“I’ve kept my nose out of whatever’s going on with ya this morning, but that ends now. What the bloody fuck was that call?” Eve. I should have waited until she’d left to call Bryan.
I groaned and lifted my head. “Was it as bad as it sounded to me?”
“It was awful, pet. Who were you talking to anyway?”
“Bryan,” I mumbled. Eve cocked an eyebrow at me and I elaborated. “Bryan Rettger.”
“You’re watching flicks with your new client? I thought we were going to hate him—you were pretty tense last week after you met him. And at any subsequent mention of him for the first few days.”
Great. I hadn’t hidden that as well as I’d thought. “I got over what was bothering me. It was really just an epic misunderstanding. Bryan is a nice guy.” I explained how we agreed to watch Star Wars at my apartment—leaving out the more complicated details—and that I thought I had a shot at being friends with him. Eve understood more than anyone what that meant to me.
“So,” Eve started, “that holy show of a call was you being nervous about making a new friend? Oh, Eli,” she crooned.
“No!” I spoke too soon. I sounded way too defensive to be believable. “No. I needed some details about the interior.”
“Ráiméis.”
I’d come to know that as the Gaeilge version of “bullshit.” Of course Eve would see through that excuse.
“You have that information in that file on your desk. And I’ll bet you have it in your handwritten notes too. It’s okay to be anxious, but I think you can relax a bit. It sounds like the two of ye hit it off. Although it is a bit alarming that he hasn’t seen those flicks.”
Still in denial mode, I panicked and foolishly tried to defend my actions. “His vision for the bakery is really fresh, and I—”
“Shut your gob. Was that an intentional pun? Because it was almost as awful as that call. I’m calling bullshit on you, Elijah Harper.”
She full-named me. I supposed the jig was up. “Fine. I called because I wanted to hang out again. But now I wish I hadn’t. I was, well, me—weird and awkward, and now he’s probably thinking I’m those things too.”
“Stop with that. You’re a good man. And the fact that you’re pursing a new friendship at all speaks to how much you’ve grown since I’ve known you. Especially with a man.”
I shot her a narrowed gaze, which didn’t faze her in the slightest.
“Oh, please. Don’t think for a second that I haven’t noticed that you tend to get along with our female colleagues more than their male counterparts. You were cautious around Samir at first as well.”
She had me there. I felt highly insecure around men, especially around alpha, macho guys. I’d always felt like more of an outsider, but that only worsened after I lost my mom and did truly become an outsider. “I just don’t have a lot in common with a lot of guys,” I said quietly, eyeing the room to make sure none of our colleagues were inadvertently privy to our conversation. “I don’t really fit in.”
A sympathetic smile graced Eve’s face, but I couldn’t maintain eye contact with her without feeling too exposed. “You’re not so different, Eli. Not nearly as much as you think.”
“Can… can we talk about this another time?” I stood up, gathering up some files and stuffing them in my messenger bag. I had an appointment at one and it was just barely quarter after eleven, but I needed to leave before the conversation led me to have a full-on existential crisis at work.
“Where are you going?”
“I have a lunch meeting with Hana from Wagz.”
An amused snort came from Eve’s direction. “Oh, that cute dog-walker. I still maintain that she fancies you.”
I shook my head and pulled the strap of the bag over my shoulder. “We’re not having this conversation again. I’ll be back before three.”
Eve let out a disbelieving “mm-hmm” and waved me off with a two-finger salute. The truth was I knew Hana was interested in me, and I felt horrible for not wanting to reciprocate. She was a very attractive young woman, but I felt zero sexual desire for her—or anyone. I still got horny and stuff, though the feelings were always fleeting, and never in conjunction with any of my relationships. Shitty sex was always cited as one of the secondary reasons for my failed attempts at love, but I couldn’t help it. Maybe I truly was broken in some way.
Whatever.
Dwelling on things I couldn’t change was a waste of time and energy, and I had to save the latter if I was going to survive diplomatically dodging Hana’s advances.
I left work early Friday night to ensure I’d have enough time to take Prince for a long run. By the time we got home I had just over half an hour before Bryan would be arriving. I stripped off my sweaty running clothes, took a quick shower, and dressed in a new pair of dark blue shorts and a white tee. I fed Prince and refreshed her water bowl before I rummaged around my fridge for my own supper. With Bryan set to arrive any minute, I opted against cooking something and made a quick peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It wasn’t enough to satiate me, but I’d survive until after the movie.
Three bites into my dinner, a knock came from the front door. Prince stopped eating, and her head perked up toward the door. After I walked past her, she followed me then sat on command while I opened the door. Bryan and I greeted each other, and he was inside with the door closed behind him before Prince unleashed on him. He sank down to his knees and then lay flat on his back, lavishing her in friendly pets and the standard baby talk that never failed to make grown men look like adorable children.
Adorable…did I just think Bryan was adorable? Whatever. Moving on.
“Jesus, you’d think I don’t love her enough or something,” I said, commenting on how wild Prince was going for Bryan.
He laughed and sat up, letting Prince stand on his thighs and lick his face. “Dogs tend to like me a lot. I’m not sure why, but I like them too, so it works out just fine.”
“Well, if it becomes too much, just let me know. Do you mind if I go finish my supper?” I pointed over my shoulder with my thumb to indicate the plate I’d left on the island.
“Of course. We’ll be fine, won’t we?” he whisper-shouted at Prince. “Yeah, we’ll be all right.”
With a smile on my face I walked back to my half-eaten sandwich to finish the task at hand. Bryan finished up with Prince and was taking a seat across from me as I popped the last bite into my mouth. He set a small backpack on the counter and pulled out some movie snacks and… a pair of black-rimmed glasses.
“I didn’t know you wore glasses,” I blurted out. Of course I didn’t fucking know; we practically just met a couple of weeks ago.
He grinned enough for his dimples to show and slid the glasses up the bridge of his straight nose. I wouldn’t have pictured him as the glasses type before, but they sure suited him.
“Yeah, I usually wear contacts. I was gutting the bakery today, and I prefer my glasses for that.”
“I like them,” I said at the same time his stomach growled. Loudly. “Wow. Um, can I make you something to eat?”
“It’s all right, you don’t have to cook for me. I can order something, if that’s cool with you.” Bryan placed a hand on his stomach and grinned sheepishly.
“I’ve got tons of food here. You don’t have to spend on takeout.”
Bryan mulled it over for a few moments then cocked his head in my direction. “Are you still hungry?”
I nodded.
“If you really don’t mind, how about I whip us up something? I’m more than just a pâtissier.”
“Is that appropriate? I don’t want to make you work for free.” Although I really did want to agree. I was capable enough but nowhere near a chef.
“It wouldn’t be free; this is your food after all.” He paused and smirked before adding, “And as for it being appropriate? I’m no naked chef, so I think we’ll be good there.”
I felt heat burn through my cheeks and ears before casting my eyes to the counter. I couldn
’t believe I’d walked into a joke like that, but my reaction to it was even worse. Joking and speaking nonchalantly about sex were never things I was able to do—the fact that I was so awful at the act was a joke enough.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t say anything wrong,” I countered.
Bryan hummed in amusement. “So you’re just transfixed by the crumbs on that plate, then? I won’t make any more sexually charged jokes. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.” His tone became solemn in a way I didn’t like. He was normally an easygoing, lighthearted guy in my experience. That all changed when I started saying stupid shit, like when I reacted to his admission that he was gay. I sincerely didn’t have a problem with that, but my stupid brain and mouth didn’t always know how to communicate effectively.
I forced myself to make eye contact with him. I wasn’t afraid to face him so much as I was afraid for him to see me. “My reaction has nothing to do with you being gay, and everything to do with my own intimacy issues.” I hadn’t planned on saying more than that, but Bryan’s green eyes were so intently focused on me that I couldn’t stop talking. “With anyone I’ve ever dated there were always complaints regarding intimacy of any sort—especially… sex. I could never really get into it and give my partners what they needed. I don’t know if that’s something you’ve ever experienced, but it makes you feel like shit. What kind of man can’t satisfy his partner? Apparently the same kind who doesn’t know how to love them either.”
Jesus. I’d basically just admitted that I sucked in bed—way to get people to like you. I braced myself, tapping my fingers on the counter, while I waited to be laughed at and ridiculed. But it never came.
“I’m sorry you’ve had some terrible experiences. Sex isn’t something everyone enjoys, you know. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you—it’s just the way you are. And that’s okay. We all have our issues, and I’m not going to judge you.”
I looked up and saw that Bryan was dead serious. The urge to hide faded away when I realized he wasn’t going to make fun of me, and I felt strangely light-headed. I swayed on my feet, catching myself on the counter before I realized big, strong hands were holding my wrists.
“Are you okay?” Bryan asked, not even trying to hide the concern in his voice or on his face.
Prince must have sensed something was wrong with me and ran around the island to my feet. She jumped up on my leg and pawed at my thigh until I pet her head a few times and said I was all right. I reassured Bryan of that fact too and tried to pull away from him. He loosened his hold on me but told me to trade places with him and sit. Before my ass hit the barstool, Bryan was in my fridge and already pulling out ingredients.
“I’m going to assume that you like everything in here since you bought it?” he asked.
“That would be a safe assumption.”
He gathered up a package of chicken breasts, bell peppers, spinach, and mozzarella. “Where can I find your spices? And do you have any pasta or rice?”
I indicated to the appropriate cupboards and watched Bryan work. He looked so comfortable and, for the first time, I saw why the bakery was a good idea for him. If he did sweets half as good as he was making supper look, I had no doubts his venture would be a success.
After watching him wash and prep the veggies, he expertly sliced two breasts in half—nope, not all the way in half. “What are you making?”
“Stuffed chicken breasts and a savory rice pilaf,” he replied with an easy smirk.
“Is that a joke? That’s, like, my favorite thing to make. Except for the stuffed part. That sounds too complicated. But delicious.”
“I promise it’ll be good.”
We made comfortable conversation while he finished prepping our food and popped it in the oven. He mentioned wanting to go to the store to pick up a bottle of wine, but we settled on the beer in my fridge. We talked about the bakery and Star Wars, thankfully staying clear of any more tough topics. By the time the timer on the stove went off, I was mildly dismayed about our conversation coming to an end. Talking to Bryan was easy, and he listened to me without prejudice. I felt like I’d known him for a lot longer than I had. And after taking a bite of the gorgeous food he plated up, it became clear that we had to do this again. And again.
“Holy shit. You’re a good cook,” I said after swallowing a bite of the most succulent chicken I’d ever tasted.
“Just good?” he teased.
“You already know you’re great at it.”
“Fact,” he said with a smile. “I really enjoy cooking and baking for other people. I’m pretty lazy when it’s just for me.”
I eyed him up and down from where he sat next to me and scoffed. “I don’t believe for a second that you’re lazy with anything.”
“Dude. Come over to my place on a Sunday afternoon and you’ll see just how lazy I can get.”
I knew it wasn’t a real invitation, but I couldn’t stop myself from being happy. Something as simple as going to a friend’s house to hang out was something I hadn’t done with another guy since high school. Eve invited me over occasionally, though she was more focused on getting me out and “socialized,” as she’d put it. That socialization usually left me wanting nothing more than to go home and get in bed. If I was unlucky enough to get hit on, I had to endure getting-to-know-you small talk that was just a waste of time.
But isn’t that what I’m doing with Bryan?
With Bryan it was different. I wasn’t going to date him and then ruin it with my inadequacies. We weren’t going to be more, and that made it a lot less daunting. I wanted to get to know Bryan. Not having the expectation of something more was liberating. Of course, I didn’t have that with Eve either, but Bryan was my first guy friend—it felt different somehow.
“I wouldn’t mind that sometime.” My voice was low, yet that failed to mask any uncertainty bleeding through.
“For real? Any time you want to, just let me know. I’ll make sure Mac is decent.” The look of confusion must have been clear on my face because Bryan smiled and continued. “Mac has a tendency to strut around in his underwear. We have heating and AC, but he claims to work best when he’s comfortable. I swear he’d be naked all the time if I didn’t put my foot down.”
They were close. Maybe I’d missed something before, and they were more than friends even. I didn’t have the nerve to ask, so I left it alone for another day.
“You don’t have to worry about him. Mac, I mean. He’s… a lot at first, but he’s really sweet and open-minded.”
Seeing the adoration in Bryan’s eyes and the hint of a smile on his lips, I knew anyone he had to be close to would be decent. “I’d like to meet him one day. Until then, how about we watch The Empire Strikes Back? I’m eager to see your reaction to it.”
“Ah, yes. The primary reason for me being here. Let me clean up my mess and I’ll be good to go.”
I insisted on Bryan not cleaning after cooking, but he didn’t want to leave my kitchen a mess. We settled on both cleaning before sitting down on the couch to watch the movie. I was far more relaxed than I was for the first one and really enjoyed discreetly watching Bryan’s reactions out of the corner of my eye. He offered some commentary during the movie, which I was surprised didn’t annoy me. Hearing—and seeing—how much he was into it only enhanced the experience of re-watching for me. Nothing was too loud or over-the-top until near the end when Luke and Vader were fighting. Knowing what was coming, I shifted all of my attention from the TV over to Bryan. His eyes were wide with wonder, and he looked like a child experiencing something new and exciting for the first time.
He shot out a lively “oh, fuck” when Luke’s hand was cut off, and I practically vibrated beside him in anticipation of what was to come. When Vader said his most famous line, Bryan’s jaw literally dropped open on a sharp gasp. He remained silent for the rest of the movie then turned toward me when the credits popped up. I turned the volu
me down and felt the corners of my mouth curve upward.
Bryan ran his hands through his hair then along his jaw, the scrape from his beard audible. “Hoooooly shit. That was intense.” He looked down at Prince, on the couch between us; she was watching him. “Did you know that was coming? I’ve heard that line misquoted and tossed around, but seeing the scene play out like that was… wow. You should have given me a heads-up.” Turning his attention back to me, Bryan said, “That was ridiculous. That was sooooo much better than the first one. I have so many questions. Is Han going to be all right after being frozen like that? Who is that bounty hunter dude? Gah.”
“Is that all?” I asked with an amused lilt to my voice.
“Ford got hotter,” he muttered.
I snorted from laughing, my hand flying up to my nose as if I could pull the sound back in.
“What’s that badass music that plays when Vader is around?”
“That would be ‘The Imperial March.’”
“I need to download that. Shit. You said there’s one more from the original movies?” He sounded so hopeful and young—not at all the threat I initially thought him to be—funny how perceptions can be altered so quickly.
“There’s one more. Return of the Jedi.”
“When can we watch that one? I don’t think I can wait another week.” He’d shifted to querulous, demonstrating once again how wrong I was about him before. The new sides of Bryan were fascinating, and I found myself not yet wanting to be finished with his company.
“We can watch the next one right now, if you want to,” I offered.
“Really?” The optimism in his voice made me bite back a smile. “What about Prince? Don’t you guys have to go for a run?”
“I already took her before the movie. I… I didn’t want to be rude and rush you out like I did before. Sorry about that. I didn’t realize what I was doing.” I swallowed hard and held Bryan’s gaze. I needed him to know I didn’t mean anything by my prior actions.
“Don’t worry about that, Eli. I could tell you didn’t mean anything by it. I promise it takes more to offend me.” He offered an easy smile, dimples and all, so I took his word and nodded. “And yeah, I’d love to watch the next one if you’re cool with that.”
Princes of the Universe Page 5
