by Laura John
He’s only eighteen and obviously doesn’t get to go out…well, ever. And he is in heaven.
We all take our shots and cheer. I’m glad Kyle is out tonight. He’s usually so serious, so it’s nice to see him let loose.
“Mind if I sit down?” a gorgeous blonde asks.
I nod. Kyle shoots me a look, but I wave him off.
“You’re Dustin Maxx, right?” she asks, grabbing my arm.
Something feels off. She smells way too flowery and I kind of want to throw up. It might also be from all the tequila shots we’ve been doing.
“Yep, that’s me,” I say, trying to remain polite.
“Oh. My. God. I love your music,” she says, leaning in even closer.
“What’s your favorite song?” I ask her, doubting she’s ever heard my music.
“I couldn’t possibly pick a favorite. They’re all so good.”
I called it. She can’t name one song. Not even one that’s been on the charts.
“Can I get a selfie?” she asks, pushing her tits into my arm.
“Why not?” I respond, trying to be polite to the “fan.”
She grabs her phone out of her bra, and I cringe slightly. Doesn’t that give girls breast cancer or some shit? And how is that sanitary?
I can’t help but glance down. It is a nice rack, I’ll admit that, but my thoughts are on my girls at home. Maybe it’s time to call it a night.
“Can you kiss me on the cheek?” she asks.
It isn’t an unusual request, so I nod. I lean in to kiss her cheek, but she turns at the last second, planting one on my mouth.
“Fuck!” I spit, pushing her off me and sliding my chair back.
I storm off toward the bathroom. Stupid fucking bitch. I pull my phone out and shoot off a text to the girl I really wish was here.
Me: Miss you.
I don’t even know what to say, but I really do miss her. And I just want to talk to her.
Crystal: It’s late. Are you out with the boys?
I smile so wide that she responded.
Me: Yep. At some country bar because Wade thought we wouldn’t get recognized.
Crystal: Did it work?
Me: Lol of course not.
Crystal: Decker is legal there, right?
Me: Yep. He’s flirting with some pretty young girl.
Crystal: What about you?
The question throws me for a loop. What about me? I thought I made it clear that I wanted Crystal. Why does she think I’d be flirting with someone else?
Me: I’m texting you, aren’t I?
Shit, that came out wrong. I hope I don’t piss her off.
Crystal: Yep. Maybe you should get back to flirting. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.
Me: Don’t be like that.
Crystal: Like what? We’re just friends. Goodnight.
Fuck, women are difficult. And now my buzz is completely gone.
I see that Kyle, Decker, and Wade all have women, and I just want to get back to the hotel room so I can call Crystal and apologize.
I tap Kyle on the back to let him know I’m going with one of the security guys. He asks if I’m okay, and I nod. I’ll be fine once I talk to my girl.
When I’m finally back at the hotel and I’m in my room, I try to call Crystal, but she won’t answer. After the fifth time, I decide to leave a message.
“I’m sorry my texts came across wrong. I wasn’t flirting with any girls tonight. I miss you, Crys. I wish you were here with me. Goodnight.”
I hang up and blow out a breath. I really do wish she was with me. I feel like I left a part of myself in Sienna when I went on tour this time.
My phone wakes me up. Who the fuck is calling me on a Sunday morning?
I didn’t sleep well last night. I don’t know why I got all defensive. I keep telling myself that we’re just friends. So why would it matter if he was flirting anyway?
I check to see who it is and freeze. Why is Kyle calling me? Is Dustin okay?
“Hello?” I ask, my heart kicking into high gear.
“Have you checked Dustin’s Instagram yet?” he asks.
Now I’m even more confused.
“It’s Sunday morning at the ass crack of dawn. It’s my day off. I think his Instagram will be okay for a while,” I say, irritated about this stupid call.
He takes a deep breath. “There’s a picture on there that you’re not going to like.”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Kyle? I’m tired and I haven’t even had coffee. Can you just spit it out? Did he get arrested or something?” I snap.
“Um, a girl asked to take a picture with him, but she ended up kissing him and posted it this morning. You’re probably going to be getting a lot of calls from tabloids wondering who his new girlfriend is.”
My blood runs cold. He was kissing someone else? I know I told him to go back to flirting, but I didn’t think he would actually kiss someone. And to take a picture of it? The gall of that man. But we’re just friends, so I have no right to be angry.
So why do I have the sudden urge to hit something?
“He didn’t kiss her, Crystal,” Kyle says cutting through my thoughts.
“Then why is there a picture of it?” I ask, putting him on speaker and pulling up the image.
The second I see it, I want to throw up. It’s kind of blurry, but it’s definitely Dustin with a trampy girl’s lips pressed to his.
I read the text.
Met Dustin Maxx and we hit it off.
#IThinkImInLove #TheOne #DustinMaxx #Dating #Love
“She asked for a kiss on the cheek, which is common, but she turned at the last minute and planted one on his lips.”
I turn on my business brain and stop thinking with my heart. I don’t have time to be emotional. I need to get in front of this.
“Take a picture of Dustin with his guitar and send it to me,” I tell him.
“Crystal, he really wasn’t into her. He can’t stop talking about you.”
I take a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter. We’re just friends. Take the picture now. I’ll talk to you later.”
I end the call and wait for the picture to come in. As soon as it does, I make a quick post on Instagram.
My love is music. She’s my girlfriend right now.
#NotDating #MusicIsMyLove #Single #NoTimeForARelationship
I post it and sit back, running a hand through my hair. It’s slightly cocky, but still sweet, and gets the picture out that Dustin is not dating anyone and that his focus right now is music.
I get out of bed and head to my kitchen for some much-needed coffee, knowing there is no way I can fall back asleep.
My phone starts ringing again, and I sigh when I see that it’s Dustin. I do not want to have this conversation right now, but it’s probably best if we get this over with.
“What’s up?” I say in greeting, not really sure what else to say.
“I swear to God, Crystal, I didn’t know she was going to kiss me. I didn’t kiss her back. The second it happened, I pushed her off and messaged you.”
I can hear the desperation in his voice.
“It’s fine. I’m not upset,” I lie.
I shouldn’t be upset, though. We aren’t dating. He has no ties to me other than being my friend. He might have said he wants me, but I doubt he meant it. It was probably just the alcohol talking. Ugh, why did I kiss him and make this all so fucking complicated?
“Why aren’t you upset?” he asks, sounding skeptical.
“Because we’re just friends, Dustin. I don’t have a right to be upset. I posted a new picture on Instagram setting the story straight. This story will pass quickly. Just go out and kill the rest of the tour. We can talk when you get back.”
I’m so tired, and honestly, I am done with this. I just want life to go back to how it was before, when we were close friends, but didn’t cross the line. But would that change how I’m feeling right now?
“I care about you, Crys,” he says just
above a whisper, and I feel my heart yearning for him more.
“I care about you too, Dustin. I just don’t see a relationship working,” I sigh.
It’s not a total lie, but it isn’t the whole truth either. I want Dustin, but I can’t have him. I keep saying that we’re just friends, but we’re so much more than that. And if we cross the line and he decides he doesn’t want me, I don’t know how I’ll survive that.
“Like I said, kill the tour and we’ll talk when you get back,” I tell him.
“Okay,” he mutters.
I kill the call. How can you yearn for someone, yet know a real relationship would never work?
Me: Dustin is coming home tomorrow and I thought we should plan a welcome home get-together.
Shae: Aren’t you guys not talking right now?
I frown at my phone. Dustin and I haven’t had a real conversation since our fight, if you could even call what happened a fight. He calls to talk to Olivia, but we don’t really talk. I miss him like crazy. Why does life have to be so fucking complicated?
Me: Yes, but he’s still my best friend and we always do a welcome home get-together.
Damon: I’m in! What’s the plan?
Shae: Karl’s working…. Again… But maybe I can find a sitter!
Me: I was thinking movies and munchies, just low-key.
Damon: Should I bring scented candles? Set the mood? *wiggles eyebrows*
Leave it to Damon to try and push us together. But I can’t be with Dustin. It will never work out.
Guys like Dustin don’t fall for girls like me. And even if he really does want to be with me, I know it will only end in tragedy. I’m not meant to be loved. You can’t love someone as broken inside as I am.
Me: Nope. I’ve made up my mind. We are just friends.
Shae: I thought we got through to you. You’ve NEVER been just friends.
Me: Whatever. I don’t want things to change. So I’m going back into my bubble of knowing nothing and that’s where I will stay!
Damon: Whatever, girl.
Shae: Now I must come! This is going to be so good.
Me: Shut up, you two!
I slip my phone into my desk drawer. Enough from those two.
I know I overreacted to the picture, and I really should have let Dustin talk to me that morning, but the more I thought about everything the more I realized we are better as just friends. Super close friends, yes. But still, just friends. A friend can’t break my heart into a million pieces.
I know I told Dustin that we would talk when he gets home, but I really hope he just forgets everything and lets us go back to how we were. Life was good then. Why mess with something like that?
“Girl, we have an emergency. Tia needs you in her office now,” Maribelle tells me, cutting my thoughts off.
I nod and sprint to her office.
“What’s up?” I ask, never having had an emergency meeting before.
“It’s Ace,” she sighs, rubbing her forehead.
I sink into the chair across from Tia’s desk.
Ace is the lead singer of Outspoken Chaos and used to be a close friend of ours. He is still our client, but over the last year or so, he’s been in a crazy downward spiral.
Leah brought Outspoken Chaos in shortly after we opened our doors. Everyone was fun. A bit on the crazy side, but nothing we couldn’t handle. But something changed, and no one seems to know what happened. Ace changed from the happy-go-lucky man he used to be into a rude, strung-out asshole. I’ve had to cover up his tracks so many times I’ve lost count.
“What is it this time?” I ask, knowing it can’t be good if we’re having an emergency meeting.
“Let me call Leah. I’ll put her on speaker. She’s been trying to get him out of jail all night.” She pulls out her cell phone and clicks on Leah’s face. “Hey, girl. You’re on speaker. I have Crystal with me. Start from the beginning please.”
“Hey, girls. This has been the night from hell. I need sleep.” Leah yawns.
I hold my breath. This really can’t be good.
“So, Ace stabbed someone last night. He’s claiming self-defense, but it’s really hard to prove. There were no cameras at the dive bar he was at, and he was high as a kite. Thankfully, the other guy survived and isn’t pressing charges, so I was able to get him out. Thank God money talks. I don’t know what to do with Ace anymore, ladies. I’m at my wits end.” She lets out a sigh.
“Can I talk to him?” I ask, not really knowing what I’ll say, but knowing I have to try.
“The band is with him right now. They’re throwing down the law, trying to get him into rehab. They’re just as sick of his shit as we are. I called the self-care center Mikey went to, and they have room, but Ace has to agree and sign himself in.”
“They were amazing there,” Tia says, knowing all about the place. “Mikey wouldn’t be where he is today without them.”
Mikey was in such a rough place when I came around, and I know that the self-care center worked magic on him. I saw it happen.
“Once he gets done with the band, I’ll get him to call you, but I have more paperwork to fill out, so I need to go,” Leah says before ending the call.
“What are you going to say to him?” Tia asks, obviously upset.
“I don’t have a clue, but I can’t put out a statement without something from him. He stabbed someone. This isn’t just something we can sweep under the rug. I need to know what happened over a year ago that caused him to go off the deep end. And we need to get in front of this story fast.”
Tia nods. “Good luck with that. He won’t say anything to me, but maybe you’ll have better luck.”
“Me too, because I’m about ready to be done with him,” I say as I stand and head to the door.
I’m working away when my phone rings. I let out a sigh of relief when I see that it’s Ace.
“What the fuck do you want?” he says, not even letting me say hello.
“The truth, Ace!” I yell, sick of his shit. “What the hell happened to make you turn into this douche? If you won’t tell me, I quit. Not the band. Just you. You’re making life a living hell for everyone around you, and I’m done with it.”
I remember how fun Ace use to be. How everyone wanted to be around him. That guy disappeared over a year ago, and I want him back.
“The love of my life died,” Ace murmurs, and it takes me a second to process what he just said.
“I don’t remember you having a girlfriend,” I whisper, not sure how else to respond.
“We weren’t together, but she owned my heart. She was my first love, and I couldn’t love again after her. Life on the road wasn’t for her, but music was my bigger love at the time, so I left her to follow the dream. I got a call from her father last year saying she was in an accident. A drunk driver hit her, and she didn’t survive. He sent me some letters she had written me but never sent. I guess she couldn’t love anyone after me either. She lived her life in misery because I left her, and then she died, alone.”
I wipe away the tears that are falling down my cheeks. So many things make sense now. No wonder he didn’t care about his image. He didn’t think he had anything left to live for.
“You need to sign yourself into that self-care center, Ace,” I tell him.
“Yeah, that’s what everyone keeps saying. Do you think it will really help?”
Honestly? I don’t know. I’ve never had good experiences with counseling, but I saw the difference these people made in Mikey’s life. And it’s not like Ace can get much worse.
“I really think it will,” I finally tell him.
“Okay. Then I’ll do it. I’m really fucked up, Crystal, and I’m sorry that I’ve put all of you through so much.”
I take a ragged breath before responding. “I won’t abandon you when you need me, but you really do need help, Ace. You know my stance on drugs. Honestly, I’ve let it slide too long. I can’t let people walk all over me anymore.”
My parents, their f
riends, Gavin, the kids at school. I was a doormat for so many years to so many people. And the ones that you let get close to you are the worst. It’s one of the reasons I keep my guard up and keep people at arm’s length. It hurts less when they’re strangers.
“I know, sweetheart,” he says. “The band told me if I don’t do this, I’m out. I gave up the love of my life for music. I can’t let her death be in vain.”
“Call me when they let you start making phone calls. I really hope you can get your shit together,” I sigh.
“Me too. Talk soon.”
He hangs up and the tears really start flowing. It makes a lot of sense now that Ace gave up after this girl died, but I really do hope he gives it his all in therapy. I know that the doctors can be amazing, but if he won’t open up, nothing will help.
I know this from experience. I went to therapy and kept my mouth closed. How am I supposed to tell a therapist about the shit I went through when I still lived at home? I haven’t told anyone about what happened to me. Because what’s really the point? Shae knows the most about it, but we both know that sometimes the things of the past are best kept there.
“I know you’ve had a shitty day, and so have I,” Leah giggles on the other end of the phone. “But Johnny and I want to take you out for dinner. I feel like a shitty friend for not seeing you as much.”
“You know it’s not a big deal. You’re very pregnant,” I tell her.
She lets out one of her big laughs, that you can almost feel. “That’s no excuse. So are you in or out?”
I smile. There really is no “out” with Leah. You just agree or face her wrath.
“I’m in, but Livvy will be coming too.”
“Of course. I miss my niece. I already made reservations. It’s supposed to be a really nice family restaurant. I’ll text you the address.”
She hangs up and I let out a small laugh. Yep, I knew there was no getting out of this dinner.
My brain keeps sifting back through old horrible memories. It’s funny how one life event can trigger so many hurtful things to come back in full swing.
I shake my head, trying not to relive it, and grab my coat. Time to go get my daughter and go out for dinner, I guess.
