by Ava Kyle
“What?” I hate that he can read my damn mind.
“You’re not going to court.”
“What if Ella wants to go?” I ask.
“Where is she?”
“Taking a nap.”
“You shouldn’t take her to the hearing. It’s going to be over in five minutes, and he’ll be locked up until the trial. It’s pointless.”
“I want to make sure.” My teeth grind together as my jaw clenches.
My brother just shakes his head and climbs the stairs. I follow. As he disappears into his bedroom, I walk into mine. I close the door. Ella’s sleeping in the middle of the bed. I smile. No matter how many times I try to get her to sleep on her side, she rolls onto mine. I’m sure there’s a joke in there about her being like a dog, but she’s too beautiful to ever be compared to one.
I sit on the edge of the bed. Her golden hair covers a pillow. I stroke it softly before lying beside her. She rolls onto her side and her eyes flutter open.
“Hey.”
“Jeff just got home. He says the bail hearing is tomorrow. Do you want to go?”
A flash of fear darkens her eyes. She pushes up to sit against the headboard. She fiddles with the purple lace edging the sexy nighty I bought for her last week. I don’t want to interrupt her while she’s thinking, so I wait. I want to go so badly, if nothing more than to see his face so I know who to watch out for in case he does get bail. Jeff seems to think that he won’t, but shit happens.
“Will you go with me?” she whispers.
“Of course.” I tilt her chin up. A single tear runs down her cheek. “Talk to me.”
“I’m scared.”
“Oh, honey.” I cradle her cheek and brush away the tear with my thumb. “I’ll be by your side the whole time. We can sit in the back. He won’t even notice that we’re there.”
“He’ll know. I can’t understand how he found me. They picked him up on his way into Blues Town. This isn’t a place you pass through. It’s off the main highway. You have to intentionally drive here. He still wants to kill me. He wants to finish what he started the night of the fire.”
“I won’t let that happen. We’re going to the hearing, and I won’t leave you alone for a second.”
“If you hadn’t rescued me that night, I don’t know where I’d be right now.”
“But I did, and you’re right where you need to be. With me.”
She gives me a shy smile. I kiss the tip of her nose. As we snuggle together, I can’t help but think about the other time I felt this close to a woman. I lost her. I don’t know if I can go through that again.
Until now, I’ve been floating through this relationship like we’re on a pleasure yacht. But the rough waters are still to come. Can I handle it? I don’t know. I’m trying to take it one day at a time, but it’s hard when I have no idea if her feelings will change at the end of all of this. I have to wait… and that’s the hardest part of all.
The courthouse is packed when we enter through the double doors at the back of the gallery. Ella squeezes my hand so hard that it hurts. I lean over to whisper in her ear.
“It’s going to be okay. Where do you want to sit?”
“Last row.”
We slide into the last row. She’s dressed as if she’s attending a funeral. A large black hat with a floppy rim hangs over her forehead. Dark glasses cover her eyes. They’re not quite as dark as sunglasses, but they alter her appearance enough that they might as well be. Her dress is black. It’s as if she’s trying to form a black hole so he can’t see her.
When the judge walks into the room, we all rise. We sit after he does. The man’s in his sixties or seventies. Stern. I hope to God he’s just. The last thing we need is for this hearing to end with the possibility of him being released.
A man in shackles shuffled into the room. He’s wearing an orange prison suit. His hair’s a tangled mass that looks as if it hasn’t been washed in days. He’s short, maybe 5’6”, and he’s sporting an impressive beer gut.
“I can’t believe I ever loved him,” Ella whispers.
A knife cuts through my gut. To have someone you once loved turn on you the way he did… I shake my head.
Brock stops behind the table for the defense. He turns to scan the gallery. When his gaze lands on Ella, he smiles. It’s the evilest look I’ve ever seen on anyone’s face. A chill runs down my spine. I put an arm around Ella’s waist and pull her closer to me on the bench.
A court clerk opens a file folder.
“First case. Number 51799563. The People v. Mr. Brock Polk. One count attempted murder. One count felony arson.”
“How do you plead?” the judge asks.
“Not guilty,” Brock responds.
My gut tightens. Of course, he’s not going to own up to what he did. A part of me secretly hoped he would, but it was wishful thinking. This isn’t going to be easy by any means.
After some rambling by his lawyer and by the attorney for the prosecution, the judge renders a ruling.
“Bail is set in the amount of five hundred thousand dollars.”
“No!” Ella’s on her feet before I can stop her.
“Order!” The judge bangs his gavel. “Next case.”
Brock twists to look at back us. He winks and sneers at her. He mouths something that suspiciously seems like, “See you soon.”
I’m outraged. How the hell could the judge let this guy go? He tried to kill his ex-wife. What’s wrong with the fucking justice system?
“No.” Ella plops onto the bench, head in her hands. “This isn’t happening.”
“We knew it would be a possibility. Don’t worry, honey. If he tries to come anywhere near you, I’ll kill him.”
And I mean every damn word. Jeff’s not the only one who learned how to shoot at a young age. Our father was huge into hunting. I could shoot the stump off a pumpkin by the time I was old enough to sit at the grownups table. If that motherfucker thinks he’s getting anywhere near Ella, he’s in for a serious reckoning.
8
Ella
I can’t stop pacing past the window in Logan’s bedroom. My mouth is an arid wasteland. I’ve drank more water than I can stand, yet I can’t seem to get enough. My pulse would put a racehorse’s to shame. Logan lays in bed reading news articles on his tablet, but I can’t even begin to think about sleeping.
As expected, Brock made bail shortly after the hearing. Somehow, the fact that he’s not supposed to have any money escaped notice with the assholes in court. Jeff said something about how family court and criminal court don’t necessarily compare notes when it comes to bail hearings. It could easily have slipped under the radar.
I called and spoke to the attorney than handled our divorce. He’s filing a motion to get more alimony because Brock’s clearly hiding cash and possibly other assets. The money had to be in all cash for him to post bail that quickly. Or, he put his monstrosity of a house up on bond. I don’t know. Jeff couldn’t get those details. He could only pull the “fellow cop” card so many times before his contact had to cut him off.
Now we’re in the dark. Literally. A pale moon cast shadows across the field. Every tree is a hiding spot for my ex.
“How does he keep finding me?” I ask. I don’t expect an answer.
“I asked Jeff the same question. He thought Brock might have put a tracker on your phone.”
“We went through it.”
“The usual apps, sure, but there are ways to hack phones that we don’t know about.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have gotten rid of it.”
When he slowly sets his tablet on the nightstand, I realize why he didn’t make me toss the phone.
“You want him dead.”
“I want you safe.”
“Logan…” I stop pacing as a chill shimmied down my spine. He wants to kill him. I see the quiet rage simmering just under the surface.
I wrap my arms across my belly. Even though I’ve spent every moment with him over the
last few weeks, how well do I really know him? I still don’t know anything about his past. Every time I try to ask, he shuts down.
“Tell me why you want him dead,” I challenge.
“To protect you.”
“No.” I shake my head. “This isn’t about me, is it?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” He’s hostile and defensive. I’ve never witnessed this side of him. I stalk toward the bed. I stand with my hands on my hips and glare. “Tell me about Penny.”
His whole face changes from anger to heartbreaking sorrow. He sighs deeply then pats the bed beside him. I sit on the bed with my legs crossed. My hands rest on my knees.
“I knew I’d have to tell you one day.” The pain and suffering in his voice claws at my soul.
I reach for his hand. He grabs it and clings to me like I’m the last thing tethering him to this earth. The pit of my stomach drops. Whatever he’s about to tell me won’t be easy. It’s written all over his face.
“Penny was my fiancée.” He pauses. I suck in a shaky breath. Fiancée? “We’d dated for four years before I finally had the balls to ask her to marry me. She wanted a spring wedding, and I had asked her in January. According the wedding planner, it wouldn’t give us enough time, so we decided to get married the following year.”
“Long engagements are normal,” I manage to say even though my tongue seems stuck to the roof of my mouth.
“I wish I’d just taken her down to the courthouse, not that it changed anything.” He shakes his head.
I wait, not wanting to push him too hard, too fast. He hasn’t spoken to anyone about this—ever—so I’m honored that he’s willing to open up to me. He knows all of my dark secrets, now it’s time for him to spill his.
“I was on a call when it happened. Three men broke into our house. They tied Penny up and stole everything that had any value. They could have left her like that, but they didn’t. One of them, the ringleader, took a knife from the kitchen—” His voice cracks. Bile rises to choke me as he continues the horrifying story. “He stabbed her twenty-five times. The coroner’s report said she was dead by the fifth. It sounds so weird to say it, but fortunately, he hit her jugular vein and she bled out very quickly.”
“God, Logan. I’m so sorry.”
“I should have been there.” He rubs the center of his forehead. “I was on a call. A drug addict had overdosed, again. We couldn’t get to him because he was a hoarder, so we had to literally dig a path through his crap to get to him. While I was busy trying to save the life of someone who didn’t want to be saved, Penny was dying. I’ll never forgive myself.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” I pull him into a hug. He holds tight and buries his face in my hair. “There’s no way you could have known it would happen.”
“I know. Deep down, I know. But it doesn’t stop the guilt. I was supposed to protect her, and I didn’t.”
“You couldn’t. What happened to Penny was terrible, but it was in no way your fault.”
His tormented eyes meet mine. The agony of the guilt he’s been living with for years shines through. It breaks my heart. No wonder he hasn’t spoken with anyone about it. If he’d talked to someone, then he would have realized that it wasn’t his fault.
A darker thought assaults me. Is this the only reason he’s been protecting me? Am I a stand-in for Penny? Is anything about our relationship real, or is he living out a savior fantasy with me?
I want to ask him all of these questions, but he’s ripped open and raw. Now’s not the time. Instead, I hold him in my arms and soothe his pain with slow, gentle strokes across his shoulders.
“You’re right,” he whispers.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know. But I can’t seem to let it go.”
“You can spend your whole life hanging onto a false belief, but it only takes a moment to let it go. You can take your life back. There’s absolutely no reason why you can’t grieve without guilt.”
“I never got past the guilt to grieve.”
“You’ll never be able to move on until you do. I’m not saying that you should forget what happened, but you have to let go of the idea that it had anything to do with you. It didn’t. The sole responsibility for her death lies in the hands of the men who attacked her.” I pause to let all of that sink in. “What happened to them? Were they ever caught?”
“A neighbor noticed them in the house. They called the cops. They caught all three, but it was too late to save Penny. She was already gone.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you. Life is so unfair sometimes.”
“I’m sorry you have to deal with your ex. I thought the justice system would work. It worked for Penny. At least I’ve had that to hang onto. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if they hadn’t been caught.”
“They belong in prison.”
“They got life without the possibility of parole. They’ll never get out.”
“I’m glad.”
He slides his hand along my hip. There’s nothing sexual about it. It’s more like he’s affirming that I’m still there, by his side, even though I know the dark secret he’s been clinging to for the last three years.
I don’t know if he thought I would run from him, but I wouldn’t. I’m not with him just because he’s keeping me safe. There’s so much more to it. I’m falling in love with him, but now that he’s told me about Penny, where do I fit into his life?
Maybe he’s ready to move on. Without the guilt tying him to me, will he send me back to Memphis? Was I really just a test to see if he could keep someone safe?
I lay awake the rest of the night. Logan falls into a peaceful sleep, maybe for the first time in years. I’m glad I could help him see that he wasn’t at fault. I wouldn’t change anything about that conversation. But I can’t help but worry about tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. Once my ex is back in prison, will Logan push me out of his life forever?
I’m on less than three hours of sleep when he wakes me. His body presses against mine. Heat from his erection burns against my thigh. He rolls me toward him so that we’re face to face.
“Thank you for last night,” he says. “I haven’t slept that well in a very long time.”
I trace my finger across the stubble on his jawline. The thoughts that kept me up all night come racing back.
“Is this it for us?” I ask.
“What do you mean?” He captures my finger and brings it to his mouth. He sucks the tip. A zing of desire pools low in my belly.
“Are…” I can’t bring myself to ask the question I really want to ask.
“Come here.” He cradles my head in his palm and pulls me to him. “Nothing’s over.”
The undeniable attraction between us burns hot and fast. His fingers stray between my thighs. As he strokes, my body comes alive. Even though we’ve made love dozens of times, every time feels like it’s the first. He never does the same thing twice. Instead, he finds new places to explore with new techniques. I could never tire of loving this man.
His lips trace the edge of my collarbone before sliding up to capture my mouth. I open to him, holding nothing back. I realize now that I never gave everything to my ex because I never felt totally comfortable with him. But I do with Logan.
I moan into his mouth. He takes the opportunity to slip his tongue between my lips. I sigh into the kiss. When his lips are on mine, nothing else matters. The rest of the world and all of our issues fade into nothingness. He’s all I know, and I could ever want. At least for now.
As he caresses my tender flesh, I moisten. He glides two fingers between my lips and strokes my delicate folds. He drags his lips down the column of my throat before capturing one needy nipple between his lips.
I whimper. He teases the swollen bud with his teeth and tongue until I’m squirming and grinding against his hand. I have no shame. I need him to make me feel like everything’s going to be okay. And he does.
He reaffirms our connection wit
h every sweep of his tongue and in the way he knows exactly how to touch me. I belong to him, whether he realizes it or not. I’m his and he’s mine.
The brush of his thumb over my clit sends shivers of pleasure bursting from my molten core. Liquid pleasure spreads over his fingers, coating them. He lifts his hand to his mouth and licks away my wetness.
“You taste like wild honey,” he murmurs.
“I don’t know about that.” I flush.
“Mm, you do. I need to taste more.”
He slides between my thighs and lifts my legs to drape them over his shoulders. His tongue is hot and insistent when it meets my pussy. I moan. My fingers tangle in his hair as I tumble into ecstasy.
When he’s wrung out every last ounce of pleasure, he crawls up to cover me. I reach between us to stroke the length of his cock. He’s ready.
He nudges my thighs wider. The tip of his cock brushes my entrance. I need him inside me, so I grab his ass and pull him down.
As he sinks into me, I groan and arch my back. He fills me so completely. There’s nothing left for him to take. He has all of me. My body. My heart. My soul. He just doesn’t know it yet.
We move as one. Rocking against each other until sweet friction dares us to come undone. I’m not ready for this to be over, so I push at his shoulders until he gets the message.
He grabs me by the waist and rolls to put me on top. I sit on his cock and toss my hair behind my shoulders.
“I love seeing you like this,” he murmurs.
I grin and thrust my shoulders back and my breasts out. He reaches up to toy with my nipples before closing his huge palms over them. I grab his hands and hold them in place as I slowly slide up and down on his cock.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he whispers. “You don’t know what you’re doing to me.”
“I know exactly what I’m doing.”
“Yes, you do.”
I bite the edge of my lip and smile. He trembles as I scrape my nails down his chest. I pinch his nipples in turn before grabbing one broad shoulder.
