But everyone in the room was frozen—everyone except for her and Granny Two-two, that was.
“Oh my God,” Penny whispered, putting a hand to her chest. “What is this?”
“This, dearie, was the New Millennium party which happened nigh-on fifty cycles ago. Everybody who was anybody in Hell’s Gate was there. I would have gone myself, but I was too young. My Mam is here, so she is, and likewise my Pap.”
“Your parents are in this crowd?” Penny asked, aghast.
“Why, sure they are, dearie. Just there.”
Granny Two-two pointed at a couple in the crowd, both of which were extremely short, just like she was. Neither of them had a second head but Penny could still see the family resemblance to their daughter in their faces.
Except, the people the old lady had pointed out as her parents looked so young compared to her—they couldn’t be out of their thirties yet.
“I wasn’t but fourteen cycles myself when the two of them went.” Granny Two-two sighed. “I remember how hard I begged to be let to come. But no, my Mam said I wasn’t old enough yet. ‘Next year’ she said. But a’course, there weren’t no next year for they never did come home. And right after this almighty big suck moved in and froze the party, most people abandoned this end of the station and moved to the center and the other end—not so many sucks there, y’know.”
“Y’know! Y’know!” her second head exclaimed.
“I’m so sorry,” Penny said, really meaning it. “How awful for you to lose your parents that way!”
“Oh, I didn’t lose ‘em, did I? Right there, aren’t they?” Granny Two-two gestured again. “Hello Mam! Hello Pap!” she yelled, as though the two frozen figures could hear her. “I come an visit ‘em regular,” she said, turning to Penny. “It’s comforting-like, don’t you see. And also, a’course, I got to mine for treasures.”
“Mine for treasures?” Penny raised her eyebrows questioningly.
“Sure—treasures!” Granny Two-two patted her many pockets, making them click and clink. “I gets them from the suck, so I do.”
“So she do! So she do!” yelled her top head.
“Hush, you!” Granny swatted at it.
“You mean you’ve found a way to get things out of the temporal anomaly?” Penny asked in surprise. “But how? Wouldn’t you get stuck in there yourself?” She gestured at the large room, filled with frozen people.
“Well sure you would—if you was foolish enough to go into the suck yourself!” Granny Two-two exclaimed. “But that’s what I’ve got my quick-loris for.”
Reaching into one of her many pockets, she pulled out something which quivered and trembled in her cupped palms as she held them out to Penny.
Looking into her hands, Penny saw she was holding what looked like a furry little pet—about the size of a small squirrel. It was bright pink with fuzzy green stripes and it squeaked in a voice so high it was barely audible as it looked up at her with huge, dark, liquid eyes. After a moment she realized it wasn’t trembling at all—it was just twitching and moving so fast her eyes could barely follow its movements.
“Oh, he’s adorable!” Penny reached out to pet the little creature but it zipped away from her seeking fingers so fast she didn’t even see it move. The next thing she knew, the quick-loris was perched on top of Granny Two-two’s second head squeaking at her with all its might while the second head shouted,
“Bad-bad! Bad-bad!” over and over.
“Both of you quit it now!” Granny Two-two exclaimed, frowning.
Reaching up, she plucked the quick-loris off the top of her second head and cradled it in her arms. This seemed to settle both of them down since the quick-loris stopped squeaking and the second head stopped shouting, much to Penny’s relief.
“Now then, let’s go treasure-mining,” the old woman remarked. Still holding the fuzzy little animal in one arm, she searched through her other pockets until she found a round, flat disk.
Penny watched with interest as she pulled a length of thin wire out of the disk and clipped the end of it to a small collar around the quick-loris’s throat which had been hidden by its pink and green fur. Setting the little animal down, she held the disk and pushed a button on it which allowed more of the thin wire to be distributed. It was like a retractable leash, Penny saw.
“Find!” Granny Two-two commanded the little animal and her second head shouted, “Find! Find!” too.
The quick-loris took off like a shot. It ran right into the crowd of frozen people and started nosing around immediately, like a tiny squirrel-bloodhound sniffing for a scent, Penny thought.
“That’s amazing!” she exclaimed, as the loris scrambled through the crowd. “How does he do that? I mean, how can he go into the middle of a temporal anomaly and not be affected?”
Granny Two-two shrugged.
“That’s just how they are. Some say they’re so quick the suck only slows ‘em down a little. Others think they have a kind of natural field around their fur that wards it off. Either way, my little loris is a quick one, so he is!”
He certainly was, Penny thought as she watched the little animal at work. Occasionally he would climb someone like a tree and sniff through their pockets, but without finding anything he liked. He ran to the refreshment table, where a number of alien-looking snack foods were laid out, and nibbled a chunk of something purple and rubbery-looking before losing interest and scampering elsewhere in the room.
Occasionally the quick-loris found something that he seemed to think was valuable. He would hold the item over his head and squeak and chatter at Granny Two-two to get her attention. But every time she only shook her head.
“No, no—that’ll never do. Keep looking!” she called.
Finally the quick-loris pulled what appeared to be a toupee off the head of a tall man, exposing his shiny bald head. He looked towards Granny Two-two and chattered eagerly, around the mouthful of fake hair.
The old woman considered for a moment, then nodded.
“Yes,” she said. “That’ll do. It might fetch a pretty penny down at the Swap Hall.”
Chattering happily, the quick-loris came scampering back, dragging the toupee in his little mouth. Granny took it from him and unclipped his leash before feeding him a small nut-like treat she dug out of yet another pocket. Then the quick-loris climbed back into the pocket he’d come out of in the first place and settled down to eat his reward.
Happy crunching sounds came from his pocket while Granny Two-two rolled up his leash and stowed it in another pocket. Then she stuffed the toupee –which was jet black with a pure white stripe down the middle—in yet another pocket and smiled at Penny.
“You see? That’s how you mine for treasure.”
“You see? You see?” chattered her second head.
“That was really interesting to watch,” Penny said, trying to smile. “But honestly, what I need is a way to call my people for help.” Her stomach rumbled. “And maybe some food?” she asked hopefully. “I can’t pay you now but when my friends get here they can pay you anything you want.”
“Why, I don’t want for nothing, dearie,” Granny Two-two said.
“Want for nothin’! Want for nothin’!” shouted her second head in its squeaky voice.
“But I can give you a little something to eat,” the old lady continued. “And point you in the direction of someplace with an interstellar hook-up.”
“And interstellar hook-up?” Penny asked doubtfully as Granny Two-two started digging through her pockets again. It sounded like a bad match on a dating site, she couldn’t help thinking.
“Why sure, dearie—a place you can make a cross-galaxy call. Ah—here it is!”
The old woman pulled what looked like a half-eaten granola bar out of one of her many pockets and presented it to Penny.
“I was saving it for a snack for later, but you need it more than me,” she said generously as Penny took the half-eaten bar uncertainly. “It’s a protein-sweety, so it is,” she added. “Go o
n—eat up.”
Penny felt she had no choice but to take a bite, though she really disliked eating after anyone. Still, once she’d taken a mouthful, she was glad she had. The protein-sweety bar had a chewy-crunchy texture and an odd but appealing flavor—a little like peanut butter spread on roast beef with a spicy aftertaste, she thought.
It reminded her a tiny bit of a Thai food dish she liked in her favorite restaurant back on Earth called “Two Friends Amazing!!!” It was printed just like that, with three exclamation points on the menu, and Penny ordered it every time she went there.
In short order she had finished the whole protein-sweety and was feeling much better than she had before. The food seemed to expand in her stomach, making her feel full even though she’d only had a few bites.
“There now.” Granny Two-two nodded approvingly. “Feeling better, are you, dearie?”
“Yes.” Penny nodded. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome.” Granny Two-two nodded and smiled. “Now, let’s you and I take the ducts back out of here and I’ll show you where to make your call. Just you mind you tell whoever comes for you to dock on t’other side of the station.”
“I will,” Penny said gratefully. “Thank you, Granny Two-two.”
“Eh, don’t thank me.” The old woman cocked her heads to one side and considered Penny skeptically. “You’re not out of here yet, dearie. No, not yet.”
And with those cryptic words, she led Penny back to the air ducts.
Eleven
After another long scramble through the moss-lined ducts, they came out in a different part of the Hell’s Gate station altogether. Then, after a walk down a short corridor, they turned the corner and for the first time Penny saw…
“People!” she exclaimed. “So there are people here, after all!”
She’d gone so long without seeing any signs of life other than Granny Two-two and the awful Keeper spider, she’d been beginning to wonder if maybe the whole place was deserted.
“A’course there’s people, so there is,” Granny Two-two nodded wisely. “And plenty of them you’ve got to take a caution on, dearie.”
“Take a caution! Take a caution!” her second head exclaimed in its squeaky voice.
“I did hear that there was a big sex slave ring based here and that there have been a lot of disappearances lately,” Penny said, eyeing the people passing to and fro. They appeared to be in a kind of marketplace—a much more lively one than the deserted hallway she’d first found herself in. The kiosks and storefronts here were filled with goods and there were customers of all types and descriptions looking at them.
Penny tried not to stare, but it was hard not to. Having lived on Earth all her life and having only had contact with one kind of alien—the Kindred, who looked very human themselves other than being bigger, taller, and stronger than regular people—she had never seen anything like what she was witnessing now.
A man with blue scales and a long, lizard-like tail protruding from under his robe was haggling about the price of fruit with a woman who had orange skin and slit-pupiled eyes like a cat. Beside them, a mother with two sets of large purple eyes—one set directly above the other—pushed a likewise four-eyed baby in a hover-stroller. The baby was fussing but only the bottom set of eyes was crying. The top pair were looking around the marketplace with interest.
A man with two noses was selling perfumes across from the fruit stand and the woman he was selling to literally had eyes in the back of her head. They stared at Penny briefly and then looked disdainfully away as the woman continued talking with the perfume merchant.
“This is amazing…” Penny looked around her in awe. “I had no idea there were so many humanoids in the universe!”
“Oh, this is just a small little bit of the kinds and types as come here to Hell’s Gate,” Granny Two-two informed her proudly. “We’re a very popular destination, so we are.”
“So we are! So we are!” squeaked the little head.
“What’s that one called?” Penny pointed curiously at a nine-foot-tall, three-headed creature that looked like a troll out of a fairytale.
“Hey now, mind who you point at!” Granny Two-two grabbed her finger and lowered it quickly. “That there is a Trollox. You don’t want to run afoul of his kind. No you don’t!”
“No-no! No-no!” sang the second head.
“Oh, sorry,” Penny said, immediately chastened. “I’ll be more careful. Um, you said you would tell me where to make an Interstellar, uh, hook-up?” she added hopefully.
“So I did.” Granny Two-two nodded and pointed down the bustling hallway. “Down yonder, just on the edge of the marketplace, you’ll find a bar called The Hell’s Gate Lounge. Or, as most folks call it, the “Lucky Lounge.”
“Why do they call it that?” Penny asked, frowning. “Is there gambling there?” It sounded like the name of someplace in Vegas, she thought.
But Granny Two-two shook her heads—both of them.
“’Fraid not, child. They call it that on account of that’s where men and women find each other for connections.”
“Connections? Do you mean dates?” Penny asked.
“What’s dates?” Granny Two-two frowned. “I mean connections in their nether regions.” She pointed at Penny’s crotch.
“Oh!” Penny nodded. So it was a kind of meat market bar—the kind where everyone was just looking for a quick hook-up. The kind she strictly avoided back home.
Well, it looks like you can’t avoid this one! whispered a little voice in her head.
“So you see now?” Granny Two-two asked her. “It’s not a nice place to send a young girl—I’ll admit that, a’course. But it’s the only place in this part of the station as has an interstellar hook-up.” She frowned. “A’course, they ain’t going to let you make such a long call for free.”
Penny’s heart sank down to her boots.
“But…I don’t have any money,” she protested. She didn’t even know what passed for money here in the Hell’s Gate Spaceport. Or if they used money at all. But even if they were on some kind of a barter system, she would be in deep trouble. She had nothing at all to trade. Well, maybe her boots, but that would mean her feet would be freezing until Commander Sylvan could send some help, would be at least a week…
“You’ll have to give tit for tat, if you want to make that call,” Granny Two-two informed her, matter-of-factly. “As I said, the males in The Lucky Lounge are always looking for connections. So if you ask for the cost of the call as your price—”
“What? I’m not going to prostitute myself to make a phone call!” Penny exclaimed. “I won’t!”
“Well…” Granny Two-two frowned up at her thoughtfully. “Look here, I have an idea, so I do,” she said at last. She pulled the black and white toupee her quick-loris had stolen from the frozen party and handed it to Penny who stared at it doubtfully. It looked like something only a bald skunk would want to wear.
“What am I supposed to do with this?” she asked.
“The bartender at the Lucky Lounge is named Grunge,” Granny Two-two informed her. “He’s tall with silver skin and he’s bald as an ornbus egg. You give him that and tell him all you want for it is to make a quick call in return.”
“So…you think he’ll trade a used toupee for an interstellar call?” Penny asked. She wasn’t sure how much such a long-distance call ought to cost, but she wasn’t sure a fifty-year old toupee that had been stolen off a frozen man’s head would be enough to pay for it.
“Yes, I do.” Granny Two-two nodded stubbornly. “That’s genuine brantha hair, that is,” she said, pointing at the toupee Penny was still clutching. “That’s quality! They don’t make ‘em anymore on account of those greedy Gatlings hunting all the brantha to death. So even if Grunge doesn’t want to wear it, he can sell it—see?”
“See? See?” squeaked her second head, blinking rapidly.
“I see.” Penny nodded. “Thank you, Granny Two-two—for everything you’ve
done for me,” she added. Trying to trade a used toupee for an interstellar call still seemed like a doubtful proposition, but it was a hell of a lot better than trying to sell her body to some alien man to earn the money. Clearly the old lady had done the best she could for her and Penny was truly grateful.
Impulsively, she leaned down and put her arms around the little old lady.
“Thank you,” she said again. “I don’t know where I’d be without you!”
“You’d be digesting in the belly of that Keeper, that’s where.” The old lady patted her on the back. “Go on with you now, dearie. Granny Two-two has more treasure mining to do.”
“Go on! Go on!” shrieked the second head and bit Penny on the earlobe—hard.
“Ouch!” Penny gasped and jerked away, her hand flying to her hurt ear.
“Ah, sorry, dearie. Shoulda warned you. My twin—she bites.” Granny Two-two swatted at the blinking second head, which still had a few strands of Penny’s hair caught in its sharp little teeth.
“I see.” Penny took her fingers away from her ear and saw a smear of blood on them. Great, now she was wounded and she had no idea if Granny Two-two’s second head had any kind of disease she ought to be worried about. What if she got some kind of space-rabies from that awful little thing?
She wondered if she ought to ask about it, but couldn’t think how to do it without being rude. What would she say? Excuse me, Granny Two-two, but has your second head had all her shots?
Before she could muster the nerve to ask if she ought to be worried, the old lady took her leave.
“Well, now, I’ve got to go, so I do.” Granny Two-two nodded at her. “Best of luck to you, dearie. I’m mortal ‘fraid you’ll need it.”
“Need it! Need it!” screeched her second head and then the two of them—three, Penny supposed, counting the quick-loris—disappeared into the crowded marketplace and were gone.
Twelve
“Lucky Lounge…Lucky Lounge…” Penny muttered to herself as she made her way carefully through the crowd. She was keeping to the outskirts of the market, as much as possible, trying not to draw attention to herself.
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