by M. R. Holman
feeling heavy, as though he could sink right into the dirt beneath them. "Didn't you... aren't you... dead?"
His father glanced at him quickly and returned his gaze to the fire. "Of course I am. I've been dead since you were a little boy. You know that, Tommy."
Captain Tom furrowed his brow in concentration. He did it so hard that the top of his head began to radiate with pain once more. He winced and raised his hand to the top of his head, patting it gingerly.
"Pretty bad, huh?" his father asked.
"Am I also... I mean, well... Am I dead?" Captain Tom asked, his mouth dry and his body shaking slightly, despite the heat from the fire.
"No, Tommy," his father said reassuringly. "But you're lucky you're not. You've been foolish, I'm not afraid to say it."
"If I'm not dead, then what's happening right now? Am I sleeping? Dreaming?" Captain Tom asked.
"Well, you're not sleeping. It's hard to say, really," his father said noncommittally as he lied on his back and stared up at the stars. "Remember when we used to do this, Tom? When we used to just sit out and look up at the stars? I was so proud when you went to space. So proud that you got to see all those stars up close. I know you were proud too."
No matter what his father said, Captain Tom felt like his father was talking to him as though he was dead too. He chose not to reply, but lied down on the grass as well. It felt good to rest again. For a long time, the two of them said nothing. As he looked up at the innumerable stars above, his mind emptied. That is, until he heard a slither through the grass surrounding them.
"Dad?"
"Yes, Tommy?"
"I think the snake is back."
"I told you to ignore it! Not to even acknowledge it!" his father said angrily, sitting up and glaring at his son. He was furious.
"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about it if it keeps coming around..." Captain Tom said in frustration.
His father sighed deeply and his face slackened. He looked away from his son and appeared for a moment as though he was embarrassed by his outburst. "That snake has been bothering you for a while now, hasn't it?"
Although Captain Tom had no finite memories of it, he knew it to be true. "Yes."
After a long pause, his father said, "I wish there was something I could say or do to help you. I think it's time you get back now, son."
"Back?" Captain Tom asked confusedly, sitting up.
His father pointed over the fire, across the clearing to the hallway that led to his cell. It was quite odd viewing it from this side. It appeared as a hallway leading right through the trees. Captain Tom did not want to leave, but he knew that his father was right. He rose to his feet, wincing at the pain in his heels. A tear was rolling down his father's cheek.
Captain Tom lingered for a moment but could not summon a goodbye. He strode across the grass and entered the hallway. The noise of the crickets and the smell and sounds of the crackling fire faded away and was replaced by his echoing footsteps across the grated walkway. He soon came upon his cell. It was dark now, darker than before. He paid the cell little mind, however. A name placard was hung on the wall beside the bars. It simply read ‘Tomlinson’. A piece of tape covered where it had read 'Captain', occluding it from view. He thought of what the snake had whispered. "Used to be... Used to be a lot of things, Tom."
His head and his heels throbbed as he continuously tried to piece together what had happened. An accident, or several, had occurred. They had apparently been severe enough to lose him his captaincy. And if he was not dead or dreaming, how had he just spoken to his long-deceased father?
Captain Tom turned from his cell and began walking further down the hall. He could not return to his confinement just yet. He needed more answers.
Someone was approaching him. It was a man wearing a white coat over his forest green uniform. He looked down at a clipboard as he walked and mumbled to himself. Captain Tom, still unsure of where he was or if it was even real at all, did not know what to expect as the man neared him.
His worries were unfounded. The man walked directly past him as he stood by his cell. He never even looked up from his clipboard. Captain Tom had stood frozen in place until he had passed and then began to walk toward the end of the hall where it split into two directions.
As he neared the end of the hall and contemplated which split to take, another man appeared. He assumed that it was his imagination, but it looked exactly the same as the last person he had seen. Captain Tom walked confidently as the man approached. He too was looking down at his clipboard. When he was a few feet away from Captain Tom, he did not pass him by unnoticed as the last man had. He gripped him forcefully around the elbow and got within three inches of his face.
"Don't," he said simply.
"Don't do what?" Captain Tom said in a shaking voice as he tried to step back. The grip around his elbow kept him in place.
"Don't go down the hall. You don't need to see what's down there. Not yet." He released Captain Tom's elbow and began to walk away from him, his eyes glued to his clipboard once again. His head ached as he turned and watched the man walk away.
The grassy clearing at the opposite end of the hall was gone. It had been replaced by what appeared to be a massive balcony beneath a starry sky. Captain Tom hesitated. Did he really want to go? He wondered if his current mental state could even handle any more cryptic interactions. He decided, finally, that given that his only other option was returning to his cell, that he should go to the balcony.
As he peered into his darkened cell as he walked past, he noticed that there was something in it. Lingering in the shadows was the long black snake. Its forked tongue extruded from its viperous mouth and tasted the air. It did not rise or speak this time, only watched. Captain Tom had a vivid vision of sprinting away from the cell toward the balcony. He turned away from the cell and continued toward the end of the hall.
As the hall ended, it was revealed that the balcony was not simply beneath a star laden sky. It was beneath a gargantuan window. He neared the edge of the balcony and looked over it. A great number of people wearing green uniforms, fifty at least, went about their business below. The balcony must have been sixty feet from the floor which the people walked to and fro beneath him. As Captain Tom looked around him, he realized where he was. This was his ship. This was the starship he had been captain of.
He felt an odd, ominous energy as he stood with his hands upon the rail of the balcony. His heart sank and he felt an unexplained sadness fill the very core of his being. He took his hands away from the rail. Something bad had happened here. His head throbbed as he looked up from the floor far beneath him.
A woman leaned with her back against the railing, surveying Captain Tom. She looked away as he met her eyes. She was the woman he had seen crying earlier. He was certain that he knew her. Captain Tom approached the woman. She was determinedly looking away from him and even turned all the way around as he neared her.
"Excuse me?" he said to the woman's back. "I'm sorry, I know this sounds crazy, but I think I know you."
She turned around to face him and he smiled. He was not sure why he did this, but it was his first instinct upon seeing her face. When she saw this she sneered at him with rage etched into every line of her face and profound sadness filling her eyes. "Don't," she said.
"Don't what?" he asked exasperatedly. He was growing quite tired of people saying that to him.
"Don't smile at me," she snarled. She looked away from him, focusing on the people walking below them. Captain Tom leaned over the balcony railing so that he could read the name patch sewn onto her uniform. Before he could read it, she grabbed him forcefully around the elbow as he leaned over the rail.
"Please, don't!" Her eyes were full of tears once again as she faced Captain Tom. He had the distinct impression that crying was extremely unusual for her. Her expression looked as though she was daring him to acknowledge the tears slowly tumbling down her cheeks. He looked down at her name patch. It read 'Captain Helena'.<
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"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you," Captain Tom said, confusion filling his voice. "I was just leaning over so that I could read your name patch." She did not respond. She only released her grip from his elbow and wiped the tears from her face. "Are you the captain now?" he asked her.
"Interim Captain, yes," she responded with apparent difficulty, her voice shaking though her eyes were now dry. "You probably know me better as 'Lieutenant Helena'."
The name did it. Lieutenant Helena had been his second in command. They had spent a great deal of time together over the years and had been quite fond of each other. Captain Tom felt that that was no longer the case.
"Can you please tell me what happened?" Captain Tom pleaded. "I'm confused and my head feels like it was cleaved in two, and my heels - "
Captain Tom stopped abruptly. Helena had begun to cry again. He reached out to console her, but it was as though she was getting farther away. He tried over and over to touch her hand, but she did not seem to notice the phenomenon that was occurring. At last, she wiped away her tears and grasped his hand. It felt as though they were touching each other through thick leather gloves. There was a distance in her touch that was difficult for Captain Tom to fathom.
"You haven't been yourself for a very long time, Tom," she said softly.
"I can believe that. I hardly even know who I am."
"Well, as you changed, so did
