by Eric Vall
“Can’t decide what to pick first?” I chuckled as I walked up to the succubi.
“It is very overwhelming,” Sia responded. “The girls here are trying to describe what all of this stuff is, but they figured that we should just wait for your recommendations.”
“I don’t even know where to start,” Libidine said as she licked her lips. “I know I love sausage--”
“We’re succubi.” Cupi playfully snickered. “We all do.”
“But do I go with these pancakes?” Libidine tapped her chin like she was making an important life decision. “Or the waffles? Or the french toast? Or a crepe? I’ve never had a crepe before.”
I pointed to the blonde woman. “I think you should take a page from your sister there and go for it all.”
“Just because I’m competitive for your affection doesn’t mean I’m always greedy,” Cupi shot back. “In fact, Sister Gula is the one you have to worry about when it comes to Earthly pleasures like food.”
“Gluttony?” I raised my eyebrow as I heaped a pile of greasy bacon onto my plate.
“Of course,” the blonde retorted. “Sister Gula is the succubus with the most gluttonous personality.”
“I gotta ask,” Todd asked through a mouthful of eggs as dribbles were spit out onto the floor. “Is Gula a porker?”
“Todd!” I exclaimed. “That’s rude.”
“What?” the disembodied voice asked. “We’ve got succubi for pain and pedos. Why wouldn’t there be one for the chubby chasers?”
“No, Todd.” Sia rolled her eyes as she picked up a hard-boiled egg. “Like the rest of my sisters, Gula’s nickname comes from her personality, not her physical appearance.”
“Well that’s a bummer, bro.” The imp chuckled. “I was hoping that the succubus for sloth was an actual sloth.”
“That’s…” I couldn’t finish at first with how much I was laughing. “That’s not what sloth means.”
“Wait, it isn’t?” Todd asked as he tilted his imp head sideways like a confused dog.
“No dude,” I sighed. “Didn’t you pay attention at all in school?”
“You know I didn’t,” he laughed.
“But you studied all this occult stuff, so--”
“I just thought whenever they talked about sloth it was a big sloth,” Todd said with a self-satisfied nod.
“So, one of the seven deadly sins is a sloth?” I asked.
“Well a really, really big one with like long sharp claws and teeth like a monster wolverine. Then he’d stomp through cities and terrorize all the heathens.” As Todd spoke, I could imagine that he raised his arms to his side like Godzilla and moved like he was stomping on imaginary buildings.
“Bro, I love you,” I laughed. “You make every day awesome.”
“Awww,” Todd sighed. “Jakey, I love you too. Come on, let’s hug it out, but no homo. Kay?” The imp wrapped his arms around my leg, and then I patted him on the back. Then we both noticed that the girls had already moved to get their food, and we followed after them.
We were currently the only ones up at the breakfast buffet, but there were a couple of random people all the way back in the dining area. Thankfully, they were far enough away that they had no idea what we were talking about.
“What is this marvelous creation?” Sia gasped as she picked up a cinnamon roll with her tongs.
As the madame pulled the roll away from its bunch, the creamy white icing left a trail of drizzle all the way from the buffet tray to her plate. Sia’s tongs squeezed into the doughy morsel, and then she plunked it down next to a pile of fluffy scrambled eggs on her tray.
“Oh, you’re in for a treat.” I smiled at the redhead. “Those are probably the best breakfast item in the whole damn universe, especially the doughy ones like those that just melt in your mouth.”
“I’m just intrigued by the cream on top,” Cupiditas mused. “I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it looks familiar.”
“Seriously, sister?” Libidine chuckled. “Let me jog your memory.”
The dark-haired woman picked up one of the remaining cinnamon rolls with her hand and then raised it above her head. Then she then tilted back her neck, opened her mouth, and let the melted icing drizzle down. Most of the white liquid drizzled onto her waiting tongue, but a large portion landed on her face. The succubus ran her wet tongue around the edges of her lips and cheeks to clean up whatever droplets had missed her mouth. Liby swallowed the icing and then smiled at the three of us.
“Now does it look more familiar?” The curvy woman smirked at Cupi. “Not that I’d know. You always steal it away from me, anyways.”
Cupiditas sat her plate of food down and then walked over to her partner.
“You missed a couple drops,” the blonde purred as she began to run her tongue across Liby’s face so she could lap up anything left over. “You should know better than to let it go to waste.”
“I believe that Jacob is enjoying the show,” Sia said with a giggle as she pointed down to my crotch.
I couldn’t help it. Watching the two beautiful succubi running their tongues along each other was like a dream come true. If we weren’t in the middle of a public space, I would have thrown them both down onto a table and taken them right then and there.
Cupiditas gave Liby a playful wink as she turned away from the dark haired woman and returned to her plate at the bar. Libidine ran her eyes up and down the blonde’s athletic body as she bit into her cinnamon roll with satisfaction.
“Get a load of these two.” I chuckled and gave Sia a nudge on the arm. “Maybe they should get a room?”
“What about getting a load?” Cupi perked up.
“Guys,” Todd interrupted, “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I think I have officially lost my appetite.”
“Seriously?” I asked in the general direction of the imp.
“I just can’t, bro,” he whimpered. “I think I’m gonna go to the pool and check out the ladies.”
I heard the click of Todd’s small hooves grow further away, but then they suddenly returned.
Two large links of sausage lifted up off Cupi’s plate, much to the blonde’s dismay.
“Hey!” she exclaimed.
“Just taking some sausage for the road,” the imp’s voice said with a snicker. “Besides, you’ve had more than your fill of sausages for the week.”
A few seconds later, the door leading to the pool opened, and the floating sausages disappeared through it.
The succubi and I piled up our plates to the brim and then ventured over into the dining area. There was an old, touristy looking couple all the way at a table in the back, and a rough-looking dude who sat alone playing on his phone at one of the high-tops.
“I dunno, guys,” I joked. “This place is pretty hopping. I don’t know if we’ll be able to find a table.”
I plopped down at a table near a window looking out onto the pool. As much as I wanted to have fun on this road trip, we still needed to be on high alert. After what happened last night, I didn’t want to let my guard down for a single second.
Besides, I wanted a front-row seat to whatever antics Todd was going to get into.
From my seat, I could see that there wasn’t much going on at the pool. A middle-aged couple was sunbathing in their swimsuits, and a lanky dark-haired teenage boy was walking around the perimeter with a skimmer. All the way off to the side, I could see the two floating sausages.
One of them vanished into thin air down Todd’s gullet, and the other lurched backward in the sky. The remaining sausage flew through the air and made a visible splash into the water, right next to the teenager.
The lanky teen looked over, and his eyes widened in horror. He threw his hand over his mouth, dropped the skimmer, and pointed at the floating sausage. The dark-haired teen picked up his tool off the ground and then slowly fished the piece of meat out of the water, his body lurching with gags the entire time. In one motion, he flung the skimmer upwards and sent
the sausage flying back over the pool fence.
“Bro!” Todd’s voice caused me to jump. “I totally Caddyshack’ed ‘em, bro!”
“I thought you were gonna go be pervy?” I asked.
“Did you see what I’m working with out there?” the imp giggled. “Not exactly MILF material.”
“MILF?” Libidine asked through a mouthful of waffles.
“I think I know this one!” Cupiditas raised her hand excitedly. “It means ‘Mouths I’d Like to Feed.’”
The imp clicked his tongue. “Not even close, broette.”
“It means ‘Mothers I’d Like to Fuck,’” Sia chimed in. “It’s a request I used to get all the time, but unfortunately Earl didn’t have any succubi who fit that description.”
“Ah yes, the Cougar Club.” Libidine nodded. “Those were the succubi who reported to Baal, right?”
“Hold up,” Todd interrupted with a snort. “You’re saying that the cat-like demon is the one who was in charge of all the Cougars?”
“That is correct, Todd.” Sia nodded. “Where do you think the term came from?”
“Well, shit!” The imp chuckled and then shoved a handful of bacon into his mouth. “And here I thought I knew everything there was to know about the occult.”
“Mortal teachings will only get you so far, my friend.” Sia smiled. “That’s why it is so important to have us at your side. We’ve lived it.”
“So, how many legions of succubi are there?” I asked as I wiped a bit of bagel crumbs from off of my face. “If you all have your own nicknames, there must be a lot.”
“Oh, there are thousands.” Cupi nodded. “Think of how many demons inhabit the universe. Now, realize that nearly all of them have some sort of pimp underneath of them, and realize that each of those pimps has at least one legion of succubi that consists of four to twenty women.”
“That’s a lotta sex slaves,” Todd balked.
“Exactly,” Libidine confirmed. “That’s why Lucifer is so powerful himself. Every single demon reports to him in one way or another, and all of their succubi add to the Lord of Darkness’ power.”
“He’s unstoppable.” Sia frowned. “It’s why this war will never end. He’s nearly as strong as the Exalted One himself.”
“The best we can hope for is to whittle away at his forces until he finally loses enough power and backs off,” Cupi said with a grim look.
“And we will,” I reassured the succubi. “It all starts with preventing Azazel’s return.”
“So if there’s a Cougar Club, what did they call you guys?” Todd asked through the tension.
The three succubi looked at each other for a moment and then started to laugh.
“We’re the Circle of Sin,” Sia said as a sly smile spread up her face. “It makes me chuckle every time I say it out loud.”
Cupiditas shook her head. “It was that Earl’s idea.”
“Our former master was full of bad ideas,” Libidine added. “For example, he thought he could rip us away from our beloved Jacob. And now he’s dead.”
“You’re welcome,” I joked and pointed at Liby with a forkful of eggs.
“I get it.” Todd’s position was given away by the maple syrup that dribbled down his invisible chin. “All the different groups of succubi are like army battalions with their own codenames and shit.”
“Precisely.” Sia nodded. “Fighting was our main function when we weren’t doing our other duties, after all.”
“Unfortunately, it still feels like we are just fighting and fucking all the time.” Cupi sighed before she cracked a grin. “Not that I mind the fucking part.”
“Yes, but at least now we are fighting for a cause we believe in,” Liby corrected, “and for the man we love.”
“Look at you girls,” Superbia said with, well, pride. “A few months ago, you were both loyal servants under my and Earl’s command. Now, I’m sure you’d fight Lilith herself if the opportunity arose.”
“You wouldn’t?” Liby half-joked as she stared her violet eyes into the redhead’s.
The madame smirked. “My time with Jacob has been quite persuasive. I would fight and die for him the same as you and Cupi.”
“So…” Todd’s voice interrupted. “Is Lilith hot?”
“Pardon?” Sia asked in a half-annoyed, half-afraid tone.
“Is Lilith hot?” Todd reiterated. “She’s the original succubus who’s been banging dudes since the beginning of time. I’m just assuming she’s the hottest fucking woman in the entire universe.”
“I have only met Lilith a handful of times in my existence,” Libidine answered. “She is stunning. In fact, the first time I encountered Lilith was the day I discovered I liked girls, too.”
“Huh.” I chuckled. “For some reason, I always pictured Lilith as some big, ugly monster.”
“Why would the Exalted One create a monster to be the first woman?” Sia prodded.
“I dunno.” I shrugged. “I figured she turned all ugly and demonic when she fell from grace.”
Cupiditas clicked her tongue. “Jacob, I fell from grace, and look at me.”
“What do you think about Lilith, blondie?” Todd asked. “Do you wanna get all up in her guts too?”
“Actually, I’ve never met the Demon Queen in person,” the fit succubus explained. “I was a little late to the party, remember?”
“Lilith has been much more secluded in the last few centuries,” Sia added. “She doesn’t really do much anymore outside of running her succubus empire and performing the occasional mission for Lucifer.”
“So I’m assuming you have had a lot of contact with her?” I raised one of my eyebrows at the redhead as she shoveled another mouthful of hash browns into her mouth. “You are the Circle of Sin’s head succubus.”
“Oh yes,” Sia mumbled. “Lilith and I go way back. In fact, I was one of the first demons to offer my services under her command.”
“How did that work?” I was now so interested in the redhead’s backstory that I didn’t even care about my food. “After the Revolution, did you all just, like, choose what you wanted to do for the rest of eternity?”
“Bro…” Todd interjected. “A demon temp agency! We could be millionaires.”
“I don’t think--”
“Can’t possess ‘em like you used to?” He snickered. “Are you an old succubus that’s now all high and dry? Come to Todd and Jakey’s for a new lease on your second life! Massive imp schlong not included.”
“Todd--”
“Unless you ask nicely.”
Sia rolled her eyes and ignored Todd’s antics so she could answer my question. “There were no job applications or temp agencies like you have here on Earth. Lucifer is a big stickler for the Great Chain of Being.”
“I vaguely remember reading something about that in History class.” I laughed. “But then again, that’s probably why I ended up with a B+.”
“Bro, the Great Chain of Being is, like, the template about how all important things are seen in the eyes of the Divine,” the imp’s disembodied voice explained. “So, like, at the top is the Big Man Upstairs, followed by the angels, then us humans, then animals, and finally plants and minerals.”
“It is similar to the one that Lucifer uses,” Sia added. “Though his is a bit more extreme.”
“How so?” I asked.
“The Demonic Great Chain of Being starts at the top with Lucifer himself.” the redhead held out her hands to paint the picture. “Then from there it goes the Kings and Queens of Hell, then the Demon Lords, then the Dukes and Earls, then the pimps, and then there’s us, the succubi and the soldiers.”
“What about mortals?” I continued.
“And imps!” Todd added.
“Any creatures after our category are considered ‘non-divine’ and thus not worthy of being put on the chain.” Sia shrugged. “Though I can tell you that mortals are viewed as the absolute lowest being in existence.”
“Even lower than imps?” Todd ask
ed with concern.
“Yes, Todd,” Sia chuckled, “even lower than imps.”
“Ha!” The imp giggled as he pointed at me. “In your face, mere mortal!”
“Except there’s nothing ‘mere’ about Jacob,” Cupi interrupted.
“If we were making our own Chain of Being, Jacob would be number one!” Liby smiled as she bounced up and down. “Don’t you agree, sister?”
Superia thought about it for a second, and then she smiled with a nod.
“I suppose,” she agreed as she locked her violet eyes with mine. “Now, back to your original question. After the Revolution, our new master--”
“That’s Satan, if you weren’t paying attention,” Todd’s voice reminded us.
“Thank you, Todd.” Sia sighed. “Our new master decided to organize us all by our rank on his new Chain of Being. He knighted his best generals and closest allies as the Kings and Queens of Hell, and then he let them figure out who they wanted under their command.”
“But who decided which demons got to be succubi and which ones got to be Dukes or pimps or madams?” I questioned.
The redhead looked over at the other succubi grimly. “You haven’t told him?”
Libidine bowed her head in shame. “It never came up in conversation, sister.”
“What never came up?” I demanded. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Jacob, succubi and other low-level demons are not like the others.” Sia’s eyes narrowed. “They are created by those higher up on the chain, made in the image of their first masters, before they are brought to life by Lucifer’s Hellfire. That is why a succubus and her master are so dependent on each other.”
“So you’re telling me that you can never be free, even if I were to snap my fingers and say that I never wanted to see you ever again?” I snapped to emphasize my point.
“You could send us away,” Libidine murmured, “but then we would have to find a new demon master.”
“And if you didn’t?” I asked even though I was pretty sure I already knew the answer.
“We die.” Cupi frowned.
“A succubus’ entire life force comes from their master, and the connection they make with him,” the madame explained. “Why do you think these girls’ grow more powerful as your connection becomes more intense?”
