by Devney Perry
“Okay.” I closed my eyes and took a breath, then turned the truck key and backed us out of the parking lot. I used the drive to The Rainbow to think of how we were going to deal with this before the arraignment next week.
Parked in front of the retirement home, I looked at both Jimmy and Poppy, telling them with my scowl that I was in charge. “Here’s what we’re going to do. First, you’re going to tell the judge the truth. All of it. Starting with the list and why you pulled the alarm in the first place. Then you’re going to promise to never, ever break the law again and hope that the judge is a bit sentimental and gives you a fine instead of jail time.” My eyes snapped to Jimmy. “But we’re sticking with the truth here. Not some crazy story.”
Jimmy surprised me when he didn’t argue. He nodded at me and reached back to pat Poppy’s knee. “I’m sorry. I’ll see you soon.”
As he disappeared inside, Poppy climbed over the console and took his place in the passenger seat. “I’m sorry, Cole. I know you’re mad. I know you told me not to do it, but we honestly thought it would just be pulling a switch that didn’t work anymore.”
I took her hand. “I didn’t realize pulling a disabled alarm was an option. I thought you’d want it to be real. If you had just asked me, I could have talked to the fire department and gotten you a whole list of buildings where the alarms didn’t work.”
She hung her head. “I just . . . you’ve been doing so much for me. I can’t keep taking from you.”
Huh? “What are you talking about? And where is this coming from?”
She shrugged. “You’ve been so busy lately and it’s my fault. I can’t keep piling it on. With the truck and the hike and now you’ve got Nazboo all the time. I don’t want you to resent me by the time we get this all done. I’d rather have you than your help on this list.”
“Poppy, look at me.” When she did, I let her hand go to run my thumb up her cheek. “You have both. Me and my help. I want to fix up that truck. I want to be with Nazboo. I want to do whatever you need me to do. Okay?”
“I don’t want the list to come between us,” she whispered.
God, I love this woman. I loved her heart. Her dedication to see things through. I loved that she was trying to put me first. And even though it had backfired, I loved that she’d done this today because she was trying to lighten my load.
Those three little words almost slipped out of my mouth, but I swallowed them back. Maybe I’d muster the courage to say them when the list was over—when all of this was behind us. She wasn’t ready for them yet.
And I needed to know that when I said I love you, I’d hear it back.
Today wasn’t that day. We needed more time.
“I love that you’re dedicated to the list and I’m so damn proud that you’d do that for Jamie. But that list will never come between us.”
She relaxed, leaning further into my hand. She’d needed to hear those words just as much as I’d needed to say them.
Jamie’s list wasn’t going to come between us. I just had to make sure his memory—and my own insecurities—didn’t either.
Chapter Eighteen
33rd Birthday: Throw a drink in someone’s face
POPPY
“Are you ready?” I asked Finn.
He rolled his eyes. “Is anyone ever ready to have water thrown in their face?”
“Okay. Here goes.”
With a flick of my wrist, I threw the water in my glass into my brother’s face. He frowned, blinking it out of his eyes before grabbing the towel off the kitchen table.
Behind me, Molly silently slid me another glass of water. The moment the towel dropped from Finn’s face, I threw the second glass.
“Hey!” he shouted, sputtering the water out of his mouth. “What was that for?”
I grinned, glad my secret attack had worked. “That was for calling Cole to come bail me out of jail.”
Finn shook his head and went back to the towel.
It had been a week since my time behind bars—something I didn’t care to ever repeat. I’d been a nervous wreck the entire time, wondering what the judge would do to punish Jimmy and me, and by the time I’d arrived at the courthouse this morning, not even Cole’s touch could settle my anxiety.
“You should be glad I called Cole.” Finn tossed down the towel. “If he hadn’t convinced you and Jimmy not to commit perjury, things would have turned out a lot worse.”
I scoffed. “I never would have let Jimmy take the blame.”
No matter what Jimmy had wanted, I’d always planned to tell the truth and plead guilty—something else I didn’t care to ever repeat.
Never in my life had I been more humiliated than this morning as I’d stood in front of a judge and admitted to pulling a fire alarm, all because I was trying to honor my late husband’s birthday list.
“It’s over now.” Molly patted my shoulder. “You’ve paid the fine and marked the item off the list. Fire alarm,” she made a checkmark in the air, “check.”
After the hearing, Cole had gone back to the station while Jimmy and I had waited to pay our fines. I’d handed over a two-thousand-dollar check to the courthouse clerk, then taken Jimmy back to The Rainbow. The minute I’d gotten back to the restaurant, I’d pulled out the journal and crossed that item off the list. No tears. No twinge of sadness or longing. Just a grimace followed by pure joy that I’d never plot a crime again.
“No more misdemeanors, okay?” Finn asked.
“Promise.” I crossed my heart. “Thanks for letting me throw water in your face. I’m glad to know my brother is here to support me when my friends let me down.”
I shot an exaggerated glare at Molly but she laughed it off. “Some of us require makeup to get through the day.”
I’d begged Molly to let me do it, but she’d refused, claiming her mascara and foundation would not be victims of Jamie’s birthday list. So when Finn had come in with a clean face and a hungry belly, I’d given him a free lunch in exchange for his assistance.
“Okay. I’d better get back to work.” Finn came around the table and gave me a hug. Then he smiled at Molly. “See you tonight?”
Tonight? What was happening tonight?
She nodded. “Come over whenever. The kids are really excited.”
“I’m excited too.” He waved to us both before leaving the kitchen.
The second the door swung closed behind him, I spun on Molly. “Tonight?”
“He’s coming over for dinner.”
“What? That’s great!” My arms shot in the air. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
She shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”
“Yes, it is. You two seem to be getting along great lately and now dinner. What if he wants to get back together?” My spirits nearly shot through the roof at the possibility of a Finn-and-Molly reconciliation.
“Poppy,” she sighed, “this is just a dinner for the kids. We’re not getting back together.”
“But you might.”
She shook her head. “No. We won’t. Finn is coming over for dinner tonight so we can show the kids that we can all get along, even if we don’t all live in the same house anymore.”
“Oh.” My spirits came crashing down. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. We had a long talk a while ago and decided that we need to do a better job of putting the past behind us. We’re divorced but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”
“Friends?”
“Friends,” she declared with a nod.
I didn’t buy Molly’s confidence. This friendship idea was Finn’s—I’d bet the restaurant on it. “Is that really what you want?”
“I’ll take anything he’ll give me just to get us past these awful last few months. He’s looking at me again. He’s starting to talk to me. And at the end of the day, if it makes it easier on the kids, then I’ll do whatever I have to do.”
Molly would put her heart through a meat grinder if that meant making Kali and Max smile. “Those kids are luc
ky to have such a wonderful mom.”
She smiled. “Finn and I love them so much, and they deserve better than we’ve given them lately.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing your best.”
“We can do better.” She stepped away from my side to take a seat on one of the stools. “I actually have you to thank for Finn’s change lately.”
“Me? What did I do?”
“A lot, really. The night of the paint fight last month was the night he came over to talk about us being friends again. The kids had so much fun that day, laughing and playing. Maybe it was because we were there for you or for Jamie—I don’t know—but that was the first day in a long time that he acted like himself. No anger or resentment. Just the Finn I remembered.”
It had been like old times with them that day. We’d all had fun, and I was thrilled that Jamie’s list had given their family one day of joy. I just wished they could get over the past and find that joy every day. Did they even know how much they were missing?
Molly started fiddling with the towel Finn had used to dry his face. “I think he finally clued into how much the tension between us was impacting the kids.”
“He’s only got himself to blame for that. You’re always nice when he’s around, even when he’s acting like a jerk.”
“Don’t blame him. He’s just hurt.” Molly always defended Finn’s bad behavior, but I wasn’t quite as generous with my loveable, yet infuriating older brother.
“So you guys are going to start doing family dinners?”
“That’s the plan. Dinner a couple times a month. Trips to the museum. Things where the kids are the focal point and they can see us getting along.”
“Well . . . I guess the paint fight was more of a success than I’d thought. Maybe Jamie was watching down on us and was getting sick of Finn’s attitude too.”
Molly gave me a sad smile. “It definitely helped him open his eyes. But like I said, you’re the one I have to thank.”
“Because I filled the water balloons with paint?”
She shook her head. “Because you invited Cole.”
“I know Finn has a man-crush on Cole, but what does that have to do with his attitude adjustment?”
Molly set the towel aside to look me in the eyes. “Finn’s proud of you. We both are. You’ve overcome more than either of us can fathom. Losing Jamie, you could have lost yourself too. But you didn’t. You could have shut down and pushed everyone away—no one would have blamed you for it—but you didn’t. You put the pieces of your heart back together and are strong enough to trust Cole not to break it again. When Finn came over the night of the paint fight, he told me he wants that too. He wants to put the past behind us.”
Up went my spirits again. I knew it! Finn did want to work things out with Molly. He wanted to put their family back together. He was finally seeing how much he was missing. Molly was downplaying dinner, maybe she didn’t want to have false hope, but I think it was Finn’s way of slowly making amends.
I just wished he’d told me about it. I would have skipped that second glass of water to his face.
Molly read the hope on my face but shook her head. “Finn wants to move forward, but not with me. He told me that he’s ready to start dating again.”
And just like that, the hope I’d been clinging to for months and months was gone, leaving an empty hole inside my chest.
“No.” My voice cracked. Finn and Molly loved each other. They belonged together. “But . . . you’re Finn and Molly.”
Molly’s eyes flooded. “Not anymore. Now he’s single. And I’m a cheater.”
That word. Damn that word! Months and months of restraint—of being neutral and supportive—fizzled with a word I hated just as much as widow. “I hate that word! Why do you always say it? God, you toss it out all the time and it’s driving me crazy!”
“Me?” She jerked back, and the sadness on her face twisted into anger. “That’s your word.”
“My word?” My mouth fell open. “You think I’m a cheater?”
“What? No—”
“So all this time—all this time you’ve been telling me to go for it with Cole, but deep down you really think I’m cheating on Jamie. Nice.”
She’d pretended to be so supportive, but now I knew how she really felt.
I pushed away from the table, tears flooding my eyes, but before I could run for the office, Molly shot her hand across the table. “Poppy, wait! That’s not what I meant.”
My feet stopped as I met her gaze.
“You don’t remember, do you?” she whispered.
What was she talking about? “Remember what?”
“The day I told you that I’d had a one-night stand, you called me a cheater. You said, ‘How could you? I never thought my best friend would be a cheater.’ ”
I gasped and slapped my free hand over my mouth. I’d been so upset, so angry at Finn and Molly both, that I’d said a lot that day I hadn’t meant. And Molly had been holding on to that awful word all this time.
“Oh, Molly. Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not a cheater.”
She shrugged. “Sure I am.”
“No, you’re not. Not even close. You and Finn were all but divorced at that point. And you were so hurt. It was a mistake, not cheating.”
Molly studied my face, taken back by my declaration.
Had she spent all these months wrapping herself in my haphazard label, convincing herself she was a cheater? Had she been thinking less of herself all this time?
I wanted to go back in time and slap myself for being so careless with my words. For so deeply hurting my best friend and sister. But since that wasn’t possible, I wasn’t letting her leave this kitchen until she realized the truth.
Moving to her side, I lifted her hand off the table and pressed it between mine. “You are not a cheater.”
“I am.” Her chin started to quiver as she picked at a spot on the table with her free hand. “You said so yourself. Finn thinks it, even if he’s never said it. I am a cheater. That’s who I’ve become.”
“Molly, please look at me.”
Her eyes, swimming in tears, tipped up.
“You’re not a cheater. I don’t think that. No one does. Not even Finn.”
“He does.”
I shook my head. “He doesn’t. Never, not once, has he used that word around me. Has he ever said it to you?”
“No,” she whispered.
“Because you’re not. He might be hurt and still trying to figure things out, but Finn would never accuse you of cheating. He knows that you both made your mistakes. And I was wrong to call you a cheater. So, so wrong. And I’m so, so sorry.”
Her focus turned back to the table as she considered my apology. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I just latched on to that word as a way to keep punishing myself. I don’t know. Regardless of what I call it, mistake or cheating, I’ll always be sorry.”
I let go of her hand to tuck her into my side and rest my cheek to her hair. “I’m sorry. For everything.”
She leaned further into my side. “I appreciate that. It’s time to let it go and move on. That’s what Finn wants. I should try and do the same.”
We stayed still, listening to the hum of the appliances and the noise filtering through the door from the dining room. And, though her heart was still hurting, I knew that after today, I wouldn’t be hearing the word cheater again.
I unwound my arm and leaned back against the table. “Why didn’t you tell me about your conversation with Finn sooner? The paint fight was last month.”
She caught a tear before it could smudge her mascara. “I just needed some time to process it all. Saying it out loud makes it real.”
“I’m sorry, Molly-moo,” I whispered.
“Me too.” She sniffled, fighting hard not to cry.
And if I cried, she’d cry too. Breathe. I needed to be strong for Molly. I gripped the table behind me, sucking in some air as I reined
in my emotions. But on my exhale, my heart sank. I was just so . . . disappointed. In my brother. In my friend. In this whole situation.
These two were wasting love. They were throwing it all away because of some mistakes. Finn hadn’t learned anything from me. He hadn’t been paying attention at all these last five years. Because if he’d really been paying attention, he’d realize just how lucky he was.
He had someone he loved right here. Right here, waiting to love him back. He could hug her. He could kiss her. He could tell her things—things I’d never get to say to Jamie again.
Instead, he wanted to date.
Disappointment shifted into anger as I pictured Finn out with another woman. Dating.
Fuck dating. Fuck this whole thing. I loved my brother fiercely but he was making a huge mistake. And Molly didn’t need him if he didn’t see her for the flawed, beautiful, wonderful woman she was.
“You’ll be okay,” I declared.
Her shoulders pulled back. “Yes, I will. I have two beautiful children. I love my job. I get to work with my best friend every day. I’ll be more than okay. I just need to get through this.”
I reached out and took her hand. “Minute by minute.”
“Minute by minute.”
“Does this mean you’re going to start dating too?” Just the words made my stomach tense. In my eyes, Molly would always be Finn’s.
She shook her head. “If Finn wants to move on, I won’t hold him back, but I don’t have any interest in other men. Contrary to my mistake, he’s the only man in my heart.”
“I’m sorry.”
She gave me a sad smile and did what Molly did best—steered the conversation away from Finn. “Why would you ever think I’d accuse you of cheating on Jamie with Cole? You realize how ridiculous that sounds, don’t you?”
I ran both hands over my ponytail as I sighed. “Yes. Sorry. It just came out.” Apparently, I had a really bad habit of spewing nonsense when I was angry.
“Is there something going on we should talk about?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I just . . . things have changed so much with Cole. Between the kissing and sex. It’s just an adjustment.” One I didn’t regret, but still, an adjustment.
