when you look at me, seeing the goodness and sweetness of you. And you know it as well as I do. I see it in your eyes. Your eyes don't lie. Even dad sees it."
Her face flushed. She turned away again. "I did not mean to show it." Then she put her hand over her mouth as she'd said too much.
"Some things you can't hide, honey." He reached to put his hands on her shoulders and turn her toward him once more. Slowly his hand came up and cupped her cheek, and this time her lips brushed against his hand. Her lips lingered there. She couldn't stop the actions any more than she could stop a heartbeat.
She stared and a tear fell down her cheek. "I cannot hide what is in my heart."
"Nor can I," he smiled.
"Why do you call me sweet names." She smiled up at him. "Why do you look at me, as though—"
"As though I want you. I do. I'd be lying if I said differently. But it's not a matter of lust, it's a longing, older than time. It goes deeper than the flesh, it goes straight to the heart."
He moved closer, they were almost touching, his eyes boring into her, as a sexy smile spread over his face. He raised her chin, his thumb absently stroking her there. It was such a soft and inviting gesture. Willa felt her cheek leaning into his thumb. His eyes glistened into hers now. Strange how that one touch sent such a thrill through her body.
First touches could be so precious.
"Don't you think," he began as his gaze captured hers. "I've haven't fought every reason in the books not to care about you Willa. I'm sorry to say I did, but it didn't work. Believe me, I lusted after you so badly sometimes I had to just walk away from the look in your eyes. You carry your heart there, you know. You see, I knew you cared for me too. That made it even harder to turn away from you. Not that I wanted to, I needed to. Now I know it has to work between us. I can't kill it, remove it, or wash it away. This feeling, this thing that turns my gut into a whirlwind, is stronger than anything I can fight. If I wanted to fight it, but I don't any longer. I went to town to take a whore, to satisfy the lust inside me. I knew a whore would never satisfy what is between you and me. It couldn't, it goes deeper than the skin. It's in our hearts. A bond like we have has to be very powerful to endure all the hardships it will cause. So, buck up, baby. You are mine and you cannot escape that," he raised her chin now, staring into her beautiful eyes. "I've wanted you so badly I can't see straight. I watch you move about; the way your hips sway when you walk. Your body is a temptress. I watch the way your eyes light up when I come into a room. And it made my heart turn over in my chest when I looked at you. And I have looked at you many times. And wanted you every time."
"That's lust."
He shook his head. "No, lust is easily taken care of. What I feel is much more than lust. I felt the sweet tremor in your chin, when I almost kissed you. And I felt the heartbeat that drummed like mine. But that day I went to town, I realized before I even got there, that day, that it wasn't what I really wanted. I wanted you. That was when I finally admitted to myself that I love you, despite it all. I love you. So—Stay with me, Willa."
He eyed her intently now. "You took care of dad, you took care of me, and you take care of Elan every day. I wanted to take care of you. All of you. I'm not the kind of man that goes around seducing women. For years all I ever had was just an occasional itch that needed scratching. Then you came along. I fought the instant attraction. I fought it hard. It didn't work, Willa. I need you. Marry me!" He said and pulled her unresisting body toward him. His head bent and this time he claimed what was his all along. His mouth covered hers softly, and with a groan she gave into the exquisite pleasures of his kiss. Her lips moved with his, as he took in her sweet scent, as his hands roamed up and down her body, a body that responded to his every touch.
She whimpered in his arms, then suddenly her arms reached for his neck, pulling him down to her, and her lips were smothered with his warm kisses as a reward. His lips explored her, making love to her with his kiss all over her face, neck and shoulders. The slow way he etched his hot kisses down her neck, had her moving ever closer, and leaning to give him his leave. She closed her eyes and let his kisses wander all over her.
The sweet soft satin of her skin enticed him to explore her. The answer to all his questions were answered with her heated response. She moaned aloud when his hands went around her small frame and found the peaks of her breast, massaging her there with a very active and warm thumb. She gasped with delight at his touch. She moaned raggedly, and he smiled against her soft neck. "I've got a confession to make."
She turned into his arms. She stared up at him waiting.
"One day, early, I was going to take a quick bath before dawn, and I saw you and Elan there in the water. I could not take my eyes from you. I've seen naked women before, but you—I couldn't move I was so stunned, and it was such a pleasure to look at you. Will you forgive my lusting after you?"
She smiled, "I have a confession."
"Oh, what's that?"
"I knew you were there. But I wasn't sure who was there at first, then I saw your red hair, and I knew. At first, I was startled, but when you didn't move away, and kept staring, I enjoyed it. To be looked at like that, is such a compliment to a woman."
"But you let me stare at you?" he questioned.
"That day I lusted too. I thought about how it might be if you came to me. I wanted you to come to me then. I knew in my heart it was wrong, but what I felt I thought would never be returned, and just once, I wanted you to look at me. To see me as a woman, not a breed."
"I wish I'd known." He smiled sexily. "And you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I was so angry at myself for giving into spying on you. But I'd never seen a more perfect woman in my life. I couldn't move, and I certainly couldn't move away."
"I pleased you?"
"Oh my God, more than you'll ever know." He whispered at her ear.
"I'm glad you saw me, and that I pleased you. But I must know, do you see me as a breed, a dirty Indian?"
His glance softened on her now as he pulled away to stare into her face. "Sweetheart, there is nothing dirty about you. And I have always since the first day seen you as a woman. That's how I see you."
She smiled shyly at him, "You are not ashamed of me?"
"Ashamed, hell, I'm proud." He told her and to prove it he kissed her tenderly.
All that separated them was the soft deerskin of her dress. He moved a thumb over one pert nipple and she softly sighed in his arms. "I am yours then." She whispered.
The sensations his thumb aroused made her moan raggedly now. Her braid had loosened, and her hair hung down his arm as she threw back her head and let his lips seduce her neck. "Your touch drives me crazy." She whispered.
"I want you sweetheart, so badly. We must marry and soon. I can't wait to make you mine." She opened her eyes slowly, the arousal he saw there melted his heart.
"I have tried to keep my distance, but my heart broke each time. I look at you and I can no l
onger hide what I feel. I want to marry you too!"
"I am glad," he whispered in her ear.
"But you must know my answer. It is impossible for us to marry."
"No, it's not impossible. We have to marry; I won't have you any other way. Even though I want you now, I will wait to take you. Wait until you are truly mine."
Her hands went around him, feeling the hard silk of his chest and back as he wasn't wearing his shirt. She felt the scars on his back and wanted to cry for him taking them.
"You're mine and I've known it for some time now. I am sorry for what Ed tried to do."
She looked into his eyes, "Your words seduce me. For you to love a breed, to risk the trouble it would bring makes me love you even more. You took the beating for me, I wanted to cry when I saw what they did to you."
"I want to touch you everywhere, I want to look at you, all of you all over again, I want to make love with you. I want to be one with you. I want to make you mine, forever. But this won't happen until we marry. I will not defile you."
"Your words set me afire, for I too want this marriage. But marriage would bring more scorn." She whispered between kisses, their needs growing, the fire was totally out of control.
"It doesn't matter, we're committed, and you know it as well as I."
"Where would we marry," she cried, as his kisses put all her doubts to rest.
"There's some churches in Farmersville. When we go to buy you a dress, we will marry that day." He whispered as he kissed her cheek, her nose, her ear, and her neck. She leaned her head back and allowed him the freedom to explore her lovely neck with sweet kisses.
"Yes, my love," she smiled against his lips. "The sooner the better. I no longer have the good sense to say no to you. I have longed for your love. I too tried not to love you, but I could not stop what was happening. It pours from me every time I look at you. I ache to be yours."
"You are mine." He took her to the darkest part of the shed and laid her in the hay, then he put Elan close by so they could watch him.
He put his arm around her and held her close, "You know when this gets around, there will be hell to pay, don’t you?"
"Yes, I know, I did not want to bring shame upon you, but I cannot fight my own heart, I love you so. I haven't the strength to say no to your love. I should have left sooner." She whispered as she reached to draw him to her. She was eager for his kisses and swooned at his touches. "The way you touch me sends a fire through my blood."
They kissed each other with a fervor. She could smell the sweet male scent of him, and it made her heart leap at how he wanted her. Her lips traveled over him now, exploring him. "I like looking at you too, I love it when you take your shirt off. It makes me want to touch you everywhere."
Realizing how keyed up he was, he pulled away to look into her eyes. "We'll go to town tomorrow and get married."
"Clay," she gasped, her hand touching his chin, her lips shining in the moonlight streaming through the window. "We must wait until the room is finished, then we can be together there."
"Darlin', I don't know if I can wait that long to have you."
She smiled, "Then you must hurry and finish it, for I too am anxious to be with you." She laid her head on his chest, her breath feathering his nipple then suddenly she kissed him there and he gasped then sighed as her tongue shot out to touch the hardened nub. "Unless you want me to take you now, don’t do that sweetheart." He finally whispered near her ear.
"My love pours from me; I cannot hide what is in my heart. You are a Christian man; you know we should wait, but I find it as hard as you." She told him. "I have felt your need of me, and my need grows just as quickly in my belly for you."
"No more sweet talk or we will make our honeymoon here in this hay." He nodded and straightened up. "You are right, as usual." He smiled and kissed her gently. "But knowing we love each other, it's gonna be mighty hard not to give into temptation." He looked at Elan who was staring at them. "Son, I love your mother, and hope I have your permission to marry her. I love you both so much."
Elan gurgled.
She smiled, "I think he likes the idea."
He held her close and kissed her several times. "I know I've got to be rational about all of this, but it's hard when you want someone so much."
"I know, but just think how wonderful our wedding night will be."
"I want to make love with you." He told her.
"And I want you to, but we must be good."
He nodded.
He walked her and Elan back to the cabin, kissed her hard on the lips before entering.
She sighed with happiness.
"I want to go visit Mrs. Williams down the road. The doc said she was a widow and lived alone and he worries over her. I'd like to start visiting her. I made a roast and there is plenty for tomorrow, could I go and visit her?"
"Sure, why not. You can take the wagon. Do you want me to go with you?" He asked.
"No, the purpose is to get away from you and temptation. You stay and work on the room for us."
He smiled and kissed her on the nose, "I guess that makes sense, but you know the saying."
"What saying?"
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
She looked at him, kissed his jaw and smiled, "By the time we marry, we will need my bed and lots of privacy. I will share that time with no one but you and my son to nurse him."
"I think that can be arranged." He smiled.
"How?" she asked with a smile.
"Dad can watch Elan for us."
"That is true. Oh Clay, I cannot wait to be yours." She smiled at him, her eyes shining into his. "Do you think your father will approve?"
"I’m sure of that." He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose.
"I have never been in love like this, to want someone so much, so often."
"That goes double for me, darlin'." He kissed her hard on the lips and it heated them to a point where they both had to back away. His tongue had slid softly into her mouth and mated with hers, their bodies thrust hard against each other. "If it weren't for these clothes we'd be together now."
"I love you," she whispered as she pulled away with reluctance and took Elan to bed with her.
He winked and went to bed.
It was like a dream come true. She knew she could never hide the love she had for this man. To love her was one thing, but to love her son, stole her heart and melted all the fears she had.
Chapter Twelve
The next morning, Willa was preparing breakfast when Clay walked up to her and kissed her on the back of her neck. Goosebumps went all over her and she turned and kissed him on the lips. It was only meant to be a peck, but she was hungry for his kisses, and couldn't control her wayward response. "Good morning." She murmured in his ear.
She smiled and pushed him away. "Behave," she told him playfully.
Charlie came into the kitchen moments later with Elan on his hip.
"Smells good, what's for breakfast?" he asked her.
"Bacon, eggs, and gravy. I even have some fresh tomatoes from the garden." She told him.
"Already?" Charlie quipped.
"Yes, we have several and cucumbers too. The beans will be ready in a couple of weeks." She told him with pleasure. "I planted lots of good things you will be so pleased when you see all of it coming up. There is squash, and peas and lettuce and watermelon, and mush melons and so many good things. The dirt here is very good to grow things. I gave the doc some, and I will give him more when our garden blooms."
"I guess I wasn't much of a gardener," Charlie told her.
"My mother taught me about gardens, we always had big gardens, especially when dad was around."
"Did you tend it every day." Charlie asked.
"It takes much work and love." She answered.
He coughed pretty hard and she glanced at him, "Did you take your medicine?"
"Yes, little mother, I did." He told her and sat down at the table beside Elan's highchair. "I want to be
around when this little tyke grows up, you know?"
Willa smiled, "I am glad of that."
Clay was sitting on the other side, the side where Willa usually sat.
Charlie seemed to notice the smiles between them, but he didn't say anything.
"Charlie I'm going to visit Mrs. Williams down the road today. I've got a roast already cooked and you can make sandwiches with it. But how do I get to her place? The doc said it was about ten miles down the road, but he didn't give me any directions other than that."
Charlie was a bit surprised to hear of this but pleased too. "Cora will be thrilled to have some company. What made you think of her?"
"The doc was telling me about her. He worries because she is so alone out there. And I thought it would be good to get to know some women about."
"Yes, she's my age and if anything happened, we wouldn't know it until it was too late. She's worked that property herself since her husband died and anything could happen. That's a cracker jack idea too. Well now, you just head west, about ten miles. The house sits a ways from the road, but you can see it easy enough. Not much out there to hide it. She's got a big oak tree in the front yard. And introduce yourself when you get there as she'll probably have a rifle pointed at you. If she don't know you, she's pretty cautious about people she don't know."
"Will me being in Indian clothes upset her when she sees me?"
"Not Cora, she don't scare easily. She's a tough old bird and sweet lady when you get to know her. She often trades with the Indians."
"Do you want to go with me?" Willa asked.
"Clay's already asked me to help him work on your room. Or I'd go."
"It will be nice to have a room of my own." Willa smiled at Clay. "Next time I go though; you can go with me. I'll take Elan and maybe she'll enjoy meeting him."
"She loves kids, and she will be tickled to meet you, I'm sure."
"Good." Willa passed the biscuits and Charlie dug into the food with a relish.
