Hearing his confession soothes me.
I know we’re enemies. That this changes nothing. But, in this moment, there are no walls between us. There is only truth. And he’s just proven, at one time, he cared for me.
Enough to suffer a beating.
To keep this a secret from his best friends.
“You should’ve told us that night during spring break,” Theo says, his words carrying accusation.
“Why? Because it would’ve changed anything?” Saint radiates frustration and anger.
“Because it might’ve helped put things in perspective,” Caz states, sighing and sinking back into the couch.
Galen sits back down, burying his head in his hands. He’s always known I’m the girl who was kidnapped, so I’m not exactly sure why he’s reacting so emotionally. Who kidnapped and tortured me didn’t change the outcome, and he hasn’t shown me much sympathy until now.
That guy is such a fucking mystery. One I hope to figure out sometime if only to gain some type of understanding or closure.
“The Sainthood has always been about protecting kids,” Galen says, spearing Saint with a tormented look. “Or at least, that’s what I’ve always thought.”
A muscle pops in Saint’s jaw, and he looks off into space.
“Why would they do this to…Harlow?” He almost whispers my name. “This was before Sinner was prez, so the order must not have come from him.”
I snort, lifting my shirt up at the hem, pointing at the circular-shaped puckered marks on my stomach. “Your precious Sinner did that to me. He removed the blindfold and made me watch his face. He laughed while he stubbed his cigarette out on my flesh. His eyes were manic. His pleasure obvious. Trust me, he was definitely the one in control.”
For years, I refused to think back to those last few hours because the pain was so unbearable. I did such a good job of blanking it out that I’d forgotten I’d seen his face. When I figured things out, and I pulled up photos of The Sainthood members, I picked him out almost instantly.
Galen’s nostrils flare, Theo clenches his fists, and Caz gulps.
Theo jumps up. “This is such fucking crap!” He throws his hands in the air. “All of it!” He puts his face right up in Saint’s. “We had a right to know. This is not unconnected. It can’t be.”
“None of us know that,” Saint says, maintaining a cool tone. “And I said nothing because Sinner reminded me it was to remain a secret.” He looks mildly apologetic as he meets my eyes.
“That is fucking bullshit, and you know it!” Theo screams in Saint’s face, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. You could hear a pin drop in the room. “It’s all a fucking lie, isn’t it? I knew Lo wouldn’t do that.”
Saint shoves Theo away, jumping up and squaring up to him. “It’s possible we don’t know everything, and you need to watch your mouth.”
I stand. “What’s a lie? What do you think I’ve done?”
“Stay out of this,” Saint barks, and it’s clear our little trip down memory lane is over.
“Like hell I will! This is everything to do with me!” I scream.
“It’s Sainthood business that doesn’t concern you.”
“Then, I’m done talking.” Tonight’s been a lot to process, and I need to retreat and assess everything. I swipe another beer and head toward the stairs.
Saint calls out to me as I walk away. “Neo can’t know.”
I spin around. “Why? He’ll kidnap and torture me again?”
He walks calmly toward me. “That was child’s play, princess.” He tips my chin up with one long finger. “And trust me, you don’t want to know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of Dad’s punishment as an adult.”
CHAPTER 24
I AVOID THE kitchen the following morning, forgoing breakfast, and drive to pick up Sariah on an empty stomach. We stop off at our favorite diner, ordering coffee and doughnuts to go.
I park outside the front of the school building, cranking up the heater in the Lexus as we eat while I bring my bestie up to speed.
“What do you think is going on?” She props her feet up on the dash, blowing on her coffee.
“I’m not sure, but it’s obviously something to do with the way they’ve been treating me. Sinner has asked something of them.”
“And the revelation that The Sainthood were the ones who kidnapped you has them questioning shit?”
I shrug, stuffing the last bit of glazed chocolate doughnut in my mouth. I chew quickly, pondering it all again. “It seems that way. Even Galen looked thrown although I’m sure that won’t last.” I sip my coffee. “Theo was the biggest surprise. He blew up at Saint.”
“He still cares about you.”
“If that’s true, why did he cut me off like I meant nothing to him? His reaction could be all part of the play.”
“Maybe you should’ve let him in last night.” I explained how Theo spent a half hour outside my bedroom door after the confrontation in the basement, begging me to let him in so we could talk.
“I’m feeling a little out of my depth,” I truthfully admit, eyeballing my bestie and putting words to the emotion festering inside me.
“How so?”
I lean my head back, sighing, wondering how to articulate this. I sigh again, turning my head to the side so I’m facing her. “They’re making me feel things, Sar. Things that scare me.”
She analyzes my face, not saying anything for a few seconds. She clears her throat before speaking. “You know how much I hate The Sainthood for what they did to my family. I know your guys weren’t directly involved in that, but the organization they’re members of was responsible. I don’t need proof to confirm what I know in here.” She thumps her chest, right over the place where her heart is. “I also know how dangerous they are, and I’ve seen the shit they’ve pulled on you.”
“But?” I ask, sensing there’s one coming.
“But I see it too. They’re coaxing you back to life.” She takes my hands in hers. “I know why you work so hard to keep your emotions on lockdown. Why you protect your heart. Why you’re so guarded about who you let into your life. I understand it all. And maybe, if I hadn’t met Sean and I didn’t know what it’s like to be in love, I would feel differently about this. Truth is, I want you to open your heart, Lo. I want you to allow yourself to feel because you’re only living half a life if you shut emotions and people out.”
“I can’t trust them, Sar. They have an agenda, and this is all part of it.”
“Probably, but you’re smart as fuck, Lo. And you’re playing them at their own game and winning. Feeling something isn’t bad as long as you are in control of it.”
I twist around. “That’s the thing, babe. I’m afraid if I get sucked in deeper I won’t be able to control it. And I’m afraid of—” I bite down on my lip.
“Admit it,” she whispers.
“I’m afraid of getting hurt. I don’t let guys in for a reason and these guys have the potential to cut me wide-open and make me bleed. Especially Saint because he has the ability to get inside me in a way no one ever has.”
“You’re afraid he’ll use it against you? Or you think he’ll see all that guilt and shame you’re carrying?”
Fuck. Maybe I haven’t been so successful at hiding my emotions. “You see that?”
She nods slowly. “I see it, but I don’t understand it, because you’re one of the best people I know.”
“If you knew the absolute truth, you wouldn’t say that.”
She squeezes my hands tight. “There is nothing you could tell me that would alter anything between us.” She smiles, but I can’t return it because I don’t share her confidence. “I’m always here for you, Lo. If you ever want to tell me, I will always listen.”
_______________
Morning classes pass me in a blur. It’s hard to concentrate when my mind is so distracted. I’m quiet at lunch, sitting beside the assholes to keep up appearances, but I’m not in the mood to chitchat.
Sa
int picks up the untouched wrap from my tray, holding it out to me. “You skipped breakfast. Eat.”
“I’m not hungry, and I had coffee and a doughnut.”
“Leave her alone,” Sariah says, spearing Saint with a look from across the table.
“Butt out. This doesn’t concern you,” Saint replies, twirling a bottlecap between his fingers.
“Listen here, asshole.” Sariah leans across the table, aggression contorting her face. “Anything to do with my bestie concerns me, and I’m not scared of you.”
“Sariah.” Sean tugs on her elbow, pulling her back and wrapping a protective arm around her shoulders.
“You should be,” Saint says. He eyeballs Sean. “Keep her in line.” The “or else” doesn’t need to be said.
“Knock it off, Saintly. Even look funny at Sar and I’ll be happy to demonstrate more of my knife skills,” I threaten.
Galen’s head whips to Saint’s. “What’s she talking about?”
“Fuck if I know.” He attempts to shrug it off. Under the table he pinches my thigh in warning.
“I’m done with this shit.” I stand, my chair screeching in protest.
“I need to speak with you,” Theo says, grabbing his bag and rising.
“Well, I don’t want to speak with you.” I storm off, and he chases after me, catching up to me out in the hallway. A few students loiter in the corridor watching as Theo grabs my arm and forces my back to the wall.
“Stop running away. It’s infuriating.” He cages me in, putting his face up close to mine.
“You’d know all about that,” I huff.
“I messed up, Lo.” His voice softens. “I messed up so bad with you, and it’s one of my biggest regrets.”
I plant a bored look on my face. “So you’ve said. We done here?” Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Parker and Finn lounging against a locker, pretending like they’re not listening.
“We all need to sit down and lay our cards out on the table. It’s the only way we’re gonna get to the truth.”
“What makes you think I’d trust any of you with the truth?”
His eyes scrutinize mine. “That’s fair, but you know I’d never let anything happen to you.”
“I know nothing of the sort, Theo. You dumped me without a second thought. Cut me out of your life like I never even existed.”
He sighs as he takes my hand, threading his fingers in mine. “We both know it didn’t go down like that.”
I shake my head, removing my fingers from his and pushing him back a few steps. “Rewriting history now, Theo?”
A look of fierce determination crosses his face. Then he grabs my cheeks, pulls my head to his, and kisses me hard and fast. He presses my body into the wall, his arms curling around me, his fingers digging into my ass.
I push him away again, staring at him incredulously. “Seriously?”
Un-fucking-believable. Like, “beam me up, Scotty” level of unbelievable.
“Fuck off, Theo.”
I move to walk away, but he holds on to my arm. “I’m not your enemy, Lo. And whether you like it or not, I’m going to prove I’m a true friend this time.”
I don’t dignify that with a response, walking to the bathroom to check my burner cell, shaking my irritation off with every step I take.
I lock myself in a stall and check my messages to see if Darrow replied. He has, and he wants to meet after school, so I tap out a response, power off the phone, and stow it in the hidden secret pocket of my backpack.
Parker is waiting for me when I step out. “Oh, joy,” I deadpan, brushing past her and moving to the sink. “To what do I owe the honor?”
She props her hip against the sink beside me. “Trouble in paradise?” She smirks, twirling a lock of her hair like she’s six.
“As if I’d tell you.” I wash my hands.
“You’re obsolete,” she adds, grinning. “And I’ll be taking that princess crown real soon.”
“Wow, been studying the dictionary lately? Didn’t think you had it in you.” I dry my hands on a sheet of paper towel.
“I can’t wait to knock that smug smile off your face.”
“I hope you’re the patient type, because that won’t be happening any time soon.” I put my face in hers. “Like ever.” I push her back. “And I’m no fucking princess. I’m the goddamn queen.”
She barks out a laugh. “I’ll enjoy taking you down.”
“Bitch, you come near me and the only one getting taken down is you.”
“They won’t protect you forever.”
I fling my bag over my shoulder. “Who said anything about their protection?” I arch a brow. “I don’t need any guy to protect me. I’m more than capable of defending myself. Come at me, and you’ll find out the hard way.”
I ditch school ten minutes before the bell rings so that I can get away without any of the assholes following me.
Pulling into the gas station on the outskirts of Prestwick fifteen minutes later, I park around the back.
Dar is already there, leaning against the side of his truck with his hands in his pockets. I secure the large brown envelope in my backpack and climb out, following Dar around to the shaded side of the building. This is quite a popular meeting spot in Prestwick whenever anyone is up to anything shady because there are no cameras, it’s surrounded by wide open fields, and the owner turns a blind eye to the illegal comings and goings.
“Here.” I hand him the envelope.
He frowns. “What’s this?”
“Information which will get one of your guys out of jail.”
He stares at me for a second before opening the envelope and pulling the papers out. He skims them quickly, before resealing them, folding the envelope in half, and tucking it into the back pocket of his jeans. “This is helpful.”
I scoff. “It’s more than helpful, and you know it.”
“Diego will be pleased. He’s been trying to extract Alfred for the past year, but it’s not what I asked for.”
“I can’t pull the location of the warehouse out of thin air!” I hiss. “They’re giving me nothing on the cameras, and they have some blocking software installed on their cars, which means the trackers I planted aren’t working.” I pull my jacket around my body as a gust of wind batters us from behind. “I’m getting closer to them, and I’m confident I’ll get the intel. I just need more time.”
“I don’t have more time.” He weaves his hands through his hair. “My graduation to the senior chapter depends on me finding that warehouse and destroying their supplies. It’s the only way The Arrows will gain control of Prestwick Academy and start winning the lion’s share of the business on the street.”
“It’s not their most closely guarded secret for nothing,” I supply. “If it was easy to figure out where they’re storing their supplies, then someone would have hit it before. I will get the information. It’ll just take a little longer.”
He grabs my ponytail. “How do I know you’re not lying to me?”
I punch him in the stomach, and he lets me go. “You don’t. You’ve just got to trust I hate them as much as you do.”
“But do you?” he asks, rubbing his stomach and glaring at me. “Rumors are circulating, baby. Saint’s put the word out you’re under his protection. The Sainthood only does that for wives or girlfriends.”
I didn’t know he did that. I roll my eyes. “We’re going to be family. I’m sure the protection extends to stepsisters too.”
He straightens up, scrubbing a hand along his stubbly jawline. “Johnny was in touch. Checking I vouched for you. I told him to hold off setting up that new meet until he gets my approval.”
Anger blooms in my gut. “You have no fucking right to do that!”
He steps into my face, sneering. “I have every right to do that. You’ll get your meeting when I get the location of the warehouse. And you’ll get your new IDs once I’ve blown their supplies to kingdom come.” He grabs hold of my ass, reeling me in close to his body
. “A deal’s a deal, sweetheart.”
I knee him in the balls. “Fuck you. I gave that motherfucker a five grand down payment. If you screw this up for me, you’ll be sorry.”
“Ditto, sweetheart. Fuck with The Arrows and see if you live to tell the tale.”
CHAPTER 25
“DO YOU HAVE plans this weekend?” Mom asks me Thursday night when we’re all around the dinner table.
“I do now,” I reply, shoveling a forkful of mashed potato in my mouth.
Sinner drops his silverware, and it clangs off the table. “Show your mother some respect.”
“I’ll show her respect when she’s earned it.”
Mom smiles, ignoring my comment and pretending the tension isn’t so thick you’d need a snowplow to cut through it. “Neo and I are looking at wedding venues out of town this weekend. We thought you and Saint might like to come with us?”
What freaking planet does my mother live on that she thought I’d ever be down for that?
“That sounds fun, but, unfortunately, Harlow and I will be indisposed this weekend,” Saint says. “She’s helping us with some stuff.”
I am? That’s news to me. All week, we’ve been keeping our distance. Even Theo hasn’t tried to come near me since he kissed me.
Mom’s brow creases, and she glances at Neo briefly before asking Saint, “What stuff?”
I jump in with a reply before he can answer. “Our fans are begging us for ‘Harlow fucks the Saints part two.’” I shrug, enjoying making Mom squirm. “We thought we’d get started on that.” I smile sweetly at her, and I hope guilt is eating her up on the inside.
“Harlow.” Saint’s voice is low and deep, and how he manages to instill such warning with one word is true talent. “She’s joking,” Saint assures a pale-faced Giana. “We’re working on school stuff,” he lies, slanting her his best “butter doesn’t melt” expression.
And, of course, Mom falls for it, because it seems she’s just that gullible.
The guys are always on their best behavior around her. Smiling. Complimenting her. Never cussing and always mannerly.
The Sainthood : A Dark High School Romance (The Complete Series) Page 21
