I squeezed my lemon slice into my water and looked at him expectantly. “You plan to actually do one of those things, right?”
“Right.” He confirmed. “Sorry, you make me nervous.” He admitted, scratching his neck. I smiled, glad to know the feeling was mutual. I was also glad to know he was the kind of guy who could admit that to me. “I’m sorry. For everything: lying about Leith, not telling you my name, forbidding him from giving you any information, not contacting you sooner. You have to believe that there’s nothing I want more than to be with you. I had a lot to take care of with my people.”
“Yeah, you said you’d find me when you could, but never did.”
“After you left, it got pretty bad. The rebellions were happening non-stop. It upset my people that I let werewolves in when the wolves refused to let lycans in. I knew it wouldn’t be safe to let you come back, and I didn’t have a good enough reason to come to you. I am still exiled, you know. It wasn’t until your brother contacted me that I had a good enough reason to leave.”
I frowned, “Why couldn’t Leith just tell me that?”
“I never told him he couldn’t?”
I sighed and rolled my eyes, guess it was just something I never asked. “That doesn’t explain the lying.”
He looked away, playing with his hands. “I knew you’d question it if you found out the beta went with you. I also knew it could affect your training. If you knew it was a beta, you could’ve felt you stood no chance, you could’ve cared less.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” I frowned.
“You told me you were planning to be guardian. So, I figured letting you think that’s who you were training with would be better. It would be something you’re familiar with.”
“Why not just let me train with an actual guardian then?”
He laughed, “You weren’t ready.” He said it like it was obvious. “Our guardians train for skill as well as speed and strength. I didn’t know how long it would be until I saw you again. I needed you to tap into your lycan strength fast. Having you fight someone who’s primary skill is strength got you there faster than if you had Cain. ”
“And I suppose you couldn’t afford to give up your pack warrior with your people so out of control?” I guessed.
He nodded, “That, too.”
“And why the secrecy surrounding your name?”
Our waitress came out before I got the chance to hear his answer. It was Lisa, someone I used to see a lot when I came here. She put our plates down. “Selene? It’s been so long; you look all grown up! How’ve you been?”
I smiled at her, remembering how she used to help with homework sometimes. I missed her. “I’ve been ok. How have you been?”
She smiled brightly, “I have a grandbaby on the way. You and Gabby still getting up to trouble these days?” She turned to Drakov, “Those two girls would be here every week! Same order you both have. You two come back, soon?” She asked me.
I nodded, “I’ll try.” She smiled again, told us to enjoy our meal and left.
Drakov looked at me, “You’ve been here before, then.”
He made a joke, not understanding what just happened. “Obviously.”
He paused and looked at me, “Okay. Who’s Gabby?” I ignored his question, reaching over and stealing the lemon on the edge of his glass. I added it to my drink, then began squeezing lime on the tacos. He was gazing at me, and I sighed.
“Gabby’s my sister.”
“She found her mate and left the pack?”
I shook my head, looking down, “She died.”
“You don’t talk about it much, do you?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I snapped, getting angry. I hated talking about her. I hated that there was so much I didn’t enjoy anymore because it reminded me of her.
“It helps to talk about it is all.”
“Oh, and I suppose you want me to talk to you about it?”
His eyes narrowed. “Eventually I’d like to be that person for you, yes.” My breath hitched, heart pounding. “But for now, I’ll settle knowing you have anyone in your life you can talk to.”
“Why?”
“I know loss. If I can help you deal with it, it will make me feel better.”
“It’s not really the same thing though, is it?” He flinched at my words, and there was a deep sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yes, you did, and it’s alright. I doubt it’s the same. You’d do anything to have your sister back, and I killed my father. Makes you think family doesn’t mean much to me.”
I shrugged, “It’s not up to me to judge you.”
“It is, though. Your opinion matters.”
“Yeah, but it shouldn’t. You hardly know me.”
He shook his head, “The look you gave me is the very reason I didn’t tell you who I was. I can’t stand to see you look at me with disgust or fear. I hardly know you, but you are destined to become the most important person to me.”
I braided my hair absentmindedly, exhaling slowly. “Are you always so intense?”
He shrugged, “Not really. You make me nervous. So that’s me rambling, I think.”
I chuckled, “That’s not rambling. But I suppose you’re right. I don’t understand killing your family. I hate my dad, but I don’t think I’d kill him. He shouldn’t die for being a weak, miserable man.”
He nodded, “You may never agree with why I did what I did, but I hope eventually you understand.”
CHAPTER 17
Lots of planning went into the creation of the party. To begin with, Drakov worked with my brother, Tate, and Brett to come up with a treaty that satisfied all parties. They had to word it in a way that wouldn’t offend the alphas who would attend the party. Many of them had fragile egos that needed to be soothed. They also had to agree on what exactly peace would mean. How did entry into spaces work? What would happen with mates? Would lands be divided? How could they regulate the behaviors of lycans? It was easy to offend each other with simple questions. We had to continue to remind each other we were just here to gather information to come to a conclusion we all wanted. There was a huge lack of trust between the two groups and it needed to be built up again.
“I just think there should be some rule that protects lycans. Makes it illegal or punishable to attack them,” Drakov explained. “Signing a treaty enforces nothing. They break their agreement, I declare war, and the lycans look like monsters. I want insurance.” Tate didn’t like the idea, but Brett did, and Jax backed him up.
Jackson brought up the idea of opening the island for wolves to come in. Drakov felt there should be some sort of check before they allowed wolves in, to keep the peace. He wanted security measures to make sure nothing went wrong. When the same measures were brought up to be used against the lycans coming in, he got defensive. It felt like they’d never agree on a treaty. They were exhausting to listen to all day.
Aside from the treaty, we were designing trainings to adhere to the environment of the party. We trained with music to block our sense of hearing. We had to be able to track and fight our enemies, knowing we might not be able to hear them entirely. In addition to this, we turned lights off, and even sometimes performed simulations in public. We had to get used to being in a crowded place or working with limited sight. In a crowded room it’s hard to spot and keep track of your enemy.
We came up with ways to stash guns on people, working out simple ways to handle them and use them. Werewolves didn’t have too much training with guns, so this was vital. A silver bullet would kill a wendigo.
We were training harder and more seriously. We focused on simple ways to fight that would try to aid in the prevention of being bitten by a wendigo. With this training, we gave tests to see how our fighters would be ranked. The better fighters would be mixed around the outside of the building and by all exits. We determined who would be used as lookouts and designed teams who worked well together to stick together. It wa
s a lot of time spent with Cain. He worked tirelessly, always ready and alert.
“Princess,” Cain approached me one day. It was something he had picked up on from Leith, I’m assuming. “Your father has been saying we should make teams of lycans and teams of wolves. I would like your opinion on this, seeing how you categorize as both.”
I had been surveying the training grounds when he had come over. We took turns critiquing and guiding the wolves through training, and it was my shift. Why would my father want to separate the wolves and lycans from each other? “What does Jackson say? He’s the alpha, is he not?” This shouldn’t be my decision; it was Jackson’s pack.
“You know your brother. He thinks your father’s advice is something to be respected, so he’s going with it.” I rolled my eyes at this. I loved Jackson, but his opinion on my father got on my nerves.
“Okay, and you obviously disagree. Why not go to Drakov?” This shouldn’t be my problem to deal with.
Cain looked at me, surprised to hear me referring to my mate by his last name. “Princess, he told me to speak with you.”
What the hell? They’re his people. I had to stop myself from glaring at Cain because I knew it wasn’t his fault. I took a deep breath to calm myself. “Why?”
“The lycans are your people now. And the werewolves are your people. I believe it is him respecting you as a leader and giving you the chance to take charge.”
I frowned, knowing he was right. Didn’t stop me from wanting to be upset about it. He’d done nothing else to show me he wanted me in his pack. “Well, I think you know what I’m going to say. It’s better to spread the lycans out.”
Cain nodded, “I just needed to hear that to argue with Jackson. Thank you.” He bowed his head, a smile on his face, and left.
Aside from the military planning, there was a design element. Jackson cared about the party. He said it was a welcome home for me and he wanted it to be nice. He went all out planning with food, music, lights. I couldn’t keep up with all the ideas he wanted. I began to think he was having too much fun.
At night, I would sometimes go into Gabby’s room and sleep on her bed. It probably wasn’t healthy but being in her room made me feel like she was still here. I had never dealt with her death before, choosing to run away instead. This was the first time I’d had to confront it physically. Leith and Brett both told me I needed to stop. I took Drakov’s advice and told them, and they were comforting, but didn’t know what I was going through. They didn’t understand my loss.
I tried talking to Mav, but he was so hard to find lately. He and Diana fell into pack life. They’d been staying at the pack house, getting along with everyone. I almost felt like they weren’t a part of my pack anymore. Brett guessed they wanted to join Jackson’s pack, but have too much loyalty to me to make the switch. They probably felt guilty loving the pack I'd fled. Eventually I’d have to let them go. I know one day I’ll end up as a part of the lycan pack.
Drakov hasn’t pressured me. He’s hardly even mentioned that I’m meant to be their queen. I sometimes think he doesn’t want me to. He waits for me to wake up every morning, a cup of coffee how I like it always ready and waiting. We’ve also agreed to meet up at least once a day to share a proper meal, just to talk and get to know one another. He’s almost funny when he wants to be. It’s cute. He’d be nothing but cute if he didn’t have his past hanging over his head all the time. And his attitude doesn’t make it any easier to forget. He constantly appears unfriendly and stoic. It makes me want to scream.
✽✽✽
I was standing in Jackson’s office, looking down at his desk, going over the designated areas at the party. We had them all separated into zones and arranged for specific fighters to be in each zone. We’d managed to ignore my dad’s stupid idea. I was currently rearranging some groups based on what I had seen on the training grounds earlier.
“I thought we had this all sorted out, already?” I jumped, not having heard him come in. His smooth, deep voice washing over me. Drakov placed a cup of coffee next to me and leaned against the desk. “Figured you’ve had a long day?”
I nodded, smiling in thanks. It was sweet of him to think of me. I turned back to our layout. “I saw something on the field. There’s a wolf who isn’t getting along with one of the lycans.” I hadn’t found their assignment yet to rearrange it. I was so tired I could hardly see.
“Cain mentioned something about it. He took Nat aside, the lycan fighting, and they spoke about it. He dismissed it as them playing rough.”
I shook my head, “I play rough. I’ve seen this pack play rough. I know that wolf, Russel. That wasn’t playing around. That was animosity, Drakov. I don’t trust it.”
He stiffened when I said Drakov, his eyes dark and focused. He stepped toward me; his head tilted. “You address me so coldly. So… impersonal.” I felt my heartbeat pick up as he came closer to me. He wasn’t that far to begin with, but it felt like centuries before he was finally in front of me.
I turned around to face him, “You didn’t seem to want me to call you by your name when you hid it from me.”
He paused, “I was afraid of what you’d think of me if you knew who I was.”
“You aren’t anymore?”
“Should I be?”
I was now trapped between him and the desk. I could hardly focus anymore, his scent invading my entire being. I wanted to reach out and touch him, to feel what I knew would be electricity. I was looking up at him, his eyes searching, almost pleading. He needed me to accept him. I hesitated, unsure how to answer him. He looked so vulnerable; I was afraid to hurt him.
He must have taken my hesitation as confirmation that I feared him because his eyes hardened, and he straightened up a little. I could tell he was shutting me out. “You know how my people feel about you. Leith and Cain call you princess for a reason. Do you not wish to be my queen?”
He was moving away, and I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out for his arm. It felt so good having him near me that I couldn’t let him go. “I’m not afraid of you.”
He narrowed his eyes, “Then why am I Drakov? Why not Sebastian?”
“No one calls you Sebastian.”
He let out a little groan when I said his name and I couldn’t help the shiver that went through me. I had never wanted someone so much in my life. “You should.” He whispered. “I am a lord to many people; they refuse to see me as anything else. Drakov holds power, and it is why those who are not close to me address me as such.”
“Do your close friends call you that?” I don’t think I’d ever heard Leith call him by his name. It was something that seemed unspoken. Everyone knew not to call him Sebastian.
“They do in certain environments. This one isn’t the most comfortable, so you probably haven’t heard it much.”
“Because you don’t want people to call you that?”
He sighed and took a step back. Our spell from before had been broken. I almost whimpered at the loss of his warmth. “It doesn’t matter to me, as long as they don’t call me The Deserter.”
“Why does it bother you? It was a nickname you gained by saving your people.”
He scowled, his face darkening into anger. I’d never seen him angry before. I was curious about why he had such an issue with the nickname. “It sounds like I turned my back on them. I did turn my back on them. I betrayed my father and his quest.”
He felt guilt for his father’s death? I’d always assumed he was unforgiving of his father. I imagined him the way my father was over the death of my mother and Gabby; indifferent. “You saved your people, whether you betrayed your father or not.” I froze, wondering if that same idea applied to my father with Gabby. Was he just saving his people?
He looked at me again, “I’m not asking you to defend my innocence. All I ask is that you let me in a little. You will be my queen soon and I hope that you will not keep me at this distance forever.”
My eyes widened hearing him declare that. I thought my heart
would stop. “So, Sebastian, then?”
His eyes darkened hearing his name again and I could tell his beast wanted to be let out. He moved closer again. “You can call me whatever you want.” His voice was low and breathy, giving me the impression that I had the same effect on him he had on me. He was so close it would be so easy for one of us to move and kiss. I wasn’t sure if that excited or scared me more.
I chuckled nervously, “Obviously not, since that’s how this conversation started.”
He didn’t laugh, instead he moved his head lower until his nose was brushing my neck. I felt his warm breath on my neck, my hair standing up at the feeling. I felt breathless and excited, wanting him to stay this close to me forever. His lips touched my skin gently, tickling me. He started to gently explore my skin with his lips, leaving featherlight touches all over. I could feel my wolf going crazy inside, demanding I speed this along. She didn’t like the teasing. I closed my eyes, enjoying every sensation. I reached my hand out to touch his arm. He was leaning against the desk, surrounding me. I traced my hand up his arm, reveling in the muscles I was feeling. I moved as slowly as his mouth was moving on my neck, slowly rubbing until I got to his neck. The minute I touched his bare neck, I felt his teeth on mine.
“Stop.” I gasped. He pushed himself off immediately, panting, his teeth still long.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, backing away. “I didn’t mean it to go that far.”
I shook my head; he didn’t need to apologize. “You’re fine. But I’m too tired to stop you again, so maybe I should head to bed?”
I thought I saw disappointment on his face before he nodded in agreement. “Tomorrow will be a long day. We should both get some sleep.”
CHAPTER 18
I was sitting on my bed when she burst through the door. “Selene, you won’t even believe what Eli and I just saw!”
I laughed at her excitement. She did this every time Eli took her to the human town nearby. They would find a cute dog and she would gush about it when she came home, despite the fact that she’s a werewolf. “What’d you see? The cutest pug ever?”
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