“It’s all right,” she said soothingly. “It’s over now.”
“But the mourning has just begun,” he said, looking at Cordo and Ceara where they lay dead. They had come to represent their people and they had paid with their lives. What would the rest of the Phoenixes think of them now? Would any hope of a lasting relationship die with their representatives? Kamen would have to return to the Brazilian rain forest and report their deaths. No other should do it. It was his responsibility.
“The reunification has just begun as well,” she said, looking around at all of the Templars.
“I can see at least ten right now who will not come willingly to the side of good. They are vicious and brutal beings. It is they who should lay dead,” Kamen said fiercely.
Jackson heard this and turned to him.
“We will discover who they are with your help. You know the Templars better than anyone. You will know who deserves a second chance and who deserves to pay for their crimes.”
“As I have paid?”
“You have earned your redemption because you sought it out. Anyone who seeks the same will receive it,” Jackson said. “All others will see imprisonment.”
“And I am to judge who is sincere and who is not?” Kamen asked bitterly.
“You are to help us judge. This is a group effort, remember? You are not alone in this.”
“Then why do I feel so isolated?” he asked painfully.
“But you are not,” Viève said softly, leaning her body against his, giving him support and warmth. “You have me, for whatever that’s worth.”
He frowned down at her, reaching to touch a finger to her powder soft cheek. “It’s worth everything. That alone has more value to me than anything else in this world. You have the power to make me feel as though…as though somehow I managed to be deserving of something good, even though I am at a loss as to how I managed it.”
“You managed it because you have become a creature of good intent,” Jackson said. “And that is worthy of good things.”
Then Jackson turned and walked away, heading for Kat and her fallen Gargoyle.
“Have I?” Kamen asked quietly. “Have I become a creature of good intent, or have I just been trying to right a single wrong? What of all the other wrongs I have committed?”
“Remember them. Learn from them. Make sure you’ve left such behaviors in the past and move into the future without them,” Viève said.
“I’ve been a selfish being for so many lifetimes now,” he said to her, searching her gray eyes for answers, hoping she could provide them. “Am I suddenly changed?”
“What do you think? I can’t stand here trying to convince you of your goodness. That’s something that has to come from within. But I can tell you this. You have been good to me. So good. Better than anyone has ever been to me. No one told you to do that. You weren’t trying to make up for past mistakes. You were unselfish and kind and so good to me.”
“You are wrong,” he said softly. “I was more selfish than I have ever been before. I wanted you. I took you. All without regard for the consequences of my actions.”
“I’m so very glad you did,” she breathed.
Kamen seemed to suddenly remember where they were and he drew away from her.
“Come. No one can heal a Gargoyle better than the man who created him.”
He left her and walked over to Kat and Ahnvil. Viève watched him go and felt sorry for him. Sorry that he couldn’t seem to come to terms with the man he now was versus the man he had once been. He saw no difference, though everyone else was seeing a world of difference.
Kamen knelt beside Ahnvil and laid a hand over the gaping wound that was on his chest. Kat looked up at him through tearful eyes and he saw hope spring up within them.
“I can heal him to consciousness,” he told her. “Once conscious he can change to his grotesque state and it will accelerate his healing.”
“He…he’ll be all right then?” Kat asked. “He won’t die?”
“I won’t let him,” Kamen said firmly.
Kat burst into fresh tears.
Kamen began to speak the healing words.
Chapter 25
Over the years the Politic had designed prisons to hold Templar criminals if they were captured. There were several all over the world. Jackson sent groups of Templars to all of these prisons with the understanding that the prisons would become their homes temporarily. They would earn their freedom as any prisoner would. Through evaluation and good behavior.
It took some time before everyone made it back to the house in Portales. There they held one last meeting on the front lawn of the house.
“Thank you,” Jackson said to them all, “for all that you have done for us. You have helped end a serious threat to us all and, in the process, ended a civil war that has lasted hundreds of years. We cannot possibly express appropriate gratitude. You are all welcome to stay for as long as you want, but I am sure many of you long to go home at last and would hurry on your way. I will not be offended in the least if this is what you choose to do. Please know that you take with you our wishes to see you well and safe wherever your travels take you.”
The group then broke up and people began to go their separate ways. Viève approached Jackson.
“What of the Wraiths?” she asked him. “The Doyen?”
“I think we’ll just let the Doyen stew in his own juices, wondering what the Nightwalker races will do in retribution for his bad choices.”
“What will you do?”
“Nothing. As long as they get the message and don’t move against any other Nightwalkers in any other way. But if they persist in harming others we will be forced to take a unified action against them.”
Noah approached them and Jackson said to him, “I wish to have a meeting with all the rulers of the various Nightwalker races. A summit meeting, if you will. Do you think that can be arranged?”
“I think I can get the message out to the other rulers. Technology doesn’t work so well with many of the races on our side, so we’ll have to figure a way around calling. We’ve always sent ambassadors to foreign courts. Will you accept the same?”
“Of course,” Jackson said readily. “Send whomever you like and all the other courts can do the same.”
“I think I will leave one of the dragons behind,” the Empress of the Mysticals said as she came up on them. “If that is suited to you?”
“Very much so. I will welcome all ambassadors from all courts and will arrange to send ones from our court if they are welcome.”
“My father will be happy to send someone,” Dax said. “And receive the same. There are different rulers for each continent with the Night Angels, but I am sure we can agree on one person that would suit them all.”
“The same goes for the Djynn.”
The group turned with a collective gasp to see Grey leaning casually against a wall.
“Grey! You’re alive!” Viève cried out.
“I phased out long before the deathtouch could affect me,” Grey said with a cocky smile.
“Oh, but I always knew you could not be dead!” Paulette cried as she threw her arms around him and hugged him. Grey grinned a bit sheepishly, but he didn’t stop her display of affection in the least.
There was more discussion of ambassadors, and it was sometime then before Viève made a quiet retreat. She would let the rulers decide amongst themselves what their next actions would be. Her concerns were of a different nature.
She sought out Kamen.
It was a full hour before she found him. Actually, he found her, in their rooms. He streaked into them from wherever he had been.
“Where were you?” she asked him as she came up to him and tried to give him an affectionate greeting. He turned away from her.
“With the Phoenixes, returning the bodies of their dead.”
“Oh,” she said, suddenly understanding why he had rebuffed her. He had no doubt been through a very unpleasant experience. “Did t
hey say anything?”
“Only that we should not bother them again. Contact with the outside world cost them too dearly. They prefer to remain in their wild habitat safe from all the machinations of the world.”
“Who could blame them? I wish I could escape to the wilds with them. It would be so much easier.”
“Would that I could live in such blissful ignorance,” Kamen said softly.
Viève tried once again to move into his embrace, and this time he let her come. He tipped her chin up with a single finger and looked down on her face.
“Would you come live in the wilds with me? Away from all the rest of the world?”
“I would go anywhere with you,” she said intently. “Anywhere at any time.”
He gave her half a smile. “You need to live in a world where people are accepting of you. At least for a little while. You have lived too long in the dark of disapproval. You only love me because I was the first person to be kind to you.”
Love? Had she spoken of love?
Did she love him?
Viève realized that she did. She loved the way he talked. The way he smelled of bergamot. The way he moved like liquid muscle. She loved the way he touched her and the way he made her feel. She always felt so special beneath his caresses. She loved the heat of their passion and the wildness that came with it.
“I love you for far more reasons than the fact that you have been kind to me,” she said sternly.
He looked at her in surprise when she voiced the emotion for herself. He had not even realized what he was saying before, but hearing it from her lips changed everything.
He stepped away from her, leaving her cold.
“You cannot love me,” he said.
“Why not?” she asked.
“You do not understand. You never have. I am not…I’m not worthy of anyone’s love. Least of all yours.”
“That isn’t true,” she insisted, trying to step back into contact with him. But he stepped away again.
“You aren’t listening to me!” he said sharply.
“I am! And it sounds like you are saying you don’t love me. Is that true?”
“That isn’t what I am saying at all! My feelings…my feelings are beside the point!”
“What are your feelings?” she demanded of him. “Do you feel anything at all for me or are you truly so selfish that you cannot give love to someone else?”
“I have done nothing but give you love! Have you not felt my love for you in every little caress? Every little touch? I have tried to love you in the best way I know how!”
“You mean physical love. But have I touched your heart?” she asked.
He wanted to say yes. He wanted to tell her the truth. But that would be selfish because he would only be telling her to make her stay by his side for all the rest of his days…and she deserved better than that. Better than him.
And yet he couldn’t make himself say “no.” It would be a lie, and he was done with telling lies. If he were going to make any kind of a decent man of himself, he would need to be honest with others and with himself.
So he simply dodged the question.
“You only think you are in love because for the first time ever you have been exposed to kindness and gentility and acceptance. I am your first and all women fall in love with their first. Or they think they do.”
“Do you really think I’m that simpleminded? Are my feelings truly that trivial?” She sounded hurt. He would be hurt too if someone trivialized his feelings. But she couldn’t possibly love him. She simply couldn’t.
“This changes everything,” he said, backing away from her and crossing the room. “You can stay here. I will leave.”
Shock left her cold.
“You mean…permanently? You’re leaving altogether?”
“Yes. I’m no longer needed here and I need time by myself for a while. And it would be best for you if I—”
“Stop! You do not get to decide what is best for me! And you can’t leave. You have work to do. A lot of work! There are prisoners to deal with. You are the only one who knows these people, what they are truly made of. They need your help.”
“I’ll…” he floundered. She was right. His work here wasn’t done. “I’ll come back. After a while. When you’ve had time to realize that what you are feeling is not what you think it is.”
“Then you’ll be gone a long time because my feelings will not have changed. And neither will yours!” she said daringly. “You love me. I know you do. Why else would you be so afraid?”
“It’s not fear! It’s knowing. I know I am not good enough for you and you simply will not see that!”
“I never have and I never will because it’s not true! You are more than good enough. More than deserving.”
“You are wrong. It only proves to me how much you still devalue yourself. I won’t argue about this any longer,” he said, turning on her and walking out the door.
She followed him immediately, shouting at his back as he moved through the hall and down the stairs into the main body of the house.
“Oh! I have never met such a stubborn man! I am not the one devaluing myself! You’re the one who thinks he isn’t worthy of love. And you are wrong. Everybody, even the lowest of creatures, is deserving of love!”
They entered the main sitting room, only to find a group of people, including Leo; his wife, Faith; Jackson; Marissa; Ahnvil; and Kat sitting in conversation. They looked up upon hearing their angry voices.
“You’re wrong,” he said quietly, searching for an exit. “Love is a sacred thing. Just as forgiveness is a sacred thing. But you are so willing to give both so easily that you don’t see there are those who are undeserving of it.”
“Well that’s a real kick in the pants. You mean to say if someone goes through the trouble of forgiving you, you’re not even going to accept it?” Leo said, standing up.
Kamen froze in place and turned to look at Leo.
“I’m not asking for—”
“But you have it all the same,” Leo said quietly. Firmly. “I’m not saying we’re going to be the best of buds, but I realize I can’t move on from this if I don’t have some closure. That and the fact that I’ve seen how hard you’ve tried over this past year to make up for the things you’ve done.”
“I didn’t ask for your forgiveness,” Kamen echoed.
“No. But she did.” Leo pointed to Viève. “And she was right to do so. It’s time we all stopped playing kick the puppy around here.”
“Aye,” Ahnvil spoke up, though not too strongly at first. “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought myself lately. I find I doona hate you as much as I once did. These past months have allowed me to come to terms with the wrongs you have done me.”
Kamen stood stunned. Here were two men he had wronged in violent terms, and they were saying they forgave him?
“You can’t mean this,” he said softly.
“Just because we’ve forgiven you doesn’t mean you get to dictate our feelings to us,” Leo said sharply. “And you don’t get to trivialize this either.”
Again, that word. Was that what he was doing? Making important feelings small and…less? But he couldn’t seem to grasp such a weighty thing as forgiveness. Oh, he understood the essentials of it, but he wasn’t certain he would be as capable of giving it as Leo seemed to be. Or Ahnvil, a man he had enslaved for decades.
But here they were, telling him he was worthy of it. He thought they were wrong, but it was such a profound thing that he dare not refuse it.
“I…I thank you,” he said at last. “I feel myself undeserving of this, but I thank you for it.”
“If you weren’t deserving we wouldn’t be giving it,” Leo said. “You know, you sound like little Viève did when she first got here. In three days she’s learned to stick up for herself. Perhaps you should take a lesson from that.”
Kamen looked to Viève, who had a fairly smug expression on her face. She held out her hand to him. “Come on. Let’s g
o back upstairs and talk about this like grown-ups. Like grown-ups who are worthy of one another.”
“This changes nothing,” he said, although he looked and felt a little at sea.
“It changes everything,” she said. She stepped forward and caught his hands up in hers. “You’re worth more than you know. And I’m not the only one who thinks so.”
“Yeah,” Leo said. “You’re a jerk, but you have value to this household. To the people in it. We need you.”
“Not any longer. Apep is destroyed,” Kamen said.
“And who is going to help us wade through hundreds of Templar prisoners?” Jackson asked. “Kamen, you have made yourself invaluable in more ways than just your pursuit of Apep.”
“Name one,” Kamen said harshly.
“Healing. Whenever someone is injured you are there, without question, healing their wounds.”
Kamen fell silent. His mind was working frantically, trying hard to piece together the meaning in what he was hearing. He was not a dense or stupid man, but he felt like both right then.
Jackson stood up and placed a hand on Kamen’s shoulder. “You killed me once, remember?”
Kamen did remember. It had been lifetimes ago and he had used the Curse on him. It was a painful way to die. He swallowed and nodded.
“If I am willing to forgive you that, don’t you think you’re allowed to forgive yourself?”
Kamen’s eyes widened slightly. He hesitated, and then gave another nod. He could do that, couldn’t he? Could he do any less than what they were willing to do for him? It wouldn’t be right to spit in the face of such gifts.
And yet, to accept it meant he had to accept his own worth. Or rather, he had to upgrade his own worth in his own eyes. That was not an easy task. But perhaps…
“Yes,” Viève said softly as she watched the play of emotion that crossed his face so openly, for all to see and understand. “You see it don’t you? You are worth forgiving and even more. You are worth loving.”
“No one loves me here. None but you,” he added hastily.
“Am I not enough?” she asked him simply.
He gazed into her dove gray eyes and knew he couldn’t reject her. She had grown strong and sure these past three nights, but she was still fragile. She couldn’t bear up under this continual rejection.
Nightwalker Page 29
