“What’s up your ass?” Anna asked him as he scowled at the road like it owed him money.
“You are. This whole situation is.” He forced himself to take a deep breath and calm his anger. Again. Anger at this mission. Anger at how beautiful she was. At how close she sat next to him. Practically naked. The attitude wouldn’t get him anywhere with her. Where was the happy-go-lucky persona he’d spent years building?
Probably panting at this woman’s feet.
She sighed. “I know. I’m not happy about it either.”
And the thing was, he believed her. It disarmed him a little more…until he questioned why she wasn’t happy with this assignment. Did she not like bringing his family into this, or did she not like being here with him? Either was possible. Neither brought the same response out of him.
They had a long ride ahead of themselves. If he wanted answers, it wasn’t as if she couldn’t get away from him. He’d preferred to gently start this conversation after they’d had a moment to adjust being in the car. But fuck it. There was no time like the present.
“You disappeared after Dallas.”
She sucked in air. “You don’t pull punches, do you?” she muttered, looking out the passenger window.
Blade waited, the seconds ticking by in silence. When it became apparent she wasn’t going to comment on her own, he decided to turn that statement into a question with just one word. “Why?”
“Brax,” she breathed, and fuck, his dick twitched. Rarely anybody called him by his given name. Even his family called him Blade. Anna Sue did too, the exception being when they’d made love that night. Hearing her call him that brought very specific memories flooding back.
“Babe, it’s a simple question.”
Her gaze narrowed when she trained it on him. “Because I didn’t want to become just another Blade Bimbo.”
“What the hell does that mean?” he asked, the clipped tone back.
“You know damn well that I mean. When it comes to women, you flirt and fuck. When was the last time you had a real relationship?”
“I’m an adult, and the women I’ve been with have been consenting adults. I very clearly recall you being more than just consenting. I distinctly remember you—”
“Stop.” Her hand flew up as if her saying the command wasn’t enough. “My point is, you have a track record of sleeping around. I don’t. Our ideals don’t mesh. Plus, we work together. If I were to ignore what I need for great sex, I’d be the one to get hurt when you’ve had your fill and are ready to move onto the next flavor of the week.”
“You don’t think very highly of me, do you?” he asked, pissed that she was both right and wrong about him. Yes, he slept around, but that didn’t mean he was opposed to the idea of a relationship. He just never felt good enough for someone. And the truth was, he’d never be good enough for Anna. He avoided relationships because he wasn’t worthy, not because he preferred being a man whore.
“I think very highly of you, actually.” He felt her eyes on him again, his skin heating at her admission, and he couldn’t help but steal another glance. “We just want different things. Doesn’t mean I didn’t wish things could be different. It is what it is.” She shrugged as if everything was as simple as that. She wasn’t wrong, just incorrect in the reasoning behind it.
They drove in silence as they ate up the miles, but his mind was anything but quiet. After some time, he asked, “Is that your only hang up?” Because he clearly didn’t know how to accept rejection and just let it go.
She quirked an eyebrow. “Well, I am in law enforcement and you’re a mercenary. We may play well together during recess, but I have no idea what you do when class is back in session.”
He chuckled at her analogy. “Your agency doesn’t seem to have a problem with it.”
She glanced away, but not before he caught a troubled look in her eyes. “What?”
“You told me you were arrested,” she said without looking at him. Was she avoiding answering him? She wasn’t technically changing the subject, but her statement felt like a diversionary tactic.
“And?”
Anna shifted in her seat so that she faced him fully. “You never said why. Feels like you have secrets, and I’m not talking of the I-stole-Uncle-Billy Bob’s-car-and-took-it-joyriding variety. Your secrets feel like red flags.”
Well, fuck. He did have secrets. One in particular he could never tell another living soul. “I don’t have an Uncle Billy Bob,” he said to stall.
“I wouldn’t know that either,” she said softly.
“You’re right. My life isn’t an open book. I have my reasons.” He clenched the steering wheel tighter. He did have his reasons, and most centered around a very big one.
“Why were you arrested?”
And that was the biggie.
He glared at her before answering the question he hated she uttered. Hated because he couldn’t lie to her. Not that he could tell her everything. “Murder.”
Anna paled.
Blade sighed. “The charges didn’t stick. It was the only time I’d ever been arrested. Other than that fucked up situation, I’ve practically been a model citizen.” He smiled what he hoped was his dazzling one that got him whatever he wanted from the opposite sex, and what he wanted from her right now was to accept his answer and leave it at that. He hadn’t lied. He’d been arrested for Jeremiah’s murder, but without evidence—or a body—Blade’s lawyer nipped that shit in the bud.
Unfortunately, there was no statute of limitations on murder. He’d never be able to tell anyone what really happened that night. Not only could he risk loyalties changing, but he also wouldn’t risk the wrong person getting wind of what he’d done. A confession would get him a pair of matching bracelets and a murder sentence. Even if he was careful, there was always the risk he’d be charged again. One of the few things Colonel had done for him was get rid of the arrest record and whatever evidence there was against him. But that didn’t mean cases couldn’t be built again. Nor did it mean that Colonel never talked to someone else. There were too many questions out there. It was better for him to live life alone. He couldn’t plant himself in a woman’s life, knowing there was a chance he’d be ripped from it. No, all he could promise a woman was temporary companionship. It was a rule he’d lived by because anything more was too dangerous.
Too painful.
Especially when he weighed the options of changing that life rule for Anna Sue, and the risks glared back, mocking him.
“Charges being dropped isn’t the same thing as being innocent,” she said, ripping him from his musings, replacing any sad feelings of resolve with another harsh reality.
She was a cop. And fuck, he should’ve known she’d pick up on his word choice. No way was he talking about this. He wasn’t lying to her and he wasn’t going to open up either. She was too sharp. He had zero answers for her, so he did the next best thing. Pushed the focus onto her. “Spoken like a true detective. So tell me something, Agent Fisher. When was the last time you had a real relationship?”
As more miles burned, he realized, he wasn’t the only one who didn’t have answers to give.
* * *
“When was the last time you had a real relationship?”
He’d nailed the hammer straight on the head with that question, effectively shutting down their conversation.
Anna Sue hadn’t had a boyfriend since college, and even that one only lasted about six months. Her dream had been to become an FBI agent. She’d worked hard, always having her nose in a book or ass at the shooting range. She’d focused on forensic accounting…but most men who applied to the bureau relied on their law enforcement backgrounds and criminal justice degrees. She’d done her research early on and had learned if she wanted a real shot at making agent, she’d need to bring something extra to the table. She went the nerd route, majoring in accounting and minoring in a highly sought-after foreign language while spending her valuable free time training for the physical aspects of the j
ob.
Men had been a luxury she couldn’t afford. Oh, she’d dreamed about having a man in her life. One who’d support her career and love her in spite of her dedication to it. But the reality was, she still didn’t have time to find such a man.
As the hours passed, Anna kept drifting back to Blade turning her question around on her. Not only had he touched on a sore subject, making her want to justify her life, but it also made her realize that maybe she’d done the same thing when posing the question to him in the first place. She felt judgey, which made her feel even worse. Torn between defending herself and lashing out at him, she’d kept her mouth closed instead.
Every so often Blade would start up benign conversation, and Anna would contribute until it died down and more silence ensued. If it wasn’t for the lingering unanswered questions on both their parts from their initial major conversation, the silence would have been compatible. Instead, it felt thick, heavy with declarations and demands that refused to be expressed. The closer they got to the state border, the tenser things felt in the car. They hadn’t stopped in a while. Her ankle was cramping and her shoulders were stiff from the stress. What she wouldn’t give for a long bath—
“Look out!” she yelled, grabbing the dash as they rounded a corner. Something metal lay in the road. Blade swerved, but caught the edge of it.
“Shit.” The tire popped, and the vehicle bounced to the side. Blade yanked it onto the shoulder of the road, and they came to a bumpy stop. “Are you okay?”
She took a deep breath, her heart racing like crazy with the sudden adrenaline. “Yeah.”
He hopped out, and Anna followed, knowing he wouldn’t want the excess weight in the vehicle when he changed the tire. “What was it?” she asked when she got to the back of the SUV.
“Looks like a crowbar.” He picked it up and tossed it into the ditch.
“How the hell did a crowbar slash the tire?”
Blade walked to the bad tire and squatted. “Looks like it didn’t. It caught between the tire and the wheel. Separated the two.” He sighed as he stood. “It’ll have to be remounted.” Without looking at her, he made his way to the back of the SUV and started moving their bags to the back seat. Anna considered grabbing her own bags, but Blade managed to move them all before her brain caught up with what he was doing—getting the spare. Not that she felt bad. It was a little karma for him honking at her earlier and not offering to help when he picked her up. Petty? A little.
“Fuck!”
Anna jumped. “What?”
“There’s not a goddamn jack.”
“Are you kidding me?”
He slammed the back door and whirled. “Do I look like I’m kidding?”
“You’re a mechanic. Isn’t there some law that says you’re supposed to do things like check oil and fluid levels, and oh, I don’t know, make sure there’s a fucking spare and shit in the back before road trips?” It wasn’t fair for her to take this out on him, but come on! He. Was. A. Mechanic.
Glaring, he said, “I changed the oil yesterday and topped off all the fluids. Fuck, I even washed and vacuumed it.”
“Just didn’t double check on the spare.”
“We have a spare,” he gritted out. “Fucking Roc.” He stormed to the front of the vehicle. “Asshole borrowed the jack the other day because he couldn’t wait on Brody to finish with the one at the shop. My truck was closest. I forgot.” He grabbed his cellphone and made a call while she walked away. She had no idea where they were at. They’d passed a gas station and motel a few miles back, but they were currently on a two-lane highway with nothing but trees as far as the eye could see. Who knew how close they were to an actual town?
“Tow truck will take a couple of hours. We can either wait here, or walk back to the motel and check in for the night.”
It was hot and she had on sandals.
But they’d get to the hotel faster than the tow truck got to them, and frankly, she didn’t feel like sitting here with nothing to do other than chitchat with Blade.
“Let me get my laptop case and small bag.” She could leave her main suitcase with her clothes, but she would want a shower as soon as they checked in and could just put on her PJs that she had in that smaller bag. As for her laptop? She never left her FBI issued computer unattended.
Blade strapped his long duffle bag over his shoulder and grabbed her bigger suitcase.
“That one can stay. I just need my smaller one.”
He didn’t say anything as he handed over her laptop case. She slung it over her shoulder with her purse as he took her smaller bag and propped it on top of the larger case, wrapping the straps around the extended handle, securing them together. Without another word, he reached for her laptop and pried it off her shoulder.
“Hey, I can carry that.”
He sighed as he pulled the strap of her case over his head and across his chest. “I know you can. Just let me, please.” He looked like he’d aged ten years in ten minutes, and she felt like total shit. The tire thing wasn’t his fault, but he was carrying the blame just like he was carrying her bags.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that earlier,” she said softly, reaching out and stroking his arm. It was the first time she’d touched him since she’d been back, and she had to stop herself from stepping up against him and wrapping her arms around his back.
He stepped away and started walking down the road. “We’ll go slow, so you don’t hurt your ankle,” he said tenderly.
Anna Sue wanted to cry in that moment. She’d been a bitch to him, and he was worried about her. It made all the issues between them seem so insignificant. If he was another man and she another woman, they could be laughing about this little mishap, making lifelong memories. Instead, they both wanted each other on some level; maybe not the same level, but there was definite want on both sides. Yet, no matter their feelings, it could never be. Not really.
Lies, deceit.
Lust, tenderness.
Anna Sue was more confused about this man now than she was a week ago, and as they made their way slowly to the motel, Blade glancing at her ankle every so often, she knew that said confusion would only grow and make things even more difficult between them.
Chapter Five
Anna Sue had sweat rolling down her neck, but as much as Blade wanted to fantasize about how salty her skin would taste right this second, he was too worried about her messing up her ankle to even go there. Her injury had happened over six months ago, but it had freaked him out then, and worried him still. Sure, she seemed healed, but he hated putting her through this kind of strain.
“Almost there, babe,” he said for the third time since the motel came into view.
“Brax, I’m fine,” she said, a little exasperation in her voice. He’d smile at her tone if he wasn’t concerned about her ankle. Logically, he knew she would’ve had to be cleared by the feds before going back into the field, but his reaction was born out of something more primal and less logical.
And when she called him by his real name? That primal instinct revved up even higher, although it wasn’t so much sexual need as a need to take care of her.
Fuck, he was so damn irritated with himself over the car jack. When he got back to the shop, he was going to kick Roc’s ass over this, but the final blame fell on Blade. He should have double-checked it along with everything else before hitting the road. Hell, he didn’t even make sure his emergency kit was still back there. He just assumed it was just like he’d done the jack. It was back there. He’d seen it when searching for his nonexistent jack, but still. He should have made sure before leaving.
When they finally reached the front door to the motel, he breathed a sigh of relief. “Sit down,” he said, pointing to a bench by the front desk. She didn’t argue.
Blade made fast work booking a two-bed room. As soon as he got the keys, he walked to the bench and grabbed her hand, pulling her up.
“I told you I’m fine.”
He grunted and led her back
out of the lobby and down the sidewalk to their room.
“Jeez, it’s hot in here,” Anna said when they walked in. The air was definitely stifling in the cramped space, so he dropped her bags and made a beeline to the thermostat.
“I’m going to take a cold shower,” she said, not looking at him as she walked into the bathroom.
Blade kicked off his shoes and stood in front of the air vent to cool off, trying his damnedest not to think about Anna undressing in the next room.
Or her all wet when he heard the shower turn on.
Or her rubbing soapy hands all over her body.
He cussed softly, ordering his thoughts not to go there and his dick to go back down. It wasn’t as if anything changed between them. If anything, they were solidified in the hands-off category after their talk in the car. Not that it changed his feeling about her.
Feelings?
Hell, he didn’t know what to call it. He liked her as a person. Wanted her sexually. He knew he’d been obsessed with her since their mission in Dallas, and never before had a woman dominated his thoughts. Yeah, he had feelings for her. He was man enough to admit that…and too much of a chickenshit to analyze just how deep those feeling ran. Why? Because there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. If anything, it should make him want to avoid her even more. Keep from hurting her down the road when his past caught up with him.
He hoped that day would never come, but it was better to plan for the worst and hope for the best. Anna Sue’s heart wasn’t something he was willing to chance.
By the time the water shut off and he heard the bathroom door open, he’d gotten his libido under control. He turned to face her, and sucked in all the air in the room.
The only thing on her body was a thin towel. Water beaded on her shoulders, her hair hanging in wet curls. She was fucking beautiful.
Blade Page 5
