“That’s him,” I say, pointing at the guy with the camera a couple minutes later when he appears on the screen.
“Can you zoom in on the plates?” Saint asks.
“Not from this angle,” Theo says.
“He doesn’t look like crew,” Galen says.
“He doesn’t look like a cop either,” Caz adds.
Saint and I share a look. “You thinking what I’m thinking?” I ask.
“Only one way to find out,” he replies. “Message Diesel, and ask for a meet.”
Diesel messages a short while later to say he’s out of the country and he can’t meet for a couple days. I have to reassure him I’m fine to stop him from sending a colleague to check up on me. This conversation needs to happen with Diesel and only Diesel. I tell him it can wait until he returns, and we make alternative plans.
The guys leave just before dark to stake out The Bulls’ clubhouse. They already have Parker’s charred remains wrapped up in the trunk of Saint’s Land Rover, so it’s a matter of watching and waiting for the right moment to plant them on the enemy.
Theo agrees to come along with me. I’m stopping by Ashley Shaw’s house on the off chance I might catch her at home. She’s head cheerleader at Lowell Academy, and her palatial home functions as party central for the crème de la crème of academy society most weekends, because her parents are absentee rents and rarely at home. We were never friends, but we weren’t enemies either. So, I’m hoping she won’t slam the door in my face when I rock up uninvited.
We make a quick stop at my house so I can ditch the sweats I borrowed from Theo, and I change into a new pair of ripped jeans, a lacy black tank, and a clean hoodie before we head out.
An hour later, Theo and I leave Ashley’s home with an invitation to her party Friday night. Having Theo with me helped, and making the request on behalf of The Sainthood worked like a charm. I’m sure the guys won’t have to do much to take over the supply chain at my former school.
“The guys won’t be back for hours,” Theo confirms. “You want to have that talk?”
I swivel in the passenger seat and look at him. “Yeah. I think we need to have it.”
“The park is too risky with someone gunning for your ass. Are you okay to talk at our place?”
“That’s cool.”
We stop at a local store in Prestwick on our way to stock up on beer, chips, and some other supplies before heading to the barn. Thank fuck for fake ID and a bored cashier who ignored the obvious fact we’re underage, because I really need alcohol for this conversation.
“How is it so warm in here?” I ask as we step inside and a blast of heat hits me in the face.
“We replaced the heating system with a remote-controlled system,” Theo explains. “It’s hooked up to all our cells. I switched the heating on when we were at the store. This place can get hella chilly with the high ceilings.”
“You were always thoughtful,” I admit, opening the door to nostalgia.
“Until I wasn’t.” His lips pinch tight.
Our eyes connect across the kitchen counter. “It almost killed me when you cut me out of your life,” I admit.
“It almost killed me too.”
I believe him. I see the honesty written all over his face. I just don’t understand it.
“I want to get out of these clothes,” he says, backing up toward the stairs.
“Take your time. I’ll grab us some beers.” It’s past dinnertime, and we should probably eat, but I’m not hungry for food. Only answers.
I grab some cold beers from the refrigerator and slide the twelve-pack we just bought on a shelf to cool. Then, I pad into the sitting room, kick off my boots, and sit cross-legged on the couch, sipping from my beer as I wait for Theo.
He arrives downstairs a couple minutes later wearing gray sweats and a long-sleeved white Henley that clings to his lean muscles. His feet are bare, his hair is hanging loose around his neck, and he has never looked more gorgeous to me.
But my attraction to Theo is more than skin deep.
I’ve always been equally attracted to his intelligent mind, his kind heart, and his spiritual soul.
When I lost him, it was akin to losing half of myself. I have never found another soul on this planet I connect to in the way I connect to Theo. We could sit and talk for hours, about everything and anything, and he understands me on a level no one else does. I used to think it was the same for him, but the way he cut me so efficiently from his life seemed to confirm that bond was more one-sided than I’d thought. And that hurt so fucking much.
Theo kneels in front of the fireplace, tossing some logs in before setting it alight. I watch him work, silently admiring the steadiness he brings just by his presence. He stands and walks toward me as flames lick the walls of the fireplace, casting faint shadows across the room.
Outside, nightfall is creeping across the skyline, adding to the overall surreal quality of the moment.
I never thought Theo and I would ever recover what we’ve lost, and now, we’re on the cusp of a second chance.
Theo sits at the other end of the couch, adopting my pose, and the tips of our toes meet in the middle.
“Who goes first?” I ask, handing him a beer.
“Me.” There is no hesitation in his voice. Our fingers brush when he takes the bottle from me, sending a rush of fiery tingles shooting up my arm. “I’m the one who fucked up, so I’m the one who needs to explain.”
CHAPTER 20
Theo
“TO THIS DAY, I still don’t know how my father found out your father was mixed up with The Sainthood,” I say, pausing to taste my beer. “He went ballistic.” I remember it as vividly as if it was yesterday. “You know how he likes to be in control and how everything is legit and aboveboard. When he discovered his lawyer was on The Sainthood’s payroll, he damn near had a coronary.” My father gives anal retentive new meaning.
“I didn’t know why our parents had fallen out,” Lo says, tossing her long dark hair over her shoulder. “And it only added to my confusion.”
“I only discovered the truth because I eavesdropped on my parents arguing the night before that horrible Thanksgiving dinner,” I admit. My parents had still gone ahead with the dinner, only because my father wanted to confront Trey Westbrook face to face. Naturally, the dinner was cut short after my father leveled his accusation at Lo’s father. I had taken Lo to my room the minute they arrived, wanting to shield her from the argument I knew was about to go down.
“I wish you’d told me.” She stares me straight in the eye. One thing I admire about Lo is her direct approach. She wasn’t always like that. At least not, in the beginning, when she was broken and scared to trust anyone. But as we grew closer, she opened up to me the same way I opened up to her.
“I wasn’t sure it was the full truth, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“But you ended up doing that anyway.” She pulls her legs in to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. “Why did you break up with me, Theo? We still could’ve found a way to be together.”
“At first, it was because my father put me under pressure to do it. He threatened to pull my college fund if I didn’t cut all ties with you.”
She snorts. “And I used to think it was your mother who didn’t like me.”
I rub my hand across my stomach. “Mom liked you well enough. She just wanted me to marry into old wealth. To find a sweet, wholesome girl from a well-established family.”
She shakes her head. “It’s so ridiculous. You were fourteen, fifteen, and she was already trying to map your whole life out.”
Pain pierces me in the chest. “I know, but it’s how she was brought up. Mom’s family is one of the oldest in the state, and she grew up in this monstrous mansion being courted from a young age. The most ironic thing is, she eloped with my dad when she got pregnant with me.”
“I never knew that,” Lo says, swigging from her beer. “What a hypocrite.”
“Her parents stil
l berate her for the choices she made,” I admit.
“Your father owns a multimillion-dollar medical supplies company, and he has provided adequately for his family. What the hell is wrong with these people?”
“It’s nuts, and I gave up trying to understand it a long time ago. All I knew is, Mom was trying to make amends with her parents through me.” I rip the corner off the label of my beer. “They would all freak the fuck out if they knew the truth.”
She scoots forward on her knees, moving closer to me. “They still don’t know?”
I shake my head. “I severed ties with my family the day I became a member of The Sainthood. Dad threw me out of the house.”
“What?” Shock splays across her face. “You don’t talk to them?”
“Nope. I meet Ria on the down low, but the twins are too young. I doubt they even remember me.” My younger sisters are only six, and I’ve been estranged from my family for two and a half years. My sister Ria is the only one I speak to on the regular. She’s fifteen, and we were close growing up.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” Lo tilts her head to the side, scrutinizing my face.
“He threatened to disown me, but I never thought he’d actually do it for joining the Saints.” I rip another corner off the label. “Not that it really matters. We both know it was gonna happen sometime, anyway.”
“Is that why you did it? It was an easier pill to swallow if he disowned you for being a member of the Saints?” Her knee brushes against my leg, and warmth invades my bones.
“I wanted to take back control. I was sick of my parents dictating what I could and couldn’t do. After they forced me to break things off with you, I swore that was the last time they were interfering in my life. I’d met the guys at this point, but my parents weren’t aware of our friendship. I already knew they wouldn’t approve. Saint was eager for me to join his crew, but I’d been resisting. After our relationship ended, I felt lost.” Taking a risk, I reach out, threading my fingers through hers, delighted when she doesn’t resist, curling her fingers around mine tightly.
“Me too,” she whispers. “I never knew the heart could hurt so much. I thought I’d protected myself, learned to block out my emotions, but the heartbreak I felt when you shut me out proved I was wrong. And I felt like such an idiot, because it wasn’t even real. Trust me to catch feelings for the guy I was in a fake relationship with. A guy who would never, could never, reciprocate.”
“You’re wrong, Lo.” I put my beer down and lift her on my lap. “It might have started out fake, as a means to an end for both of us, but it was the most real thing I’ve ever known.”
Placing her hands on my shoulders, she peers into my face, frowning. “What are you saying, Theo?”
“It was real, Lo. Everything we shared.” I press my lips to her smooth cheek. “It was too late when I realized the truth. I had already cut you loose and ruined everything, and I believed you were better off without me, because there was a part of me that always felt wrong about it. That felt like I used you.”
“I didn’t do anything with you I didn’t want to,” she says, running her fingers through my hair. “I felt guilty,” she adds in a soft whisper. “Because I fell in love with you and you’d made it very clear from the beginning you could never love me.”
I circle my arms around her back. “Not you. Any girl,” I say, needing to clarify. “And that’s what I believed back then.”
“But not anymore?” Her brow creases. “I don’t understand.”
“That makes two of us.” I smooth a hand up and down her back, loving the feeling of her in my arms again. “I was confused over my sexuality when we first agreed to fake date to keep our parents off our backs, but that was nothing compared to how confused I was after I let you go.”
“Are you saying you’re into women now too?” she asks, repositioning herself on my lap so she’s straddling me.
The sultry, spicy perfume she wears wraps around me like a comfort blanket, and my cock swells in my pants. “I’m saying I’m into you.”
She blinks profusely. “How?”
I lift my hips, pressing my hard-on against her. “Feel that?” She nods. “That’s what you do to me. No other woman has ever turned me on like you, and it took me letting you go to realize it.”
“But you’re still into guys.”
There is no judgment in her statement. She has always accepted me as I am.
I was honest with her, pretty much from the start.
That first night we met, at my house, because Dad had just hired his lawyer’s wife to work on a new advertising campaign, we got drunk on a stolen bottle of Mom’s gin and ended up making out. I thought about her a lot over the next few weeks, and when we next met, and ended up kissing again, I blurted out that I was gay. She was cool about it, and the fake relationship was her suggestion. One I latched on to because it would get Mom off my case. She’d started arranging dates for me, and it was making me ill. Lo wanted to get her parents off her case too. They were worried about her after the traumatic experience she’d been through. Having me as a boyfriend helped alleviate some of their fears.
“Yes, but I’ve never acted on it.”
“But you’ve fucked other girls,” she says. “With the guys.”
“Two,” I admit. “And there were a few I let suck my dick, but that’s it. None of them got my juices flowing.”
She grabs both sides of my face, tilting my head up to her. “It was seeing the guys that did it.”
Heat creeps up my neck and on to my cheeks. She knows me so well.
“Or was it just him?”
I gulp over the messy ball of emotion clogging my throat. “I should’ve known you’d figure it out.”
“Does he know?”
I vigorously shake my head. “No, and that’s the way I want to keep it.”
“He won’t hear it from me.”
“I don’t know how to tell them,” I admit. “I don’t know how they’ll react. I can’t lose the only family I’ve got.”
“Do you think they suspect?” she asks.
I shrug. “I think I’ve hidden it well. It’s the only reason I’ve gone near any of those girls.”
She looks off into space. “I think they might surprise you.” She turns to me with a soft smile. “You should tell them. You need to tell them. The longer you keep it secret, the harder it will get, and the more they might feel like it’s a betrayal.”
“I’m scared,” I admit. “I don’t want them to look at me any differently.”
“You really think they would?”
“I don’t think so, but if they do, I stand to lose everything.”
She worries her lower lip between her teeth. “I’m sorry, Theo.”
“For what?” I arch a brow. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who needs to apologize. I should never have pushed you away.” I close my eyes as her fingers wind through my hair, and I’m in heaven.
I have always loved the feel of her hands running through my hair.
I have always loved her touch.
Period.
I can’t begin to explain it, because she’s the only woman I’m attracted to. The only woman I’ve ever wanted.
“I spent years torturing myself over being gay,” I admit, and this is nothing new, because Harlow is the only other person on this planet who knows the truth about me. “And now, I don’t know what label to apply.”
“You’re bi,” she says, and my eyes pop open.
I run my hands up each side of her neck. “I’m not. I’m into guys. And you.”
“Then, maybe, you’re…” She halts mid-sentence, a look of fierce determination washing over her beautiful face. “You know what? I fucking hate labels, and I’m not attaching one to you. You are you.” She cups my face. “And you are beautifully, perfectly imperfect. Never change, and never apologize or feel bad for who you are.”
“I am not worthy of you.” I skim my thumbs along the elegant column of her ne
ck, my eyes dropping to her lips. “Do you have any idea how deeply I care about you? How badly my heart and soul has ached for you?”
“Theo.” Her tone is barely louder than a whisper, her voice choked. “I spent years missing you. Believing my feelings were unrequited. If I’d known…”
“I did it for you, Lo.” I move my hands up, clasping her face in my palms. “The main reason I joined The Sainthood was for you. I knew if your father was caught up with them it wasn’t by choice. Dad was freaking out too badly to stop and realize that truth. Your father was a good man, and he worshiped the ground you and Giana walked on. My gut told me he was mixed up with them out of force, not free will.”
I pull her face to mine, resting my forehead against hers. Her alluring scent swirls around me, and I never want to let her go. “I didn’t know they were behind your kidnapping, but I knew somehow, instinctively, that your dad’s involvement with them was connected to you. I was terrified you’d get dragged into it, and I knew if I could make it up to you I had to protect you. And what better way to do that than from the inside? It’s all been for you Lo, because you are everything to me.”
“Oh my God, Theo,” she cries, planting a firm kiss on my lips. “You crazy, stupid idiot. I never wanted you to get involved with them, certainly not on my account. All you had to do was tell me the truth.” She flings her arms around me, smushing my face all up in her tits.
Not that I’m complaining. They are bigger than they were when we were dating, even though she was already well developed, but I’ve been itching to put my hands on her from the moment she reentered my life. I bury my head in her chest, and a satisfied sigh escapes my lips.
“Do you know how much I love you?” she whispers, her voice trembling. I lift my head. A single tear rolls down her face. “Or how hard it is to admit that even to myself?” Another tear slides out of her eye. “There were so many nights I berated myself over yearning for you, knowing you could never love me back because I had the wrong body parts.”
Silent tears continue to cascade down her face, and I wipe them away with my thumbs. “You don’t, baby,” I whisper, pressing my lips to hers and closing my eyes, reveling in the feel of her hot mouth against mine. “That’s where we were both wrong.” I open my eyes, placing my hand over her tit, in the spot where her heart is thudding wildly. “It was never about that. Not with us. Not when your soul speaks to mine in the way it does. Not with the connection we have. I know you’re scared. Fuck it, I’m scared too. I never want to hurt you again, but I’m done feeling like half a person. I lost half my soul the day I let you go, and I was an idiot for not chasing after you.”
The Sainthood : A Dark High School Romance (The Complete Series) Page 45
