*****
We never discussed the matter of children and it wasn't something I had ever thought about, beyond the fact that I was pretty sure I didn't want to be a father. I'm sure much of that was purely based on how much I hated my own father but nonetheless that was my stance.
So it was quite a shock when, two years after we had both finished our degrees and had been happily cohabiting in her flat and getting on with our lives, she announced that she was pregnant. What is it about my life and periods of five years? Would this be a new beginning, like when I woke up to my drinking, or just the beginning of an awful life I didn't want and would be forever seeking to escape?
I never considered bringing up the subject of abortion because it seemed outdated and impolite. She so obviously wanted this child that I couldn't think of any valid reason not to go along with it. I masked my trepidation as financial worries and concerns about her health, though both were all too genuine.
Back then it was very unusual for men to be present at the birth and I was more than happy to go along with this well established tradition. I didn't smoke any cigars but I did pace up and down for hours, much to the annoyance of everyone who was forced to share a room with me.
Hours.
How can it take so long for a tiny baby to come out? Surely several million years of evolution should have sorted out this process by now? It all seems unnecessarily complicated to me.
Anyway, after a minor aeon had elapsed, I was eventually ushered into a room and confronted with my exhausted, sweat drenched wife (we had done a quick registry office wedding a few months previously) and my new baby daughter.
There probably isn't anything that can prepare you for this experience and nothing had. Carla told me afterwards that I stood and stared at Andrea for a full five minutes without saying a word. One of the many wonderful things about her is that she let me have this prolonged moment of panic and existential bewilderment before finally handing the baby to me.
In a few seconds I saw what this was all about. Two years later I was delighted when we had a son.
Everything was wonderful, for many, many years. Until, in fact, extremely recently.
Brian: Mental Book 1 Page 10
