“I’m alright, thank you,” she told the officer, composing herself.
“I will have a cup of tea,” she smiled at the young woman, and glanced at Noah, “and discuss the experience with Principal Ryan. I’m sure I’ll recover in no time.”
The officer was still unsure. Most people came back from the phenomena laughing or looking relaxed, it was considered therapeutic. No-one returned from the wave with such an ashen face, she’d not even seen space sickness in her time here.
“Principal Ryan, may I alert the Infirmary that Dr Langley has returned a little…anxious?” She wasn’t sure how she would explain this unexpected event, but Noah understood protocols.
“Of course, you must. Please assure them if Dr Langley is still ‘anxious’ in a little while, she will avail herself of their services.”
The woman stepped away, and Noah took Alice back to the shuttle. The journey to the Top of the World resort took only minutes, and Alice stayed quiet the entire time. He led her out to the proscenium at the front of the lodge, an area well-equipped with tables and chairs, eateries and pasticiums. He sat her down away from the central area where they could speak privately. His concern had not lessened, and he sat close—not pressing her to answer questions, but waiting until she recovered and was ready to speak. He desperately hoped his father’s warning would not come back to haunt him.
“What was I supposed to see?” she asked, leaning against his arm and looking into his eyes. He wasn’t sure he would have any response that would be adequate.
“It’s a feeling more than seeing, Alice, apart from the silver lights,” he said simply. “It levels and soothes.”
But Alice was disturbed, not soothed.
“Of course, my experience in the phenomenon wasn’t remarkable,” he admitted. “I guess I led a dull life till I met you,” he smiled at her, hoping his attempt at humour would make a difference.
“I think your life would be beyond all expectations for people of my time,” she returned a weak smile, and he was glad of it, but she still hadn’t given him a hint of what happened.
“What did you see, Alice?”
“Lights and rainbows at first,” she paused, trying to remember it in proper order.
“I felt timeless, like getting caught up in an old story. I saw a couple, the woman’s hair was red, like mine, but I only caught a brief glimpse. Then the A’khet monastery and buildings with roofs, decorated roofs, red and gold, Chinese houses maybe, I think, no,” she shook her head, “not houses, a school. The buildings were important, relevant, but then sickness, spreading through my body and pain, suffering... Noah, it was awful. The pain was awful.”
She looked out towards the waterfall, tears springing to her eyes at the memory.
“There was a man, a kind man,” she continued, struggling to control the wavering in her voice. “I thought I recognised him. He cradled me in his arms and smiled so sadly.”
Noah wondered who the man might be, a man who cradled her in his arms when she was in pain. It could only be Martin Watkins.
She suddenly sat up, all dreaminess gone. Her voice became deliberate. Strong.
“I believe I experienced Alexis Langley’s memories, and the man was Martin Watkins, her uncle, but Noah, there’s more, Alexis Langley appeared in the vision. Not like a mirror image of me,” she placed her hand on her chest, “but somehow separate. She was desolate, so terribly sad.”
Alice slipped her hands from his and held them out in front of her.
“I looked down,” she told him, “and I could see Alice Watkins’s hands. We stood in that moment, Alexis and I, facing each other, then people formed through the colours, Alexis knew them, but I didn’t.”
“How do you know she knew them?”
“The recognition in her eyes, then she became smoke and wafted away ever so gently.” Alice placed her hands back in his.
“Words came from the forms, they entered here,” Alice again slid one hand from his and touched the area below her throat. “The words had no voice, Noah, no sound, but they carved up my heart, and though I tried, I couldn’t cry out with the pain.”
Noah wondered if the A’khet might be involved in this vision. Knowledge was given in this manner, but no-one reported ever experiencing pain; he’d received it himself this way the day he took Alice to the monastery. If the A’khet were involved, and she’d received some kind of Knowledge, she would be unable to speak of it or answer him if he asked her.
“What did the words say, Alice?”
“ ‘The path you walk is not your own’,” she answered him quickly, considering the words as they’d been delivered, emphasising each syllable to make sure the recounting was precise. She’d replied without hesitating, dispelling his theory the A’khet might be involved somehow. This was not A’khet’s doing, and it left him with no explanation.
“A voice, from here,” she continued, and gestured generally around her left shoulder. “told me, ‘You must let her go’.”
Noah knew of no-one who experienced a voice in the phenomenon, but Alice seemed better to have spoken of the experience, so by the time tea arrived at their table, she seemed to brighten and revive.
“What do you think it all means Noah?” she asked. “There was nothing about Alice Watkins, not her past, not her children.”
“I don’t know, Alice,” he answered honestly, his only theory blown out of the water. “That you didn’t experience the memories of Alice Watkins but had a vision of Alexis Langley’s life, suggests her memories are hidden inside you and will, one day, resurface.”
“I think the same.”
She’d been so adamant she was Alice Watkins, insisting to Dr Grossmith and Kelly... now, after the phenomenon, perhaps there was more room for doubt, maybe they were right. She looked across at Noah.
“What is it?” he asked.
“What sorts of things do I say, things I can’t remember. Tell me.”
“Well, you have extensive knowledge of cellular biology, amongst other things. One time, speaking on the registry, you described what appeared to be a forerunner of KELA technology. You also seemed to understand the crop formation, making quite a startling claim.”
“What claim?”
“That nature itself is responsible for the formations.”
“I have a vague memory of saying that, but you don’t believe it.”
“Only because I made one myself and countless others have made them too. I concede there are some we can’t explain.”
“The old Alice Watkins would have already entered a stupefied state at what you have just told me, Noah, she would have no idea.”
“But this Alice Watkins does?”
“It doesn’t seem like science fiction anymore. I feel if I researched, studied, it would make sense.”
“You’ve always maintained Alice Watkins was uneducated.”
“In all areas,” she brushed his fingers gently. “You are very patient with me. Both of me.”
“Both of you are very important to me, but you know, something interesting has happened.”
“What’s that?”
“You usually refer to Alice Watkins in the third person, saying ‘I’, now it is ‘she’.”
Alice had already seen this herself.
“Since Tibet, whenever I’m with you, I’ve found I’m not fearful of Alice’s memories, they have no power to hurt me. Today’s experience seems to have brought Alexis Langley closer. I can’t see the path clearly yet, I only know she’s part of my future,” Alice sighed. “I wish I could remember her.”
“Will we need to start calling you ‘Alexis’, with the ‘x’?”
Alice grinned, her colour back in her cheeks and the pain gone from her eyes.
“Not yet, I may need a new name altogether. I’ve changed Noah. I’m neither Alice nor Alexis. Even the way I speak, it’s not how Alice spoke. I’m a different person now, whether I favour one or the other, I can’t tell, maybe in time...”
Noah didn’t
ask more questions, respecting her need for reflection and to enjoy the simple pleasure of looking out at the rainforest through the waterfall.
She stood with a suddenness that took Noah by surprise.
“Enough about me. We’re here together. I spend too much time reflecting on what Alice couldn’t do, and now, I am at liberty to do as I wish. And I would like to see the wildlife your mother told us about, just you and me.”
She didn’t want to be maudlin or serious during these last few precious hours with Noah. She took his hand, and he got to his feet, drew her arm around his waist, and they walked together towards the shuttle bay.
Chapter 28
That night, in their room high above the waterfall, wrapped in Noah’s arms and lying across the enormous bed, a sleepless Alice listened to the water splash as it bounced off the rocks and fell into the river below. They’d spent a perfect day exploring the rainforest on foot, skimming over the treetops in the shuttle and soaring behind majestic condors as they rose on the thermals. The birds and animals more than made up for the province not being an historic site. Alice loved being so close to exquisite wildlife, once considered too dangerous to approach. Noah explained the entire rainforest and surrounding country became a sanctuary centuries before, and as a result, the native flora and fauna flourished. All wild animal species now lived in their native environment, with many of these beautiful havens for wildlife worldwide.
Now, in the stillness, listening to the faraway sounds of animals and insects, Alice went over the events of the phenomenon in her mind. She recognised none of the people in her vision, only Alexis Langley. Her true self. She must stop holding fast to Alice Watkins and her memories. Isn’t that what the voice said?
“You must let her go.”
Would it be that simple just to let go? The memories of Ted no longer bothered her, he was easy to discard. But the children, Michelle and Steven, they’d seemed so real, and Michelle had been her first thought on Saturn Station. Somehow, the memory of her character must have bled through into this reality, perhaps someone Alice had read about or studied, making enough of an impression to stay with her. And Eliza, the granddaughter, must come from the same story. Were there other grandchildren too? She couldn’t remember. They were fading, which is as it should be, she told herself, because that is precisely what dreams do.
They were right, Dr Grossmith, Principal Hardy, Principal Katya, it was Alice’s memories that were the dream. That would mean she was truly Alexis Langley, she should have accepted their word. Alice Watkins could never have intellectual discussions with Noah, play the piano or ride a horse, she had no education, no ambition, no courage.
Alice lifted her left hand; the skin was smooth and young, what did it mean when the vision showed her the old woman’s hand, with the loose wedding ring? Alice let her breath out with a sigh. It would be impossible to decipher the vision without giving it further thought. It would become clear, she was sure of it.
She sat up and looked down at the sleeping Noah. Soft moonbeams slanted through the window and fell onto the bed, lending a cool, golden light that showed up the hairs on his chest. She stroked them gently, causing him to stir and open his eyes. He rested his hand on her thigh.
“Can’t sleep?” he murmured.
“No, I was watching you.”
“I’m on display?”
“No—yes, it’s just that, soon you will be so far away, and I wanted, for now, to be able to reach out and touch you, simply because I could.”
He lifted his arm, and with a smile, she nestled back into his embrace.
In the morning, Alice employed a few delaying tactics, Noah was happy to play along but eventually, he had to be sensible.
“We have to go, Alice,” he said, pulling her out of bed. “I’m expected in Cloisters in a few hours, I don’t want to have to explain to Principal Katya.”
“It’s just been...so wonderful, Noah. I don’t want it to end.”
“It’s not ending, Alice, we won’t see each other for a couple of years, that’s all,” it sounded like an eternity put like that. “When I come back, it will be as if I’d never been away.” Then he paused, “I’m not being presumptuous, am I?”
Alice pulled an ‘as if’ face at him, he didn’t need to doubt; laughing, he grabbed her around the bottom and lifted her against him, making her giggle. He set her back on her feet with a kiss to the tip of her nose, and she snuggled into his chest,
“I just wish we could have contact while you’re away,” she sighed.
“Well, we will for the first little while,” he tried to sound positive, knowing full well communications from threshold space were unreliable at best, and non-existent as the norm.
She locked her arms around his neck and her eyes found his.
“We’ll be fine,” she said, reassuring herself, as much as him.
Leaving the Top of the World lodge brought the moment of their parting that bit closer, and Alice would have had the shuttle fly them anywhere but home. After Noah entered the coordinates, he switched controls to autopilot, then pulled her close.
“I have something to tell you. Something I did,” he said quietly, making sure he was in a position where he couldn’t make eye contact with her, not till after he’d confessed.
“What did you do?”
“I’m responsible for Patrick going to the Accessor.”
“You? How?” Alice was happily tucked under his arm, enjoying his nearness, not expecting any revelations, so his next words came as a surprise.
“He wouldn’t let Crewman Oakes loose on the Gravidarum. I knew he would follow him, so I signed the order for Crewman Oakes’s temporary transfer. It was a concession on my part, he wasn’t scheduled to go.”
“Why would you do that?” Alice wriggled out of his embrace and sat up, looking him squarely in the eye. He reached for her hand, she let him lace his fingers through hers, but she was waiting for the rest of the story. He couldn’t delay it.
“At the time, I believed I could justify what I was doing. Principal Hardy had second thoughts about his choice of Patrick as your escort on the ship and asked me to keep my eye on proceedings after you returned to Earth.”
“Patrick is perfectly lovely,” then she thought about his relentlessness, “most of the time.”
“I have no criticism of Patrick. But at the Cotillion Ball, I saw he’d developed an attachment to you.”
“Do you doubt his sincerity?”
“No, he’s always sincere.”
“Always?” Alice recalled Principal Katya’s comment about Patrick leaving a trail of broken hearts across the galaxy.
Noah knew, to give her the full story, he mustn’t leave out important details.
“Yes, Alice, I’m afraid so. And until now, I’ve never taken an interest in what he does or with whom, and there are usually a couple at one time. I’ve seen him hurt countless women in the past, and at that point, I understood Principal Hardy’s concerns. I told myself I was acting in your best interests. Truth is, I acted out of selfishness.”
“You thought to separate us?”
“Yes.”
“It didn’t work very well, Noah,” Alice shook her head, hardly able to believe what she was hearing. It seemed so juvenile. “He still visited, and he linked through on the registry.”
“I know that. He was fascinated when we were briefed before you came to the Significator. You were part of historical science for so long, the subject of so much speculation and so many theories, I thought—possibly I didn’t think,” he admitted, “to Patrick, you would be what you were to everyone else. A scientific wonder. I was wrong.”
“I don’t have illusions about Patrick, Noah. I was flattered by the attention at first, but then I’m hardly a woman of the world, and he is incredibly handsome and charming.”
Noah nodded, that was one way of describing his first officer.
“In the auditorium on the Significator, I felt…truthfully? I don’t know,” he smiled and
lifted her hand, gently biting her finger.
She grinned, she’d forgive him for being underhanded, but not yet, she’d get the rest of the confession first.
“I only remember running away from you. I panicked.”
“I didn’t mean to frighten you. I can be overbearing—habit, I’m afraid. When I saw you with Patrick at the Cotillion Ball, in that amazing dress, I knew my life would never be the same.”
“I’ve told you, I don’t return Patrick’s feelings and now, you are telling me you got rid of competition, who wasn’t really competition?”
“You told me you thought of Patrick as a ‘protector’”.
Alice gave him a quizzical look.
“At the ball, you had one of your crossovers…” but that same look stopped him.
“We had a conversation, you were…different, then you stumbled and didn’t know how you came to be out on the terrace.”
Alice remembered it, and she remembered wondering at the time what had passed between them.
“I didn’t think it through, Alice. I thought to protect you from Patrick as Hardy suggested. Patrick likes the company of women, he seldom sleeps alone.”
“Even while he professes his love for me?”
“He’s never confided in me about his feelings, but yes, since he met you.”
“I’m not sure you should be telling me about Patrick’s private life. It’s gossip. Besides, is it your business as his principal?”
“I’m trying to explain why I did what I did, and I can’t without giving up what I know. Patrick is dedicated to his role on the ship, and his personal choices have never interfered with his duties, believe me, he’s a first-rate officer. But now, I will admit my feelings after seeing you in the auditorium, and our conversation on the terrace influenced my decision to sign Crewman Oakes’s orders more than anything Principal Hardy said. I thought you should know.”
Alice heard the dejection in his voice and saw the guilt on his face. Like a naughty child. A very large, prominent, old-enough-to-know-better naughty child. And he was far too special for her to be angry with.
The Afterlife of Alice Watkins 2 Page 23
