by Geonn Cannon
Robin interrupted, “So did you end up going?”
“No,” Molly said. She looked pained as she recounted the story. A few late-night tourists wandered by, pedestrians strolling arm-in-arm as they considered the moon’s shimmering reflection in the water. To Molly, it looked like a flat puddle of melted vanilla ice cream, there on the water, waiting to be washed away. All around them, quiet conversation went on between lovers, between friends, between strangers who had met on the ferry.
Finally, Molly cleared her throat and seemed to rediscover the thread of the story. She swallowed and fell back into the past. “April tried to go to the pond, to meet up with Beth, but she got caught sneaking out. Our parents did everything but give her a house-arrest anklet. She was positive Beth was going to move on.”
##
“Ape?”
“Go away, Mole.”
Molly stood in her sister’s doorway, watching her. April was sprawled facedown on her bed, face buried in the crook of her arm. Molly couldn’t hear her crying, but it was hard to miss the way her shoulders and back were racked with sobs. Molly could all but feel April’s heart breaking. Molly chewed her bottom lip and said, “I’m sorry, April.”
“Go away!” April bawled. She lifted her head long enough to look over her shoulder, and she said, “I hate you! Get out of here!”
Molly retreated, tears burning in her eyes as she closed the bedroom door.
Later that night, after her shower, Molly left her bedroom in her pajama pants and T-shirt to take out the trash. Their parents had already gone to bed, and the lights were all off. Her hair was wet and, as it was most nights right before bed, out of its usual ponytail. She held the huge black trash bag by the tie as she crossed the carport. She had just dropped the bag into the dumpster when she realized there was a car idling in the street at the corner.
She frowned and walked down the driveway to see who it was. Probably someone from her dad’s work who needed something for work but was afraid to ring the doorbell and wake everyone. As she came out of the shadows, the driver must have seen her because the car’s interior light came on. Molly stopped when she saw Beth Gillis inside. She leaned forward and waved Molly towards the car.
Molly reluctantly came forward. The driver’s side window cranked down, and Beth leaned out. “Poor April, sunk to taking out the trash. What did you do to get grounded, anyway?”
Molly hesitated and then said, “Got a D in Flenk’s Algebra class.”
“Poor baby. Come on.”
“What?”
“We’re going to the duck pond.”
Molly hesitated. She looked back towards the house. Her parents were in bed. Even if they woke up in the night, they would find April still in bed. As for Molly...well, she could always make something up. Odds were, her parents would believe whatever lie she told. “I went for a walk. Couldn’t sleep. Yeah, I went out in my pajamas. Isn’t that a trip?
“I can’t stay out too long,” she said.
“Okay. Yeah, whatever. Come on, get in.”
Molly took a deep breath and walked around the back of the car. It was the least she could do. April was heartbroken. If one little car ride would brighten April’s day, if going for a ride with this girl would make April take back hating her, then it was the absolute least Molly could do.
She opened the passenger side door of Beth’s car and climbed inside. “I can’t be gone too long,” she repeated.
“You won’t be. Trust me.” She reached over, brushed Molly’s hair away from her cheek and said, “Did you just get out of the shower?”
“Yeah.”
Beth giggled. “You must’ve known I was coming. Buckle up.”
Molly fastened her seatbelt, and Beth pulled away from the curb.
Chapter Seven
They had started walking halfway through Molly’s story. Robin looked up and down the deserted streets and felt as if she’d slipped backstage at some massive Broadway production; the sets were still up, but all the actors had gone home. A few other people were on the street, but they all had the tired and resigned look of people heading to bed for the night. Every storefront they passed was closed, but the buildings lacked the pull-down grating she was so used to seeing in Montreal. There were streetlights, but only a handful. Most of the light on the street came from sconces over doors. They walked from one halo to the next as Molly told about the night that destroyed her relationship with April.
Molly pulled a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and offered one to Robin. She shook her head, and Molly pulled one free for herself. When Molly paused to light it, Robin said, “Sounds like Beth was the town bicycle.”
Molly laughed. “Yeah, pretty much. But April wasn’t just looking to be the next conquest. She really loved Beth.” Her mind flashed back to the night April had sat in her window seat, tears in her eyes, and said, “I’m in love with someone. A girl.” She scratched her eyebrow and said, “When she first asked me to step in for her, I kind of thought it was a matter of ‘she’s done everyone else, why not me.’ But that night, when I saw her crying, I knew it was deeper.” She took a drag.
“So Beth always took her potential dates down to the duck pond?”
“Just to hang out, or whatever. Usually with a big group of people. As far as I knew, this was the first time she’d ever gone at night and alone.”
Robin hugged herself, dreading the answer to her next question. “So what happened next?”
Molly took a drag on her cigarette and exhaled, looking through the smoke into the past. “The duck pond is about five miles out of town. Surrounded by woods on all sides. It’s a premium make-out spot for high school kids...”
Beth shut off the headlights and settled back in her seat. She turned on the radio and casually draped her arm across the back of the passenger seat. Eric Clapton was halfway through “Wonderful Tonight.” Beth said, “Mm, great song.”
Molly felt conspicuous being out in her pajamas. She glanced over and saw Beth was wearing a plaid skirt and a pink sweater; she’d definitely come prepared. Meanwhile, Molly was shivering in her thin pajama pants and kept slipping her bare feet over each other. Beth noticed and said, “Aw, are you cold? I have a blanket in the back seat.”
Molly was wise enough to know what that invitation was all about. She quickly shook her head. “No, I’m fine.”
“Okay,” Beth said. She moved her hand from the back of the seat and slipped it under Molly’s hair. She pressed against the base of Molly's skull with her index and middle fingers, moving her thumb in slow circles. Molly didn’t mean to moan, but it wasn’t in her control. Beth smiled and said, “You like that, April?”
Molly kept herself from jerking at the name, but only just. “Y–yeah. You could do this to me in class, if you wanted...” Her heart was pounding. “I–I really like you.”
“Yeah? Well, I like you, too, April.” Beth slid closer, stymied by the console between them, and leaned in. Her lips slid across Molly’s cheek and stopped just shy of the corner of her mouth. “Why don’t we move into the backseat, huh?”
“I don’t...”
“Come on, April,” Beth whispered.
Molly felt Beth’s hand on her arm, fingernails lightly teasing the hairs there. She swallowed hard. “Just to get more comfortable, right?”
“Right,” Beth said.
Molly nodded. “Well, all right.”
They opened their doors and pushed the front seats forward to climb into the back. Sure enough, there was an old army blanket wadded up in one corner. Beth grabbed it and sat down, drawing Molly to her. She covered them both and snuggled against Molly’s side. “There,” she said, putting her feet up against the driver’s seat. “Isn’t that better?”
“Yeah,” Molly admitted. Beth’s weight against her, the smell of her perfume -- she smelled kind of like almonds -- so near. She hazarded putting an arm around Beth, and the other girl moaned appreciatively.
Beth put her hand on Molly’s stomach and looked up at
her. “You’re a strange one, April. You’re so brazen at school, but get you alone...” She snickered. “It’s nice. I like it. I like you.” She shifted forward and, before Molly knew what she was doing, she was parting her lips for Beth. Her heart pounded against her ribs, and she screamed at herself to stop. Beth’s tongue swept across her bottom lip, and Molly moaned.
“Oh, April,” Beth whispered.
It was then that Molly realized she had nothing to worry about. If someone caught them, if it somehow got out that Beth had taken one of the Page sisters in the backseat of her father’s car, then it would all be about April. Even if Beth bragged about it, she would brag about April. In the corner of her mind still capable of coherent thought, she realized she was rationalizing condemning April to a high-school life of mocking and name-calling, and the realization was almost enough to make her push Beth off.
But then Beth touched her breast through her thin T-shirt, and rationalization didn’t matter any more. All of her protestations died and left her mouth in a soft, surrendering exhale. Beth moved her hand from Molly’s breast and slid up to her neck. When the kiss broke, Beth whispered, “Have you ever had sex before?”
Molly shook her head.
“Me neither.”
“What?” Molly said.
Beth shrugged and said, “I was waiting until I was 18. And I haven’t been with anyone since my birthday.”
“But...the duck pond...”
Beth smiled and, in the dim light it was hard to tell, but Molly thought she was blushing. “I make out with a lot of girls. Sometimes we...we do stuff. But never to each other.” She slid closer, putting her leg across Molly’s lap and straddling her. Molly looked up at Beth. “So you're a virgin, April.”
Molly had tears in her eyes, because her answer was true whether she was playing April or herself. “Yes.”
Beth cupped her face and bent down. They kissed gently, and Beth wrapped her fingers around Molly’s wrist. Molly’s eyes opened as her hand was guided under Beth’s skirt. “Touch me,” she whispered. Molly curled her fingers and touched wet flesh. Both girls moaned, and Beth pressed her forehead against Molly’s.
There were a few strokes, and one finger somehow penetrated Beth and made her gasp, and then her thighs tightened around Molly’s. Her body tensed, her fingers turning to clamps on Molly’s shoulders. “Oh! Oh, April!”
Molly rested her head on the back of the seat, and tears rolled down her cheeks. Beth kissed her exposed throat and hooked her fingers in the elastic of Molly’s pajama pants. Molly felt Beth’s cool hands against the side of her ass, felt them on her naked thighs, and realized that Beth was undressing her. She wasn’t wearing panties, completely exposed in the backseat and, oh, God, what if this was just a prank, some stupid prank and....
Beth kissed her and sat up, pushing the blanket away. Molly blushed deep red and held her thighs together, putting a hand over her dark pubic hair. Beth eased her hands away and slid away from Molly, moving down into the narrow leg room. She had to turn her body sideways, her knees tight against her breasts. “Shit. I should’ve brought Daddy’s truck. Give me some room, April.”
Molly slid her ass up and put her feet on the edge of the seat. She sat back down, her knees making mountains on either side of her, and Beth turned to face her. She put her hands on Molly’s ass and lowered her head slowly.
The first kiss was quick and almost electric. Beth’s lips touched her, and Molly’s hands clamped down on her thighs. Beth parted her lips, and her tongue sought Molly out like an explorer. Molly rolled her head back and focused on the ceiling of the car, the now-dark dome light. Outside, she could hear frogs and an occasional duck -- shouldn’t they have been asleep? -- and tried not to think too much about what that tongue was doing between her legs because if she thought about it, if she put too much effort into...
“Beth!” Molly cried. She climaxed, her hips rising to meet Beth’s mouth. When the electricity died down, she realized Beth had sat up and was hugging her around the waist. Molly stroked her hair as she felt her tears falling free. I should tell her, she thought. She thinks she just lost her virginity to April. I can’t let her go on thinking...
“That was great, April. The best.” There were tears in Beth’s voice, and Molly knew she’d never be able to tell her the truth. She just kept brushing Beth’s hair and stared out the windshield at the duck pond.
##
She hadn’t bothered to lock the door when she left, so she slipped into the house without even retrieving her hide-a-key. She came in through the back door, so she could lie and say she’d been in the alley if someone caught her. Fortunately, no one else seemed to be awake. The hallway light leading to the bedrooms was on, as always, and she slipped silently through the kitchen on her bare feet. She felt different, her body more present than it ever had before. Her breasts, which had felt sensitive to air in the backseat of Beth’s car, now felt normal again. Between her legs, though, still felt tingly and new.
She was careful in the hallway to her bedroom, willing her feet to sink silently against the carpet. Once in her bedroom, she would change clothes and put on some underwear and maybe she wouldn’t feel so naked, so exposed. She shut the door behind her and started to pull her T-shirt over her head.
“Where the hell were you?”
“Shit!” Molly put a hand to her chest and turned to the window seat.
April was sitting there, lit by the moon, in her nightgown. She had her arms wrapped around Mr. Frog. Her hair hung loose, concealing her face, and she looked like she was eight rather than five months shy of nineteen.
Molly was frozen. Had she seen Beth’s car? Had she recognized it? Could she smell Beth’s almond perfume on her? “I...April...”
“Was that Beth’s car? What were you doing with Beth? You were gone for over an hour.”
“I...i–it was only forty-five minutes.”
April was crying, she could tell now. “What were you doing with Beth?”
Molly opened her mouth but, before she could begin to speak, she began to cry.
April unfolded herself from the window seat and slapped Molly with the flat of one hand. Molly recoiled, and April said, “I hate you. I really fucking hate you!” She shoved Molly out of the way and stormed out of the room.
Molly touched her cheek in shock and dropped like a stone onto the edge of her bed. When the stinging went down, when the numbness faded to a million stinging points of pain, Molly finally started to cry.
##
Molly took one last drag of her cigarette and dropped it to the pavement. She crushed it with the toe of her shoe, then bent down and plucked the butt off the ground. She tossed it into the first trash can they passed and said, “I think April forgave me...to a point. We were civil to each other the rest of the year. Up through graduation, we acted like nothing had happened...but I know she never forgot it. There were times she’d look at me like I was a complete stranger. It hurt me.”
“Well, think of how she felt,” Robin said. “You...utterly betrayed her.”
“Did you think I was painting myself as the hero of that piece?” Molly asked. “At the time, I kind of felt like I had permission. Like her asking me to pretend to be her was kind of a...carte blanche. But I don’t make any excuses for what I did. I know it was shitty, I know I deserved to lose her trust. It can still hurt.” She started to bring her hand to her mouth, remembered her cigarette was gone, and covered the move by pushing a hand through her hair. “The next morning when we woke up, April’s hair was all over the bathroom. She’d put it in a ponytail and then chopped right above the rubber band.”
“God.”
“Mom was horrified. Daddy was shocked. April suddenly looked like she’d been scalped.”
“What about Beth?”
Molly sniffed. “What would you have done? Someone you’re head-over-heels for has sex with your sister? April shunned her. They had a blow-out a–and...April told her the truth. After that, it seemed like everyone
in school knew.” She laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. “It’s kind of ironic. By the time April started speaking to me again, no one else in school would. I was a pariah. Beth acted like I’d raped her...which I guess, from her point of view...” She shrugged.
“But April was civil with you again?”
“Once we moved past it, yeah. We were sisters again. But we’d lost something, even I can admit that. And it really...it was something I never thought I could lose. We graduated, and April went off to college. I thought the time apart would be good, would help us heal. But she decided not to come back to the island after college. She went to Montana. She met you.”
Robin looked away. She wasn’t ashamed so much as she was uncomfortable. For years, April had kept close-mouthed about her life before moving to Montana. Now she could understand why; how would you even begin to say “I’m estranged from my twin sister because she pretended to be me and lost her virginity to a girl I was in love with”? A thought which brought up a whole new question in Robin’s mind. “So you’re gay, too.”
Molly hesitated. “I’m not.”
“But you said... ” She saw the anger and hardness in Molly’s eyes, and she let the subject drop. “All right. Fine, so, you’re straight, you just...happened to lose your virginity to a girl?”
“April is gay. Was gay,” Molly said. “I’m...I’m...” She ran a hand over the top of her head and scratched the back of her neck. She angrily threw her arms up and said, “I’m already a twin. I need to add gay on top of that? Be a freak two times over?”
“Being gay doesn’t mean you’re a freak...”
Molly scoffed. “Neither does being a twin. But that doesn’t stop people from calling you a freak when you pass them on the street.” She leaned against the brick wall and stared at the sky.
Robin looked around and noticed they’d walked almost all the way down the town’s main thoroughfare. The harbor looked incredibly distant, a sliver of water at the bottom of the hill. “So you’ve been, what, chaste ever since that night?”
“No, I’ve had sex,” Molly said. She rolled her eyes and said, “I’ve slept with a couple of men.”
