“Selene, the only reason we aren’t already mated is because of you.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning you won’t let me into your life. You want an instant mate bond? Take a risk. You’re terrified, I know. You’ve lost people and you don’t want that to happen to me, I get it. Take the risk, anyway. I promise you I’m worth it.”
“I’m not scared that you aren’t worth it. I’m scared that you are, and I’ll lose you, anyway.”
He came over to me, pulling me toward him. My head was against his shirt, and I could feel how quick his heart was beating. He was nervous saying this to me. I got the impression that he had been wanting to say this for a few days. Six years had been an endless wait. Maybe he had wanted an instant mate bond, as well. It was very possible he came here intending to make me his mate, but gave me space because I couldn’t seem to let him in. “You will never lose me.”
I thought of my mother. I had never gotten the chance to know her. She and my father had met during the war and he’d kept her in hiding until she was pregnant. They’d let her have us, then executed her. They took her from my life before I even had a chance. I had 20 years with Gabby when I lost her. I imagined losing Sebastian would be a lot worse than losing Gabby. He was meant for me. He would be my other half in ways a twin never could be. I didn’t want to survive after Gabby died. What would happen to me if he did, too?
My wolf growled at me. I had been so happy with Gabby. I missed her because I had loved her so much. I was heartbroken because of all the good times I had with her. I wouldn’t give any of those memories up for anything. Having those times with her was worth the pain of losing her. So, it should be worth having time with Sebastian if it brought me that kind of love.
I sighed against him, letting his smell comfort me. “Well, you know you can’t kill him. What else can you do?”
His hold on me loosened, and he stepped back, surprised that I was agreeing. He scoured my face before deciding to go with it. “I was raised around violence, it’s all I know.”
“Why not imprison him for life?”
He frowned, “For murdering a lycan? Hours after we just signed a peace treaty?”
What did he want from me? We couldn’t do something violent; I knew Jackson would never agree to it. If we made him work it off through some kind of service, I figured a lycan might hurt him as payback. There was something else, but it was cruel. It wasn’t something many people knew about because of how rarely it occurred. I hesitated, taking a deep breath to prepare myself. “Strip his wolf away.”
He coughed violently, choking on nothing apparently. “Do what now?”
“You could strip his wolf away.”
He opened and closed his mouth several times, searching for some kind of response. “Um, okay. What?”
I held back my smile, thinking he looked adorable confused. “What do reapers do?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” He sat down again.
“Just answer the question.”
“They reap souls.”
“Exactly.” I smiled, hoping he would get it. He didn’t. “Wolves are tied to their souls. It’s how we find our soulmates. So…”
He nodded, realizing. “So, a reaper can disconnect someone from their wolf.” He looked at me for confirmation, and I nodded. “That’s horrible. That’s cruel.”
“It would be a fate worse than death. No violence necessary. You use that as the first punishment for betraying the treaty and you’ll send a message.”
“Why haven’t I heard of this before? If it was something that could be done, why isn’t it used more often?”
I smiled. I would’ve been disappointed if he had believed me from the start. I had been skeptical when I first heard it, too. “Most reapers won’t do it. They don’t believe it’s something that should be done. It’s too cruel. It’s worse than losing a mate and has only been done in extreme circumstances.”
“A fate worse than death.” He whispered quietly. He looked at me, and I saw years of pain in his eyes. I didn’t understand where it came from. Was he thinking of Nat again? He stared at me, unmoving, just frozen. I could hardly hear his breathing, that’s how still he was. “The reapers know they can do this, they just refuse?”
I hesitated, not liking the look in his eyes. It was more sorrow than I ever wanted to understand. “Yes. What’s wrong, Sebastian?”
I moved toward him, hesitant, but wanting to provide comfort. He blinked when I moved toward him. “They could’ve stopped my father.”
Oh. I stopped moving toward him. “Yes, I suppose they could’ve.”
He reached his hand toward mine before stopping. He looked up at me, as if asking if he could touch me. I took a breath, remembering that I had agreed to try. I moved closer, taking his hand. “They refuse to do it, so no one knows it’s an option, yes?” I nodded at him. “Then how do you know about it, and how will we find someone to do it?” He tugged me closer, seeking comfort.
He had just found out there was another way to stop his father. If I had found out there was a way to save Gabby, I’d be a wreck. I’d help him however I could right now. “Brett tells me lots of things other reapers wouldn’t want me to know.” He had offered to strip my father’s wolf when I told him about Gabby and Mom. I was still debating taking him up on his offer. “He’s my reaper, and since the lycans will be my people, I’m sure he’d be willing to do it.”
“Jackson wouldn’t agree to me killing him, why would he let me strip the wolf?”
I smirked, “Tell him it’s one or the other. And if he refuses, let him know the treaty is off and you’re declaring war.”
“You’re not serious.”
“Do you have something better? The treaty might as well not exist if the only punishment given out for breaking it is 2 years in a cell.”
Pride seemed to fill his eyes. “You’re going to make an excellent queen.”
I sighed, not wanting to get into that again. “Are you willing to declare war?”
“You seem to be. I’ll back it up, if that’s what you believe is the right thing to do.”
I growled. “Do it because you think it’s the right thing to do.”
“I think the lycans will have a hard time fighting for the wolves from this point on. I don’t know how much weight the treaty will hold anymore.”
“What are you saying?”
“They need a reason to keep fighting.”
I glared at him, having an unpleasant feeling about what he was trying to say. “And what exactly are you thinking that reason will be?”
“You.” He stood up, looking down at me. “Become my queen. When they see me pledge myself to you, they’ll do the same.”
“I don’t know.” I moved back, but he grabbed my hands and held me there.
“Stop running.” His voice was pleading.
“I don’t want to mate with you because it’ll help stop a war.”
He shook his head frustrated and took a few steps away from me. I could sense his agitation in the air. He turned and looked at me, a goofy smile spreading across his face. “You don’t even know, do you?” He walked closer and took my hand again. “Selene, I don’t give a damn about the war. I want you. I am here, doing this, for you. You are my queen, and I want you to take your throne more than anything else in the world.”
I pulled my hand away. “You hardly know me.”
“I know more than you think. You think Leith spent 6 years with you and hasn’t told me anything? I couldn’t stand knowing nothing about you. I despise the absence, and I am sorry for how long it took me. I want nothing more than to make it up to you for the rest of our lives together. And if we have the rest of our lives to do this, why not start now? ”
He had a good question. Why not now? If it would happen eventually, what difference was it going to make if we did it now? I trusted the goddess, too. I liked him a lot. The comfort he brought me. The way he seemed to understand me. He was gentle and caring, ca
reful not to push too fast or too much. I knew I’d be happy with him. His smile dimmed, and I saw his eyes harden as he assumed I’d say no. “If I’m pushing too fast-”
“Okay.” I interrupted before he could finish. “Let’s do it.” My heart skipped when he smiled at me, looking both relieved and happy at the same time.
CHAPTER 24
I spent the night with Jackson, Eli, and Brett. Leith was with Sebastian. I didn’t know if it was for pack stuff or as a support for losing someone. Either way, I thought they deserved to spend some time together. I had thought about offering to stay with Sebastian, but he told me to spend time with my family and friends.
Brett got along well with anyone who wasn’t a jerk, so he was having a grand time around Jackson and Eli. I was thankful Brett was in my life because of his light attitude towards most things. He never failed to make me feel better. There was so much I still needed to talk about with him and Leith, and I knew it would have to be soon. I had a feeling I would be leaving.
Jackson and I were sitting in the living room of what was supposed to be Eli and Gabby’s house. Eli had been building it for when they were ready to move into their own place and start a family. It hadn’t been finished when I left. Part of me felt relieved to have found somewhere in the territory that Gabby had never been. Another part of me felt terrible being here, knowing she’d never get to see it.
We had set up a bunch of blankets and pillows on the ground for when we fell asleep. We had decided on a movie marathon, but Brett wanted to bake, so he and Eli were in the kitchen.
“Thank you for earlier.” Jackson took a sip of coke.
I offered him some candy. “You do realize you run the pack, not Tate?”
He took the candy I offered. “Running a pack is hard, Selene. Your pack is small, fewer complications. You’ll find out soon, I’d imagine.”
“Get a new reaper if you have to, but it’s your pack. Things that you don’t approve of shouldn’t be happening.”
He shrugged, “I’m sick of it. The politics, Tate’s influence. I never wanted the pack and I don’t want to do it on my own anymore. I’m ready for my mate.”
I smiled, “You think you need a mate to control your pack? Don’t you know you’ll never impress her if you can’t control your pack?” I winked at him to let him know I was joking.
“I don’t need her to help me control it, but it might make me feel like I’m doing it for something important.”
I frowned at him, “Jackson, your pack is enough. I know you feel like you’re betraying Dad or the stupid traditions here, but that’s not a thing. Make your own traditions; be your own alpha. You were born an alpha’s son, don’t forget. This is your pack now.”
He sighed dramatically, before smirking at me childishly. “Speaking of mates, how are things with Sebastian?”
I scoffed. “That was not a smooth transition. You just want gossip.”
He held up his hands, “If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. I just remember how Gabby was when she found Eli. I thought maybe you needed someone to talk to.”
I smiled at him, and I reached over and hugged him. “Thank you.”
He smiled shyly at me. “You didn’t lose both siblings, Selene. I’m not your twin, but I’m pretty great, too. Just ask Eli.”
I chuckled. “I don’t need to ask Eli, you goof. I know you’re great. And you’re right. I haven’t been able to talk about it very much. I complained to Leith those 6 years, but I haven’t talked much about him since being here.”
“And you want to?” He teased.
I nodded, “I like him, Jax. He’s got a way of quieting the world, bringing some much-needed peace. That’s something I never thought I’d feel again.”
✽✽✽
I spoke to Brett before we went into the council room. I knew him, and I knew he would agree to help, but I respected him enough to ask. If he didn’t want to strip Russel’s wolf, I wouldn’t force him to. He had grinned when I asked and told me he loved my cruelty. I had laughed at his joke, but now I was wondering if maybe I was being too cruel.
I ignored the thought, deciding that sometimes cruelty was necessary. I wanted a future where lycans would be free, and we needed to tell the werewolf community that we wouldn’t accept breaking the treaty.
Everyone was seated, waiting to get this over with. I could feel the anticipation in the room. People were excited to see what Sebastian had come up with. They were also waiting to see if Jackson would agree with it. Sebastian had a reputation for violence, so I’m sure no one was expecting what he would propose.
Jackson sighed, “I don’t know why we had to make a whole ass council meeting.” He glared at Tate. “But let’s get this over with. What have you decided?”
Sebastian smirked, “I’d like to have his wolf stripped.” I don’t know what he was expecting, but he was met with a confused silence.
Jackson opened and closed his mouth several times. “You want what?”
I coughed, hiding a laugh, and Sebastian looked at me, one eyebrow raised. I shrugged. “I want a reaper to strip his wolf from him. It’s connected to his soul and would make him human.”
Jackson stared, stunned into silence. Tate stood up, “That’s impossible!”
“Is it really, though?” Brett asked mockingly.
Tate sneered at him, “You know it’s forbidden.”
Brett laughed. “No, it’s frowned upon. And if my alpha asks me to do it, who am I to say no?”
“Sebastian isn’t your alpha.”
“His mate is. Either way, that’s not up to you. It’s up to him.” He looked at Jackson.
Jackson shook his head, having a tough time processing the information. “You want to strip his wolf?” He looked at Sebastian, then to Brett. “And you’re willing to do it?” They both nodded at him. He let out a vast sigh. “Wow. Okay. Wow.” He looked at me, eyes panicked. He wasn’t expecting this. He saw me struggling not to smile and narrowed his eyes. He shook his head and muttered, “This is cruel.”
“It’ll warn people of the severe consequences that come with breaking this treaty.” Sebastian said calmly. “It is a necessary cruelty.” That was exactly what I said to myself. I looked at him, wondering if he could somehow read my thoughts.
“Screw it.” Jackson said. “It’s your punishment to handle, who am I to stop it? If your reaper needs anything, just ask.”
“Jackson.” My father warned.
Jackson looked at him for a couple of seconds and then sighed. “I’ve made my choice. Anything else?” He turned back to Sebastian.
Sebastian nodded. “I’ll have the ritual performed here in a place of your choosing. Then he’s yours to deal with.”
“Agreed.”
“When that’s done, I’m returning home. With my queen.”
CHAPTER 25
Sebastian and I had tried to be in the room with Brett and Russel, but Brett insisted he wanted to be alone. He claimed with it being his first time performing the ritual, it would be better for his concentration. I was told the ritual involved putting Russel to sleep and reciting some ancient reaper spell while extracting the wolf. Sebastian had been pretty disappointed not to watch, but he wanted it to work, so he didn’t complain. After the ritual, Sebastian planned to use an alpha command to force Russel into shifting, to prove it had worked.
While the ritual happened, I took the time to speak with Maverick and Diana. I would probably always regret what happened with Clyde, but there was no way to go back in time to change how things happened. I could, however, deal with their situation now to figure out some kind of plan for the future. We’d spent years together, and I would not forget that because some terrible things happened.
When I had first entered the room, they’d been waiting, aware that I wanted to speak. Diana looked angry still, like she’d rather be anywhere else. Mav had an arm around her and looked at me cautiously. I didn’t recognize their eyes, their emotions burning right through me.
They didn’t trust me.
I wanted to throw up. Or run. Or both. I couldn’t decide, but did neither. I sat down calmly and quietly and pretended it didn’t crush me to have them looking at me like that. I asked what they had planned to do, and Diana had ignored me. Maverick had explained briskly that they decided they wanted nothing to do with my pack anymore. Diana claimed it had never really been a pack, anyway. It stung. Our time together was dismissed so casually by them both, but I couldn’t blame them. I imagined they felt a lot like how I felt toward my dad. I let Clyde down, and in doing so, failed my pack. They deserved a better alpha.
I hadn’t argued or denied the fact, which seemed to anger Diana. She wanted a denial; a fight. I figured she just wanted to attack me, to feel something other than the devastating loss of Clyde. I didn’t give her that, but I granted them both freedom and wished them luck wherever life took them.
With our bond broken, I felt empty. Our souls had been attached for so long that their loss was debilitating. I felt like a part of me was missing now. Leith wasn’t technically a part of my pack now that his alpha had returned, and there was no wolf bond with Brett.
I left them alone together, wishing there was more to be said, but knowing it was over. I had lost them and there was nothing I could do to get them back.
✽✽✽
Leith was finalizing the details for their trip back to Lunar Island. The ship used to transport the lycans here was still docked by a different pack and was being prepped for the return trip. They planned to bring Nat home, with a proper burial on their island. Everything felt too rushed. I’d hardly helped Jackson, and now I was leaving? Granted, we’d hosted the party and killed wendigos, but what if there were more? Their behavior wasn’t figured out yet. We still knew nothing.
I found my way to Jackson’s office. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything?”
He was sitting in his desk chair, spinning in circles, a book in his hands. He glanced up startled and came to an abrupt stop. “Nope! Just reading. Fantasy novels make me feel better about the realities of my life.”
Beasts Page 12
